I couldn't help but whistle as I paddled my feet through the rain-covered side walks—No wait… I was gliding.

You see, I'm not the type of person who fares well in the sun. My complexion is so horrible, it only takes five minutes of exposure to the sun, and suddenly I'm as bright as that wretched crocheted scarf my Grandma Tabitha created for my birthday. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if it was a scarf. It looked more like baby bib after the baby barfed.

Ew. My mind is in the gutter—Just not the perverted gutter.

Not that barf-covered-baby-bib-scarves have anything to do with my story. Yes, it seems I am a pointless wanderer of thought…

But as it was, I was left walking in the rain, a favorite past time of mine ever since I could poop.

Gutter… Again…

I let myself sigh in false agitation as I stumbled my way up the stairs that led to my job. I am the proud manager of the local Tokyo elementary school cafeteria. I held almost as much pride over our food as I did for my very first hand-tracing picture that I managed to scribble out last week.

Haha, weak as it sounds, that was my attempt at sarcasm. I guess I'm rather dumb. That's what my last high school teacher said, anyway.

It makes sense, because I have absolutely no income. As soon as I get my pay check, it shreds itself away in my stacks of debts, bank loans, and taxes. My electricity is never working.

Not because I can't afford it. Just because my old bills are stacked all the way to my ceiling.

The staff where I work are constantly nagging me about taking baths. Since when were baths important? I thought cavemen like… never bathed… So why can't I live like them? Lord knows my house is suitable enough for those old days.

Oh yeah! BO became a problem when human beings evolved into smarter people that actually cared if they were naked and smelt bad. My bad!

I slapped my forehead in response to my thoughts as I entered the cafeteria office. All of the old ladies with far more experience than I turned and stared for a minute before whispering to each other and mumbling 'oh it's just you'.

I'm not very liked, you see, because I'm still fresh and new. I'm the only virgin in the place. According to the head cook, there were even some second graders at this school that beat me to it. Kids these days really are growing up fast. But I couldn't help but wonder why or how she knew that. It kind of made my knees collide together remembering about all of my old secrets and that scary glint in the cafeteria lady's eyes as I passed by back in elementary days.

I wonder if she somehow figured out it was me who slipped that love letter from the principal into her satchel. She was in a glassy daze for weeks after I did that.

"Kagome, could you get your ass in here and help me write the new schedule?"

I blinked and turned toward the lady speaking and twirled my hair around my index finger.

"I can't."

"Why not? Are your legs broken? You have no ability?" Her eyes snapped up and onto my face in an instant as she furrowed her brows.

"Oh I most certainly have the ability! It's just…" I didn't mean to pause or stutter, it just came out that way. "I don't have the desire to help."

"You are in no position to tell me what you desire and what you do not desire." I grimaced as her cold fingers grasped my wrist and pulled me near her.

Okay, I lied to you. Shows you what type of reliable narrator I am. Truth be told, I am not the manager. I am the 'hot teenage girl in a hair net' that washes the tables in the cafeteria and I get to help plan new schedules, too when Nina is feeling 'exotic' and 'risky'.

Nothing is more death-defying than creating a new lunch menu for grade-school students. Heh, screw bungee jumping.

"You are under my power, remember?"

I stared at her hairline as her temple pounded with the hard beat of her stone heart. Her eyes turned a dark shade of brown, glinting a frightening red in the ray of light.

"Are you a demon?" I laughed mentally, nervously, also. It slipped, but hey, give me credit. I am pretty darn crafty if I do say so myself.

"That's it! You're fired, you hear that? Gone, good bye!"

I blinked as the words registered in my head. I was being let go.

Hmm… Maybe I should have a party tonight…

I quickly snapped back to reality, playing a smirk on my lips.

"Ungrateful little… you're not upset?"

"No." My lips formed words without my mental thoughts, and for once I was glad. Stupidity helps when you're distressed about money management. "I have an amazing hand-tracing picture to go home to. For that, I am pleased." With my smirk still in place, I turned on my heel and glided out of the cafeteria.

"Damn bottle caps always getting in the way…", I mumbled. I was always talking to myself, upset or not. For you see, there were no bottle caps. The streets were spotless, even of people. That's a new record for Tokyo…

I glanced all around my environment, gasping for the ten-millionth time in my life as I read the title of the building near by my apartment. It was called 'Kagome'. You see, my name was always meant to be on a bill board or on a huge building. It's that… famous kind of name. It clicks off the tongue in this pungent way that would flood the nostrils in a nasally way if it were a food. It's such a good name, it makes my gagging reflexes react.

No, I didn't really hate my name. I hated what it was tied to. Kagome vegetable Juice. I was named after vegetable Juice. Hell, if my dad wasn't as sensible as he happens to be, my mom probably would have named me Clorox because it 'rings of cleanliness and the wonderful smell of bleach.' She's so random, she's almost funny.

But no, this story is about me. Not her. Not my dad. Not second grade prostitutes. Not destroyed-by-vomit-baby-bibs. Just Kagome.

I'm so normal, I'm abnormal. I'm known for my dry humor, making jokes that are only funny to the simple minded, like myself, and jokes that make a lot of sense. So much sense, they lose their real humor. It's one of the reasons no one wants to talk to me. I'm still trying to grasp ironic jokes. Sarcasm has always been one of my favorite attributes to a person. Especially a person with dark humor. Darkness amuses me because it's so mature and it reminds me of walking in the rain. Speaking of rain…

I trailed off from my thoughts and realized I had walked ten buildings away from my apartment complex. It's amazing how time flies when you're imagining your old manager being…

Sorry daring adventurers, but I had to edit that part out. It was too graphic. Even I shouldn't know what I was thinking.

Haha, that is what we consider a 'funny' in my world of comedy.

I decided to turn quickly and rush back down the side walk before I looked like an idiot. Scratch that, I am an idiot so I might as well look the part.

I stopped walking for a minute and pulled out a hat from my tarnished old bag. It's amazing how I always had what I needed when I needed it. It's like I have magic powers or something.

I quickly put the hat on my head in a crooked but non-gangsta way so that I looked like a wannabe toddler. I unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt and pulled it so that one of my shoulders was completely bare while the other was completely covered. I then moved my hands and smeared my mascara all the way down my cheeks and quickly pulled my athletic shorts down to show the top half of my underwear.

I love having the excuse of ADHD.

"Mom… why is that old lady dressed like a wh—"

"Tomi, hush your damn mouth! Ladies don't swear, dammit!"

"But mom, I'm not a girl and my name isn't Tomi…"

"I don't give a damn!"

I watched in mock amusement as the little boy stared at his mom, befuddled by her strange behavior. I found it endearing, though I couldn't for the life of me remember what endearing meant. I really just hope it means something along the lines of 'Gay'.

Haha, I just can't stop my funnies, they come out like crazy! And that's when it hit me. Like a baseball to the head. A concussion type of feeling.

I was a complete moron in the truest sense of the word.

Of course, as always, I didn't take this quite the way I should. Instead of fixing the odd corrections I had made to my appearance, I simply shrugged and continued walking back to my apartment complex. Now that I knew what a moron I was, I wanted to go and see if anyone else would see it. I like to think of it as an emotional life-changing event.

Yeah—I like that title. It's what my mom said about the first day I became potty trained. Of course I still haven't relieved myself of that old habit. I still sing 'plop, plop fizz, fizz oh what a relief it is' when in a public restroom. It's proof that I'm stupid.

And stupid I shall remain, never able to make money and fix my life.

Stumbling once again, I entered the apartment complex, pulling out a small sandwich and sliding it across the front desk in the lobby to the tall, dark, and handsome man who remained absorbed in his newspaper.

"I brought you food."

"Mmhmm…"

"It uses wonder bread…" My voice was taunting as I tried to pull him out of his reverie.

"Mmhmm…"

"And miracle whip!"

At that he lifted his head and looked both ways and then at me.

"Did you say… whip?"

I nodded, knowing full well what he thought I meant.

"Nice and creamy, too. Spreads nicely."

"Where is she!"

I laughed mentally but acted dumbfounded out loud.

"She? I said miracle whip. You know… the stuff they use on… sandwiches?"

I watched as his excitement fell and he poked at the wrapped piece of something (I'm not sure what to call it, honestly) and sighed.

"This is my life, huh?"

I nodded and looked around. I really needed a beer to reenact this moment.

"Yup", I said in a low, bored voice.

"Yup", he repeated.

He bent down and pulled out a Pepsi and snapped the tab back, sniffing as it fizzed. That was Miroku's favorite smell. The fizz of Pepsi.

"You know, Kagome… you're not looking too bad… Maybe—"

"I'm your cousin."

"So? Cousins elope in the south!"

"I'm your first cousin. It's illegal."

I was always amused by his desperate attempts. His latest fling had been with the new life guard, Sango. She didn't seem to care much for him. She almost got him convicted, but my mom would hear nothing of it. Something about men in our family being 'built with few brains'. I don't know. Her ramblings are almost worse than mine.

"You know… Sango almost agreed to a date with me today…"

I snickered and grabbed the Pepsi from him, sipping slowly from it before responding.

"Almost? I'm guessing you did something stupid?"

"Well… she slapped me and ran off… But I did nothing! What's wrong with a small little grope on the butt?"

I grimaced and threw the soda at him, drowning him in sodium and a hundred more unknown chemicals.

"It's so degrading that it just… degrades women!"

"Wow… you're using big words, Vegetable Juice. Next you'll be talking in German."

I smiled and jumped over the counter.

"Isn't it my turn to work?"

"You have a job and it's not here, don't you remember?"

"I got fired."

I stared at him as he rolled his eyes and picked me up, hastily throwing me back over the counter.

"Go find a new job. You're being evicted from your apartment."

"What! Man, be cool!"

"Sorry. That's how it works, veggie girl. I'll see you during the family reunion."

I scoffed at him as I ran to the elevator, desperate to save my property. I waited as the futile thing stopped at a floor five stories down from mine. It was sickening the type of people that lived here. The occupants of this particular floor decided to shove me to the side while continuing what was obviously a much-desired make out session. I felt the need to avert my eyes, but it didn't do me any good as the man decided to reach for me.

"Two girls…" He gasped, "are always better than one…" He dove back in, doing what seemed to me to be 'eating' her mouth. He pulled me towards them by my neck, which I tried desperately to reject. It was not the most appealing invitation I had ever received. But there were very few ways to reject them.

"Uhm…"

"Please… join…", he gasped, looking at me. I noticed for the first time that the girl was oddly familiar.

"Ah, uhm…" I thought quickly for an excuse, smiling as I finally found one. "Herpes. Can't kiss with herpes." I pointed to my mouth, watching as he grimaced slightly and then moved his eyes downward below my abdomen.

Quick, Kagome, think!

"Genital, too. I'm not all that clean. I used to work that corner near Jack in the Box…"

His eyes brightened in acknowledgement as he quickly backed away, leaving me passage to my floor.

I provided him a bright smile as I dashed down the hall to my room. I truly couldn't believe I had the balls to say that. The guy was hot, but I just had to turn him down.

Stupid Kagome!

But for once, I was happy to be a moron.

"Move your wide-loads NOW!"

I jerked my head to the site in front of me. Everything I owned was sitting out in the hall. I couldn't believe it. Miroku was being honest!

"Excuse me miss, but are you Kagome Higurashi?"

I nodded, and grabbed the mans arm.

"Please tell me you saved my hand-tracing picture!"

"The one in the frame?"

I nodded, losing my voice temporarily.

"Sorry miss… but we had to trash it. It had no value, and we are only taking things of value."

My lips pursed into a small 'o' as I growled softly and dug my claws into his forearm.

"That had so much value to me though!"

"Ma'am, let go of my arm before I not only get you evicted, but I send you to jail."

My reflexes beat my mind, as everything does, and my arm pulled away from his.

"Please, dig it out of the trash!"

"You can." He held out a big black trash bag to me, staring at me oddly as I opened it and dug into it.

"Ah ha!" I smiled in triumph as I pulled out my sacred picture and looked at him with my doe eyes. "thank you kind sir." I handed him the bag and watched as he faltered slightly.

"Was it made by a daughter or something?"

I smiled and shook my head.

"It's the first drawing I ever made of my hand."

"That's cute… what year?"

"Just last week, actually. It still has that new crayon smell."

He closed his eyes and mouthed something that resembled the words, 'Total idiot', but because I could not be sure, I simply turned and ran back down to the elevator.

I tapped my foot as I 'patiently' waited for it to stop at my floor. It really didn't want to work on my side today. And seeing as the picture was the only thing they'd let me keep, I had nothing to really go to. I'd try to find a box on the side walk later.

Finally the doors opened and the elevator made a small 'cling' noise. As all elevators in Tokyo do, the doors began to slam shut on me as I shuffled inside, glad to save my head from total damnation. But it wasn't the doors that caused my breath to catch in my throat.

As soon as I had entered, I noticed a man standing in the elevator, his back turned to me as he seemed distracted by a particular picture on the back wall. I panned my head around to glance over his shoulder and noticed just what it was that had grasped his attention. A large picture that had obviously been taken by a camera phone was posted there a familiar paragraph.

'The infamous 'Jack in the Box' prostitute has been found. If you see her, stay away. She's infected.'

I grimaced as I realized the picture was me and the sentence was what I had told the man from earlier. But this beautiful man turned his head at my breath on his neck and stared with an indescribable look on his face.

"HIV or what?"

I breathed in, his breath taking golden eyes staring intensely.

"Herpes. Both kinds."

He shook his head and looked at the ground.

"That's nasty."

"It was a joke!", I added defensively. For some reason, I cared what he thought about me. As if there was some kind of connection…

"But you're dressed for it."

I looked down and realized I had never fixed my clothes from earlier and sighed.

"I was trying to act like… an idiot…" It was a different side to me. I normally didn't tell the truth so often. Not to men, anyway.

"So you're an idiot acting like one?"

"Pretty much…" I sighed, knowing he could read me better than I could read him and turned away. Maybe I wouldn't be readable if I couldn't see him. "But of course I have some maturity."

"Well the only sign of maturity I see would be your conversing skills. I normally don't speak to lower class…"

"Excuse me, but you're the one using an apartment complex elevator!"

"So are you. And I'm here on business. Not that it matters to poor scum."

"Poor scum my ass…", I mumbled, knowing full well that he was right. But I wouldn't give in to him. Never ever, because I'm Kagome and I'm awesome like that.

Without thought, I began to do my 'triumphant' dance, which caused him to shake his head as the doors opened, revealing his floor.

"Bye." He swiftly glided (because I love that word) out of the elevator and down the hall. He wasn't lying. He was on business.

Life was so unfair, I thought as I breathed in his scent. An amazing one it was…

I stumbled out of the elevator at the lobby and threw Miroku a glare before walking out and turning down the street.

My life was crap, and I looked the part. But I had box shopping to do. When said like that, it made me sound rich because I was shopping for things I otherwise wouldn't shop for unless I had excess money to spend.

But I didn't.

I casually walked down a small alley and grabbed a box that I found sitting by the dumpster. It smelt oddly of old, rotting fruits and vegetables, but it would have to do for the time being. I didn't have much of a choice anymore.

Walking out of the alley, I discovered that the Tokyo streets had started buzzing with people again. Crinkly bags rang in my ear as a deafening sound while I stood on the side walk casually watching the huge screens in the Tokyo square. Some new American movies were playing at the Palace Theater. Wow. Crappy voice-overs weren't what I really needed right now.

Sighing as I crossed the huge cross walk, I decided to stay at the corner near our subway. People left bicycles there, and if I ever found the desire, I'd steal one and escape later. But I have no desire to do anything but make a boxy home as comfortable as possible.

I watched as busy people moved up and down the steep, yellow lined steps and placed my dingy brown box in a small hide-away. It would do for a while. Maybe that rich man would come by and spare me some old gum off of the bottom of his shiny shoes.

That's how it works, right?

I suddenly found myself analyzing everyone's shoes as they passed me, forming a contest of who had the best shoes in my head. I found the converse shoes the best looking shoes out of the first twelve people, and shortly gave up after a huge group of men passed by in high heels. Cross dressers from down the street. I really know how to pick em' huh?

Yeah, that was sarcasm. Just thought I should point that out.

But no, we have not yet reached the most important part of my story yet. So don't get concerned, my life isn't always this bad. Just now, I told myself over and over again. Maybe I'd get lucky later.

I sighed and flexed out my arms and fingers, glancing over the top of my middle finger once and catching the gleam of a plastic bottle filled with cold Pepsi. Lord, I was parched, so it wouldn't hurt to share germs just this once, would it?

I shrugged and crawled out of my spot, grabbing the bottle and flipping back inside of my box. I stared at it, trying to decide how to conserve it.

Twisting the cap, I quickly decided I wanted an immediate sip. But it was not the Pepsi that became the most fulfilling. It was what I found.

When I lifted the cap, I hardly noticed it, but something told me I should keep reading.

You win!

$100, 000, 000, 000!

I was disbelieving, but it couldn't have been fake. No, it felt and tasted so real! But who would ever drop this?

"Are you sure you dropped it here. Tomi?"

"For the hundredth time I am not Tomi, and yes I dropped my soda here!"

I watched the same two people from earlier and stifled my laughter. The little boy had dropped it, but it was mine now.

All mine.

And then a thought finally hit me.

I had just won $100, 000, 000, 000…

It was then that I fainted, my fingers clasped around the bottle with a death grip saving my life—literally.