A/N: LOLWUT. AU.
"Sam, we need to have a talk," Dean said and sat Sam down on his bed.
"But I need to pee."
"Your pee can wait!" Sam stared at Dean. "Sorry, it's just that this is very important," Dean said when he calmed down.
Sam nodded slowly. "Okay, I guess. What's up?"
"We need to have the talk, Sam. The talk."
"Dean, if you're talking about that, then you're a little late. Dad talked to me about that years ago."
"Yeah, the heterosexual talk, but we need to have the homosexuality talk."
"And what would you know about it?"
"I talked to Gabriel. I think he's gay, too."
"Well, you're wasting your time because I'm not gay."
Dean picked up a box of condoms off of Sam's dresser. "And I don't know why you have these, you're giving and taking it up the ass."
"Dean, stop!"
"Seriously, Sammy."
"You can still catch sexual transmitted diseases. Gay or not."
"I got you a gift. It'll help in the bedroom," Dean said.
"I don't need help in the bedroom. Ruby says I'm pretty sweet."
"Sam, stop. We all know that Ruby is your tiny beard."
Dean threw Sam a tube and Sam read over it. "Lubricant?"
"Yeah, because I don't want to hear you complain about being in pain. It'll be easier for you," Dean said, obviously proud.
"Why do I have to be the bottom?"
"Anyway, don't feel like you have to have sex, Sammy. Wait until you're older."
"I'm 25!"
"Don't take it all the time, your butt will need rest, too."
"Enough, I'm gonna go text Ruby."
"Sam, I'm your brother, I know you better than anybody. You can trust me, I'm not gonna treat you like some sort of freak. Just admit it."
"Whatever."
"Now we're getting some place. Now, back to the talk. You see, Sammy..." Sam sighed as he listened to Dean ramble away.
A/N: Gen's Ruby, They're not hunters here. And LOLWUT.