Disclaimer: I don't own anything the characters and show belong to their rightful owner, except for the characters I make up.

Warning: Rated R for rape, wincest, foul language and torture.

Setting: Near the end of season 3, Sam and Dean are already a couple. I also changed the ending so Dean doesn't die, Sam saves him in time. Now read and enjoy.

Italic's will indicate memories.

Chapter 1:

Sam was sitting in the passenger seat of the Impala, his head was resting against the cool glass window. It was late and Dean was heading to a bar for some money. They were almost broke, in fact they can't even get a motel room they're so low on cash. So it was time for Dean to do a little hustling. Sam on the other hand had brought a couple of books to read.

Dean parked in the parking lot and got out, Sam sighed as he got out of the car and followed Dean. He was tired and not in the mood for this. And besides he hasn't been kissed by Dean all day, and he has no idea why. They've been together for the past few weeks, so Dean suddenly refusing Sam was confusing. Sure they haven't gone past groping and kissing but Sam's just not ready. And in a few weeks Dean will be dead and he'll be alone.

Maybe that was the reason Dean stopped showing any affection for him. He sat at one of the tables with a beer and his books while Dean hustled pool. Dean looked over a Sam, he didn't understand, he'd make advances to the next step of their budding relationship, and Sam would back off. Dean knows Sam's a virgin when it comes to male sex but doesn't he know that Dean would never hurt him, he'd take it easy on Sam. After all the first times suppose to be gentle and passionate, not hard and rough.

Sam was too busy reading his book to notice the two guys at the bar watching him, they saw Dean and Sam come in together. Sure the shorter guy was hot but they much preferred them tall and lean. Unlike Sam Dean did notice how those guys were watching Sam, they had a lustful look in their eyes. Dean decided it was time for these guys to know that Sam is already taken.

Dean finished his game of pool took the money and headed over to the table where his brother and beer sat. He took a swig of his beer, before looking at the guys, than put his hand on Sam's shoulder to get his attention, which worked as Sam looked up at Dean who was still standing up. Dean then bent over and kissed Sam in a possessive way. Sam was shocked by this sudden action. Sam parted his lips a little so Dean's tongue could slip inside. It was a very intense kiss which left Sam breathless when Dean pulled away. "Let's go." Dean whispered in Sam's ear. He had enough money for the night and tomorrow. Sam just nodded as Dean paid for the drinks while Sam got his books and they left.

Thirty minutes later Sam was unlocking the motel room door, with his duffle slung over his shoulder. Dean followed with the weapons bag and his. There was a king sized bed, they no longer slept in separate beds. Though Dean still slept on the side closest to the door.

Sam went to the bathroom after they got some what settled. After he emptied his bladder he walked out to be greeted by another possessive kiss. Dean's hands were on Sam and Sam's hands were on Dean. Dean pushed Sam against the wall on the other side of the room. He started to push Sam's jacket off, Sam didn't protest. Sam took Dean's jacket off as well. Then their shirts were next, Dean pushed Sam onto the bed and straddled his hips. Dean's lips went down to Sam's neck then his chest, and then to his nipples. Sam was panting and gasping as his hands went to Dean's hair. Dean licked down Sam's stomach, his hands going to Sam's jeans. Dean looked up at Sam who had his head thrown back and his mouth slightly open. Then he asked, "Can you handle me." Dean didn't want to take Sam's virginity away from him if he wasn't ready. That's when it snapped inside Sam's memories, the reason he's been so hesitant with this.

"Can you handle me?"

"No. No stop get off."

More pleas rang in Sam's ears and Sam panicked. "No." Sam said barely above a whisper. "What?" Dean asked not sure if he heard correctly. "No." Sam said a bit louder. Dean moved up Sam's body his hands on each side of Sam's face. Sam looked at Dean but instead of Dean there was someone else, but who. "No. Get off, get off." Sam said pushing at Dean's chest trying to get Dean off of him. Dean instantly got off of Sam, he could see the fear and panic on Sam's face. "Sam what is it." Sam got off of the bed, he looked around the room, then his eyes settled on Dean who was getting off of the bed as well. Sam moved back from Dean, Sam wanted to say something, say sorry or something, anything. But he remained silent and just stared at Dean.

After a few seconds Dean finally decided to break the silence. "What happened Sam?" Sam shook his head, "I don't know. I just, for a minute I thought you were someone else." Dean took a few steps to Sam, Sam stayed where he was. "Who?" Dean asked. Someone must have scared Sam, from the way he acted, and he wanted to know who and what they did. "Just someone from Stanford." Sam said really not wanting to talk about this. He had forgotten for so long that the memories were to painful. He just wanted to run, and forget again. "What did they do?" Dean asked. Sam shook his head, as he backed up. No Dean can never know, he'd…He'd stop loving me. Sam thought as panic again rose to the surface. Dean knew at least he suspected from when it happened that this someone must have hurt Sam in a more sexual way, and that made Dean furies, though he hid it from Sam.

"Sam who hurt you?" Dean asked, he was trying not to lose his patients. "No Dean." Sam said as he headed to the door, he needed to get out, he needed to escape Dean's questions, and those looks. But Dean stopped Sam before he had a chance to open the door. "What happened." Dean asked as he turned Sam around to face him. "It was a long time ago Dean please let it go." Sam said as tears came to his eyes. "I-I can't remember anyways." Sam said. Dean was going to let it go for now, but he had one more question. "Did he take your virginity?" Dean guessed that it was a he. Sam looked down, as he slowly nodded his head and a few tears slipped down his face. He had pretended it never happened, it made it easier, then he met Jess and soon he didn't have to pretend, he just forgot.

A/N: I hope everyone liked the first chapter, it gets better, and some of it is very graphic.

Supernatural Fanfiction