Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters or associated fictional
Locations.
The Sugar Famine:
L was in a good mood, the reasons for this were relatively simple despite the fact he was working on one of the most complex cases in his life.
First of all he was on the verge of capturing Kira; in fact 'Kira' was actually handcuffed to the detective right now, staring at a computer screen with all the enthusiasm of a dead fish.
The second reason was that he had recently purchased a box of the world's finest chocolate, and it was due to arrive at any moment now…. any second now Watari would enter the room and reveal the precious box with its holy contents and L's life would have been worth all of the hardships he had endured. The marches through Siberia, the thousands of hours spent outhinking the world's greatest criminal masterminds, the days of staring at a computer screen waiting for a clue to Kira's Identity, and most horrific of all, watching a teenage boy perm his own hair.
Suddenly there was a series of knocks on the wooden door, L's head snapped toward it with a speed that both shocked and disturbed the sleep-deprived taskforce.
"What's the matter Ryuzaki?" Asked Light, surprised L's neck was still intact.
L didn't bother to answer Light and simply bounded off his chair and raced toward the door with astounding speed. Light swore as he was pulled out of his chair by the chain connecting the mass-murder and the insomniac Detective, his cries suddenly silenced as his head slammed into the floor.
L practically ripped off the door, revealing a startled Watari, however- much to L's disappointment- the only thing he was carrying was a paper package, too thin to be carrying his precious chocolates.
"Are you quite alright Ryuzaki?" Asked Watari.
"No" answered L in his usual monotone, "I was hoping my chocolates would be here by now" his hunch increased and his hands went back into his pockets. Watari spied Light looking like he had been run over by a truck behind L and gave him a reproachful look.
"Well I have good news and bad news" Said Watari. "The good news is that the chocolates have arrived" L's expression switched form its usual blank to that of a hyperactive child, it was strangely disturbing.
"Where, where are they" L began looking around Watari as if the old man was hiding them behind his back, Watari sighed, this wasn't going to be pretty.
"I'm sorry Ryuzaki but… you can't have the chocolates" Watari instantly covered his ears with his hands. The Taskforce, having learned to follow Watari's lead in relation to L did the same.
Light looked up at L's back from his position on the floor and looked at the Taskforce incredulously, " hey what's going on, and why did you drag me across the floor Ryuzaki? I mean come on, how the Hell is that going to prove I'm Kira?"
Poor, foolish Light, you really had to be sorry for him, even a mass-murderer didn't deserve to be in the direct line of Ryuzaki when he'd been denied any of his precious sugary goodness, then again.....
L slowly turned to face his, his expression perfectly blank, he stared at Light for a few seconds, saying nothing. The he opened his mouth and screamed like a banshee. He jumped onto the prostate Light and began jumping on him, stamping on his head.
"Owowowow, Ryuzaki what hell are- AAIIIEE" He screamed like a little girl as L began kicking his… 'tender areas'.
Watari spoke "Ryuzaki calm down or there won't be any treats for you later!" L instantly stopped kicking Light and stepped off him, Light just curled up in to a ball and began quietly sobbing.
"Why can't have my sweets Watari?" Asked L in a sad voice.
Watari sighed, "can we continue this conversation inside? This is going to involve the entire team".
*****
A few minutes later the entire team was gathered around the couch, Light was still glaring at L hatefully and L looked marginally happier because of it.
"So..." said L, "why can't I have my chocolates?"
Watari took out a slip of paper from the package. "Well it's got something to do with this" he handed L the paper and passed around copies to everyone else. Light glanced at it and instantly knew what it meant, because unlike most people he could read blood test results perfectly and these results read revenge in bright red letters.
L's eyes widened for a second then he spluttered "w-what is this, you ran my blood for blood sugar content!?"
The team, now knowing what they were looking for, ran their eyes down the page and found the label Glucose, next to it was the average amount found in blood, next to that was L's amount.
Soichiro's eyes bulged, Aizawa spat out his tea, Matsuda winced as the tea hit him in the face and just gaped at the number on L's blood analyses.
Watari sighed again, "I'm sorry Ryuzaki but your blood sugar is over ten times the normal amount, I'm sure you know what this means..."
L looked around frantically, "n-no I-I don't, hey I bet that this doesn't even mean anything- right Light?" He looked over to his chief Kira suspect, the person who had spent the last few weeks locked up in a cell. The boy who had been nearly strangled by the chain L had forced them to wear more times then L could remember. The person who L had just dragged across the floor, and then stamped on his… head.
Light grinned again. "Why Ryuzaki, I was sure you of all people would be able to tell what this meant… I'm so sorry Ryuzaki but I'm afraid you can't eat sweets anymore".
L just froze for a few seconds, "n-not even cake?" He asked in an even sadder voice than before, complete with puppy-dog eyes.
"Not even Strawberries" Light looked like he had just won the lottery.
'Don't worry it's not forever" said Watari in a consoling tone, "just for a few weeks until you have normal Blood sugar levels, you'll have to start eating a lot more vegetables from now on though-"
"NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" L began crying, "Lord why have thou forsaken meeeee!" He curled up into a ball and began sobbing his heart out.
Matsuda looked genuinely disturbed at the sight of a grown man sobbing like a four year old with a scraped knee. "Ummm, is he going to be alright?"
Watari looked at them with a pleased expression, "what on earth are you talking about? This is the best thing that could of happened, its this or it could have been an L-induced apocalypse!"
Light began feeling guilty at the sight of the world's greatest detective broken, "don't worry L, we can get you an alternative, like Splenda!" Light spoke consolingly, grinning as he remembered the false-sugar brand.
L looked up at him for a second "S-Splenda, you going to feed me Splenda?"
"Yes" Light grinned internally, L was such a child. "Well feed you Splenda with every meal, you won't even miss Sugar!"
L looked him in the eye and stood up, regaining his composure, "well Light I must say, you certainly have a way with words, you have now convinced me of my only course of action". He began walking off, "please forgive me of my earlier outburst".
"Err, sure" said Light, "hey, just asking but why are you walking toward the window?"
L didn't look back at him but instead began running toward the glass, "GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!"
*****
"So," began Matsuda. "What are we going to do about Ryuzaki?" He glanced around at the Taskforce gathered around on the couch again. The only person who was absent was L due to the fact he was tied to a chair in a windowless room, recovering after Soichiro had tackled him moments before he had jumped through the window.
"We have to help him," said Light with veiled distaste. "We can't solve the Kira case without him. We need to help him get over living without sugar for the next few weeks or we're never gong to be able to catch Kira."
Matsuda smiled. "I just knew you would say something like that. You're right. We have to help Ryuzaki through this!"
Aizawa spoke. "Yeah, for once Matsuda is right. Light's idea is on the money!" The rest of the Taskforce agreed in turn.
"Thank you for your assistance," said Watari. "But if we want to do this right we're going to have to be cunning. Ryuzaki's not going to do this willingly, and he didn't become the world's greatest detective by being an idiot!"
No, thought Light, he did it by being a sugar-addicted, hunch-backed insomniac!"Watari's right, in order to do this we're going to have to keep Ryuzaki under surveillance at all times and get rid of every last grain of sugar in the building...."
To Be Continued...