"Benson. Amaro," Cragen yelled from the doorway of his office into the squadroom.
Olivia and Nick rose from their desks and filed into Cragen's office.
"What's going on, Cap?" Olivia asked and she shut the door behind her.
"Fin and Rollins have a few leads on the Paige Bishop case. I need you two to head over to the 107 in Queens," Cragen said flipping through some papers in a manilla folder. "Detective Williams is expecting you."
"Thanks, Cap," Nick said as he and Olivia emptied Cragen's office walking to their desks to collect their belongings before heading out of the squadroom.
"You're driving," Olivia said as she tossed Nick the keys. "Good catch."
The drive to the 107th precinct in Queens was uneventful. Olivia and Nick participated in common small talk about his children and her and Brian's new apartment together.
"I'm glad you're happy, Liv. You deserve it," Nick stated as he turned the engine of the sedan off in front of the Queens precinct.
"Thanks, Amaro," Olivia said with a smile as she climbed out of the car.
Once they arrived inside the station, Nick led the duo to the front desk.
"Detectives Amaro and Benson to see Detective Williams," he said quickly as his phone rang from his pocket. "Amaro," he said as he answered. "Okay, have you tried to contact his mother?" he asked into the phone. "Alright. I'll be there as soon as I can. Thank you," Nick concluded his conversation just as a short, blonde headed woman who couldn't be over thirty walked up to them.
"Detectives Amaro and Benson I presume?" she said with a beautiful smiles. "I'm Detective Andrea Williams. Thanks for coming over on such short notice," she said as she signalled for the detectives to follow her towards an elevator down a long, narrow hall.
"I'm Olivia Benson, and this is Nick Amaro. Our Captain said you had some information for us on a current case we're working," Olivia said as Det. Williams held the elevator door open for Nick and her to walk through.
"Yes, we do. We believe the Paige Bishop case could be related to a cold case of ours from the eighties," Det. Williams stated as she pushed the button signaling for the elevator to take them to the third floor of the station house. "The MO's are significantly similar and up until now, the perp hasn't given us any reason to believe he was still out there."
"What makes you think this is the same guy?" Nick asked as they stepped off the elevator onto the third story of the building.
"Everything is eerily similar. From the way she was abducted, the way she looks, her occupation, the markings on her body when she was found. It's like rereading the old files all over again," Det. Williams said as they walked over to her desk in the main squadroom. She fumbled through some papers on her desk, unsatisfied with what she found. "Please excuse me. I seem to have left the paperwork in my Captain's office," she said as she walked into a dark office on the other side of the squadroom.
"Nick, is everything okay?" Olivia stated referring to the phone call he has received in the lobby.
"Gilberto was in another fight at school and they can't get ahold of his mom. The principal wants to speak with me," he said with slight aggravation.
"I can handle this if you need to go. I can take the train back to Manhatten," she said calmly.
"Nah. I'm not in any hurry to get to the principal's office," he said with a slight smirk on his face just as Det. Williams walked back up.
She handed each of the detectives a folder filled with reports and photographs. Olivia and Nick flipped through the information. "Seventeen victims within five years. The rapes began in 1987 which escalated to rape homicides by 1989. He continued until 1993 when he basically fell off the grid. Up until the Bishop case, we haven't seen anything similar to his MO," Det. Williams began filling in Olivia and Nick.
"These pictures look just like Paige Bishop's," Olivia said studying the pictures of one of the victims. "Do you have any other information for us? Any leads or suspects?"
"A handful of suspects were questioned and eventually cleared. When the killings stopped in 1993, the detectives weren't any closer to catching the guy than they were when they began in 87," Det. Williams admitted. "I've got a few more things coming from cold case for you to take with you. I have to be in court in ten, so I'm going to have my partner, Detective Taylor, take you down to get the rest of the information," she stated as she picked up her belongings and motioned for Detective Taylor to come over. Detective Taylor was a tall, muscular man with dark olive skin who was in his early thirties.
"Hi, I'm Isaiah Taylor," he said as he reached to shake Olivia and Nick's hands.
"Taylor, this is Olivia Benson and Nick Amaro. Care to take them down to Cold Case for me? I've got the Thorton case in court," she said as she put her coat on.
"Not a problem," he responded smiling as they all started walking towards the elevators together.
Once they arrived in Cold Case, Det. Taylor walked Olivia and Nick over to an office. He knocked twice on the door closing the office from the hallway.
"Come in," they heard a voice from the other side yell. The voice immediately caught Olivia's attention. This voice was familiar. This voice made her stomach knot up instantly. "Why was this voice so familiar?" she thought to herself in the few seconds it took for them to step from the hallway into the office no longer shielded by the door.
"Detective Amaro and Detective Benson, this is Detective Stabler. He's head of the Cold Case Unit here," Det. Taylor said invitingly. "I'm going to leave you in his care. He will get you everything you need."
As Taylor walked out, he shut the door behind him.
"Liv," Elliot said surprised to see her standing in his office. His thoughts raced back to all the times he had dreamt of seeing her again, and now here she was. Standing in his office, less than ten feet away from him.
"El," Olivia choked out trying to disguise the hurt in her voice.
"El? As in Elliot Stabler?" Nick cut in breaking the tension between Olivia and Elliot. "It's nice to finally put a face with the name," he said reaching out to shake Elliot's hand. "I'm Nick Amaro, Liv's new partner," he concluded with a genuine smile.
"Nice to meet you," Elliot said as he shook Nick's hand before returning his gaze to Olivia. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered.
"Uh.. Detective Williams sent us down here to pick up some files from a case she believes is related to a rape homicide we have in Manhatten," Olivia said trying to take her focus off of Elliot's stare. She missed him. She thought she had put away all those feelings of abandonement she had harbored within since Elliot left her. But seeing him so unexpectedly was almost too much for her.
"Yeah. They are almost ready for you," he said pulling his eyes off of her to focus on the paperwork scattered all over his desk just as Nick's phone rang.
"Amaro," Nick said into the receiver. "I'll be right there," he said as he hung up and replaced the phone into his pocket. "Liv, I've gotta go. It's Gilberto again," he said placing his hand on Olivia's bicep. "I can leave the car for you," he started as Elliot caught his interaction with Olivia and cut him off.
"I can take her back to Manhatten. It's no problem," he said casually, not taking his eyes off the papers he was looking through on his desk.
"Thanks man," Nick said as he left the office in a hurry leaving Olivia and Elliot alone.
As Nick shut the door to his office as he left, Elliot looked up from the papers that had occupied him before. His eyes were the same mysterious blue she remembered and had seen so many times in her dreams since he left her. She tried to pull her stare away from his, but she couldn't conjure the strength.
"Liv, I'm sorry," he started knowing he owed her much more than a simple apology.
Olivia raised her hand up as she shifted her stare to the floor. "El, don't. Just get me the papers I need and I'll be on my way back to the precinct," she said quietly as her voice began to crack. She wasn't prepared for this conversation just yet. Sure, it had been over three years since he left her alone in SVU, but it was still too soon for her.
"Liv... Please," he said as he moved from behind his desk and began to walk towards her. She felt her guard fading away with every step he took closer to her. He sat down in the chair that had emptied when Nick left and grabbed her hand. "Liv," he said waiting for some sort of response.
"I can't do this, Elliot. Not now," she started as she pulled her hand from his grasp and stood. She paced slowly with her hands pushing her hair from her face as she tried to find the words to say what she really wanted to say to him. She wanted to scream at him for leaving her alone. She wanted to hug him because he was okay. She wanted to slap him for never returning a call or text. She was overwhelmed with emotions as she felt the sting of tears coming into her eyes. "You left me," she managed to softly say as the first tear rolled down her cheek.
"Please don't cry," he said as he walked over to her. He stopped in front of her, brought his hand to her cheek and wiped the tear away with his thumb. "Please Liv."
"Don't cry? Elliot, don't pretend to care now," she said finding her inner strength as she remembered everything she had been through since Elliot left her; never to be heard from again. "Don't cry? You don't know the things I have cried over in the last three years."
"I know I wasn't there for you," he said ashamed. "I didn't know what to do Liv. You don't understand," he said as he walked to the other end of the room while rubbing his forehead with the same hand he had used to wipe her tear away.
"You're right, Elliot. I don't understand. I don't understand how you could leave someone after twelve years together without even saying goodbye. Without returning a phone call. For all I knew, you were dead out there," she said as tears fell from her brown eyes. "I don't understand, El. And I don't want to," she finished just as a knock came from behind the closed office door.
"Come in," Elliot said just loud enough to be audible from the other side of the door.
"Sir, I have the files you requested," a young man said sensing the tension in the room. He handed the folders to Elliot before returning to the hallway.
"Are those for me?" Olivia said in her no-nonsense tone.
"Yes," he said handing them to her. She took the files from him and headed towards the door. As her hand grasped the doorknob, Elliot attempted one last time to communicate with her. "I really am sorry, Olivia."
She stopped momentarily, thinking of the possible responses she could say to him. But nothing seemed appropriate. She just wanted to get away from him and forget this encounter ever happened. She turned the doorknob and exited his office without another word.
Back at the precinct, word about Elliot had travelled to the rest of the team.
"Hey Liv. Heard Stabler is holding down Cold Case now," Fin said leaning back in his chair as Olivia finally made her way back to the SVU squadroom.
"Yeah," she said unentertained with the proposed conversation as she walked to her desk and sat down the folders Elliot had given her. Fin could tell it was a topic she didn't want to discuss.
"So, do we have any new leads on the Bishop case?" Fin said changing the subject for Olivia's benefit.
"We have seventeen other victims now, with no leads on the perp," Olivia said walking over to the corkboard to pin up the photos Detective Williams had provided her. "The MO's are identical," she concluded as her phone rang. She pulled it from her pocket and stared at the Caller ID. Elliot. She hadn't seen that name on her phone in over three years. She silenced it and stuffed the phone back into her back pocket. She walked over to the coffee pot located on the side wall of the precinct and began to fill up a cup as Rollins answered the phone ringing in the background.
"Rollins," she stated. "Sure, hang on just a second," she said as she covered the receiver with her hand. "Hey, Benson. Call on one," Rollins said as she placed the call on hold and hung up her receiver as Olivia walked to her desk.
"Benson," said as she picked up the phone on her desk.
"I need to talk to you, Liv. Please give me a chance," she heard from the all familiar voice on the other end of the line. "Please," Elliot pleaded. She really did want to hear what he had to say to her but she was afraid to let him back into her life. She couldn't handle anymore pain in her hectic world right then.
"Fine," she said with a very weak voice. "I'm almost done with my shift. Where are you?"
"Outside the precinct. I'll wait for you," he said to her as he hung up. He clearly was determined to speak to her. He needed to tell her why he left the way he did and why he hadn't contacted her in all this time.
As Olivia walked out of the station house, she noticed Elliot's car sitting by the curb a few parking spaces down. As she walked towards the car, she began to feel all sorts of emotions again. What was he going to say to her? What would her reaction be to him? She couldn't remember a time when she was this nervous about talking to Elliot.
As she approached the car, Elliot felt a smile come across his face. He missed seeing her walk towards him on this Manhatten street. He missed their countless hours of riding around together, their late night coffee breaks, their endless conversations. He missed his partner more than he ever realized.
"Hey Liv," he said as Olivia got into his car. "Thanks for agreeing to this."
"Elliot, I need you to know that I'm doing this for me. Not you," she said bringing her deep brown eyes to meet his bright blue eyes. She noticed how his eyes almost glowed in the evening sun. She really had missed this man. "So, where do you want to go?"
"How about the usual diner down the street? For old times' sake," he said smiling at her and reaching over to pat her hand that was resting on the console.
"Sure," she replied feeling her defenses weakening already. She felt a smile begin to form in the corner of her mouth and looked away quickly before he noticed.
Once they were seated in the diner, Olivia didn't waste any time with small talk.
"Okay, Elliot. I agreed to this. I want to know why," she paused remembering the pain of the day Cragen told her Elliot wasn't coming back. "I want to know what I did," she said revealing her self persecution for his departure.
"What you did?" Elliot responded with confusion. "Olivia, you didn't do anything wrong."
"Then why did you leave me?" she said peering up from stirring her coffee.
"Listen Liv. I had a lot of things going on in my life at that time. When I shot that girl, it sent me over the edge. I wasn't any good for anybody," he started feeling ashamed remembering the man he had turned into. "I was numb."
"I would have helped you through it, El. You know that," Olivia said hurt that Elliot didn't come to her for help when he needed it.
"I couldn't do that to you, Liv. I couldn't depend on you like that. It was hard enough," he said stopping abruptly as he realized where his comment was going.
"What was hard enough?" Olivia said with apparent confusion. She reached across the table to touch Elliot's hand, seeing the pain in his facial expressions.
"It was hard enough trying to keep my marriage together when all I wanted to do was be with you," he said in a very quiet voice as he looked down at her hands holding his.
Olivia didn't know what to do or what to say. Had she heard him correctly? She always knew there was a special spark between the two of them. But she was certain her feelings for him were much more than any feelings he had ever felt for her. He loved Kathy. Not her.
"Elliot," she started but didn't know where to take her sentence. She jumped as her phone rang as it sat on the table beside her coffee cup. "Benson," she answered without looking at the Caller ID.
"Hey Bri," she said to her boyfriend on the other end of the phone. "I'm not sure when I'll be home. I'm working late on this Bishop case. Go ahead and order take out," she said noticing Elliot's expression as she lied to Brian. "Alright. See you later," she said before she hung up.
"Bri?" Elliot asked expressing a hint of jealousy.
"Brian Cassidy," she said before taking a sip of her coffee. "You remember him, don't you?"
"Oh yeah. You two had a fling back in the day," he said remembering Olivia and Brian's quick relationship years ago.
"Brian and I are living together now," she blurted out not wanting to hide any information from Elliot. If she expected him to be completely honest with her, she had to do the same.
"Are you happy?" Elliot questioned not sure what answer he wanted to hear.
"Yes, Elliot. He's a great guy," she said as Elliot's disappointment showed on his face. "So, how are you and Kathy?" Olivia asked changing the subject from her relationship to his.
"Kathy filed for divorce six months after I left SVU. I'm telling you, Liv. I was in a dark place. I was a horrible husband and father. I drank a lot. Never went home. I don't blame her for wanting to rid her life of me. I deserved it for what I did to her," he hesitated, "and you."
"Oh, Elliot," Olivia said trying to console the heartbroken Elliot that sat across the booth from her in that old diner.
"I ruined every good thing in my life. My family, my job, my partner. Everything was gone and I didn't care. It was easier to drink the pain away than face my responsibilities. But, I finally realized what I was missing with my kids and I put the bottle down. My relationship with Kathy wasn't salvageable but I'm back in my kids' lives. That's what matters most," he said searching for the words to say what he had wanted to say to Olivia for three years now. "But I miss you Liv."
"Why didn't you call Elliot? Why? I needed you. I needed my partner, my best friend," she said with great force, letting out three years of frustration. "Where were you when I needed you? I didn't get to hide from my life behind a bottle, Elliot. I had to live every single second of it. Every single painful second," she said thinking to her recent encounter with William Lewis and being held hostage. Tears formed in her eyes. She wondered if Elliot even knew she had been abducted. "Of course he did," she thought to herself. "You never even called, El," she said with pain in her voice. This realization hurt more than missing him ever did.
"I didn't know what to say, Liv. I had talked to Munch and he kept me filled in. I knew I hurt you when I left. I couldn't bring anymore pain into your life," he admitted shamefully, realizing he should have been there for her.
"I just thought I meant more to you than I did," she said as she reached for her belongings. "I've gotta go."
"Liv, please. I don't want you to go," Elliot confessed as she stood up and threw a couple dollars down on the table.
"I didn't want you to go either," she said as she walked out of the diner and towards the precinct which was only a couple blocks away.
Once she arrived back at the precinct, she went upstairs and sat in her chair. She placed her elbows on her desk and cradled her face in her hands. She had hidden these emotions so well for so long, and now they all resurfaced. As she sat in the dark, she wished her life could go back to the way it was just 12 hours prior. She was happy. Now she didn't know how to feel.
"How did I know this is where you'd go?" she heard that familiar voice behind her along with footsteps that stopped directly behind her.
"What are you doing here?" she said without turning to see Elliot standing there.
"I couldn't go home. I needed to see you again," he said quietly, still behind her.
"Why?" she said as she stood up to face him. "Why do you need to see me now, Elliot? You didn't need to see or even speak to me for three years," she said as she felt the stinging sensation of tears building up again and the wall she had built began to crumble.
"I need you, Liv," he said as he pulled her close to embrace her and comfort her. She fell into his body as he wrapped his arms around her. This feeling of content was what she had been searching for since his departure. Elliot's embrace was different than Brian's. She hated to admit it, but she never wanted Elliot to stop.
"I need you, too, El," she said wrapping her arms around his torso. She felt home when she was in his arms. She felt safe. She managed to pull her head up from his chest to look into his majestic eyes. She could get lost staring into those eyes. Elliot looked into her eyes, then down at her lips. He leaned down to join his lips with hers. She allowed his advances. She felt his tongue attempting to enter her mouth and she opened her lips to invite him in. She had dreamed of this moment for years. They had never allowed their relationship to extend this far before as partners. His marriage to Kathy always prevented her from allowing these feelings for him to surface. An image of Brian flashed into her memory and she pulled from his kiss abruptly.
"What's the matter?" Elliot asked afraid he did something wrong.
"I can't do this, El. What about Brian?" she asked with great confusion. "I can't do this to him."