Disclaimer: I own neither Naruto nor Star Trek nor Bleach nor anything else.
A/N: ItaShi plus Star Trek cosplay equals a plot bunny too tempting not to unleash on the world. Enjoy. xD
-the undiscovered country
"We are in the wrong place."
"It's kinda hard to mistake a convention for anything else, Itachi."
"The words 'insane asylum' come to mind."
Shisui rolled his eyes. "Give me a break. Everyone here's as normal as you and me."
Itachi stared at him. "You are my cousin. We are both male. And we are sleeping together. Please, explain to me how that is in any way normal."
"We—uh—well first off, we're not technically related-"
"I just saw a man," Itachi interrupted, "wearing a Japanese schoolgirl uniform and a long pink wig. Surrounded by girls asking for his picture. How is that normal?"
"See?" Shisui asked smugly. "As normal as you and me."
Itachi was seized by a sudden desire to claw his own eyes out in frustration. In an increasingly pained tone he tried once more to drag his friend back to sanity. "One of the panels we passed earlier was solely devoted to discussing tentacle porn. Tentacles, Shisui."
The older boy merely waved him off. "No worries. You'll be totally used to it by the end of the day."
Somehow, Itachi brooded, that statement didn't bring him much comfort.
"How did I allow myself to be dragged into this?" he lamented aloud.
"Well, let's think," Shisui mused. "Remember that time I suffered through a five-hour drive with your dad to cheer for you at that chess competition? Never mind that you aren't supposed to actually cheer, except no one told me that-"
"The gesture, while appreciated, was unasked for."
"Then there was the time I let you drag me to some science fair at seven AM on the first day of summer vacation-"
"I did not 'drag' you anywhere; I politely invited-"
"And," Shisui practically yelled, "that time on the field trip to D.C.–you know, when you asked me to go with you to the Holocaust Museum instead of the American History Museum like the rest of the class and I had nightmares for weeks?"
"It was educational!" Itachi protested, albeit weakly. "The American History Museum is nothing more than a museum of pop culture."
"Exactly! I wanted to see the original Ruby Slippers, dammit!"
A passerby with six-foot wings and surgically implanted horns caught Shisui's exclamation and looked at them like they were the strange ones. Itachi felt a small part of his soul wither and die.
"All right," he sighed. "All right. But after this we are even, understand?"
"Roger," Shisui agreed, cheerful once more.
"And," Itachi added, "Sasuke never hears of this." He considered a moment before tacking on an "Ever."
"Fine, fine."
They walked together in amicable silence for a few minutes, Shisui seeming perfectly at home and even asking for the occasional picture, while Itachi did his best to suffer in stoic silence. Something caught his attention after a while, however.
"Shisui?"
"Mm?"
"This is an-" he checked his brochure "-anime and manga convention, is it not?"
"No dip, genius. Did you see that awesome Ulquiorra back there?"
He hadn't, actually. Or maybe he had. Having no clue who or what an 'ulquiorra' was made it somewhat hard to say. Itachi stayed on target.
"Then why, pray tell, are we in Star Trek costumes?"
Shisui shrugged. "This is one of the bigger cons, so they don't really care if people break the mold. I saw a Lady Gaga cosplayer when we came in, swear to god. Then there's the fact that there are no Star Trek conventions within easy driving distance. I can't afford that much gas and I couldn't waste such beautiful craftsmanship."
He looked lovingly down at his yellow shirt, phaser and Star Fleet Badge. "Hana's awesome."
"When she isn't trying to murder you, yes," Itachi replied dryly. "What I don't understand is why you chose to go as Kirk and not, say, Sulu."
"Racial profiler," Shisui taunted.
Now it was Itachi's turn to roll his eyes. "I simply meant that it would have been easier to use your own hair instead of wearing that blond monstrosity."
"When you're broke, you're broke," was the unconcerned response. "This was the best wig in my price range."
"It looks like some furry animal fell asleep on your head and died there," Itachi informed him.
"All in the name of a convincing costume," Shisui retorted. "At least I'm not the one who refused to cut his hair for the noble cause of cosplay."
"Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounded?"
"Who ever heard of a long-haired Spock?"
"I let you dress me in…this," Itachi said, gesturing helplessly to his own blue shirt and the prosthetic ears that had been itching all day. "I was not going to cut my hair off on top of it."
"Killjoy."
"You still didn't answer my question."
"What, why Kirk? Simple—I love his womanizing assholery."
"…You are shameless."
"You would know," Shisui replied cheekily. Itachi attempted a glare, but the effect was ruined somewhat by the color staining his face.
"Anyway," Shisui continued, "think we should hit the dealer's room? We still have an hour until this panel I really wanna go to starts."
"Do I even want to know which one that is?" Itachi asked, eyeing his brochure again with apprehension.
Shisui grinned. "Nope."
Of course.
.
The day wore on and Itachi slowly adapted to his bizarre new surroundings. He learned not to make any gender-related assumptions based on costume. He learned that with sufficient amounts of gel, hair could be made to do the most astonishing things. He learned that spending fifty dollars on a figurine the size of his pinky finger could potentially be considered a good deal.
Also, he learned that vocally confusing Naruto cosplayers with Bleach cosplayers was an extremely bad idea.
"They both have bright spiky hair and act like overly energetic maniacs," Itachi said afterwards, drawing on knowledge gleaned from being forced to watch a few anime episodes with his cousin over the years. "I don't understand-"
"Dude," Shisui groaned. "The single most insulting thing for a cosplayer is getting mixed up with another character. When in doubt, I recommend keeping your mouth shut. You do not wanna get smacked with one of those zanpakuto, which is what that guy looked like he wanted to do—they hurt like hell, you know?"
Barely-avoided cosplay brawls aside, Itachi was almost enjoying the spectacle. It was something of a culture shock, to be sure, but the people-watching was fascinating.
"What on earth is 'yaoi' and why is it written on a paddle?"
"…"
And so it went.
They picked their way through the dealer's room. Itachi was almost tempted to consider getting a small figure of a slim boy with cat ears, until Shisui told him just what kind of anime the boy was a character in. Shisui, for his part, left the dealer's room with three figurines, one wall scroll, five boxes of something called 'pocky' ("Trust me, 'tachi, this stuff is like drugs") and a pair of cat ears.
"I'm broke," he announced cheerfully as they re-entered the main part of the convention center. "I won't be able to afford food for a week, at least. But this is worth it~!"
"You're insane," Itachi informed him with a small, exasperated smile.
Shisui looked at him, then back at the rug, gnawing his lower lip. Itachi raised an eyebrow. After a minute or so of uncharacteristic silence, Itachi had to ask.
"What is it?"
"It's just…" Shisui looked at him with what a classmate had long ago dubbed "The Doe Eyes." Itachi groaned, closing his own in order to avoid being taken in. Not that that had ever deterred his friend.
"Are you sure you don't want to go back and get the maid costume? She was selling them for a really reasonable-"
Itachi ripped open a box of pocky and shoved five sticks into Shisui's mouth before he could go any farther, and that was that.
Some of the panels proved interesting; at least, the ones not dedicated to tentacles and other disturbing things. Itachi actually found himself enjoying a panel discussing the historical origins of manga. At one point Shisui waited in line for two hours to meet a certain voice actor ("Line schmine, this guy is a god"), which gave Itachi plenty of time to wander around. He was beginning to get truly impressed at the amount of time, work and money that went into some of the costumes; once or twice he even took pictures.
The man had a twelve-foot wingspan attached to the back of his shirt. Nobody could blame him for wanting to remember that.
It wasn't until Shisui rejoined him, brandishing an autographed poster and crowing about "geek bragging rights", that Itachi's stomach began to growl. It was at that point he realized he hadn't eaten anything in the better part of eleven hours.
"Not eating until your stomach caves in on itself—another unforgettable staple of the con experience," Shisui grinned. "We probably should get something to eat, though. The rave doesn't start for another hour."
"Rave?" Itachi asked suspiciously.
"Don't worry," Shisui replied in what was apparently meant to be a reassuring tone, "I borrowed some fuzzy rainbow legwarmers and stuff from Hana and they usually hand out glowsticks at the door, so we're all set."
Itachi had the feeling he'd been trying for a sigh, but it came out as laughter instead.
"This," he managed, "is the single most bizarre day of my life."
Shisui fairly beamed. "Then I've done my job."
And he leaned down to kiss him.
Itachi was not normally one for any kind of public display. But then, nothing about this day had been anything resembling normal to begin with, so he kissed back.
They were interrupted by a camera flash.
Itachi pulled back, somewhat dazed, to see a skinny girl dressed as Uhura. She lowered her camera and gulped.
"Um…I'm really sorry about that," she said sheepishly. "I just—I wasn't expecting to see any other Trekkies here, you know? And you guys looked so great and I'm a huge Spork fan besides and…well…"
Shisui burst out laughing.
"Spork?" he wheezed. "Is that what they're calling it now?"
"Well…yeah," the girl replied, playing nervously with her wig. "Spock and Kirk together equals Spork. It's kind of clever when you think about it. Um…does this mean I can keep the picture?"
Shisui grinned at her. "I was shipping those two when I was twelve. How can I deny a fellow fan?"
She beamed. "Thanks! You guys really do look great, by the way."
"As do you, Lieutenant," Shisui replied with a salute. The girl saluted back and scampered away, looking delighted. "Maybe there is hope for this new generation after all," he mused fondly.
"So," Itachi said dryly, "this is why you insisted on being Kirk?"
"There is only one cause more noble than that of cosplay," was the arch reply.
Itachi folded his arms. "And what, pray tell, is that?"
"Shipping," Shisui said brightly, and was kissing him again before Itachi had the chance to ask what on earth that was.
-end