How chapter 306 of Naruto should have gone: Life as a Bachelor
Sakura and Naruto stand nervously in front of a door just across from Sasuke's room, peering in to the dimly lit doorway before them. Sai stands in the doorway. A tall, dark figure steps out of the room. Sai steps back out of the doorway of the figure as it moves into the light.
(Dark figure) Sasuke: glares at Sai Move.
Sai: steps back further
Sasuke: turns and walks past Naruto and Sakura
Sakura: gasp
Sasuke: walks up to cabinet on wall and opens it. He leans in to the cabinet slightly, and moves things around inside the cabinet. Bags crinkle. After a moment, he stops and turns back toward Sakura and Naruto, both of which look shocked Orochimaru! We're out of Potato Chips!
Orochimaru: voice muffled, coming from down the hall way I'll get some at the store later! What else do we need?
Sasuke: rummages around in cabinet some more Uhhh….Beer. And soda.
Orochimaru: muffled Beer? You're the one drinking it?
Sasuke: Yeah. turns toward door behind Naruto and Sakura Got a problem with that?
Orochimaru: muffled No…you should have invited me to drink with you!
Sasuke: You're not opposed to underage drinking?
Orochimaru: No! When I was a kid I smoked pot with all the hippies! Why do you think I started all those experiments with the dead people in my basement? Drinking is nothing!
Sasuke: Sweet. We need popcorn too. pulls out a sheet of paper from cabinet and starts writing on it
Orochimaru: muffled And chicken noodle soup. You know, the kind with the little stars that comes in the can?
Sasuke: Yeah, I love that stuff. stops writing, and turns away from Sakura and Naruto, down the other direction of hall louder Hey Kabuto, need anything at the store?
Kabuto: muffled seeing as he is still tied up outside Condoms.
Sasuke: looks confused Why do you need condoms?
Kabuto: muffled What do you think that I do with all of those male teenage bodies?
Sasuke: thinks for a moment, then shutters as he starts writing But if they're dead, why do you need condoms?
Kabuto: muffled It's more fun that way…
Sasuke: It's only because you can get any from a live guy…
Kabuto: muffled Well, if you'd like to—
Sasuke cuts in I'm going to the mall with Orochimaru tomorrow.
Orochimaru: muffled, sounds pleased Really?
Sasuke: talking to himself…and we need ramen and…pauses, then looks up at Sakura and Naruto, both of which look as though they are in shock Need anything?
Naruto: blank look…doughnuts?
Sakura and Sai: thinking 'WTF?!'
Sasuke: nods to self and starts writing again And I need more batteries…
Orochimaru: steps out of doorway behind Sakura and Naruto (both jump, look startled, he is soaking wet and has a towel on his head What for?
Sasuke: glances at Orochimaru My mp3 ran out.
Kabuto: muffled Why don't you get an iPod?
Orochimaru: nods They come in black now.
Sasuke: I'm more of an ebony person.
Kabuto: muffled Are you gay?! They are the exact same color!
Sasuke: Not according to the design channel. around this time, Sakura faints at the complete weirdness of the whole situation. Naruto and Sai are struck by lightning and die because the author has run out of ideas.
The end.