This is set at some point during The Deathly Hallows although generally I'm not sure when. I know that it changes events slightly but I just really thought that this had to be done. Don't hate my changes! J It's quite long but I think it works better read in one go.
Tonks wasn't home. She'd gone to visit her mother. Andromeda was taking Ted's death badly. Poor woman. It had been months but she was so cut up, so sure that she could have done something to protect her husband. They'd tried to tell her there was nothing she could do; when the Ministry wanted someone to disappear they did.
Remus Lupin sat at the scrubbed wooden table. His shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his head was resting in his hands. The driving rain battered against the windows and the wind rushed around the tiny cottage. His breathing was deep and even as he thought carefully about the last couple of years and how much his life had changed. Not changed all for the better. Shadows haunted every corner of his mind; Dumbledore and Sirius, Lily and James. Just shadows of times gone by.
A sudden cry roused him from his memories. He'd almost forgotten about Teddy, sleeping in the next room. That was a change worth having. He stood hastily and hurried through to his son.
"Teddy, Teddy," he murmured, plucking the baby from his cot, "What's the matter, little man?"
The effect was instant; he had no idea what was so special about his voice but the baby always stopped wailing the second he talked to him. It didn't even matter what he was saying; for all that baby cared he could be reading from a book about ancient Muggle law. He smiled down at the little boy.
"That's better. Mummy will be home soon."
Remus settled into the rocking chair in the corner of the baby's room. Teddy snuggled against his chest, his tiny fist clutching a handful of his father's shirt. Remus took a blanket from the back of the chair and engulfed the little boy in the folds. Teddy yawned widely and closed his eyes. Remus sat still, keeping his breathing as shallow as possible and inhaling the baby smell.
As the sweet scent hit him, so did the wave of guilt. He couldn't believe how close he had got to abandoning Tonks and his son. His stomach twisted as he remembered the look of disgust on Harry's face. A coward. That's what Harry had said. That word had stung like a thousands slaps to the face. He'd been called a lot in his life but a coward was never one of them. Then, when Harry couldn't have hurt him even more, he'd said James would be disappointed.
Remus had always felt like he let James and Sirius down; when they were in the mood to goad Peter he'd stopped them. When they felt like a stroll in the Forbidden Forest at midnight he'd persuaded them out of it. It was never expressed though, beyond the odd roll of the eyes and rebellious sigh. They'd never actually said it. Harry had hurt him, hurt him more than he believed he could be hurt. A sad smile flickered on his face when he realised that he running away would have caused Tonks as much pain as Harry's cruelty had hurt him. No. It wasn't cruelty. Harry had saved his life.
Remus copied Teddy, closing his eyes. He was surprised at how easily sleep came. Teddy was good, sleeping through most nights but somehow the peace that he felt whenever he looked into his son's eyes, eyes that were a mirror of his own, always cleansed him of any agonizing thoughts that were settling in his mind. He shook his head. He was so grateful to Harry. The boy had shocked him into going back to Tonks and Teddy.
When Tonks slipped quietly in the door an hour later, she was surprised by the silence in the cottage. She'd expected Remus to be where she left him so was startled to find his chair pushed back from the table and empty. She strolled into Teddy's room and beamed at the sight that she found there. Remus was sat in the rocking chair, fast asleep, with one hand protectively around Teddy, who was balanced on his father's chest. Her heart melted. It was the most adorable sight she had ever seen.
She walked softly from the room and returned, seconds later, with her father's old camera. She took a couple of photos, deciding that she would hand make the invites for Teddy's christening using that photo. She picked up the baby, which was easier said than done because he still had a handful of Remus' shirt. The weight lifted, Remus stirred and opened his eyes to the bright pink hair of his wife bobbing in front of him.
"You were asleep," she said, smiling.
'Oh, no. I was resting my eyes," he retorted.
"Remus Lupin, that is the biggest cliché ever. If I wasn't holding the baby, I'd give you a clip round the ear!"
"Well, put him down to sleep and try and catch me!" he joked, not thinking that she would actually take up his offer.
Within seconds, Teddy was snoozing in his cot and Tonks was chasing his father from the room. Remus didn't try that hard to get away. He'd done enough running away to last a lifetime.
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The next day, Remus was still in a very good mood. He'd had an undisturbed sleep for the first time in what felt like, and probably was, years. He sat at the kitchen table with Teddy, reading to him from The Quibbler. Tonks listened too as she prepared breakfast. They'd cancelled their subscription to The Daily Prophet the first time that Rita Skeeter had mentioned Dumbledore. That woman had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.
"Listen to this Teddy," he said, " Harry Potter is the shining star in this tragedy, the guiding light that we must all tend and protect if we are to have any hope in this war. Our dearest desires flicker in his eyes and we must trust The Boy Who Lived to lead us to our silver lining," he looked at the baby, who was watching him as though drinking in every word, "That's your godfather, Teddy. One day, when all this is better and everyone is happy again, he'll be your godfather."
Suddenly, a silver Patronus ambled through the door of the cottage. It bowed it's head to Tonks and turned to Remus. It's mouth opened and the unmistakeable voice of Bill Weasley, slightly deeper and huskier after Greyback's attack, came tumbling out.
"Remus, he's dead. Wormtail is dead. The kids saw it happen. They're here with us now. Apparently his silver hand strangled him. He tried to kill Harry but in the end he couldn't do it. I'm so sorry, Remus."
The Patronus headed back out of the door and Tonks risked a glance at Remus' face. He had gone strangely pale and the spark had faded from his eyes. He stood, Teddy in his arms.
"Remus, are you OK?" she asked, laying a gentle hand on his arm.
"Yes, of course. Peter was a murderer. Why should I be bothered by his passing?"
"Because I know you."
"He killed my best friends. Why should I care?" he spat, more violently than he had meant to, "I'm sorry, Dora. I didn't mean that."
She wrapped her arms around Remus and Teddy, "I know. I know that I don't understand but please talk to me about it. Don't bottle it up again."
He knew that she was referring to his failed escape attempt. She, Harry, Ron and Hermione were the only ones that knew how close he had come.
"Do you mind if I go and sit alone for a while?" he whispered into her hair.
"No. I have to go and see Kingsley anyway. I'm going to leave Teddy here."
He nodded, unable to speak as he watched her grab her wand and head out of the door, with a gentle smile thrown in his direction.
He sat Teddy in his cot and went to the spare room. He dug around in the back of the cupboard and pulled out a shoebox tied tightly with string because it was so full that the lid was falling off. He went back to Teddy's room and threw the box on the floor. He took the baby from the cot and held him in one arm as he sat on the floor. He used his spare hand to untie the string; it was trembling so badly that in the end he pulled out his wand and did it that way.
One by one he took the pieces of paper from the box. Letters and photos. He spread them on the floor, in two neat piles. First, he looked at every photo. They were from various times. Several from each year at Hogwarts. Many from after their time at the school. The newest photo featured Harry. That was the last one.
He read every single letter. He'd ordered these letters before, by date. Letters from the age of eleven. They were so innocent. They talked about the future. How they would be friends forever. He laughed at the naivety of them but his eyes grew more blurry as their age progressed and so did the seriousness of the writing. Slowly the pile shrank until he was left with the last four. One was a scribbled note from Peter that had arrived four days before James and Lily died. In fact, it had arrived on Remus' birthday.
Moony,
Happy birthday and sorry I don't have time to write properly. That's another year gone by. Just to say that I still appreciate your friendship more than you'll ever know.
All the best
Wormtail
Remus had always been repulsed by this letter but he never found the strength to throw it away. It reminded him that there was still a bit of Peter that was good, that was worth the effort to remember. He sniffed and picked up the next, also a birthday letter, this time from Sirius.
Moony,
Happy birthday mate. Who'd believe that we're big grown up boys of 21? It doesn't seem decent that the Marauders ever age beyond 17. My vote says that we stick to saying we're 17 for as long as possible! Well, James and Lily can't, with Harry, but you, me and Wormy could. Who'd have thought that one of us is a father and the rest are 'uncles' as Lily puts it. We shouldn't be given that responsibility! Well, you maybe but certainly not me!
Anyway, can't wait till Saturday. Should be good, mate. We'll drink till we throw up, just like old times.
See you soon
Padfoot
That was much worse and this time he couldn't stop a tear from sliding down his face. He looked down at Teddy, sleeping peacefully in his arms. He should stop this now. He was only going to upset himself. But he couldn't stop himself. He needed to do this.
Moony,
Just a quick note to say happy birthday. We're finally all 21! It doesn't seem right that the most mature of all of us is the youngest.
We tried to explain to Harry that it was Uncle Remus' birthday but he just stared at us, which I suppose we should have expected. Sometimes that boy just looks so wise it's hard to remember that he's only one and a bit!
James asked me to write this next bit for him, because he's 'bad with words' as he puts it. We were reminiscing about Hogwarts the other day and James realised, now he has the responsibility of a father, just how much you saved him and Sirius from serious trouble when you were at school. He never quite understood why you stopped them doing certain things until now. He says that he appreciates your friendship all the more and that he's sorry for any trouble that he and Sirius ever got you into.
We hope that you have a good day and we can't wait to see you on Saturday. When I told Harry about the party, he had a big smile for his Uncle Remus.
All our love,
Lily, James and Harry
The tears came thick and fast as he picked up the last, lonely piece of paper. This neat, cramped writing was all too familiar. This was the letter that he had sent to Lily and James on the night of 31st October. This was the letter that had never been seen by anyone else because the owl came back.
Prongs, Lily and Harry,
Thank you very much for the Honeydukes. My favourite, how did you guess?! It's been a pretty normal birthday really, just one of those unlucky ones that falls on the full moon. Not that I'm that bothered. Dumbledore invited me to Hogwarts for a couple of glasses of whisky yesterday. He asked my advice on the teaching of werewolves in DADA. My advice! He said that he didn't want kids to be taught to hate us and that if he knew a Grindylow capable of intelligent conversation he'd ask their opinion too.
Lily, I want to thank you for the things that you said in my birthday letter. James, all I can say is that we're friends. Friends help each other out. You, Padfoot and Wormtail accepted me for what I am. I had to return the favour and, although I've never said it before, I love you. I love you more than I could probably ever put into words so I'll stop before I embarrass myself.
I'm looking forward to Saturday. Give Harry a hug from Uncle Remus (I still can't get used to that, Lily, can I please just be Remus?!)
Love to you all
Moony
The paper was suddenly wet with tears. He tucked the letter carefully into the pile and then let the tears flow. They had been a long time coming and he knew that they wouldn't stop until they were ready. One tear for every smile. One tear for every kind word, every hug, every joke. There was one tear for every memory; memories that he alone now had.
His sobs racked his whole body, so much so that he woke Teddy up. The baby didn't join his father in the tears; instead he just gazed at his face. Remus looked down into his son's eyes and was amazed by the look in them. The baby looked like he understood. His tiny face carried all the wisdom of the world and, even as his father's tears soaked his face, he didn't cry with him. Remus whispered,
"One day, when you're old enough to understand, I'll tell you all about them. I'll tell you all about the adventures that we had. That way, they'll never be forgotten. You can't let me forget them, Teddy. It's my job. I'm the last one. I have to remember them."
He stood up and went to the kitchen window. Four trees stood in the garden, where he had planted them only days before. They were fully grown already. He'd used some Herbology knowledge to turn them into fully fledged beeches in a matter of seconds, then he'd carved a name onto each, James, Sirius, Lily and Professor Dumbledore. He took Teddy outside and, although he hesitated, another tree soon joined them in the row. He took out his wand and carved. Just initials. PP
A small pop made him whip round. It was only Tonks. She took one look at the tears on his face and enveloped him in a hug, Teddy nestled between them. She whispered in his ear,
"It's alright to cry, Remus."
"I know. But it's Peter. He killed James and Lily."
"Yes, but he was your friend. Part of you still wants to remember only the good in him, even if he did betray you all."
"Why? Why am I the one that has to remember them? It's not fair."
"I know. I know it's not fair. But someone had to be left behind. Who'd tell Harry and Teddy all the stories if you didn't? You lived for a reason, Remus. Remember that."
He sniffed and looked down at Teddy, who was now sleeping peacefully.
"It's for him. I'm still here because of him."
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Remus led his small group into the grounds. The grass was slippery under foot; the rain was still falling, a constant drizzle to add to the chaos and fear. The shouts from the castle echoed behind them, although all Remus could concentrate on was the thundering beat of his heart. They reached their position by the gates. Remus glanced over and saw the group with Bill stop several hundred yards away. Remus swallowed once, forced a picture of Teddy and Tonks into his head and turned to his group. Most of his young charges wore the robes of Ravenclaw and the same, terrified look on their faces.
"They will aim to kill and they don't care who they hit," he said hurriedly, "They know me. They'll go for me first. Look out for one another. Fight in pairs. Stay in this group. If anything happens to me," he stared around at the group, "Oliver, you're in charge. Keep them together and work backwards. Keep backing to the castle. If anyone wants to go now, they can. No one will think any less of you. Just make it quick."
No one moved, despite the fact that most were trembling and gripping hold of one another. Oliver Wood, at least a head taller than most present, met Remus' eyes and allowed himself a grim smile. Remus took one last breath and looked them all in the eyes.
"Do whatever you feel comfortable with and whatever you're ability stretches to. If you have to stop to…to pick someone up, make it quick and smooth. Remember…"
He was cut off by a sudden scream that came from somewhere on their right and suddenly, the Death Eaters were upon them. A red spark flew past his head, missing by inches. He thought about Tonks and Teddy and raised his wand. Harry had called him a coward. He had to prove that he wasn't.
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Fenir Greyback was battling Anthony Goldstein, saliva dripping from his mouth as he cast spell after spell at the weakening boy. Remus snarled as he turned his wand on the man that had ruined his life.
"Greyback, you bastard!" he heard himself roar. The Death Eater turned, a horrible smile forming on his face.
"Lupin! How's that boy of yours? I thought I might drop in to visit. You know how much I love kids."
Remus didn't know where it came from but the spell was out of his mouth before he could stop it. He'd never used an Unforgivable Curse before. Greyback fell to the floor, screaming as the Crucio Curse rippled through his body. Anthony stood, open mouthed, as Remus finally realised what he was doing. He stopped. Greyback, flat on his back, stared at him, a snarl twisting his lip as he whispered, "Hatred. You're just like us, Lupin. You'd make a good Death Eater."
Shaking, Remus performed a Body Bind, trying to block out the taunts. He turned to Anthony.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
Anthony gasped, "It's alright, Professor. I've heard stories about him. He deserved it."
Remus nodded and turned.
"Professor?"
"Yes?"
"You're not like them."
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Tonks ran to join them and threw herself into his arms.
"Remus, I was so scared."
"There isn't time. Please be careful. I love you."
"I love you too."
They kissed briefly but passionately. Tonk's eyes were grim.
"Let's go and sort these bastards out."
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Dolohov spat out spell after spell, his wand moving so fast that it was a blur. Remus fired them back, his heart pounding as he kept half an eye on Tonks.
"Concentrate, werewolf boy!" Dolohov screamed.
Remus turned his head to look Dolohov square in the eyes and, in that brief second, he heard a triumphant yell from his left. He didn't know how he knew but a feeling of dread settled in his stomach. A body lay on the saturated ground, normal looking apart from the pink hair that lay flat on her head. He let out a groan and abandoned his dual, not caring if he was killed. He waited for the spell to hit him but it didn't come.
He fell to his knees beside her body and gathered her to his chest, breathing in the smell that still lingered. She smelt of Teddy and of their home. She smelt of happiness. He was too shocked to cry as the world seemed to stop turning and the screams faded into the background. His heart slowed down to a dull thump as he grasped her hand to his chest. It was all a blur. All he heard was the footsteps of a man behind him.
"Stand up and die like a man, werewolf," rasped Dolohov.
Remus turned and stood slowly, his grey eyes dull as he gazed upon the Death Eater. Dolohov was silent, thrown slightly by the apparent lack of spirit that his victim possessed.
"Do it, Dolohov."
"Now, now, werewolf boy, that's not like one of Dumbledore's. Aren't you going to fight for all that is good and that shit?"
"What's the point, Dolohov?"
"Well, if you insist," he smirked, raising his wand, taking his time, elated by the prospect of a senior Order member on his list of the dead that night.
He was so busy relishing the kill that he didn't notice Remus take out his wand and Stupefy him.
Remus lowered his head and kissed Tonks, not lingering too long on her lips. He didn't notice the Death Eater shoot green sparks at his back. He didn't hear the curse. He didn't feel it hit him. All he knew was the sudden white light that filled his mind and his body.
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It was all white. He tried to focus on the make up of the place but it faded in and out of his view. That didn't matter though. He didn't know why but that place made him feel calm. He had the peculiar feeling that he had just woken up from a deep sleep. He stood shakily, massaging his eyes with his knuckles like a child looking at their Christmas presents. A small cough alerted him to the presence of another. He turned just in time to see a flash of red hair before he was almost bowled over. Her face swam into focus and a tear slid down his cheek as she put her hand to his face.
"What's going on, Lily?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
"This is it, Remus. This is what happens next."
He lowered his head, biting his lip.
"It's alright, Moony. Once you get used to it."
He raised his head at James' voice, staring into a pair of eyes that he hadn't seen for sixteen years. James pulled him into a hug as Remus almost collapsed with the weight of it all.
"Give him some air, James," cut in the gravelly voice of Sirius. He added with a wry smile, "It's good to see you, mate."
"Remus," Lily whispered, "We saw you, what you did when Peter died. Don't feel like you let us down. We've seen him. We've spoken to him and we've worked things out. It's fine. It's nothing different to what any of us would have done."
"Apart from me," muttered Sirius mutinously.
"Yes, well, apart from Sirius but quite frankly he's been a grumpy bugger quite a lot of the time," retorted James.
"I'd give him some space, Prongs," said Sirius dryly, "There's someone here that will probably kill you again if you don't get out of the way."
James broke away as a streak of pink hair leapt on Remus, kissing him before he had the chance to draw breath.
"It's not your fault, Remus. It's not your fault," she murmured in his ear, her breath warm on his cheek.
"Alright, that's enough," said Sirius, attempting to keep up the bad mood but actually fighting a smile at the sight of his friend and his cousin.
"Oh yes," exclaimed Lily, "Congratulations about Teddy."
Remus felt his heart sink as he remembered his son, the son that he was never going to see again. The little boy that was left behind in a world where his parents were killed fighting the ultimate evil.
"He'll be OK, Moony," James said earnestly, "He'll be looked after."
"Harry will look after him," said Sirius, completely serious now, "You asked him to be godfather. I know how much that means."
"Yes, but…" Remus said, unable to voice what he was thinking.
"It will be OK, Remus. I know what you're thinking but we have complete faith in them all," said Lily.
She shot James a look and he stepped forwards, his voice sincere and honest, "We know what Harry said. It's alright Moony. We don't think that you're a coward."
Remus ducked his head, "In complete honesty, James, I think that he was right. I nearly ran out on them. It doesn't come much more cowardly than that."
Sirius snorted, "You are kidding aren't you, Moony? How can someone who died in battle and spent Merlin knows how many years of their life dealing with me and Prongs ever be called a coward, you moron?"
"You were scared," Lily added, "But you weren't cowardly. There's a difference, Moony and don't forget it."
"Going back was the scariest thing that you could have done and you managed it," added James.
"Anything but a coward," Tonks whispered in his ear.
There followed a silence, so perfect that it almost seemed it had been planned for each to reflect upon their own thoughts. It didn't last long though, as Sirius jerked his head. He glanced at James, who nodded and took Lily's hand. Sirius himself grabbed Remus' arm.
"Harry needs us," said Sirius urgently.
"He's calling us," muttered James.
"Remus, close your eyes," whispered Lily, "This could feel a bit strange."
"Tonks, we'll be back soon," said Sirius, closing his own eyes.
Tonks nodded silently as they disappeared before her eyes.
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The next thing they all knew they were in the Forbidden Forest. At least, that is what they could see but there was no proper touch and no smells to say that it was. Harry was stood stock still, staring at them. He bit his lip and continued to walk. They walked beside him; James and Lily on each side, Sirius in front, his eyes darting and Remus slightly behind them, listening intently. He felt like the least he could do was make sure that Harry wasn't struck down whilst he tried to talk to his parents. He glanced at Sirius and couldn't hold back a wan smile; his friend suddenly and inexplicably had a bottle of beer in his hand that he was gulping feverishly. James saw him too.
"Don't worry, Padfoot. We're not staying till, well…"
"Till I die?" said Harry grimly.
"Don't say that Harry," gently scolded Lily.
"Why not?" said Harry rebelliously, " That's the reason you're here."
"Actually…" cut in James, about to continue but then unable to do so.
Harry ignored him but Remus saw a glimmer of a look on his friend's face that no one else seemed to notice. Remus himself was silent, hoping that any awkwardness with Harry could be avoided, until the boy turned and looked at him.
"I'm so sorry. I mean, Teddy and…"
"Teddy will grow up in a world where his father died to make it worth living in. To me, that's worth it."
Harry silently scanned his face then smiled, the first time he smiled at him in a long time. That smile said everything. It said more than any of their apologies to one another could, both being so damn awkward when it came to that sort of thing.
When they neared the heart of the Forest, the four of them gathered in a protective circle around him. Lily gingerly put a hand on his cheek. He flinched and she half withdrew until he assured her it was just cold. They hugged him, one by one. He reached Remus last and seemed to linger in his embrace a little longer, perhaps trying to avoid what was next. Eventually he pulled away and stood aside as James took Lily's hand and Sirius flung his arm around Remus' shoulders.
"Bye, then," Harry sighed.
"We're so proud of you, Harry," said Lily, her breath catching in her throat.
"Hope we don't see you again too soon," added James.
"Go and show them what you're made of, Harry," grinned Sirius wryly.
"You've never let anyone down, Harry. Remember that," finished Remus as the same white light suddenly flooded his mind and they found themselves back in the sanctuary of the white walls, where Tonks was waiting anxiously. Lily turned away and they heard a stifled sob. James wrapped his arms protectively around her and Remus took Tonks' hand. Sirius' bottle of beer had appeared again and he was consoling himself with that.
"That is one brave boy you've got there, Prongs," he said lifting his bottle into the toast position, "Puts us into perspective doesn't it?" he added gruffly, swigging his drink.
Tonks reached out her spare hand and grasped Sirius' who, despite the image he was trying to convey, held tightly.
They reminisced, anything to keep their minds off the feeling of dread that they had in their stomachs. There didn't seem like any sort of time in this new place but it felt to Remus like about an hour later when they were gathered together. Lily and James sat on the white bench, their fingers still locked together. Sirius was led on another, a fourth bottle in his hand. Remus sat on the floor with his back against the wall and Tonks protectively curled in his arms. He and James also held bottles, having finally succumbed to Sirius' pleas that he didn't want to drink on his own
"I don't want to excite anyone," said Sirius, abruptly sitting up, "But does something suddenly feel…different."
"Merlin, he's right," said James.
"It almost feels…" added Lily.
"Like everything is right," finished Sirius.
"It's happened," said James, his voice rising.
"I think you might be right," whispered Lily.
"And Harry isn't here," said Tonks catching on to the mood.
Remus gazed at their faces, each daring to feel a little excitement.
"It's over," he murmured.