This was written in my drama class. We were told to write a story based around three things: Holy grail, monster, and Harry Potter. Bam.

Disclaimer: I wish, I wish that I was rich. But I'm not JKR. So I'm not rich.\

Bob the purple monster walked into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. "GRAAAH!" he shouted. "My name is Bob the purple monster, and I've come to help Lord Voldemort!"

There was an awkward silence. After a moment, Harry Potter piped up, "Dude... Voldemort's dead."

"What!?" shrieked Bob.

"Yeah... you just missed it, actually. See, his corpse is right there. Sorry," Harry apologized. "Now we're getting ready for a new quest. A search for the holy grail!"

Bob snorted. "You actually BELIEVE in the holy grail? What are you, five?"

Harry glared. "Hey," he protested. "You're a monster; I'm a wizard. We're in a giant magical castle. Open your mind a little."

Bob rolled his eyes. "Ri-i-ight," he muttered sarcastically. "Well, find me if there are any more ugly bald dudes with leftover complexes from childhood that are bent on destroying the world, will you?"

"Will do," answered Harry brightly.

Bob turned to go, and promptly fell flat on his snout. "OW!" He screeched. "I tripped on this moronic cup!" He struggled to his feet and kicked the cup toward Harry.

Harry hurriedly bent down to retrieve the cup. "It's not just any cup; it's the HOLY GRAIL!"

The crowd cheered. Hermione rushed forward and inspected the cup. "Actually, Harry," she said matter-of-factly, "it's just a goblet. Sorry."

Harry sulked. "Aw, crums," he muttered. "Fine, Bob, you win. There's no holy grail."

"Ha-ha!" taunted Bob. "I win! You're just a stupid, angsty, emo teenager! In yer FACE! No--in yo MOMMA'S face! So there!"

Harry hated it when people insulted his dead mother. "Evada kedavra!" he shouted.

Poor Bob never saw it coming. He was dead before he hit the floor.

Suddenly, a shriek could be heard from the crowd. "NOOOO!" To everyone's surprise, Ginny burst through the crowd and went to lay by the monster's corpse. "BOB, MY LOVE! Wake up, Bob, wake up!" She sobbed uncontrolably.

"Ginny..." Harry whispered. "What have I done?"

"Well," explained Hermione, "You just murdered the one true love of YOUR one true love, because he insulted yo momma's face."

"That was a rhetorical question," muttered Harry.