The power had gone out hours ago from the storm, so she had decided to make use of the fireplace she so often referred to as antiquated. Revan sat herself in the cozy albeit unused chair set before the flames for warmth-the holobook she had been meaning to read for years finally opened in her lap. After Malak's defeat the number of threats to her life had dropped significantly-Carth's too for that matter; especially now that he was stationed at a desk rather than the front lines. While she had taken to helping out at the Jedi Temple where she could, more recently she had been assisting on some of the tenser negotiations between leaderships, hence the knot in her shoulder and the glass of Coreillian Red in her hand.
The storm raged outside, and Carth was off world on Republic business, but she felt content and at peace knowing there were no crises that needed her immediate attention, the knot began to loosen as she settled in.
The Jedi had only reached the end of the third chapter when the air changed.
She suddenly felt a violent shudder run up her back, a presence she hadn't felt in almost two years had made itself known; one she thought she would never feel again.
It was too late to run she recognized that right away, the book settling limply onto her thighs. Her shoulders tightened again with the anticipation of his approach as tears began to pool in her eyes.
A mechanical voice began to softly coo and hush.
"Why are you crying?" A pale hand reached out to caress her cheek as she turned with another shudder as his presence in the force was fully realized. The darkness was overwhelming, and the little warmth of his words felt hollow and contrived.
"Come now, I know you've missed me-" His hands gripped her face and forced her to look at him.
A tear rolled down her cheek as she saw his pale skin marred with scars, more than she had ever remembered him having; his eyes glowing a brilliant gold.
"You died-" She forced her voice to stay steady. "I killed you."
"Yet here I am." He gave a sweeping gesture with his free hand.
"What happened to you." She ground out the words as his hand clenched her jaw tighter.
His eyes twinkled with a wicked smile in the absence of his mouth.
"I embraced that which would make me stronger. Something you taught me, long ago." He released her face and strolled over to the fireplace. It had given her such comfort only moments ago, but now the flames served him; a demonic backdrop for his intrusive presence.
"While you on the other hand-" He reached for a framed picture set on the mantle-place. "You have embraced weakness- embraced love." His grip tightened on the picture of her and Carth, causing the glass to break.
"There was a time when you weren't quite so cold Malak. When you loved me-" She had only experienced a few flashbacks from her days before the Jedi forced a new identity upon her, but most of them had featured Malak in varying degrees of intimacy.
"I loved you too." It had been a shocking revelation to her at first, but ultimately she knew it would've made sense for them to have been involved.
"Love is for children." He caught sight of another picture, two small Jedi linked arm-in-arm on the desk in the corner of the room; one bald- the other with raven hair. His hand balled into a fist.
"Possession however...Now that is a very real concept."
He cast the picture frame and all into the fire. Fire crackled as Carth's features began to distort in the flame. "And if I can't possess you-" A light-saber slid into his hand, appearing as if from thin air.
"No one can."
As he turned to initiate his attack Revan shot out of the chair, her arm outstretched with the force so that her own light saber flew into hand as she tackled him into the wall. Her weapon sprang to life as she blocked a strike once he had recovered from the hit.
She parried his attacks, the stark darkness of the room against the light of her weapon made bright patterns that seemed to float in the air before vanishing into the next flourish. With another swing the fabric on his shoulder sizzled at the near miss, with a grunt he summoned the force sending her reeling backwards into the opposite wall. Malak sprang into action and was soon bearing down her. She deflected each hit, but felt her muscles shouting at her as sweat beaded on her forehead.
"You've become weak, soft. You've forsaken who you truly are, and for what? To placate squabbling fools and play housewife for the Republic. You're a warrior Revan, reclaim who you are."
With a deft hit his weapon burned her hand causing her to drop the lightsaber. As soon as it fell from her grasp he had her pinned by the neck against the window-the occasional flash of lightning illuminating his ghostly visage.
"Come with me." Despite his firm grip on her neck, his thumb gave a soft caress-causing her to remember one of her visions of how they had been, before everything.
"I'm still the man who followed you to the ends of the galaxy." He leaned in, his face a breadth away from her ear as his voice took on an old familiarity.
"Be mine again-come back to me." Suddenly his metal jaw was gone, and lips brushed tenderly against her cheek.
"Come back to me Rev." His breath tickled her ear as he pressed a kiss to her skin, his other hand now rested along her waist drawing small circles as it wound around her back.
Another tear welled up in her eye as she felt the stirrings of a Malak she had once known, and cared deeply for. Her throat burned from the renewed access to oxygen as his grip slackened, and her arm moved almost of its own accord across his broad shoulders in an embrace. She felt so responsible, plagued by the guilt of where she had lead him and the path she had set him on. The path that ultimately led to her striking him down on the very station that had turned them from life long confidants, into bitter enemies.
Her arm involuntarily squeezed before she let it fall back to her side.
"No. He died a long time ago. The woman you want to resurrect made sure of that."
His fingers threatened her throat with another squeeze. "Choose your words carefully."
Revan swallowed in spite of his grip across her neck.
"I'm not her anymore Malak. I'll never go back."
He chuckled, his mechanical features had returned to him as he drew his face away.
"You'd be surprised what you used to be like Revan. Convenient for you to have forgotten everything you've done isn't it? All the atrocities you once marveled in."
He studied her carefully within his grasp.
"Would you care to remember?"
"Stay the hell out of my head."
His stilted chuckle seemed to echo all around her.
"I've always been in your head Revan-" His face hovered inches from her own again. "And I'll never let go."
She felt fear stir in her stomach and shouted in defiance. "No!" Revan pulled her arm and threw an elbow into his face, catching him off guard as his grip slackened from her neck. Crouching she swept her leg at his ankles causing him to fall onto and shatter the glass caffa table that had occupied the space. She was breathing heavily, circling him as he groaned in a pool of broken glass, his limbs lying awkwardly across the frame.
"You should've stayed dead Malak."
"I could say the same to you-" He planted his hands behind him and struggled to sit up, Revan saw blood collecting where his palms mixed with the shards of debris.
"You were never supposed to make it out of that trap." He stood uneasily, wavering in his stance.
"At least I was able to get revenge on that self righteous padawan who saved you-tell me, do you still see darkness in her mind? I rather enjoyed pulling the puppet's strings."
"She's come back to the light, you failed."
"For now." Malak paced adopting a similar circling pattern.
"You of all people should know that the darkness never truly leaves. It marks you, waiting for it's next chance to take hold."
He faced her head on now, his eyes glinting in the firelight.
"I wonder how Carth will feel about you once you fall again."
He picked a long piece of glass out of his palm. "When he sees the real you."
She tightened her fist at her side.
"If you so much as touch him-"
"Oh I won't need to-once you embrace who you are again..." He had no mouth but she could feel him grinning wickedly at her. He straightened himself, appearing less worn from the fight than he had even seconds ago.
"I'll enjoy watching you wipe his smug face from this galaxy."
She screamed as she felt the building emotions of the confrontation envelope her. She pushed off the wall with all her strength, spurring herself on further with the force, deftly she swung her weapon, knocking his own sword from hand. With a flourished spin she dodged his counter before running him through. Her eyes locked with his as she felt the weight of the fight and their history collapse on her. Revan felt her scream die in her throat as she looked upon his shocked face. She was furious with herself that she hadn't been able to shield him from the darkness all those years ago, scared for Carth's life, and despondent at killing her childhood friend. Again.
A strangled gasp escaped her lips as her lightsaber deactivated before clattering to the floor.
"Welcome back...Master." He choked triumphantly before sinking to the floor in a lifeless heap. A dark charring spotted the paint where she had run him through, her light saber having pierced the wall.
Her legs shook from her exertion and the emotion, struggling under her weight as she stumbled to the floor in front of the window where the storm continued to rage on as she stared into the darkness. A lightning bolt pierced the sky illuminating the planet before it returned to pitch black, causing Revan to recognize her reflection looking back at her. As she peered into the glass lightning struck again, and for the first time since the war she felt the tendrils of darkness prickling at the back of her mind as she saw flecks of gold shining brightly in the eyes staring back at her.
Revan shot upright her breathing coming hard and fast. She was freezing, but covered in droplets of sweat, her hair damp at the roots. The Jedia threw the covers back and grabbed an over sized shirt from the bed post, practically running from the room. Revan paced back and forth on the terrace, trying and come back down from her nightmare. It had felt so real...but he was dead, she had killed him herself. And he had found peace in those few moments, a breath of light-hadn't he? She held her hands to her forehead, trying to take deep breaths in through her nose, releasing them as slowly as she could. Her fingers ghosted across her eyes as she thought of the eyes in her dream.
"Hey-" She jumped as arms reached for her waist from behind.
In a flash she had turned, deflecting the arms and grabbing the intruder by the neck-her face twisted in concentration and defiance. She wouldn't be taken by surprise again.
"Woah-it's me. It's just me."
Revan shuddered with realization as she recognized Carth's face flush with alarm at the attack-his arms raised in surrender as he searched her eyes.
She quickly released him, her face drawn in shock and embarrassment at what she'd done, her hands were shaking.
"I'm-I-"
Revan turned back to the banister, setting her elbows on the railing and clutching her forehead in her hands.
Carth took a moment, recovering from the sudden attack before he walked over and stood next to her at the railing-letting his arms rest in mirror to hers, letting his presence speak for him.
She let her head drop against his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry Carth."
His hand slowly found hers and gave a squeeze.
Revan spoke in a whisper. "Are you okay?"
She felt him nod slowly.
"Yeah gorgeous I'm fine. Are you?" his voice was scratchy with sleep.
"No."
She turned to face him.
"No I'm not." He took her in his arms, allowing her to burying her face into his chest.
"I'm not okay."
"Nightmare?"
She nodded.
"What happened?"
"Malak-he was back."
She shuddered and Carth ran a comforting hand up her back allowing her to continue.
"He was taunting me. With my past... With you."
Carth took a deep inhale against the top of her head and continued to rub her back.
"He's gone Rev, Malak can't get you now-you're safe."
"But what...What if I turn back Carth-what if I fall, and I turn into her again?"
"You've had plenty of opportunities to turn-" His finger lifted her chin, her eyes looking to his as an anchor.
"-You've walked away from all of them stronger than before, and I'm so proud of you for that. It's also why I'm so sure it won't happen." He kissed the top of her head, his words slowly washing over her in waves of assurance.
"Worst comes to worse, I like to think of myself as a fairly valuable bargaining chip."
Revan couldn't help but chuckle, she felt the shroud of night beginning to lift from her mind.
"You just keep on taking it one day at a time, and we'll be just fine."
She leaned back to look at him.
"We huh?"
A smile tugged at his mouth.
"Well we are living together now. And like I said, I like to think I'm fairly valuable here. Unless you've got another dashing pilot lined up somewhere-"
Her hands cupped the sides of his face and she drew him down for a silencing kiss.
"Maybe you're right." She stroked the taches of gray that had appeared in his sideburns.
"What about the pilot thing? His jacket isn't orange too is it?" She pinched his side taking advantage of his shirtless state.
"Just no running off without me, deal?" Her gaze implored him.
"Like I'd be crazy enough to run from a Jedi-you'd find me in a day." She pinched him again causing him to smile as he flinched.
"I'm serious." She couldn't look less serious as his contagious smile breached her lips.
"Alright-alright. Well same goes for you gorgeous. I'd hardly last a day without you."
"You really think you'd make it a whole day?"
"Now who's not being serious?" It was Carth's turn to tease.
"You willing to shake on it? I'll need some assurances of course that you don't just go and ditch me."
Revan presented her hand. Carth looked at it before pushing it away.
"I've got a better idea."
He kissed her deeply. When he released her lips he was pleased to see the anxiety had vanished from her face and that a softer smile had taken its place.
"Is that all you got? Hardly seems official enough."
Carth smirked with a glint in his eye at the challenge. He scooped her legs out from beneath her in a bridal carry, walking them off the terrace and back into their room. While she was not one to squeal, she couldn't help but do just that when he picked her up; allowing herself a brief unadulterated moment of happiness.
Afterwards they lay together in the peace of the night. Revan's head pillowed against Carth's chest, his arm wrapped around her pulling her close.
"Feeling better?" He let a finger run lazily up and down her arm, sleep about to retake him.
"Much." Revan responded. It was true, technically.
Late night trysts worked their own wonders- while they lasted. But as Carth drifted off she refused to let sleep take her again, leaving her to dwell on the dreams.
As Revan lay there in the embrace of the man who loved her, she had the unsettling feeling that she had experienced her last night of restful sleep; and that the prickling in the back of her head would not simply return to the nightmares from whence it came.
I heard a cover of "Happy Together" by Filter and pretty much had this story written before the song was over-particularly the fight between Revan and Malak. Rough copies of this have been living on my computer for far too long now so I decided to just go ahead and release it into the wild.
As always I hope you enjoy it, and are feeling generous enough to leave a much appreciated review!
Until next time,
missonasi