So. Not crack, I guess. Fluffy, pretty silly.
Human names used. Basically England is telling Colony!America where babies come from.
3 For my RP's America because she's pretty awesome.
Enjoitsu.
"Arthur…?"
Said man froze, setting his embroidery hoop and accompanying project down on the table adjacent to his seat. He raised his eyes to the small blonde before him, green orbs boring into inquisitive ocean blues.
"Yes, Alfred?" he gave his young colony a once over, "Is there something wrong?"
The small boy's nose wrinkled in mild irritation- why did something have to be wrong for him to be talking to Arthur? After all he was his big brother. Regardless, Alfred stared through those wide, innocent eyes at his elder, shifting uneasily from foot to foot.
"I have a question, Arthur…" Alfred's voice was strangely quiet, causing Arthur to sit upright, hands in lap, to give the child his full attention.
He waited for Alfred to continue and when he didn't he sighed, relenting. He removed his hands from his lap and patted his knee, an affectionate smile turning up the corners of his lips when Alfred scrambled up onto his lap, small hands fisting the fabric of his shirt.
"What's your question, poppet?" Arthur asked, reaching up to stroke a stray strand of hair out of Alfred's eyes.
"Well…" Arthur looked at him expectantly, lips pressed together in a tight, neutral expression. He was completely used to Alfred's questions, he'd asked everything from "Why do rabbits have long ears?" to "When will I get hair on my chin like big brother Francis?" That last question had given Arthur quite a shock; Alfred was so eager to grow up… He shook his head a little, refocusing his eyes on the- for now- small colony sitting on his knee.
"Where do babies come from, Arthur?"
The Briton blinked. And blinked again. Babies? Well… Bollocks. That wasn't something he was expecting. The carefully neutral expression shifted into one of surprise for an instant before he caught it, though it wasn't fast enough that Alfred missed it.
"If you don't know I can ask big brother Francis…" Alfred spoke sincerely, voice just the slightest bit disappointed at the idea that there was something Arthur couldn't answer.
"I bloody well know where babies come from, Alfred." Arthur snapped, a faint blush rising to his cheeks. A small frown graced his features, impressive eyebrows furrowing as he thought of the best thing to tell Alfred. He'd find out some day, right? Wouldn't it be best to just tell him now instead of having him go to Francis and asking that repulsive frog the very same question? Goodness knows that Francis would do, given the opportunity. His thoughts began wandering again before he shook his head a second time, settling on a story.
"Well, Alfred…" Arthur cleared his throat, eyes shifting away from the small boy, "when a… mother and a father love each other very much…" he paused for a moment, returning his gaze to the curious orbs of his small charge, seemingly hanging on his every word.
"W-when they love each other very much they make a wish to the faeries. The ones that are in charge of giving children to loving parents." Arthur's words were slightly rushed, finding this particular conversation more awkward than the time Alfred had asked him why people ate animals, bursting into tears and babbling on about his bison friend being missing. It had taken hours to calm the boy down. And the only reason he calmed down was because said bison returned from the other side of the field.
But Alfred nodded now, appearing to be genuinely interested in what Arthur was saying. Arthur placed a hand on top of Alfred's head, fingers playing with the boy's short strands of hair.
"Then the faeries go to their garden filled with only the most beautiful flower buds and they sprinkle faerie dust on them and if the mother and father wished hard enough one of the buds would open." Alfred seemed skeptical now, but he nodded again anyway. He stared at Arthur who smiled in return, "And a little baby boy or girl would come out of the flower."
The British man took a moment to try to smooth down that single, unruly lock that always stood upright on Alfred's head. Finding no luck with that he moved his arm to encircle Alfred's waist before continuing on with his story. The boy immediately moved his hands from Arthur's chest to hug the arm wrapped around him, despite his skepticism at the story he was being told.
"So when the baby comes out the faeries put the baby in a basket and give the basket to a unicorn and the unicorn brings the basket to the door of the parents." he paused, "And that's where babies come from." Arthur finished, patting Alfred's lap with his free hand.
Alfred's eyes were weary but he nodded. "Thank you, Arthur!" he exclaimed, sounding as cheerful as ever.
"Of course, love." Arthur slid his arm free of the Alfred's grasp, giving the colony a little hug. "Now run along and go play with your bison." he said softly, voice simply dripping affection.
Alfred nodded for the umpteenth time, hugging Arthur in return and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before turning and running out of the room. He didn't quite catch the "That was easier than I thought…" that Arthur mumbled when he left.
The small blonde sighed as he exited the building, peering around.
If Arthur doesn't know I guess I'll have to ask big brother Francis.
A/N:: ARTHUR. GOD. WHY DON'T YOU KNOW WHERE BABIES COME FROM? =|
Because it's totally relevant, this was written to Lady GaGa's Bad Romance, Poker Face and Alejandro on loop. =|