Windows, I always like it shut.
Not being able to see the outside and the outside not seeing me.
The cold world is very judgemental and by having my blood red curtain drape over me keeps my santuary sacred, protected, untouched by the ones who like to think that they know a person just by looking at them.
No one really knows what's inside the room, the santuary until they actually stepped inside and sleep there. There is just one question; could you even get close to the door?
In my sixteen years of existence, my way with words I always seem attached to that one, maybe because it's very me. I Hermione Jean Granger finally admits that I am afraid of love, afraid of letting somebody in, afraid of rejection. Finally admitting this doesn't excuse the way I act when you finally came around. Admitting after the war that for all these years you have a thing for me, I didn't understand so I held my guard, i Pushed you away.
You can't really blame me for my actions, you've always treated me like everyone else, if not just like everyone much more harsh than everyone, guess I was special, or that's what I like to think foor myself when I was alone contemplating on the words more like insults trown at me but even though those words cut me like knives stabbing my chest I can't bring myself to go and hate you and it's actually too late to realize that once again I have tears steaming down my face. So i just continue to my convince myself that i actually hate him. Even though i don't really hate him and i was confuse why i can't, but somewhere in the back of my mind i know.
I bet that you can't imagine my surprise when you told me that you have feeling for me, and even though it happen months ago I feel as if it way just like yesterday.
Flashback
It's snowing really bad it's been only a day that the war finally ended. The light won and accompanying this victory is the deaths of the precious wizard and witches one of those is the greatest wizard himself Albus Dumbledore. For the golden trio it is bittersweet, Harry Potter or now bet knows as The-defeater-of-the-dark-lord is relieved that finally after all these painful years of fighting the dark lord it's finally over and the burden in his shoulder is gone. Ronald Weasley, the boy with the emotional range of a teaspoon finally show great emotion;Grief, in the middle of the final battle his brother died. Hermione Granger the bookworm extraordinaire feel relieved and at the same time sad, now that the war is over will her so-called 'best friends' need her, she have this nagging feeling thats things will change between them.
Classes is suspended and students who want to go home can go, staffs and the students that stayed help in rebuilding the castle, most of which doesn't want to go back home or doesn't have a home to go back to just like Draco Malfoy he left his family to switch side knowing that by doing so he is putting his life on the line.
The halls of the castle is so quiet that you can hear your own breathing. "Potter!" I called out to the man who is three feet away from me. Since the war I had formed a truce with potter, it's only proper that we do not banter whenever we see each other seeing that we were working with each other. "What do you want Malfoy?" He said to me as if suspecting something, "Have you seen granger?" I asked nonchantly as to not raise any suspicion, "I don't really know but it seems that she spends most of her time at the astronomy tower, why do you ask?" I can see the suspicion still there in his eyes, "McGonagall wants to talk to her" NOw the suspicion is fading and being replaced by a confused look, "Oh! okay..." He said walking away.
I waited until he's finally out of sight until I dashed towards the astronomy tower all the while my head is pounding real hard. 'oh shit oh shit oh shit! what am I gonna say to her?! oh shit!'I don't know what I'm doing but I just want to no not want to need to tell her what i feel, the war is over now and no danger is ahead of us. Fine I'm in love with Hermione Granger, you can't call it love at first sight coz' I know that it isn't it's just that everytime I insult her call her names I feel a pang in my chest I just ignore it all these years but now that the war is over there is no more death eaters lurking in the shadows so I see no reason in hiding my feelings for her.
Astronomy Tower
Harry and Ron are paying less thought to me, at the back of my mind I know that this will happen eventually well I will stop caring for them if that's what they want it's not like they really know me, it's not like they even make effort to know me not the bookworm granger but the real me, i bet they don't even know when my birthday is. Meybe my guard is too strong for them to break, I wonder is there anyone who can break it? I think not my 'best friends' can't even tell, they don't kow anything.
I really like it up here despite of my fear of heights I quite like it here, where no one I mean no one can reach me. when I am alone here I feel calmness engulfing my whole being, I forget about the things that bothers me at the same time I also get to think about the things that is happening in my life, but all in all I really like this place.
"Granger" I know that voice why do I get this feeling when I hear it?
I look back and saw him "Malfoy" why do I feel this fluttering in my stomach?
"Granger we need to talk" there is something in his voice that makes my heartbeat faster.
Despite of the rapid pounding in my chest I pretend to be calm "aren't you talking to me right now?"
"Fine, Uhmm...I-I" I'm really nervous now what is he trying to say?
Hermione Granger you need to pull yourself together "Spit it out Malfoy! I don't have all day!"
He looks up, clearly surprised about my outburst, the look in his eyes sent shivers down my spine "Fine! I LOVE YOU! THERE! THATS IT!"
Saying that I'm shock is an understatement, I don't know what to do or say I don't even know what to feel thats why I place my guard back on "Stop joking Malfoy it's not funny" It sounded out darker that I intended it to be.
"I'm serious Gr-Hermione" This is not possible, how can this be possible?! He obviously hates me why say this now?
"You can't be serious! For seven six years you've done nothing but hurt me why tell me this now?"
The look on his face is so desperate that I almost fell for what he is saying "Please believe me Hermione, I'm serious when I told you that I love you I kept my feelings for you bottled up all these years because of the danger that we're into, because of the dark lord, because of my father but all of it is over now, there is no more danger now so I'm not afraid of you getting in danger because of me. Please Hermione just give me a chance"
"Stop it! just stop it please! Leave me alone!" My head is spinning "Hermione just give me a chance I'll make it up to you please please just-Hermione" "No go away! Stay away from me! Please just leave me alone" I can't see anything anymore my visions blur because of the tears that keeps on falling, the last thing I saw is him closing the door before I sunk into despair.
End of Flashback
I honestly don't know what happen that day it happen so fast and for months I wonder how did he fall for me? what did he saw in me that nobody else saw? and I ask my self why didn't I gave him a chance, I never got the answer to my question not until now because now I finally admit that I feel the same way, that I love him it's just a matter of when will i realize that and now it's too late he gave up on me. Now I hate being the head girl coz' being the head girl means living right next to him, seeing him with other girls, hearing him in his nightly escapades and every time I breakdown because I know that it's my fault I didn't give him a chance. It tears me apart knowing that he gave up on me and now I'm here in my bed pouring my eyes out for him while he moved on and is messing around with other girls.
For me to think that he found the real me now I don't know what to do, I need to move on but then again I can't he is the only one who broke my guard, even though it's hard, hard to even think about it I have nothing but the memory of his confession to reminisce when he said the words that filled my stomach with butte-KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
Who would be knocking at this time of night, it must be Ginny she's the only one who knows the password in the heads commonroom besides me and..him. I'm really annoyed why won't everyone leave me to cry by myself "What do you need Ginny?" "Granger we need to talk" Saying that I am petrified to hear his voice is an understatement "What do you need Malfoy?" "I will not repeat myself, what I told you few months ago is true" "What are you trying to say Malfoy?" I restrain myself so that hope will not be obvious in my voice "Can I come in?" I hesitate but then step aside to let him in "Hermione back then when I told you that I love you I mean it" I open my mouth to cut in "Hermione please just listen to me, I still love you I know that I didn't show it when you broke my heart, every time I'm with someone else I always imagine them to be you because everytime I see you my heart yearns to be with you" I can see the truthfulness in his eyes but I still have to ask "How can I trust you?" And before I know it his lips were on mine and also before I know it I was kissing him back I subconsciously wrap my hand at the back of his neck and kiss him just as passionate but then again my lungs is screaming for air so I pulled away.
"So?" He asked me teasingly "Well uhmm..." He didn't recieve any answer I just kissed him.