AN: Erm, my attempt at the "close-friends-turn-into-something-more-because-one-buys-the-other-a-sex-toy" trope (Is that even a trope? Ah well).
One ring. Two rings… Merlin looked at the innocent-looking box on his bed. He twitched as he thought again of what had been (and still was) in it. At the fifth ring Arthur finally picked up.
"Yes, Merlin? What is it now?"
"What the fuck are you playing at?" Merlin certainly didn't waste any time. He wanted this to be over quickly. In fact, the quicker the better. Less painful that way; like a band aid.
"Excuse me? What are you on about Merlin?"
Merlin's eyes twitched again and he began to speak slowly, as if speaking to a child—a particularly dim child, "Oh I don't know Arthur. I could be talking about a certain package that came today. The one that is sitting opened on my bed right now. The one you sent me."
There was silence on the other end of the line, then he hesitantly began to speak. "Oh, that…"
"Yes. That."
"Well, ehm…" Merlin interrupted Arthur's attempt at coherent speech.
"You bought me a fucking vibrator Arthur!?"
"I was trying to help!" Arthur suddenly bellowed over the phone. "So things wouldn't… you know… be weird!"
"You bought me a vibrator so things wouldn't be weird?" Merlin asks. "Are you stupid?!"
"Well – I mean – it's just –" Arthur huffed. "Look, do we really have to talk about this?"
"I think we do. We really do."
"…"
"Arthur!"
"I really don't want to talk about it Merlin…"
Merlin paused while he tried to hold himself back from screaming at Arthur. The stupid prat was so fucking frustrating sometimes. Merlin blew out a puff of breath.
"Fine, I'll drop it… For now." Suddenly Merlin began to smirk as a thought crossed his mind. "So… What makes you think I didn't already have one?"
Arthur sputtered a bit over the line. Merlin, being the truly evil person he is, continued over his friend's embarrassed babbling.
"I mean, don't get me wrong, it's great to have something new to play with," Merlin really, really couldn't help the innuendo that slipped into his voice at the word 'play'. Really he couldn't. "But, now I've got two of them and no idea what to do with the extra."
Merlin laughed silently to himself. This was just too much fun. Momentarily he spared a thought for poor Arthur, who was still trying to form words, but that thought went as quickly as it came; maybe this would teach him that you just didn't buy another guy a freaking vibrator, no matter how close they were… or how gay Merlin was ('Cuz let's face it, Merlin was a lot gay. Like really, really gay. Like gayer than a gay, gay thing). And now, Merlin thought, his smirk turning slightly evil, is the fun part. He began to speak into the phone speaker in the sultriest voice he could muster while giggling manically in his mind.
"You know, I'd be such a bad friend if I didn't thank you for your gift. Not to mention, I could use someone to play with. What d'you say Arthur, wanna help me try it out?"
At this point Merlin had to cover the speaker to let out a few of the laughs that had been building up in his throat. He bit his lip to prevent himself from cracking up completely. It was then that Arthur finally found his voice it seemed—though it was a bit breathy—and what he had to say had Merlin freezing in shock.
"I'll be right over."
Merlin didn't get a chance to say anything before the line disconnected and he was left with the dull tone of and ended call, gaping rather unattractively with his mouth hanging open and moving like a fish's. He slowly pulled the phone from his ear after a moment and continued to look unseeingly.
What the hell just happened? Had that really just happened? Did he really just proposition Arthur? And Arthur accepted?!
Merlin's eyes widened as the last few minutes caught up with him.
Holy. Shit.
Springing into action, Merlin started to hop around his flat picking up all garbage, rogue socks, Mars Bar wrappers, and other potentially embarrassing items, and putting them away. In the midst of all his flittering about his though ran rather rampant, a constant stream of ohgodohgodArthur-whatthehell-holyshit-Arthurvibrator-ohmygod-shitshitshit-Arthur.
Then the door bell rang.
Merlin completely froze in place and stared, wide-eyed, at the front door behind which he was fairly sure was the one man who had plagued his dreams and fantasies for the past year (There was a small change it was Gwen coming over to see how he was, because that's what Gwen does, but really. It was a very small chance).
Merlin still hadn't moved from his spot hovering over the couch when the doorbell rang again, this time followed by knocking. "Merlin?" The reality of Arthur's voice sent something like a shock through him, prompting him to move towards to door and reach out for the handle, but before he count build up the courage to actually iopen/i the door, Arthur spoke again.
"Merlin, I… listen, it's okay if you don't – I mean, if you just want to talk about this… " Merlin listened with his ear pressed to the door like the coward that he was, and heard Arthur take a deep breath and huff it back out. He was probably running a hand through his hair; Arthur did that when he got nervous.
"I – I understand if you, y'know, were just joking or whatever. I guess I just thought – Silly of me. I suppose I was just hoping for so long I heard what I wanted to hear… But obviously it won't be. You're not gonna open this door are you?" Arthur paused. "I guess… I guess I'll go and we can forget about this yeah?"
And Arthur said it with such sadness, such reluctance, as if just saying it made him ache, that Merlin didn't even stop to think as he wrenched open the door and dragged Arthur inside. "Wha–" Merlin cut him off, barely sparing a glance to notice the shocked look on Arthur's face, because any other day that expression would be pure gold, but not now. Right now he slammed Arthur back against the door and attacked his lips with a hungry kiss which Arthur returned just as fiercely.
Two deft hands started to unbutton Arthur's shirt, working their way down rather quickly. At the last button, Merlin finally pulled back from the kiss to tug the shirt off Arthur's shoulders and grinned at his friend's rather gobsmacked expression. Smirking, he ran a hand up the center of Arthur's heaving chest, fingers tickling the patch of hair there. His hand came to rest lightly on the back of Arthur's neck. Then , looking Arthur square in the eye, he spoke in a mock serious voice.
"So, I seem to have a new toy to play with. You gonna help me test it out or what?"
And with that he turned and started for his bedroom, removing his own shirt, and then his shoes, and finally loosening his pants as he got to the bedroom door. He glanced over his shoulder at Arthur, still rooted to the spot and starting at the point where Merlin's jean s were about to fall off. Arthur blinked slowly, gaze following a line up Merlin's naked back. Slowly a grin spread over his face and he walked determinedly to Merlin.
With a slight push he urged a giggling Merlin into the bedroom, his affectionate words of "Merlin, you idiot," were the last coherent ones heard from the room for a long while after that.