The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. Not only is it better selling than Even More Things to Do in Zero Gravity and more controversial than Oolan Colluphid's latest hit, What's So Great About God Anyway?, but it has surpassed the Encyclopedia Galactica as the standard repository of knowledge and wisdom. The Guide is favored for a number of reasons: one, it is somewhat cheaper, and two, it has the words "Don't Panic" printed in large friendly letters on its cover. Now the best book in the galaxy gets even better.
In an effort to indulge our customers (mainly those who have complained about needing new reading material for the restroom), the publishers on Ursa Minor Beta bring you The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Unabridged Edition to extend your favorite, if not very accurate, compendium of essential knowledge.
Few people are aware that even the Guide's name and large, friendly "Don't Panic" are themselves abridged. In fact, they were some of the first things on the chopping block. Originally named The Poor, Bedraggled, Morally Bankrupt Hitchhiking Moocher's Essential, Know-It-All, Do-It-Yourself Guide to Everything You Could Possibly Think Of Within the Vastly, Hugely, Mind-bogglingly Big Big Bigness of Space and a Whole Lot More You Couldn't Think Of, many of the Guide's original test subjects lapsed into a coma from boredom before finishing the title. Those who managed to stay awake, be it caused by high levels of Aerthlian hyper-caffeine or the urge for the proffered paycheck, were so daunted by the sheer size of the printed version, which would require several inconveniently large buildings to carry around, that they immediately keeled over in spasms much like those of a Vogon poet's audience.
A kindly worker placed a note on the wall: The publishers thank you for not panicking.
When the Guide was then edited and condensed into the form of a micro sub meson electronic component, the janitor accidentally included this friendly notice as the final page. In the first final cut, the happy, amiable tone was translated into the large, friendly letters beings everywhere have come to know and love: Don't Panic.