Summary: It's hard to believe a vampire can be afraid of spiders.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Note: I edited this heavily so that it wouldn't be so cringe-worthy.

"Relax, Ed, it's just a spider!"

"Easy for you to say!" Edward groused. He was standing on his bed, holding the hose of a shop vac. "You're not the one trying to kill this little creep!"

"Wow, Jasper, you were right!" Emmett chuckled from the doorway, holding his phone like a camera. "He's really freaking out!"

"Emmett, don't exacerbate this!" Edward snapped, a low growl building in his chest. His grip on the hose tightened and almost splintered the plastic.

"C'mon, Ed!" Emmett laughed, lowering the camera. "This is funny, admit it! You, the 'fearless' Edward Cullen, are standing on your bed, freaking out over a tiny little spider the size of your thumbnail. Don't even try to tell me that this isn't even a little bit humorous."

"That is pretty funny." Jasper smirked.

"No it's not!" Edward said curtly, rolling the sleeves of his sweatshirt up to his elbows. "Do you know what kind of spider this is?"

"A brown recluse." Jasper answered. "See those lighter brown marks on the abdomen?"

"I don't want to look at spider abdomens!" Edward threw the ShopVac hose to the floor and let out a girlish scream and a violent shudder when he saw the spider scurry across the ceiling. "OH MY GOD. STOP MOVING!"

"You want me to get it?" Emmett asked.

"No, you'll just put a hole in the ceiling like last time!"

"You asked me to help. You mean you WEREN'T expecting me to do that?"

"I was hoping you would at least try not to cause any property damage!"

"Ed, this is me we're talking about. That's like asking a cat not to lick itself."

"Oh my God, you two." Jasper rolled his eyes, removed one of his flip flops, walked over to the wall where the spider was currently resting, and swiftly smacked it. "There. Happy?"

"Yes…" If Edward had been human, he would have been going red in the face.

"You're such a wuss, dude." The blonde put his flip flop back on.

"Shut up."

"He's right." Emmett snickered. "You scream like Dean Winchester."

"You kind of do." Jasper agreed. "Look, the spider's dead. Just try to relax."

"Just try to shut up!" Edward aggressively rubbed his palms on the sides of his shorts. He felt like he had spiders all over him. "You'd better not still be filming."

"I'm not." Emmett held his hands up. "You really need to loosen up."

"No I don't!"

"You really do." Jasper nodded in agreement before turning away and starting to walk down the hallway.

"And you really need to learn to control yourself around human blood!"

"…Low blow, Edward. That was low." Emmett shook his head and whistled. "Damn."

All Jasper did was turn around, lift his hand, and extend his middle finger before continuing down the hallway. Emmett followed after a few seconds.

"Jerks." Edward thought, crossing his arms over his chest and turning toward his room. Then he remembered that there could be more spiders in there.

"On second thought, maybe I'll just go see Bella."

Sorry if it sucks. There'll be better chapters in the future. I actually don't care if you hate it, it's supposed to be this stupid.