Thanks so much to Hortense for the once over. This story was a bit special to me, so I wasn't sure I was seeing it clearly.
I know I need to get back to Rock Creek, but sometimes the one-shot bunnies are insistent that they need to come out right away.
Drawing his coat closer to his shivering body, Kid decided to stop for the night. Quickly tending to his horse, he set about starting a fire. Soon the dancing flames were warming his hands and his dinner. He sighed as he regarded his options for his evening meal. If he only ate one biscuit for dinner, he could have the last one for breakfast. And beans. It seemed like there were always beans.
He smiled to himself when he remembered the beans he'd eaten with his friends and Lou when they were hunting the "monster" that had terrorized Sweetwater. Jimmy had mixed up the mustard and the molasses, while he'd had the bad luck to be adding a dash of pepper when the lid came off completely. Not even Cody had been able to choke down that meal. Kid found himself absentmindedly pushing his food around his tin plate as he thought about that night. Ike and Noah had both been alive; Jimmy was still one of his best friends; and then there was Lou.
He gave up all pretenses of eating when she began to haunt his memories. Had their relationship ever not been complicated? Whether they were sneaking around because no one knew she was a girl or he was acting as overprotective as she was stubborn, their time together had never been easy. As he washed his plate in the stream near his campsite, he felt a pang when he remembered her words to him before he proposed.
'Promise me somethin', Kid...' She looked him in the eye as they stood in the Davenport cemetery, every line of her body and expression of her face telegraphing the importance she put in what she was about to ask of him. "Promise to never ride on without me again. If there's any trouble, I wanna face it with you."
He studied her quietly for a moment before nodding his agreement. "I promise."
He walked back to his fire, his mind miles away. In Rock Creek to be precise. He'd promised her he wouldn't leave her behind, but he couldn't bring himself to take her along this time. He knew she was capable. He knew she was a better rider than he was. But he would never be able to fight for Virginia if he was worrying about her getting shot. And so he'd made up his mind to leave her behind. It was the right decision.
So why did he feel so wrong inside? He could still picture her tearstained face as he said his goodbyes. He tossed and turned on his bedroll as he remembered how she looked that day. The sides of her hair were pulled away from her face, emphasizing her deep chocolate eyes. She could say so much with those eyes. He could read heartbreak and recrimination in their depths. He'd tried to explain his love for his home state, but all she could see was that he was fighting for a place that would have seen Noah in chains. As he finally fell asleep, Kid tried to convince himself that she just didn't understand his love for Virginia.
The sun rose the next morning, streaking the sky with brilliant reds and rousing Kid from his restless slumber. He looked at the beautiful sunrise and frowned, realizing that it meant he would likely ride through rain later in the day. Sighing, he heated more beans and ate his last biscuit. He supposed he should learn to like riding in the rain and eating beans. War wouldn't be called on account of rain, and he figured beans would likely be an army staple.
His mind made the journey to Rock Creek and Rachel's table. If he hadn't lost track, it was Sunday. And that meant that Rachel had made pancakes. Buck would be smiling as Teaspoon teased him about using so much syrup. Rachel would just shake her head and laugh at their hijinks. Cody and Jimmy might even be close enough to have breakfast with them. They'd all be sharing stories and enjoying the meal as a family.
But what about Lou? Would she be laughing and joining in? Maybe catching Jimmy's eye again? Kid sighed deeply and shook his head. Imagining his wife and his best friend together might make him feel more justified in leaving, but deep down he knew Lou would never be untrue to him. As he again imagined breakfast in Rock Creek, he could see her at the table. She would push her food around the plate until she'd sat just long enough to satisfy Rachel. Then she would go to the barn to visit Lightning and Katy.
Kid rode for the rest of the day, his mind miles away. She'd been on his mind the whole time, and he started to wonder if maybe he hadn't listened to her enough. He'd thought for months now about what he'd do if war broke out. Fighting for Virginia was the only option. It wasn't about slavery for him, he didn't feel one man should own another. No, for him it was about the rights of the people to make their own decisions. Washington, D.C. shouldn't tell a state what it could and couldn't do. So why was he wavering now? Was it as simple as missing his wife and friends?
Lightning flashed in the sky. The rain was finally catching up to him. As thunder rumbled all around, Kid spotted a small farm in the distance. He was in western Virginia now, so he hoped he would find some southern hospitality. To be on the safe side, he would refrain from discussing the war until he knew what his host believed. He rode as quickly as was safe once the heavens opened up. And by the time he rode up to the snug little farmhouse, he was soaked to the skin and shivering.
Kid knocked on the door and stepped back. His teeth began to chatter as he felt an icy drop of rain slide down his back. The door opened to reveal a white-haired man holding a lantern.
"Can I help ya, young man?" His expression was friendly yet cautious.
"I was just passing through and got caught in the storm, sir." He shivered, adding a tremor to his words. "I was hopin' you might let me sleep in your barn for the night. I'd be happy to do some chores in return for the privilege."
"Pshaw! I cain't have ya sleepin' in the barn on a night like this. You'd best come in and get yerself warmed up." The man held the door open and beckoned him inside. "Rosie, we've got company."
A white-haired woman peeked around a corner and assessed him with a smile. Making a tsking sound, she waved him on into what he could now see was a parlor. "Goodness me, yer soaked to the skin! C'mon closer to the fire, young man."
Within a matter of minutes, Kid found himself in dry clothes that had belonged to his hosts' youngest son. He was also wrapped in a blanket and seated in the kitchen. Staring down at the plate of beef stew and soft, yeast rolls he felt as if he had been caught in a whirlwind.
"Kenna'll see to yer horse," she began, "while I'll see to you." She set a glass of milk by his plate. "What's yer name, son?"
"Kid. Kid McCloud, ma'am." He couldn't resist taking a drink of the fresh milk. He hadn't had such a treat since he left Rock Creek. "I don't wanna be no trouble to ya."
"Oh hush! We don't get many visitors out here, and I'm only doin' fer you what I would hope someone would do fer either of my boys." She hopped up when the door opened again. "Kenna, you'd best not tromp those muddy boots through my parlor!"
"Now, Rosie, you know I wouldn't do that." He shuffled into the kitchen, worn slippers replacing his boots. "How's our young guest? I got all the animals fed and bedded down fer the night."
Kid watched with brightening spirits the playful banter between the older couple. They bickered and teased, but so obviously loved each other deeply. This was the life he had imagined with Lou. He sobered as her face took up residence in his mind once again.
He thought back to the morning he left her behind. He'd been expecting her to shout at him or try to reason with him. So he hadn't been prepared for her to be so subdued. Everyone else had tried to make his leave taking somewhat lighthearted. But she had only looked at him with her soulful eyes glistening and whispered those three little words he dreaded most, "Please don't go."
He'd lost his patience then. Claiming he'd already explained everything to her, he'd given her a quick peck on the cheek and went on his way. He was struck now by his own coldness. When he'd turned back for one last look, she was standing alone on the porch. Her hands covered her face, but he could tell from the shaking of her shoulders that she was crying bitterly. And had he ridden back and begged her forgiveness? Given her a kiss with all his heart in it? No, he had merely ridden on and told himself it would only be harder for her if he went back. But now he suspected that it had been self-preservation that had kept him going. If he'd kissed her again, he would never have found the strength to leave.
He didn't realize he'd been so lost in thought until he heard Rose calling his name. He shook himself and tried to concentrate on what she was saying. She smiled gently, as if reading his mind and wanting to offer comfort.
"Mr. McCloud... Kid... I've got a bed ready fer ya. Second door on the right." When he started to rise, she held up a hand to forestall his movement. "Now, now, I ain't aimin' to rush you off to bed. I'm plumb tuckered out maself, but if you'd like to visit with Kenna fer a spell... Well, I know he'd like that." She patted his hand in a motherly way, "And don't you go rushin' off in the mornin' afore I can get ya some breakfast fixed."
Kenna walked back into the kitchen, chuckling and shaking his head. "And you'd best listen to 'er too, son. Rosie's cookin' ain't to be missed. And an order from 'er should only be ignored on the seventh Tuesday of the month. So it looks like you'll be joinin' us fer breakfast." He placed a gentle kiss on his wife's wrinkled cheek. "Goodnight, Rosie dear. I'll be along after bit."
Kid blushed at the couple's affection for each other. He'd never spent time with his own grandparents. And by the time he could remember his own parents, there had never been this kind of love and caring on display. Somehow this couple had managed to capture what he dreamed of. As he followed Kenna to the parlor and sat near the fire, he had almost decided he would ask the older man his secret for such domestic happiness. He desperately wanted to know that he still had a chance for that kind of life.
But before he could find the words, Kenna spoke, "Son, if you don't mind me sayin' so, you seem to have a lot on yer mind. I don't wanna pry or nothin', but folks say I'm a good listener."
Kid gave a half grin, "I don't know where to start, sir."
Kenna nodded understandingly. "Well, the beginning is usually a great place to start. How's about tellin' me where yer from and what brought ya to my door."
Kid shook his head and sighed. "That's just it... I'm not sure where I'm from anymore." At the older man's confused look he continued, "I was born and raised on a small patch of land near Richmond. We was just poor dirt farmers and never made anything of it. Eventually I was all alone and figured I'd head west to start a new life."
"Ah... I'm guessin' you found that new life then." Kenna sat back in his rocking chair and folded his hands on top of this stomach as if he were giving serious thought to the younger man's problems. "And now they're both tuggin' at ya."
"That's it exactly, sir. I made friends," Kid explained. "Well, actually, I found a new family. I even fell in love and got married. But..." His voice drifted off, uncertain of what to say next.
"But it's this war that's got you tied up in knots, son. Is that right?" How could Kid have missed the sharpness in the old man's eyes? It would have been easy to dismiss both Kenna and Rose as simple old folks, sweet but without any consequence. But he could see now that they were both thoughtful and wise.
He dropped his head, "Yessir. I always said I would go home to fight. I always meant to go home to fight. But now..."
"But now it ain't so easy as all that," Kenna cut in. "Tell me, Kid, why did you want to fight?"
Kid paused a moment before answering, "I didn't, I don't think it's right that Washington can just tell the states what they can and cain't do."
"And slavery?" Kenna's gaze was unreadable.
"For me it ain't about slavery. I never really thought about it before I went west, but I don't think any man is better than another." Kid's mind couldn't resist conjuring an image of his friend and brother, Noah. He was standing proud with his whip in hand. But no matter how hard he tried to cling to that happy memory, it was soon replaced by one of Noah laying dead in the back of a wagon as his family fought amongst themselves.
"Well, it may not be the popular view where you come from, but you'd be hard pressed to find slaves this far west." Kenna rocked slowly. "In fact, you'd be just as hard pressed to find many folks who support Virginia's stance 'round these parts." At Kid's look of alarm, Kenna continued, "Don't worry, son. Yer still welcome here. As I see it, more folks need to look at each man as a man and not a cause."
He leaned his head back against his chair as if suddenly weary. "Ya see, my own boys are out there, and like my Rosie said, I'd hope someone would show them kindness too."
"You've been away from home for a while, son. You might not understand what's happenin' in Virginia these days. But Virginia's not just divided against the Union, she's divided against herself. And like Lincoln said a few years back, 'a house divided against itself cannot stand.'" He fell silent for a minute before continuing, "Whatever happens, Virginia won't never be the same as it was."
Confusion overwhelmed him as he pondered the older man's words, so Kid finally asked the question that was weighing on him. "So what's different here in western Virginia? Why stand against the state?"
Kenna pushed himself up from his rocking chair and shuffled to the mantle to retrieve his pipe. As he filled it with tobacco, he answered. "Well it's like this, Kid, folks round here don't think it's right that eastern Virginia can just tell all of us what to do. See they took a census and counted the slaves too. Sure they counted the slaves as less than a white man, but that still meant that those easterners outnumber us."
As Kenna lit his pipe, Kid hurried to question him. "But if there's more people, then shouldn't they have more say?"
Kenna nodded knowingly, "There's some what hold with that kind of thinking. But like most things, it ain't really that simple. They're takin' care of their own." He watched the younger man throw up his hands in frustration. "Be patient, son, I'll get there."
"Sorry, sir."
"Pshaw! Think nothin' of it. You must be powerful confused by all this after bein' away for so long." He took a long draw on his pipe. "Now where was I? That's right, I was gonna tell ya about taxes. I been taxed for everything I got, what they call 'fair market value.' But they gave themselves a break on their slaves. So they take western money gladly enough, but they sure don't never wanna give us any."
Another puff on his pipe and then, "Did ya ride in here on the railroad? Or maybe ya rode in on a real nice road? No sir, they don't want to spend a dime on the west. Just keep fixin' up the east." He ruffled his hair with his hands, standing it on end. "I'm sorry to say it, but they're dirty! They just ain't no good to us. So just like ya been lookin' at Virginia and the Union, we been looking at the West and the East."
Kid felt overwhelmed. He was even more confused than ever. Virginia, his Virginia, was in many ways no better than Washington. Now what?
Kenna studied him sympathetically. "I'm sorry, son. I didn't mean to muddy the waters for ya. But around here ya might find folks are more passionate about this than ya expect. Let me ask ya one more question, then I'll let ya get yer sleep. Does a place ya don't even live in anymore really mean more to ya than where ya been and who ya been with? 'Cause I cain't imagine yer young wife was too happy to see ya go."
"That she wasn't, sir. But Virginia..." Kid didn't know how to explain his need to fight for his home, and for the first time he began to wonder if that meant something. "I just have to... Oh, I don't even know sometimes." His body was filled with a nervous, frustrated energy. Unable to contain himself he rose and began to pace the floor.
"What is it, son? What's makin' this so hard fer ya?" Kenna stood and intercepted Kid by gently placing a hand on his arm. "This is more than duty eatin' ya alive."
Kid exhaled, dropping his shoulders and head in a beleaguered manner. "I feel like I gotta go fight. I been sayin' I would. I fought with my family and friends about it. It was what I always intended to do, and it is my duty. It's what I wanted..." His words cut off abruptly.
"It's what you wanted until what, son?" The older man's words were so soft they were almost whispered.
"It's what I wanted until I met a man named Ulysses. It's what I wanted until I gained a friend and brother named Noah. Both were men who Virginia would want in chains." A tear slipped from Kid's eye as he remembered how both men had changed him. "Noah was the smartest man I knew. He was free and wanted everyone else to be free too. And when the Union army came to Rock Creek, he wasn't even good enough to fight for the side that was goin' to war to free his people." He shook his head in regret. "He still gave his life helpin' others."
Kenna spoke with soothing tones as he led the younger man toward the bedrooms. "It sounds to me like ya got a lot of thinkin' to do tonight. So I'll let ya get settled in and get to it, but don't let yer pride make ya do something yer heart cain't support." Patting Kid on the shoulder in a fatherly manner, he continued, "Yer the only one who can decide what to do next, son. But whatever choice ya make should be the one you most want to live for, but ain't afeared to die for... Night, Kid."
Kid looked at him with surprise as he realized he was now in his room. He'd been so busy listening to his host that he didn't notice they were moving. And as the door closed behind Kenna, Kid found himself confronted with an uncomfortable choice. He stripped down to his longjohns and climbed under the brightly colored quilt, enjoying the softness of the worn fabric against his cheek. He doubted sleep would come. Instead his mind was busily whirring as thoughts flew in and out.
He had many arguments for going home. So why had he come so far? Was he going home or leaving home? And just what made a place home? Virginia was part of him, part of what made him who he was. He was a good man and Virginia was part of that. But a good man kept his promises, and he promised Lou, his wife, that he wouldn't ride on without her. He'd never felt the sense of family that he'd found with his friends in Rock Creek. And what about all Kenna had told him about his home state? Would Virginia be fighting both the Union and herself? But still Virginia beckoned to him, calling him home. If he didn't fight for her, would that be the same as fighting against her?
Just as darkness began its retreat into day, Kid fell into an exhausted slumber. He awoke later than he intended, to the sounds of dishes clattering together. His eyes were bleary, but his head was finally clear. There was a part of him that would never be happy with the decision he'd made, but he finally made peace with himself over it.
His clothes were dried and waiting for him on the dresser by the door. As he dressed, he thought about the dreams that had come to him in those few hours of sleep. He'd always scoffed when Buck spoke of dreams as visions, but now he knew his friend was right. Kid could still see the vivid images that led him to his final choice, but he was uncertain he'd ever be able to explain them well enough to make someone else understand.
"Good mornin'!" Rose greeted him enthusiastically. "Kenna wanted to wake ya a few hours ago, but I told him to let ya sleep. Said ya wouldn't still be sleepin' if ya didn't need the rest." She waved him toward the table, eager to see him fed. "Now ya just sit right here, and let me get ya some breakfast ready."
Kid was soon presented with a plate loaded with eggs, sausage, toast, grits, and fried apples. "I'm sorry it's so little. Hopefully ya can find enough ya like to fill ya up." She continued to speak, giving him no opportunity to respond. "It looks to me like ya came to some sort of resolution last night. You look a might more peaceful-like." She chuckled. "Last night you were wound tighter than Dick's hatband."
Kid smiled at her words. "Yes, ma'am. I'm so grateful for everything you and yer husband have done fer me, and I hate to ask anything else..."
"What is it, son? Somethin' wrong with the food?" She prepared to hop up and search the kitchen when Kid's hand stayed her action.
"Oh no, ma'am. Best food I've had in some time." Her response to his words was a beatific smile. "No, I was just hopin' you might have a pen and some paper handy. I really need to get my thoughts into a letter. I owe my wife an explanation fer what I have to do."
"Lou! Louise!" Teaspoon hustled over to the house his former rider was sharing with Rachel.
"I'm back here, Teaspoon." Her voice called out from the back yard. "It's laundry day."
He rounded the corner and found the young woman he thought of as a daughter stirring laundry in a kettle of boiling water. The air was turning cooler, but her face still glistened from the steam issuing forth from her chore. Wisps of her ever lengthening hair clung to her skin. "Honey, a letter came fer ya. I think it's from the Kid." He held out the envelope. "I hurried to bring it straight over."
Lou stared at the missive in Teaspoon's weathered hand with a mixture of dread and longing. Wending her way around the kettle and various bundles of clothes, she made her way to him. Her eyes never left the letter, as if she feared it might evaporate like the steam around her. When she finally held it in her hand she looked at Teaspoon, her eyes shining bright with tears. "You mind tellin' Rachel I had to leave?" She cleared her throat. "I think I need to get away for a bit and..." Her voice drifted off.
"Sure, sweetheart. I'll tell her." He patted Lou on the back as they walked toward the barn. "You go. Take as long as ya need. Rachel'll understand."
Moments later Louise McCloud was flying across the open prairie, feeling a freedom she only found on the back of a fast horse. She began to slow Lightning down, finally stopping when she reached the clearing near the pond. She'd spent many an hour sitting by the fallen tree and talking with the Kid, so it seemed only right that she read his first letter there.
She sat for several moments, holding the letter to her chest and staring out over the water. Her mind was spinning like a top. What if the letter held bad news? What if he was saying goodbye? What if he was asking her to join him in Virginia? What if... She would never know until she read the letter.
With trembling hands she broke the seal and unfolded the smudged paper. Kid's writing was familiar, but she'd never seen so many blots and crossed out words. This was obviously something he'd had trouble writing. She took a deep breath and started reading.
Dear Louise,
I haven't been able to get our parting out of my mind. I told myself that leaving as I did was the best thing for you, but I admit now that it was easier for me. I don't think I can ever forget turning back and seeing you cry. It really upset me, and I guess at first I thought it was because you just weren't trying to understand me. But now I know... Never in all the time I've known you, have I ever seen you cry like that. And I've seen you beaten, shot, scared, and in mourning. That's when I knew I had broken your heart.
I've always tried to be a man of my word, and Virginia helped make me the man I am today. I always swore I'd fight for her if the time ever came. And I truly don't think the Union should be able to tell the states what to do. But I know that there is more to it now. Fighting for Virginia could mean men like Noah never know freedom, and only because of the color of their skin. It could also mean facing down friends and brothers. This weighs heavy on my heart.
But there is something else... I made a promise. I stood before God, my family, my friends, and the whole town and promised to love and honor you. So I've decided to fight for my home. I love Rock Creek, and I love Virginia, but my home is wherever you decide to be. If I'm going to fight, I'm going to fight for you.
Forgive this foolish man for ever leaving your side, and turn around and welcome him home...
Love always,
Kid
As Lou got to the end of the letter, she wiped away her tears. Wait! She gripped the letter intently and reread the last few lines. Though the breeze carried a chill, she knew the shiver that ran down her spine wasn't from the cold. A sudden sense of awareness reverberated through every inch of her small frame. Ever so slowly she turned around, afraid her hopes would soon be dashed.
But there he was. His clear blue eyes looked troubled as he nervously fiddled with the hat in his hands. "Lou, I..." He swallowed hard. "I cain't say enough how wrong I was to ever leave ya. I'm sorry, so sorry. But I hope ya can forgive me."
She knew she should say something, but Lou found she was afraid to even breathe. What if this was merely a dream? What if Rachel called her for breakfast, and this lovely dream disappeared? But as she watched Kid grow more and more anxious at her growing silence, she knew she had to break the spell she was under.
"Kid?" It was one word, but it asked a dozen questions.
He took a step toward her. "Yer my home, Louise McCloud. And I've missed ya so."
She felt her lips stretch upwards in a radiant smile. Throwing her arms out wide, her voice came low and quiet , "Then come home to me, Kid."
And he did.
"More Than Miles"
Maybe I should take that picture off the dashboard
Before her memory hits the brakes and takes the wheel
Yeah I bet she's still crying on that front porch
Yeah, this time it's gonna take some time to heal
[Chorus:]
Cause I'm on my way to Tennessee
Singing "Georgia On My Mind"
Chasing what they say's a dream
Thinking maybe it ain't mine
Cause that girl's in every song I sing
She's in every song I write
And that six string ridin' in her seat
Won't keep me warm tonight
God what am I supposed to do?
There's more than miles in my rearview
Well, I'm headed north to what I swore I wanted
And trying not to buy into my doubts
But I just can't seem to keep myself from wondering
Why I'm jealous of all them headlights headed south
[Chorus:]
Cause I'm on my way to Tennessee
Singing "Georgia On My Mind"
Chasing what they says a dream
Thinking maybe it ain't mine
Cause that girl's in every song I sing
She's in every song I write
And that six string ridin' in her seat
Won't keep me warm tonight
God what am I supposed to do?
There's still more than miles in my rearview
Yeah, more than miles
Yeah, I've been changing lanes without my mirrors
Cause everytime I look behind me I see her
I think I just realized how much I need her (damn)
[Chorus:]
So I'm turning back for Georgia
Stopping short of Tennessee
I can't put my dreams before her
Man, I need her with me
Cause that girl's in every song I sing
She's in every song I write
And that six string ridin' in her seat
Can sleep in the back tonight
Now I know what I'm supposed to do, yeah
There's still more than miles in my rear view
Kenna and Rose are based on my great-grandparents who lived in the part of West Virginia where Kid found himself. I spent a lot of time there as a kid, and it's a place that still speaks to my heart whenever I am troubled.