A gift fic to Panda1418 at the Stealthy Stories forum and with her permission. She is a master storyteller; please check out her works.

"April, that polar bear is undressing me with its eyes."

"It's probably thinking you're a big tasty fish, Mr. Willy Jones," little red strands of her hair whipped in the snowy wind. "You're on its dollar menu. Not enough meat to fill this manly bear!"

Casey's amusement was as empty as his stomach. "I'm not getting on that thing! I had nightmares of polar bears when I was a kid! Those huge black eyes starin' down at me, sharp claws and those damn teeth! Look at it!"

She puckered at the bear, and it almost blushed.

"It's just ready to tear me up, lady!"

"Are you talking about the Coca-Cola bears they show every Christmas? Are you scared of THAT!"

The vortex of the torrential Canadian wind swallowed the last of Casey's pride. Dressed in their parkas and heavy duty accessories, save for Casey's baby blue scarf that he traded with an Eskimo over an iPod touch, they were unfortunately stranded and happened upon a domesticated polar bear. It even had a name collar.

"Franklin!" April had enthusiastically squealed, "What a pretty awesome name for a polar bear. I wonder if he was named after Franklin Roosevelt." Casey wouldn't go anywhere near Franklin, who took to scratching his own wet nose with a mammoth paw frequently. What shot through Casey's mind was how Franklin could turn on them at any moment, and they would be human shiskabobs, maybe with seal as dessert. Casey refused to be dessert!

So back to the awkward moment debating Casey's manhood, April mounted Franklin like she was born out of the ice and straight into the Arctic. She held out her hand, and he could feel the heat from her green eyes sizzling into his head. Dammit. He peered around at the landscape: miles of snow, trees veining the sky in the distance, and not a freaking bus in sight. He inhaled, reached out for her hand, and haphazardly joined her onto Franklin's saddle. Something rumbled under Casey's legs, and he almost jumped off but freedom was averted when April motioned for Franklin to plow through the winds in majestic grace.

Real men don't cry, Casey Jones remembered, but surely it was the ice stabbing his eyeballs through the polar flight.

"Casey, I can't breathe! Loosen up!" April choked, and he gradually released his tight hold around her stomach, very gradually. She elbowed him in the arm although he couldn't really feel it through the layers of clothes. He snuggled into her parka and prayed for sun, warmth, or to reach civilization where they could catch a bus to the next airport.

April's cowgirl cries was lost to the environment; it sounded more like singing in the shower from a hundred feet away in the middle of a tornado. Casey loathed snow and ice and frigid winds. He was from New York City but he didn't have to ride a polar bear through the winter season. Oh, god, he whined in his head because if April heard it she might feed him to Franklin, he just wanted the nightmare to be over with and be back home. How the hell did they wind up here? April travels everywhere, and he's a perfectly fine anchor. They make love five and a half times a week, she cleans like a banshee, he finances her adventures, and they already have four mutant turtles as kids. Now they have a polar bear as a pet? Named Franklin? Fucking Franklin the Polar Bear! Sex would go down to once a week, and he'd have to pick up another job and possibly get left alone with Franklin while April visits Zimbabwe.

Oh, those warm manly tears trickled down his face – the only thing warm on his entire body. Goodbye, sex. Goodbye, free time. Goodbye, Everything.

"Franklin has to potty," April instructed, her voice echoing in the small cave. "Don't look."

Casey huddled in the warmest spot, as close to the exit as he could get, without freezing. "I can only look straight ahead. My eyeballs are stuck."

"Make a fire!"

"With what!"

She huffed, picked up a handful of rocks, and chucked some near his feet. One brazed his backside, and he felt like it almost shattered him. "This is the life!" She cracked two stones together.

"What a view," he mumbled to the blizzard outside. "Primetime, baby."

Franklin returned and nuzzled April in the head. "Awww, Casey! Franky will keep us warm! Come snuggle by us."

"I'm just fine, Redzilla. Just fine." He curled himself into such a tight ball, the circulation stopped for a moment in his hands. "We're going someplace warm next year."

She rubbed the top of Franklin's head. "I'm going someplace warm next year. You're staying home."

"Suits me."

"What kind of tone was that?"

"The 'I don't care' one. Do you see yourself!" He flashed around, still in ball form. "You're petting a POLAR BEAR!"

Her green eyes hit his nose first before her body made it. "And we have mutants running around in the sewers and our APARTMENT! Honestly, after seeing that, petting a polar bear is like folding laundry!"

"Sure, keep him in YOUR sock drawer then!"

She flicked at his nose, which made him yelp. "Did I marry a WUSS?" Snow bounced off her parka as she faced Franklin nearby. "Franky, is he a wuss?"

The confused bear groaned and scratched his nose.

"Guess I'll have to prove you wrong then!" Casey screamed through his hood, draping over his intense eyes.

"Do it, sucker!"

He attacked her lips through the hood, and then flopped it over his head. She didn't see that one coming. He was already unzipping her pants, nibbling on her tepid throat, and desperately trying to squeeze her chest through all of the coat layers.

"Not in front of Franky!" she giggled, scattering her fingers through his ebony hair, and peeking at the bear over her giant hood. "I guess this is a great way to keep warm. Didn't know you had it in you, Mr. Jones."

But really, he was just wanting to get the last bit of dynamite loving in before the children and pets all took over their married life.