"It Pains Me To Say, That I Still Love You"
Deidara One-Shot
by: maliciousfate
My arms hurt, my legs ached, my briain was fuzzy, and I could no longer feel my fingers. Had I really been taken down so easily? Had I really let my gaurd down so far as to let him finsh me off without breaking a sweat? Had I really failed?
"We're here, un." His voice spoke quietly, almiost as if he was afriad I had been sleeping. I wanted to spit in his disgusting face. He didn't care. Because if he did, I wouldn't be tied up, bloody, and heartbroken as I was now.
He helped me to my feet and walked me from whatever we had been in for the past few hours. A carraige? No, I didn't smell a horse. A Truck? I would of heard the engine. It didn't matter, I knew I was just trying to distract myself from the reality of my situation. I was now captiuve to the man I had so foolishly fallen for...
"Wno't you speak to me, un?" I felt his hand lightly touch my shoulder. I bit my lip as I stepped away from him.
He sighed and my heart ached.
"Who is she?" A man asked once we stopped walking. I knew we were now inside somewhere, I also knew there were more then just three sets of eyes around me.
"Where's the Leader, un?"
"Uh, in teh back, but who is she?" The man asked again.
He took my arm and began to lead me forward, ignoring the man's question comepletly.
"I'm going to take you to our Leader, but before I can do that I must beg one thing from you, un," He took in a breath before continuing, "-Please don't mention anything to him about...us."
I gritted my teeth.
"Who is she?" I heard a dark voice ask before me. I was sitting now, the chains were removed but the blindfold still in place.
"I defeated her in the Land of Rain sir, un." His voice was nervous, and I sensed he feared the man before him. I was curious now, who could strike fear in him? The man who defeated me without breaking a sweat. The man who broke my gaurd down without even trying. The man who's words shattered my heart-what kind of man was this Leader?
"Remove her blindfold."
I felt his cold fingers on my cheek as he shakily removed the blindfold from my eyes. Once it was removed I wondered if there had been a second one. The room was so dark that all I could see was a desk in front of where I was sitting.
Orange eyes flashed from the dark area behind the desk, "Welcome, Yui."
My breath stopped short.
"Hey Itachi, do you know the girl that Deidara brought?"
"No."
"Did you even see her?"
"I said no."
"Fine!" Kisame turned away from Itachi, "-moody son of a bitch…"
Itachi's kunai dug itself into Kismae's back seconds later.
"AH! ITACHI YOU-"
"Shut up Kisume! Now what were you saying about some a girl Deidara brought home?
"Damnit Itachi! That hurt's so fu-"
"Kisume!" Sasori appeared before him, scowling.
"Fine, fine, fine!" He yanked the weapon from his back, "-I don't know, just some girl. He had her tied up and blindfolded, then he asked where Leader was. I'm guessing their both with him now."
"Is he trying to recruit her?" Zetsu asked appearing from the ground, scaring Kisume.
"Goddamnit Zetsu!" Zetsu merly ignored the heavily breathing shark.
"I doubt it. I mean, if Deidara had her chained and blindfolded, that doesn't appear to be a way of rucruiting." Sasori added.
"Why don't you all just shut the hell up and ask him yourself?" Itachi inturupted the groups conversation angrily.
Before any of them could throw an insult Itachi's way Deidara came wandering into the room.
"It's been quite a long time Yui." The Leader spoke. I still could sonly see his luminent Orange eyes, and I did not reconize his voice.
"Who are you?" I didn't spare kindness when I spoke, I didn't want to be here.
"You don't reconcize me, dear Yui?" If this man's cold voice could laugh, it did just now.
"Obviously not, so I guess since you've mistaken me with another woman, I'll be leaving." I rose to my feet just to come crashing back down. My wounds were still too fresh, and still so painful.
"I see you still have that bitter tongue of your's, and that nasty sense of humor."
I didn't speak, maybe if I didn't say anything he didn't want to hear he'd let me go-so my not speaking was the best way to achieve that.
"Not amused? Hmm, well let me refresh your memory, dear." I took in a breath as a sudden cool breeze swept the small room, "-You grew up in the Hidden Rain Village along side your father and mother. You probably don't remember your mother well since she died when you were nine, but you remember your father clearly-don't you?"
I felt my fingernails dig into the sides of the chair I was sitting in, who the hell was this man? What kind of person would do this?- I didn't want to relive those horrible memories, not when I had just learned to put them away.
"I can see it in your eyes, you still miss him don't you?"
"Stop it..." I begged him as tears began to form in my eyes. He, of course, did not stop.
"-Murdered and decapatated. You found him didn't you? Only 14 years old. Such a sad, sad time."
"Please, I'm begging you..."
"-A little girl coming home from school only to find the body parts of her beloved father scattered around her home? Do you remember this Yui? Do you remember what happened next? About who found you?"
"STOP IT!" I stood despite the pain. "-Stop it you bastard!"
I knew he was smiling now, enjoying every moment of my miserry.
"The villagers found you, didn't they? Covered in your father's blood, holding his head in your small little fingers." I heard him stand, my eyes were closed trying my best to hold back the waterfall of tears threatning to come.
"They blamed you." His voice was in my ear, his breath down my neck. "-They said you murdered your own father. Then they beat you, didn't they? Tortured you until you screamed."
"Stop..." I could barely speak. "-please."
"But they never got you to confess did they? Because you didn't do it, but they didn't believe you. So you were banished from the village. A 14 year old prodegy, casted away like trash."
I felt blood trickling down my arm, my wounds must of re-opened.
"You learned so much. You didn't need the village. What did you become?" He circled me like a hawk on it's pray, I still never looked up, never let a tear fall.
"You became a thief. Stealing prised Jutsu from every village you raided, didn't you?"
I looked up now, staring into only his deep orange eyes. "H-How do you know all of this? How do you know me"
"Because, dear, I've been watching you. I've been waiting for you to grow, to see what you would become. To see if you'd be worthy."
"Worthy of what?" He smiled in the darkness. Before I could react his hands were around my neck and his strength pinning me to the wall.
"I am giving you a choice, so please-pick wisely." I used all my strength I had left to try and pull his hands away from my throat. My air supply was close to end, my wounds were reopened.
"Join the Atsuki or I kill you were you stand, Yui." My vision was getting shaky and my hands fell to my sides.
"Yes..." It was then darkness took ahold.
Had I been dreaming? Had I really been asleep this whole time? Was that fight just a horrible nightmare? Those evil eyes just a monster from my dreams? All those painful memories just a way my heart was expressing my mourne?
No. It was all real. Every bit of it. I knew this becausethe longer I lay in my dark state the more and more real the pain in my body became. And the more real the cold room became.
I opened my eyes only to squeeze them shut from a blinding light.
"You're awake."
My body froze.
I opened my eyes again, this time glaring at the man who just made my whole situation much much worse.
"Why are you in here?" I spat.
"How are you feeling, un?" He wasn't looking at me.Instad, his eyse were fixed on the blank wall across the room.
"Like you care. You're the reason i'm in pain in the frsit place." I sat up, biting my lip the whole way up.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you, un." I ignored him, I needed to get out of this bed and far away him if I wanted to think straight.
Sliding my legs over the edge of the bed it finally hit me what he meant. With a ice chill running down my spine I realized I was completely naked minus the few tiny strips of bandage that held my wounds.
"Told you so." He was smirking. That little ignorent prick!
"I hope that made your day!...asshole." I was now holding the sheets to my neck, and for once, I was glad he wasn't looking at me. My face was as bright as a tomatoe.
I moment passed. Then another. And another. Then the awkawrdness of us not speaking became too much for me.
"Do you have my clothes?" I tried my best not to spit out the question, but it was hard when my heart was filled with hate towards the man before me.
"No. Leader threw them out, they were damaged and-" He paused for a moment, almost uncomfortable with what he was going to say, "-and now that you are in the Atsuki you won't need them anymore. Your new clothes are in the closet."
With that said he stood and walked towards the closed door. He still had not looked me in the eye.
"Wait!"The second the word left my mouth I regretted saying it. Why did I tell him to wait anyways? Did I have something to say? No. Of course I didn't, what could I say to this man? The man I hated. The man whom destroyed my heart. What could I say?
I was lying to myself. I knew it completly.
He was standing with his hand on the door knob, waiting for me to speak. His back turned to me and his face low.
"Why?" I let the word slip from my lips before I even knew what I had said.
"I'm sorry, Yui." He left without another word.
I felt a single tear fall.
"Yui!"
"Yes, sir?" I gritted my teeth while I spat his new title. I hated to be spoken down to or forced to do things. It pissed me off more then you can even imagine.
"You have your first assignment. You will go into the Hidden Sand Village and retreave a man who has a jutsu that will be benaficial to us." He let the information sink in a bit before continuing. "-your partner is waiting outside. I am pairing you with him to make sure you won't try and escape. I have told him that if you are to try to escape to bring you back to me. Once you are here, I will kill you. I can't be anymore clear then that. You have two days."
I stood and left the darkness of Leader's room, my new cloak swishing with my footsteps.
I passed my new housemates without a word exchanged, they were just as displeased with me being there as I was. It was going to take quite some time to find my place in this orginazation, expecially when i wasn't trying.
I quickly preformed the jutsu that raised the cave door and walked into the cool fresh air.
I had been locked without those dull walls for over a month, learning the way of the Atsuki and training until my muscles screamed. This mission came just in time, my whole being ached for fresh air.
"Hey."
My smile dropped.
"Please tell me this is a joke?" I didn't even want to face him.
"I wish I could say it was, un." I knew he was lying. He was laughing on the inside. Completley content with ruining my life some more, completely pleased with hoe much my heart ached at the sound of his voice.
"Whatever. This is bullshit but we might as well get it over with." I turned and faced him witha scowl on my face. "-I hate you and you hate me. We're stuck together for two days so why don't we just hurry up and finish this mission so we can go back to avoiding each other like the plague?" He looked up briefly.
"Deal."
It was funny how such a tiny insagnificante word could do so much damage to ones heart.
I held every emotion I owned as i walked past him.
It was nightfall now. The bats flew over head and the mood was full. We were inside the Hidden Sand Village, ontop of a Cavern's roof.
We had found the man Leader needed, however, this man wasn't just a common villager. He was a Mob Boss with a few hundred followers that would die for him.
That meant we were about to get into a messy fight that would lead to many deaths and bloody clothes I'd make Kisume clean.
We listened to the drunken men below herass the weitress, waiting for the perfect time to strike.
"Yui, I have to ask you something, un." I groand.
"I don't think this is the best time for that."
"It's important."
"More important then killing the man below us?"
"It's close, un."
"Can't it wait? We'll be finished in now more then 15 minutes."
"I don't think I'll have another time."
"Hey! What are you two doing?!" A shout from below caught out attention as the entire cavern looked to were our heads peaked from the celing.
"Damnit!" I cursed as we lept from the room into the cavrn
It was about the time our feet touched the ground that the men realized we were preforming deadly jutsu.
"Gaurd Boss! We'll take them!" A few men called out as chaos formed in the small room.
"Can I ask you now, un?" I heard him ask as I finished removing a kunia from a man's head.
"Do you honestly thing right this second would be best?" I asked as I sliced a mans arm off.
"Yes, I do." If he wasn't so close to me I wouldn't of heard his reply over the screaming. These men were being killed left and right and it wouldn't be long before we got the man we were after.
"Fine! Ask you goddamn important question!" I took my anger out on the four men trying to hold me back with their flimsy swords.
"Do you really hate me Yui? Honestly, un?" His voice was quiet but I heard him clear.
I paused inbetween the murder of men to fully register what he had asked me.
I glanced briefly at him as he sliced two mens head's off with a tiny bit of clay.
"No." I whispeared. I almost wished he hadn't heard me. I didn't fully know if I was ready to lower my gaurd for him.
"I don't hate you either Yui." I stopped in the mist of the battle to stare at him dumbfoundedly. "-Honest."
"Then why the hell did you hurt me? Why did you not only physically wound me, but emotionally?" I didn't even turn to kill the man behind me.
"I'm sorry Yui. I don't think I can ever explain to you how sorry I am, un." He turned to face me, letting his clay take down the men behind him.
"Then try." I felt it coming back. The weakness in my voice was enough proof I needed to let myself know I wasn't over him. I could lie to myself all I wanted, I could avoid him each and everyday for the rest of my life and I could block out his vouice for eternity. But the honesty truth was, I was still in love with him.
"Yui, please, look at me." His icy finger was lifting my chin up. My lip quivered as I tried as hard as I could to hold back the tears. "-Please, un."
I let my eyes hold his while my sword and kunia fell from my hands.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't think you'll ever believe me, but I could never forgive myself for hurting you. Even if I told you Leader threatned my life if I didn't bring you to him, It wouldn't be enough to explain to you how hard it was to harm you, un." His hand left my chin to hold my cheek as his other sent wave of explosive clay to the men gaining behind me.
"I never thought I could fall in love. I never thought there was even the possiblily of a murder like me to even embrace a woman such as you. I wasn't even given the power to dream of that. But when I found you, I knew instantly it was tangable. It wasn't just a mere childish thought. WHen you smiled that first time I don't think you knew how many butterflies you sent through my cold heartless body, un." I had completly lost the power to hold back my tears, they began to fall like the rain. I didn't know weither I should run away from his touch or to embrace it like nothing had ever happened between us.
"-Yui, I'm still in love with you. All I can ask is for you to forgive the fool I am for hurting an angel like you. Let this selfish creature live his pathetic life without the burden of knowing he took the wings from you." His hand shook on my cheek as his eyes began to water.
I had no words to give him. No hate to push him away. No fear to leave him. All I had, was the love that was bursting threw my chest. And that love was meant for the man before me, and him alone.
"Deidara-" His name sounded so right with how much love was engraved to it. I hadn't spoken it for so long, all these weeks without uttering a single vowel from his glorious name. And now, I knew i'd be saying it like it was a prayer.
"-The only selfish creture here is me, for pushing you away without hearing the truth. I'm that creature who's life is pathetic for pushing away the only things that has given me happiniess. I have nothing to give to you but the love that has never left, that has always been yearning for your touch-your love." At this moment, all I couls see was Deidara's beautiful face and the tears that fell from his diamond eyes. The fight around us was over, the blood on the walls was invisable, the petrified man in the corner was irrelavent. All I could see, was the man I loved. All I could feel was the butterflies his hand gave me. All I could hear was his velvety words in my ears. This was what my life was meant being created for. Deidara was who I was meant for.
"My love has always been here for you, Yui. You alone, un." And with that, his hands fell to my waist and his lips came crashing down onto mine.
It's funny how one glorious man, can fill one's heart with so much love, that she forgets how to breath.
My only responce to his kiss, was to wrap my arms around him to hold him closer to give him the only thing I could ever offer a man as amazing as he;
My love.