Rachel looked into the school library from the doorway. Her stomach felt knotted and jumbled up, but her head was clear. She knew what she had to say to him.
When she saw him sitting alone on the floor of the library, his back pressed a row of books, his face pulled down into a thoughtful frown as he rolled a snow globe in between his hands. Rachel sighed. Sometimes she thought they had come so far, and then, sometimes she felt as if they hadn't moved an inch.
Her hand held onto the end of the bookshelf. She felt it quiver a little bit, but she stood still.
"Where have you been?"
Finn smirked, but didn't look up at her. "Hiding out. Everyone hates me."
Rachel crossed her arms and looked down at him. "No, they don't. They're just... disappointed."
"I know. I know, and I feel terrible about it." Finn set the snow globe down on the soft carpet and finally looked up at her. "But I don't regret it. Not for a single second."
Rachel held her breath, realizing this was going to be much harder than she thought. "Finn, I—"
"Do you?" Finn couldn't hide the small pitch in his voice. The smallest bit of emotion and yet it said so much.
Rachel bit her bottom lip and sunk down onto the carpet next to him. She had been practicing the words she had planned to say to him over and over before she began looking for him. She wanted to say the right things in the right way with as little pain as possible.
"Finn, I will never forget the way that kiss felt. It was absolutely magical and in some ways, perfect. I mean, it felt like that's what I've been running towards all year long. That one perfect kiss." Rachel smiled, and Finn began to smile in return.
"But, it was the right kiss at the wrong time."
Finn's smile fell. "What? I don't understand..."
"It should have happened last year. It should have happened months ago." Rachel shook her head, her hands folded tightly in her lap. "But it didn't, and I thought it's what I wanted but I don't think I do." She looked down at her hands briefly before returning her gaze to him.
"But, I love you. Rachel, I love you, I know that now."
"And I think I will always love you, Finn." Rachel's bottom lip began to quiver, her voice softer as the words became harder to say. "I need to love myself first, and it's not right. You can't keep breaking up with me, and you can't keep breaking up with Quinn. You love us both and I think you love the idea of it all. But I can't do it anymore, I'm sorry."
Rachel pushed herself up from the floor, wiping the loose tears from her cheeks as students began to walk past giving them both strange looks. Finn began to get up with her but Rachel put her hand on his shoulder.
Finn's mouth hung open, like someone just punched him in the stomach. "Just give me a chance. I know I can make this right."
Rachel sighed. "It's not about that." She leaned over and gently kissed him on his forehead. "Please. Please, Finn if you really love me you'll let me go. You'll let me do this."
Before he could respond, Rachel turned and was out the door of the library before any other words could pass. Before she became weak again and gave in.
With each step away from Finn was a closer step to her dreams of Broadway, and New York, and focusing on music. With each step she was getting closer to herself. To the real Rachel Berry who didn't let anything or anyone stand in her way. The real Rachel Berry who didn't make apologies for being herself, no matter how much she was considered an outcast or ridiculed. The real Rachel Berry who liked the way she dressed and liked her heritage and liked her drive.
Rachel realized as she walked down the stairs towards her next period she had missed her, and for the first time in a really long time she smiled at the possibilities that awaited her.