I think I need a life.
Nah.
This is dedicated to WhoNeedsNormality because she's amazing, yay. And because she ships Style (which happens to be my OTP of all time from South Park I'll go down with this ship k bye). So I hope you like it, WNN, even if this sucks so much I can't even. But it is amazing to be your friend and you're an amazing person 3
Your fangirling with me over Style pushed me to write this so in a way this is your fault. What did you do to me omg.
Anyways enjoy.
Stan's POV
We were 16 now, and not much had changed in the last few years.
Perhaps the only thing that did change was the fact that now I was taller than everyone else. It had been Kenny until we were 13 or so, but after I hit puberty I grew way more than him. One would think that Cartman was going to be the shortest, but instead it was Kyle. He wasn't short himself, only when compared to the rest of us, but it was enough to annoy him.
And maybe the other change was the fact that I had fallen in love with Kyle.
I never liked to call it love, though. That word always seemed too strong. I was only 16 and Kyle was my best friend since we were kids. It could be just the fact that we spend a lot of time together and that confused me. It could be that I was just grateful for having him as a friend and overdid it. I had never been in love before; there was no way to know for sure I loved him now.
But deep inside, I knew I wanted to be more than friends. The fact that he was a boy scared me. I was always so sure I was straight, so sure that I liked girls, until that day when we were 14 and I caught myself thinking about how cute Kyle was when his red hair fell over his green eyes – yes, we woke up one day and his hair was straight. You know, that kind of thing that only happens in South Park – and then Kyle became a common subject on my mind. Most of them were those romantic fluffy things that would make my 10 year old self throw up (like how cute Kyle looked when he was scared because of a horror movie and hugged my arm); but sometimes I would have more... Mature thoughts.
If you know what I mean.
As time went on, my feelings got stronger, and so did our friendship. I'd spend more time with him than anyone else, and not few were the times I thought about telling Kyle how I felt about him. But what if we stopped being friends? What if he made fun of me? And the possibility that scared me the most; what if he didn't feel the same way about me?
I decided never to tell him. I would never tell anyone. It killed me to keep it a secret, but I had to. He would never find out, we would grow up and he would eventually find a girlfriend and get married. Maybe I would find one too, I don't know. It didn't matter to me. What did matter was that we would be friends forever. I could handle the fact that he would never feel the same about me, but I needed him in my life somehow. And if keeping him by my side meant lying to him for the rest of our lives, that's what I was going to do.
It was a good plan. It could have worked, had I not screwed it all up that day. That one snowy day.
- Shit, how am I going to get home? - I wondered as I looked through the window in Kyle's room. The sun was starting to go down, and the snow was beginning to fall. The blizzard wasn't that hard yet, but it was big enough for me to know that going home by foot wouldn't end up well.
- Can't you call your parents to come and get you? - Kyle said as he played some kind of game on his computer, not really concerned or worried.
- They're not here. They went to visit Shelly's college or something like that. What about your parents? Can't they give me a ride?
- They're not here either. They went to Canada with Ike to celebrate something.
- Celebrate what?
- I didn't question it. I don't really care. All I care about is having a weekend without that brat running around, driving me crazy.
- Fine. - I sighed as I lay down on his bed and stare at the ceiling - So can I sleep here today?
- Sure. - He shrugged as he stood up - It's not like we didn't have sleepovers all the time anyway. I'll just go to Ike's room to get the sleeping bag.
As he left the room, I snuggled up in his bed and pressed my face against his pillow. It was something I did quite often. I could smell him there, and sometimes I'd even close my eyes and pretend he was there with me as I hugged the blanket. I was about to close my eyes when the power went out and the room got dark. I heard Kyle's cry from outside the room.
- Shit! I didn't save the game!
Kyle entered the room dragging the sleeping bag and holding a flashlight. He dropped the sleeping bag on its usual place beside his bed and sat down on his chair as he pointed the flashlight to random places, trying to keep the room illuminated. I jumped out of his bed and went to the sleeping bag on the floor.
- Are you going to sleep already? - He asked, poking me with his foot - It's hardly even 7pm yet!
- Well, what else can we do? All we do when I'm here is play video games and we can't do that with the power out. Besides, I'm a little sleepy anyway.
- But I'm not tired! You can't sleep and just leave me here alone.
- Fine. - I said, rolling my eyes and sitting up - What do you want to do?
- What about an arm wrestling?
I rolled my eyes again. Since we were 14 Kyle would ask me to have an arm wrestling with him, and I would always win. I learnt that not only he was short tempered, but also super competitive. Sometimes I thought about letting him win for the sake of it, after all maybe he would leave me alone if he won just once, but I was too proud to do such. Not to mention I thought it was adorable the way he kept trying.
- Really?
- Yeah, come on. I trained a lot last week. - He said, pushing his chair closer to his desk and putting his elbow on it, gesturing for me to do the same.
- Having an arm wrestling with your 10 years old brother doesn't count as training, dude. - I said as I stood up and sat down on the other chair, holding his hand and putting my elbow on the desk.
- Fuck off. On three. One, two... Three!
We started to push each other's hands on opposite directions, none of us moving too much for a while, until Kyle's hand started to tilt. Even with the little light that came from that single flashlight, I could see frustration taking over his face. Not long after that, he finally gave in and called it a defeat. My hand pushed his one down and he touched the desk.
- I win. - I said, smiling.
- Yeah, but it took you longer this time! I'm getting better!
- Yeah, it took me a whole two seconds longer to defeat you today. What am I going to do? - I said, sarcastically.
- Very funny, ha ha ha. - He said, not amused at all - I bet you can't keep me grounded today.
- Kyle, not again...
Before I could finish my sentence, he pushed me aside and we fell on the floor in a jumbled mess, he laying on top of me. It was some kind of joke we did, he always tried to prove he could be stronger than me, even if we knew it wasn't true. After we had our arm wrestling, we would end up rolling on the floor in a sort of fight. He held my forearms and tried to keep me from moving, but I rolled over and threw him aside. Before he could stand up, I quickly sat on top of him and pinned his wrists against the ground, keeping both of my knees on either side of his body.
He tried to throw me aside like I had done with him, but I stayed still as he squealed and tried, unsuccessfully, to get rid of me.
- Get off me! - He finally said, annoyed, as he stopped fighting. He hated it when I won, and I always did. Asking me to get off him was his way of saying "I give up".
- No. - I smiled.
He raised an eyebrow as he looked up to me. Usually I'd leave him right after I proved I was stronger and could hold him still, but not that time. I still can't explain what I was thinking that day. I guess my feelings for him just got out of control.
- What?
- I'm not letting you go... Unless you kiss me!
His eyes widened as he made a confused expression. He looked at me, incredulous.
- Are you ok? - I asked.
- Oh, you're the one asking if I'm ok. You can't be serious, dude. Just get off me and stop this bullshit.
- I am serious.
He gulped as he blinked in confusion before trying to push me aside again, only to have me holding his wrists harder.
- Stan, stop it. You're scaring me.
- One little kiss won't hurt, Kyle.
He tried to avoid eye contact as his face started to get as red as his hair.
- But why?
I shrugged.
Kyle tried to get out of under me again, but I pressed my knees against his body to make sure he wouldn't get away.
- I can stay here all night long, Kyle.
- Well, I can as well.
- But I'm the one having fun here.
He rolled his eyes and sighed. He kept trying to get out, but I wasn't willing to let go.
- Stan, really, stop it. Just let me go.
- If you want me to let you go, kiss me.
He growled and I couldn't help but think how cute he looked when he was angry. I expected him to fight or complain more, but instead what he said was:
- Fine.
- What? - I tilted my head, wondering if I had heard it right.
- You want me to kiss you? Fine, I'll kiss you. But after that, you let me go, ok? - His cheeks were as red as blood as he said those words looking at me in the eye.
Still confused and surprised, I nodded as he sighed and puckered his lips, closed his eyes and lifted his head towards me as much as he could with me holding him like that. I felt my heart beat faster as I leaned closer to him. I felt our noses touch, meaning that our mouths were inches apart. I didn't expect him to actually agree with that. I thought he would just complain the shit out of me and I would laugh at his cuteness, then I would let him go regardless and that would become a forgotten event in our lives.
I didn't know if the way it actually turned out was better or worse.
I leaned forward. Even if the distance between us was short, it felt like eternity before our lips finally met. When they did, I felt my heart pounding in a way it had never pounded before and my blood boiling inside my whole body. I closed my eyes and slowly released Kyle's wrists and moved my right hand to caress his hair. I expected him to pull me away now that his hands were free, but instead he put his hand on my neck and pulled my face closer to his.
It didn't feel awkward as I expected. Instead, it felt natural, like we were always meant to do that. We simultaneously repositioned our lips to pull each other closer. He moved his hand from my neck to my face and started to caress it with his fingers. He slowly started to pull himself up, still not taking his lips off mine, until he was sitting and I was on his lap. He grabbed the collar of my jacket and pulled me until we couldn't get any closer; I placed my hands on either side of his face.
I had had a few girlfriends before, but had never felt anything like that. People always told me that when you kissed someone you would hear fireworks, and I never understood what they meant until that moment. I loved him so much, I never wanted to let go. I knew we would have to come up for air at some point, but I didn't want to.
It was when he abruptly pushed me away, causing me to fall backwards near him. I sat up as he straightened his hair and looked down, we both panting as we tried to catch our breaths.
- How often do you ask people to kiss you like that? - He asked, but not in a playful voice. He sounded serious, and rather concerned.
- Not very often. So far I only asked you.
- But why?
He finally raised his head to look at me. We were a few feet away, both sitting on the floor and both blushing. The flashlight was still our only source of light, but it was enough to fill the room.
- I don't know. - I sighed - I wanted to, I guess?
- But what about Wendy?
- You know we aren't dating anymore. It was just a kids' crush. We were like ten. And I threw up every time we were about to kiss, remember that? - I said, chuckling, trying to make the situation less awkward.
- Was it good?
- Throwing up?
- No, you asshole. Kissing me.
- Oh. - I said, embarrassed - Hum, sure... It... Actually... It was way better than I thought it would be.
He sighed and buried his face between his knees, and I couldn't tell why. I stood up and walked over to him, sitting by his side without saying anything. We didn't move or say anything for what felt like forever; I guess he was just as clueless as I was. It was when the room was filled with light again, the power had come back.
- Wanna play some video games? - He said, raising his head and looking at me at last.
- Sure. - I forced a smile as we went downstairs.
- How come you always beat me in everything? - He asked after my fifth victory in a row, sounding a little annoyed.
- Not everything, dude.
- You do! That's so unfair!
I couldn't help but giggle.
- I don't beat you at being cute.
His eyes widened, and so did mine. I could tell I wasn't thinking straight that day.
- What?
- I mean...
- Can I ask you something? - Kyle said, looking down to the video game control he had on his hands as he randomly pressed its buttons.
- Sure...
- Did you just want to kiss me out of nowhere or it was something that had been on your mind for a while now?
I blushed and looked aside.
- Let's not talk about that again. - I said, attempting to press the play button on the video game again, only to have Kyle turning it off before I could.
- Hey, you beat me at arm wrestling, at this game and at our little fight there. I have the right to know!
- Fine. - I sighed - It... It had been on my mind for a while.
- How long?
I stood up and walked away, going upstairs back to his room. He stood up as well and followed me, ignoring the fact that I didn't want to talk about that. If I could go back in time and take back everything I said and done, I would.
- Stan. - He said as we both entered the room - How long?
- I don't know, ok? Would you just forget it?
- My best friend kisses me out of nowhere and asks me to forget it as if it was nothing?
- It is nothing!
- To me it isn't!
I tilted my head as I tried to understand what he meant by that.
- What?
He slammed his back against the wall and looked to the ground, scratching his arm awkwardly as he drew a circle with his foot.
- Did you do that to humiliate me or something? Are you going to tell everyone I did it and call me a faggot?
- What? Of course not! You're my best friend.
- Then why?
It was the third time he asked me that, and for the third time I didn't know what to say. I knew the answer. I just didn't want to tell him.
- I don't know, dude. I just... Well... I told you it had been on my mind for a while.
- How long?
- What do you mean?
- You know what I fucking mean, Stan! How long has it been since you started to want to kiss me?
- I don't know. - I sighed as I sat down on his bed - One or two years.
He looked to the ceiling and then to my face.
- Do you have like... A crush on me?
Unable to find my voice, all I did was nod, always looking down.
- And you were... Scared to tell me?
Again, all I did was nod, still avoiding eye contact.
- Oh. I know how it feels.
- How come?
- Because I also had a... One-sided crush for a while.
- Oh, yeah, of course you did. What happened? You probably had a crush for a girl, not like mine. Do you know how hard it was to actually have feelings for you? Do you know how scary it was? Do you know how many nights I lied awake, trying to convince myself that it was nothing serious because I was too scared of falling for you? Do you know how sad I was when I realized I would never have what I want? No, you don't!
I almost had tears in my eyes as I said those words. You can say I was overreacting, and I agree with you. But honestly, after holding all of that back for almost two years, I just couldn't take it anymore.
- What makes you say I don't know how it feels even if I've had a crush myself? - He said, calmly, as he walked towards me. I lay down on the bed, burying my face on his pillow, and for the first time feeling his smell wasn't the reason. I wanted to disappear, to go back in time, to kill myself, to do anything but be there. He sat down on the edge, looking to the floor.
- Nobody knows how scary it is to fall for a boy. - I said, slightly turning my head so the pillow wouldn't muffle my words - I have nobody on whom I can rely. It would have been so much simpler to just fall for Wendy, but no, it had to be you. So many jerks I could fall for, and it had to be you.
I sat up on the bed as well, but on the opposite corner.
- Stan, - He said, looking to the ceiling - after we had our little fight here in my room and you asked me to kiss you, didn't you notice anything... Unusual?
I thought for a while as my mind flew back to that moment, reviving every single detail of it. How soft his lips were, how shiny his hair was, how he had caressed my face and pulled us closer.
Wait; I thought as realization hit me.
- You kissed me back. - I said, my eyes widening.
- I thought you'd never notice it. - He said, giggling, as he tried to get closer to me. Soon he was by my side, yet we didn't make eye contact.
- So you kissed me back. - I said, indifferent - What's that even supposed to mean?
- Let me say I do know how it feels to fall for your best friend. I do know how it feels to fall for a guy and be scared to tell because I thought he would make fun of me. I do know how much it hurts to stay by his side every single day, watching him date girls who don't seem to like him nearly as much as I do. - He looked down and sighed before saying another sentence - And most importantly, I do know how it feels to want to kiss someone for over two years without ever being able to do it. I mean, until today.
He put his hand over mine as I froze in place. I had heard every single word he had said, but it was almost like he had spoken in a language I didn't understand. I turned my head at last, looking into his beautiful green eyes that matched his hat. His smile made me melt inside.
- So many jerks I could fall for, - He smiled as he blushed - and it had to be you.
- You... You mean it?
He blushed and nodded, scratching his arm again and letting my hand go.
- I fell for you some time ago. One or two years. But I thought you'd never feel the same. You know, because you had Wendy and then you got so many other girlfriends. And you were always so masculine and so... I don't know, man. Then when you said I had to kiss you and we did it, I thought it was some kind of joke. That you would make fun of me if I agreed to that. That was why I pushed you away when we were kissing. I was afraid it didn't mean as much to you as it meant to me.
I couldn't help but smile at his shyness. He was so fucking cute.
I leaned forward, putting my hand on his neck and bringing him closer. We stared into each other's eyes for a moment before finally kissing again. He grabbed my collar once more and pulled me towards him. Soon we were both lying on the bed - as always, I was lying on top of him. I pulled away softly and moved my head to his neck, giving him small kisses there that made him shiver in - I presume - pleasure.
It was when I felt him placing his hands against my chest. I thought he was going to grab my collar once more, but instead he was starting to unbutton my jacket. I stopped kissing his neck and looked up at his eyes, a little surprised.
- I guess you won't need the sleeping bag today. - He smiled, and so did I before kissing his mouth once more as he kept unbuttoning my jacket.
It was the last thing any of us said that night.
I'm pretty sure this was supposed to be smut, but it didn't happen. And Kenny was going to appear too, but meh. Anyway. I hope you liked this, WhoNeedsNormality. I think you'll be the only one who'll read this thing lol.
Well it was fun to write. And it turned out sorta cute.
Style forever, just saying.
Oh, I almost forgot: and they lived happily ever after.