I'm uhhhh not really sure what this exactly... Enjoy anyway. Rated for language and blah blah blah.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!
"I blame you."
"Would you just get the hell offa me you bastard?!"
"Quit shouting you moron."
"You're shouting too jackass!"
"I swear Naruto, if you say one more word I will personally see to it that you drown in your own toilet when I can move my arms again. Not. Another. Word."
"Ramen! Ramen! Ramen! Ramen! Ra- Ouch, damnit! You emotionally constipated pansy!"
"I am not. Now. Quit yelling."
"You already tried that, and it didn't work. Maybe I'm too much of a dobe to be able to listen to his High-and-Mighty-Uchiha's every demand."
"Shut the hell up dobe."
"Quit spitting in my face you Duck-Assed jerk-off!"
Sasuke sighed and tried, for the nth time since he and the blond idiot had gotten stuck in their predicament together to move his arms from where they were pinned underneath Naruto. Nope, no use. He tried to shift even just the slightest bit to see if that would help, but the sharp rocks above him dug into his back through the thin material of his shirt. Another exasperated sigh escaped from between his thin lips.
"Dude... I need to-"
"Don't you dare say it." Sasuke's red, swirling eyes locked onto the blue ones that were just inches beneath his face. "Just... Don't."
"I was gonna say move my leg, asshole. It's getting crushed." The annoying smirk on Naruto's face only irritated Sasuke further.
Naruto pulled his leg in just a little bit closer. The rocks to their right slid down to fill the gap where his leg had been, and Sasuke was pressed a bit more firmly against Naruto's orange-clad chest. Sasuke really wished even just one of his hands was free, he was literally itching to smack the idiot trapped underneath him.
"Hey, do you think they're trying to get us out?" Naruto's nose brushed against the tip of his own, and Sasuke fought back the sudden urge to sneeze. He didn't think the blonde would particularly appreciate it.
"Why wouldn't they be?"
"Well, I mean... We were separated and all, we don't even know if Kakashi, Sakura, and Sai made it out of the cave in or not."
"We didn't, so who knows. At least we're alive, even if I am stuck with you." Some of Sasuke's bangs slipped out from behind his ear and brushed lightly against Naruto's cheek.
"Could be worse, you could be stuck by yourself inside of a tiny air pocket in the pitch black darkness with no one to even attempt to calm you down."
"You idiot, since when have you ever calmed me down? I'm the one that calms you down!"
"Back to the shouting already?" Naruto's lower lip stuck out in a pout, and Sasuke did his best to raise his head away from the blonde's face to avoid it.
"Shut. Up." Naruto arched up a bit and wiggled his shoulders, effectively crushing Sasuke between the rocks above him and well... Naruto. "Stop it. We're not going to get out of here on our own. Struggling will just make things worse. Alright, we need to assess the situation."
"We're stuck. Like literally, six feet under. Except, we're probably closer to twenty feet than six."
"You have no idea how much I want to hit you."
"Ditto." Naruto's smile spread across his face, the short word rolling from his lips entwined with a lighthearted chuckle.
"I really wish I could see a little better."
"Hey, at least there's still just a little bit of light. You know what I really wish for right about now?"
"It'd better not be ramen or I'll kill you."
"Nah, although that would be nice." Naruto squirmed around for another moment until he'd gotten his free arm out from under his head and put it on Sasuke's shoulder. "What I really want, is for your crotch to not be on mine, because I'm pretty sure you're getting turned on by this situation." The blonde burst into an uproar of laughter that far exceeded the volume level of 'obnoxious' inside of the minuscule cavern.
Sasuke's face turned bright red, his jaw going slack. "I-I... A-am not!" He spluttered indignantly, his already tomato-red blush deepening in the gloomy darkness until even his ears were the colors of cherries. "S-shut the hell up!"
"Then how do you explain this?" Naruto rolled his hips up into the young man on top of him the best his could, Sasuke's ass smacking loudly against the rocks tightly wedged together just an inch above him. Sasuke closed his eyes and let out a deep breath of air.
"Guys get random erections all the time when the blood rushes down below. It's a proven fact idiot! Maybe it's never happened to you because your dick is so small that you couldn't even get it up if you tried!" Naruto's laughter cut off and his wide blue eyes locked onto the furiously angry- and red faced- Uchiha staring down at him. Sasuke let out an angry huff of air, spraying a bit of spit on Naruto's whiskered cheek. "What!"
"I've never heard you talk like that before Teme." Sasuke's eyes widened as a smirk spread across Naruto's face. "I hit the nail on the head, didn't I." It wasn't a question.
Sasuke averted his eyes, his sharingan shutting off slowly until every bit of red had leaked from his gaze.
"God... Well now... this is awkward." Understatement of the century.
"Shut up dobe." Sasuke tried to push backward against the rock above him, but all he got for his efforts was a bit more dust in his hair and a small tear on the back of his shorts. He looked around to see if there was any chance the two of them could escape without having to wait for someone to come find them. The only option was the small gap near his feet where a crack of light was shining through. But they couldn't exactly get to it, now could they?
"Huh." Sasuke's gaze snapped back to Naruto's face when the blonde grunted. "Never woulda taken you for the queer type Teme. Guess all that time with Orobitch really did change you all those years ago."
Red tinted the youngest Uchiha's face yet again, and he really wished he had something besides Naruto's shoulder to bury it in. He would've done it, but considering the situation... Probably not the best idea.
"I'm not gay you idiot."
"Then how do you explain-"
"No! No! Don't do it again, please." Naruto laughed again, and the tension was practically sucked right out of Sasuke and down into the earth surrounding them.
"Alright, alright. Have it your way."
"Just-" His voice cracked, so he cleared his throat before continuing on again, Naruto staring into his dark brown eyes intently, "Just for asking's sake... How are you so okay with this?"
"Waddya mean?" The dobe was such a freaking idiot!
"Now I really want to hit myself." Naruto smacked the Uchiha's forehead with his free hand, a red palm print brightening on Sasuke's pale skin. For a moment there was only the resounding sound of the harsh skin against skin contact, and then a deep, angry growl reverberated from deep inside the dark-haired teen's chest. "You motherfucking asswipe! What the hell was that for?!"
"Well, you couldn't do it, so I did it for you." Sasuke hissed out from between his teeth in an angry breath, staring down into the amused eyes of his teammate.
"I. Hate. You."
"Certain parts of you say otherwise~" His voice was annoyingly pitched, and he was practically singing.
"I'm going to hurt you the second we get out of here! I keep telling you, I'm not gay!"
"Seriously?" Sasuke's tirade slowed, and he stopped grumbling angrily to himself momentarily at the sudden hurt in Naruto's voice. "So... I guess this means you have a girl you like back at home then, huh?"
"Uhhh?" The Uchiha inwardly cringed at his poorly given response. His brother would be turning in his grave.
"Yeah, I always figured you would." Sasuke tried to arch away from Naruto the best he could in a last stitch attempt to get some space between them, and let out a tired breath when he failed. Naruto's hand slid from Sasuke's shoulder down to his back and pressed the Uchiha's chest down firmly against his own. Their heartbeats intermingled, thumping wildly inside their respective chests as adrenaline cleared itself from their veins. "I mean, what with your money, and your skills, and not to mention your status."
"Shut up idiot. You sound like a doting girlfriend." He struggled against the arm holding him down, but gave up after just a few seconds of uselessly struggling. He turned his head so that his cheek was pressed against the tanned cheek of his companion. Sasuke shut his eyes and breathed in deeply.
This was nice. Why couldn't they always be like this? Oh right, Naruto only saw him as a rival. Why couldn't that change? 'Do I really even want that to change?' Sasuke subconsciously nuzzled his nose against the outside edge of Naruto's ear, blonde hair tickling his brows. He inwardly nodded. 'Yes, yes I do. Ugh, maybe I am gay.'
"Not to mention that ass." Sasuke froze, his eyelids snapping open fast enough to tear in half.
"Pardon?" Wide, deep brown eyes caught the amused look swirling in Naruto's azure orbs, and Sasuke's jaw fell open yet again in just so many minutes.
"I said, you've got a great butt. I mean," Naruto's hand slipped easily down Sasuke's back and latched firmly on the Uchiha's left buttock. Sasuke's eyes widened even further. "I've spent hours just staring at this thing. Uchiha's really do have good genes, yeah?"
Sasuke nodded dumbly, his face still schooled into a stricken expression.
"You okay bro?" Another slow nod.
"Na-Naruto, do... Ahem... So do you, you know. Are you...?"
"Am I gay?" Yet another nod. Had he really stunned his friend- crush, same difference people!- that much, that he, who usually held a snarky remark for everything, had fallen to the level of stuttering and nods? Eh, guess so. "No, not really."
"But, you just-"
"I'm not gay, I just don't like girls either." Eh? Say what now? Naruto laughed again.
"That made no sense, even for you." It was quiet for just a second, then, "And get your hand off of my ass you idiot!"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"Ugly, would you please remove your knee from my crotch? I may actually need some of that anatomy someday."
"Not likely Sai. And just let me tell you that I would love to comply with that demand, however, I can't." Sakura tried to wrench her foot out from the rocks ensnaring it, only managing to hit Sai in the chin with the top of her head and knee him in the groin hard enough for him to go cross-eyed for a second.
"Careful. You'll make your forehead swell, you wouldn't want it getting any bigger, now would you?" He said it almost spitefully, his hands covering his newly inflicted injuries. Sakura pinched the bare arm of the young man she was trapped with. His left eye twitched slightly.
"Shut the hell up."
Sai looked up at the brick ceiling above them. They'd only made it down two floors before the change in pressure underground had sent the entire underground system of tunnels crashing down on top of them. At least there were still man-made floors and walls in the tunnel they'd been in. Sasuke and Naruto, who'd raced down at least ten floors before everyone else in some kind of stupid contest, were trapped in a place that hadn't been completely excavated yet. Sucks to be them right about now, but she had confidence that they were at least alive.
"Now, we need to get out of here without disrupting anyth-" Sai was interrupted by a slight quake from up above, and Sakura felt a scream build up in her throat as yet another layer of debris knocked the two of them to the ground.
A sharp pain dug into Sakura's shoulders when she hit the mounds of dirt and rocks piled on the ground of the small, jutsu-created pocket that the two of them had been stuck inside of for the past ten minutes. Sai's weight bared down on her, and he barely managed to catch himself before he succeeded in smothering the already hyperventilating young woman trapped underneath him.
"How are we going to get out of here?" Sakura brushed the moist dirt pooled under her eyes off of her face.
"I'm... Not sure." Sai slowly got back on his haunches, but met with resistance in the form of a wall that had, moments ago, not been there. "Our space has shrunk."
"So it would seem." Sakura slowly slid to her knees and raised her arms above her, testing the sturdiness of the chakra-enforced dirt ceiling above her head. "You think this'll hold out?"
"I mixed my ink with it as the cave-in began. We shall be fine."
Sakura just nodded, her hair sweeping the tops of her shoulders. A few drops of sweat ran down her back, her light t-shirt beginning to stick to her skin. "Are you hot, Sai?"
"I... Do not understand the question. I believe that I am seen as fairly attractive to both genders, however I do not see how that plays a role of importance-"
"Not like that you idiot!" She drilled her knuckles into his head. "I meant, is it hot in here to you?"
Sai swept a few damp strands away from his forehead, and nodded, his black eyes locked with green ones that were staring at him worriedly.
"Shit."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"So, what exactly did you mean by that?"
"Hm?" Naruto's eyes opened, his chest vibrating with his hum of a question. "Waddya mean by 'that' Sasuke?" The two of them had finally stopped arguing, and the awkwardness had finally left them both. Whatever was said here, would stay here. It had been a silent agreement.
"You know, what you said earlier. About not liking men or women. What are you, a plant?"
"Huh?" Naruto chuckled, trying to pass it off as clearing his throat.
"Can you, I don't know, reproduce A-sexually because of the Kyuubi or something?" Sasuke felt the corners of his lips twitch upward in a slight smile when Naruto broke into a hearty peal of laughter. The young Uchiha felt proud; he'd made a joke that someone actually laughed at!
"No, you ass. I meant that with the person I like... It doesn't really matter what they are, as long as they're themselves inside." His grin widened by a few white teeth, and Sasuke felt compelled to follow suit. He settled back down against the blonde and relaxed, Naruto's arm wrapped comfortably around him.
"Hey, Sasuke. Why do we always fight when we're around each other?" Sasuke chuckled quietly to himself.
"Because you're an idiot." Naruto glared halfheartedly at him. "And also because you get under my skin like no-one else can. You drive me nuts, dobe."
Naruto felt his heart skip a beat. Sasuke was... He was... "I love you." Sasuke's lips parted, and Naruto felt his heart drop straight into his stomach. "Shit."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"I swear to God that it is getting hotter in here."
"That's because I'm here."
"Sai! Stop reading that damn smut out loud and help me find a way out of here! Do you think we could tunnel out using chakra? I don't think I can stand much more of this heat."
"I might be able to find a weak spot in the area above us using the chakra I have already put out all around us." Sai's eyes slid shut, before he pointed to a spot of soil above Sakura's head. "We should be able to get out if we were to tunnel there. There is less debris above that area."
"Alright, sounds good." Sakura tightened the leather glove on her right fist and brought her arm back, her hand enveloped in a glowing blue light. "Stand back!"
"Ugly, you seem to have forgotten that I cannot actually 'stand back' seeing as how we're in a space I cannot actually stand in at all."
. . .
Sai sat back, nursing his bloody nose, while Sakura went to work on the tunnel above their heads. He'd just pointed out the obvious, why'd she have to hit him?
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"You... Said what now?" Sasuke bumped his head on the rock above him.
"I-I umm... It's- uhhhh just that I-Well... Shit." Naruto closed his eyes and let his head hit the ground with a thunk. "Shit, shit, shit." Sasuke felt the laughter more than he heard himself, but by the time he was finished, Naruto was glaring at him and tears were threatening to spill out of the corners of his eyes. "Well then. Fuck you, bastard!"
"I wish you would, dobe!"
"Yeah, well-! Uhhh... Wait a second. Now I say-what now?"
"I said, go ahead."
"I thought you weren't gay!"
Sasuke rolled his hips down into Naruto's the best he could, the blonde's eyes rolling back and his hand straying to Sasuke's hip. "Then how do you explain that?"
"You..."
"Yes?" Sasuke's eyelids slid down until he was forced to look through thick, dark lashes at the young blonde man.
"Jackass."
"Synonym for Uchiha if I've ever heard one." His smirk settled comfortably on his face when Naruto started laughing.
. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .
"Fuck you, bastard!" Sakura, Kakashi, and Sai all shared a knowing look.
"I think we've found them."
"I wish you would dobe!"
The trio paused in their digging, Sakura wiping the sweat off of her forehead and blinking mindlessly. "You two heard that too, right?" Kakashi dared to break the silence.
Sakura swallowed the thick lump in her throat. "Sure did sensei."
"I always thought you were the gay one out of the group Sai." The young artist just quirked his head to the side in question before returning to moving the rock he'd been pushing out of the way of the tunnel. "You two sure got out fast. How'd that happen?"
"Sakura thinks I'm hot and couldn't stand to be alone with me."
"You idiot!" Sai rubbed the sore spot on his head. "The electrical generator had broken right next to where we were, and it got really hot, really fast. We got lucky we weren't far under."
"Aa."
"I still think Ugly went so fast because she secretly wanted to be trapped with her Sasu-kins." The pale, dark-haired boy finished talking and then turned to face his teammates. Sai opened his mouth to continue, but shut it again when the petite, pink-haired young woman turned her glare on him.
"One word and I'll castrate you then make you run a marathon!"
Kakashi and Sai held no doubt that she'd happily fulfill that threat.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .
"Thank God!" Naruto climbed out of the hole and all but stumbled over himself to get away from the small pit of evil.
Sasuke was the next one out, and he leisurely stretched out his aching limbs. He adjusted the front of his pants, which were still uncomfortably tight, and prepared himself from the worried hug he was sure to get from his female teammate.
Sai and Kakashi clambered out, and then sealed the hole after them. At least the mission was complete. The Akatsuki base had practically destroyed itself.
"Alright team, let's head on back. There was a river just a few miles from here that we can camp by for the night. Move out." Kakashi pointed in a northerly direction, and the small group took off at a comfortable pace.
Sai took the point, Kakashi and Sakura beginning a conversation about his experience of being trapped underground alone, to which he wouldn't reveal much, and Sasuke and Naruto held up the rear of the formation.
Naruto casually slung his arm around the slightly taller boy's waist, pointedly not looking at the Uchiha's surprised expression. Sasuke blushed hotly for a few seconds before wrapping his own arm around Naruto's broad, sturdy shoulders.
"I... I really did mean it Sasuke." Naruto's cheeks turned a little pink at the confession, and Sasuke smiled faintly, yet with more genuine feeling than any other romantic display of affection could have projected what he'd been thinking.
"Yeah, I know." Sasuke's fingers loosened around Naruto's shoulder before his hand dropped to the back pocket of the blonde's pants. The Kyuubi container practically jumped out of his skin in surprise, before Sasuke's arm returned to it's original place around his neck. "And just so you know, I wasn't lying either when I said I wasn't gay."
"Then why are you-"
"I love who I love, so long as they're them on the inside."
"I should trap you in a cave more often Sasu-cakes."
"I'm going to have to fulfill my threat of killing you in your own toilet, aren't I?"
"Damn it..." Naruto took off running, Sasuke hot on the blonde's heels.
"I'm going to kill you dobe!"
Sai watch on curiously as Sasuke attempted to throttle the blonde. "Some things never change." Kakashi put his hand on the younger man's shoulders.
"I agree sensei. They will always be idiots, you will always be old, and Ugly will always be a hag." The Copy-nin twitched then turned at the tap on his shoulder.
"Permission to re-bury him back in the hole?" Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura all cracked their knuckles at once.
"Hmmm... Granted."
Sai swallowed. He'd just stated the truth, he didn't understand why they'd have to hit him over it.
"Shit."
. . . . . . .
End.
Weirdest request I've ever gotten... I hope you liked it!
R & R, Love AMB11!