DISCLAIMER: I don't own Fairy Tail!

"You did this to me." Wendy glared up at Mest with the frostiest glare she could manage, even though the effect of it was probably lessened by the fact that the she was currently devouring an angel food cake and trying really hard not to cry. Sometimes, she hated being a girl with a burning passion; they always got hormonal at the worst times. Sniffling, she took another bite from her cake while Mest just grinned sheepishly and took a step forward.

"Well, think of all the good that'll come out of it! I mean-"

"What good? I can't go to work, I keep throwing up, and the only thing I can even think of is eating cake and gummy bears!" As if to prove her point, Wendy reached into the gallon sized bag of gummy bears and pulled out a handful to sprinkle on the rest of her cake. "I'm depressed, hormonal, and ready to cry right now. How is any of this good?"

Mest very wisely kept his mouth shut. For about five seconds. And then he put his foot in his mouth. "How was I supposed to know this was going to happen?! It was your idea in the first place!"

Oh, how he wishes he had continued to stay silent.

"No it wasn't! You walked in on me while I was practicing and said you had a move to show me!"

"So? You goaded me into it! Said I couldn't do it right! Said I'd fail and you'd have to take over!"

"I was right wasn't I? There was no way we were actually going to that! And technically, you didn't do it right, I saw the same video and it turned out very different than from what you did!"

"So I didn't get perfect first try? No one's perfect!"

"That's right, no one's perfect! So get a little closer to it and shut up." Wendy struggled to get off the couch for second, but all the pillows and food kept her from getting anywhere. Huffing a bit, she held her hand out to Mest to help her up. Sighing, he walked over to the couch and helped her out of it, catching her as she lost her balance. Looking down, Wendy said the classic line said by some women. "I'm fat."

And for once, Mest actually did the right thing. "You're not fat, Wendy."

"How do you know that? You don't have your glasses on!"

"I don't need my glasses to tell you that you aren't fat, okay? Trust me, if you were fat, the rest of the world would be dead from obesity."

Wendy sniffled a little, before turning and hugging Mest. "Thanks Mest, you sometimes know how to make me feel better." Letting him go, she smiled at him before turning around and walking to the bathroom. Stopping at the doorway, she turned around and said "Like agreeing to clean out Carla's litter box for a week!"

Mest's jaw dropped as she giggled and closed the door behind her.

"Now wait a minute!" Mest roared outside the door. "You can't just put words in my mouth! I never said that!"

"What? You actually said you'd do it for a month? Oh Mest, you're so sweet!"

"I never said that!" Pounding on the door, he slid to his knees and leaned on the door with tears streaming down his face. "What did I do to deserve this?"

"This!" Wendy stated as she pointed to herself and opened the door, unaware that Mest was going to- yep, there we go, he fell on his face.

"Oh, I am so sorry! I didn't know you were right there Carla! Did Mest fall on you? Bad Mest! Bad!"

Moaning as he rolled over and sat up, Mest held a hand to his head and grumbled out a "Damn devil cat" before standing up and pointing to his face. "What about my face?"

"What about it?"

"What about it?! You opened the door and I fell on it, that's what happened!"

"And it serves you right for falling on Carla. You really need to watch where you're falling man."

"Uuuugggghhhh!" Mest facepalmed. "Okay, if this is about me getting you knocked up then-"

"YOU WHAT?!" And into the apartment without even so much as a 'Hey, we're standing right here watching you guys fight cause it's funny as hell' stormed Gajeel Redfox, Wendy's older cousin, dragging his girlfriend Levy McGarden, who was actually Mest's cousin, towards Mest who was currently curled up in Wendy's arms and clinging to her neck for dear life while Levy was rather comically, and futilely Mest noted, trying to drag Gajeel away from him. Although given the fact that the size distance between the two was even more than it was between Mest and Wendy, that fact came as no surprise, but the gesture was still appreciated by the soon to be dead roommate/cousin/victim. "You little twerp, I told you what I'd do to you if you screwed with my cousin!"

"I have a perfectly reasonable explanation-"

"I don't want to hear any excuses! Take it like a man!"

"Gajeel, just listen to him! I'm sure he has a good reason for it!"

"What kind of good reason could one have for getting my cousin pregnant when I told them not to under threat of death?!"

"Um, guys?" Through all of this, Wendy just sat there holding a trembling Mest, just wishing that for one moment she could live a normal life with a normal roommate and a normal cousin with a normal cousin, not the three stooges. "I'm not pregnant."

Gajeel stopped trying to get to Mest, causing Levy to lose her balance and fall flat on her butt. While Levy started muttering curses at Gajeel, the man in question and Mest were locked in a staring contest that ended very quickly (much to Mest's relief) when Wendy cleared her throat and dropped Mest on the ground before pointing at her head where there was a very big white bandage and said, "I am suffering a huge migraine though, so if all of you could just shut up, that would be nice."

Levy had gotten up and gone to look at Wendy's bandage when Gajeel rushed up and pushed Levy out of the way, grabbed Wendy's shoulders and said in a whisper "Tell me if he's threatening you to not tell anyone, I will GLADLY kill him for you."

"I can hear you! And no, for your information, I am not threatening her. Do you really think I'm man enough to do that?"

Levy got off the floor again and glared at Gajeel. "I don't think you meant it quite that way, but I do agree that you don't really have the guts to so that."

Gajeel just glared at Mest before making the universal 'I'm watching you signal.' To which Mest just rolled his eyes and went to go stand next to Wendy. "I'll have you know that I am more than proud of Wendy for bearing my child. I would never-"

"WHAT? I thought you said you weren't pregnant?!" Gajeel never did quite learn to use his inside voice.

"I'm not!" A family trait, apparently, since Wendy yelled, screamed, and roared at Mest more than she actually spoke to anyone else.

"You're not?" And this came from Mest, who was thoroughly confused with the whole situation.

"Of course I'm not! I have never, and WILL never, sleep with you! You're my roommate, that's like worse than sleeping with your best friend!"

"Since when did roommates become a friendship status?" Levy mumbled, but only mumbled. She and Mest shared a dislike for Wendy's breakdowns and lectures. Must be a family thing.

"Then why was Gajeel about to kill me?"

"Because he THOUGHT I was pregnant!"

Mest looked over at Gajeel with a quizzical look. "Why would he think that?"

Gajeel pointed over at Wendy. "Because you said you knocked her up!"

"I did! I knocked her upside the head earlier!"

'YOU HIT MY COUSIN?!" Gajeel reached into his pocket and pulled out a switchblade. Stalking over to Mest who had probably wet himself by now, he growled. Like, literally growled, all of Wendy's cousins were really good at growling. "You are a dead man Gryder."

"AAAHHHHH, WENDY, HE'S GOT A KNIFE, HE'S GOT A KNIFE!"

"Gajeel Jeremy Redfox!" This came from Levy, who stormed over to her boyfriend and wrenched the knife out if his hands. Closing it and holding it up to wag in front of him, she lit into him. "I have told you, many times that you are NOT allowed to carry this around! Switchblades are illegal to carry! You could get arrested for having this with you!" Turning around, she pointed the still closed knife at Mest and frowned at him. "And you! Why did you hit Wendy? What did she ever do to you?"

Mest just blinked a few times before digging even more of a hole. "Soooo, which one do you want me to answer?"

"Okay, I'm butting in again here before anyone dies." Wendy shot Mest a glare that meant they WOULD be having a discussion later, and like most of those discussions, he would not like it. "I am NOT pregnant, and Mest didn't really hit me. Not directly anyways. See, we were going to do a magic show for a talent show, so I was practicing my card tricks when he came busting into my room saying he'd just seen this disappearing trick that really worked that he wanted to show me, but let's face it we all know he's terrible at magic tricks." Knowing nod from Gajeel, emphatic nodding from Levy, and one pathetic little "Hey!" from Mest. "So, I tell him that he should just show me the video, since he would probably mess it up, and he took that as a challenge. Next thing I know, I've got a pencil he was supposed to make 'disappear' broken in my skull, and we're on our way to the ER." Looking pointedly at Mest, Wendy added. "And, in answer to the question that started this whole debacle, you taking care of the litter box IS because of this. You did this to me, after all."

Slowly, Levy and Gajeel pivoted towards Mest with total deadpans. And cue awkward silence, shifting of feet, and Mest sweating bullets. This all reigned for about two minutes before Gajeel let out a snort.

"Well you're an idiot." Walking to the fridge he pulled out a soda and sat down at the kitchen table. Popping it open he took a sip and asked the question that I'm sure is just burning you up. "So what was the video that you got the trick from?"

"…The Dark Knight."

Spit take from the always elegant Gajeel. "WHAT?!"

"Again?!" Levy exclaimed.

"Again?" This came from a very confused Wendy.

"What?" Mest deadpanned. "Okay, now that we're two for two on the exclamations, allow me to ask a very important question: what? I don't remember ever doing magic!"

"That's because you never did magic!" cried Levy. "You did stab me with a pencil though, right after you saw that movie. It hurt like hell that's for sure; I had a concussion for a week on top of the stab wound!"

"Fuou stabvved Fevyvy?!" This ancient language was courtesy of Gajeel, who was currently munching on a sandwich that he'd started in on while Levy was explaining.

"Eh?" Wendy.

"What are you saying Metal Head?" Mest.

"… Okay, I'm pretty sure he was emphatically asking if you stabbed me."

"That's exactly what I was doing, if I knew precisely what emphatically means."

"In your particular case, it means you weren't going to be happy if the answer was yes, which it is by the way."

"I still don't remember making a pencil disappear, like, ever."

"That's because the pencil doesn't disappear, it just kills the person you stab with it!" Wendy fumed. "Luckily, you're 0 for two on the Jokers killing trick. If you weren't, you'd be down one cousin and a roommate by now."

"And I would NOT be happy." Gajeel growled.

"You're not happy with me ever anyways!" whined Mest. "I'm your cousins best ever-"

"If you say friend, I'll shoot you." Wendy snarled.

"-roommate." Mest glared over at Wendy. "And I introduced you to Levy! You two would have never met if it wasn't for me, and if you had she never would have gone out with you if I wasn't there to bribe her!"

"MEST!"

"You bribed her?!"

"Dude, I knew you bribed her. I just would have kidnapped her and told her to go out with me!"

"And of course that would make me fall SO hard for you." Levy deadpanned.

"Well, it worked for Natsu, right?' Mest mused. "Maybe I should try that! Hey Wendy, let me kidnap you so I can practice getting a girlfriend!"

"Sure, let me just grab a few of my things and I'll gladly let you tie me up and throw me in a van!" Wendy exclaimed with just SO much enthusiasm.

"Wendy, that's what pedophiles do. I am kidnapping you, a twenty-six year old, not the kid down the street."

"….. You sure? I think that all the kids moms think that you're that man they need to keep their kids away from."

"Okay, all the kids love me! And so do their moms for your information."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that. I'm sure that one day it will land you in prison."

"Pssh, whatever. I'm badass as hell, I'd never go out like that. I'd go down in a blaze of glory!"

"You'll go down tripping and falling down the stairs and choking on your donut." Levy chipped in. "Trust me, okay, I've known you your whole life."

"Yeah? Well I've known me MY whole life too, so there!"

"Could you get any more childish?"

"Yes, yes I could."

"That was kind of a stupid question Lev." Gajeel said from his place at the kitchen table. Downing the last of his soda, he stood up and stretched. "Well, it's been real nice hanging with ya cuz, but you need a new roommate. Preferably one with a spine."

"Hey! I've got a spine! You're just twice my size, of course I'm not going to stand up to you!"

Gajeel snorted. "See what I mean?" Chuckling a bit, he walked over the door and opened it, holding it for Levy as she hugged Wendy and Mest goodbye. As she walked out the door though, Gajeel turned and fixed Mest with a look that could shatter bones and said, "If I ever hear you even joke about getting my little cuz pregnant again, I'll take your head to fence post, got it?"

And with that lovely goodbye, Gajeel closed the door on a trembling Mest and a pained Wendy. Turning to look at his roommate, Mest coughed and said, "You want Chinese?" as nonchalantly as possible.

"You don't even LIKE Chinese food!"

"I know, but Chinese food seems to be the number one way to die from poisoning, so chances are that if I eat it enough, I'll be poisoned long before your crazy cousin gets to me with his fence post."

Shaking her head, Wendy walked with a very subdued Mest to the car, which she then drove to the nearest Asian buffet, where Mest promptly got food poisoning. Thin is, all he had to eat was chicken nuggets and French fries…

Aaaaaannnnnndddddd the third one in a row! I am on a roll! Just so you know, most Chinese food does not actually poison people. That's just what always happens in the movies.