Hiya guys! Gecko here, with my first MI fanfic! It's not my first ever fanfic, though, so don't be worried. It's not filled with Mary-Sues and horrible spelling. Anyways, I've noticed that a lot of the humor type fics here are lower in quality than, say, adventure or romance. No offense, humor-fic writers! I'm trying to up the standard, with this, a somewhat humorous fic. Don't worry, it gets funnier around the third chapter. Oh, and I'm trying to go for atleast 1000 words per chapter, so I'm sorry if it's a bit lower in quality than you'd like. I do have some standards for myself! But still, enjoy! Enough with my nattering!
It was very dark.
Very, very dark.
Very, very, VERY dark.
You wouldn't be able to see your hand in front of your face, let alone the seven unconscious victims that were tied to chairs.
Wait, did I say victims? I meant, totally awesomely-wintacular people that oozed awesomeness… And just happened to be tied to chairs in pitch darkness.
Of course, darkness doesn't mean silence, necessarily. In fact, there was an argument going on in a room near by, that could distinctly heard through a set of speakers that, even if you could see, you still wouldn't find.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GAVE THEM THE WRONG DOSES?" yelled a distinctly female, and angry voice.
"Uh, I gave them the wrong doses?" said the other person, almost female, and sounding slightly scared.
"I THINK WE GOT THAT. BUT WHY?"
"It was only a mistake…"
"Really? You made a MISTAKE? How on earth did you make a MISTAKE?"
"Well, they weren't quite labeled, and I couldn't find the instructions…"
"It was obvious, you know. Clary's was in the orange tube, Jace's was in the gold-ish one, Isabelle's was in the black tube, Simon's looked like it was mixed with blood, Alec's was blue, Maia's was the only plain one, and really, Magnus's had GLITTER! How could you mess THAT one up?"
"… I thought it was Simon's. Don't vampires sparkle?"
It sounded like there was some serious head-desking going on in the other room. Or maybe somebody's head was being hit repeatedly with a large, hard covered copy of City of Ashes?
"THESE. ARE. NOT. TWILIGHT. VAMPIRES. SIMON. DOES. NOT. SPARKLE."
"please stop hitting me"
"DO. VAMPIRES. SPARKLE?"
"not any of the good ones…"
"WHATDIDYOUSAY?"
"ONLY THE AWESOME ONES?"
"Perfect. Now go get the cat. He got away again."
"I'm allergic to cats."
"Do I care?"
"No, master."
It seemed like the arguing had awoken the victims. Wait, not victims. Either way, amid the sounds of an angry cat and a lot of clattering, somebody was moving. The somebody, in fact, knocked over his chair when he tried to stand up.
"Very graceful, aren't you, bloodsucker?" remarked Jace Wayland/Morgenstern/Lightwood/Herondale/Whatever he is today as Simon Lewis scrambled on the floor. Of course, Jace couldn't see him. It was too dark. Even with his vampire-enhanced sight, Simon could hardly see anything.
"Shut up," Simon mumbled, trying to get back to the chair upright again. Of course, he failed.
"What, can't take a little criticism now you're vampire-perfect?"
"No, I'm just lying on a cold floor in a lightless room. I'm in a perfect mood,"
"Shut up, guys," snapped Isabelle from a separate part of the room. "We're in a dark room, with no weapons and no way out. Do you expect anyone to be in a good mood?" Nobody said much after that. Maybe they were listening to (and laughing at) the angry sounds of a cat and some poor idiot stuck catching the cat. But generally, it was pretty quiet.
"OW! THE STUPID CAT BIT ME!" yelled (or screamed?) one of the people in the other room. The one that liked sparkly vampires, to be exact.
"It wouldn't bite you if it was in the cage," replied the other person nonchalantly, who, in fact, didn't like sparkly vampires.
"It's not my fault he escaped!"
"You were the one that didn't lock the cage."
"… I hate you."
"Now get the cat."
"I'm allergic to cats."
"Get. The. Cat." There must have been something in the way that the person (she?) said it, but the angry-cat sounds resumed almost immediately. Jace laughed.
"What's so funny?" Clary asked, a little groggily. "Where are we?"
"Alone, in the dark. Any moment now somebody will randomly burst in with balloons and cake. Surprise, you just ruined the party," Jace drawled, clearly bored.
"Who else is here?" Clary replied, not reacting to Jace's sarcasm.
"Jace, Isabelle, me, and… Some other people," Simon said, still from the floor. The sounds of the angry cat in the other room had died down, only to be replaced by the sniffling of somebody that seemed to be suffering from some horrible cat scratches. Other than that, it was quiet. And boring. Very, very boring.
"So," Simon said, breaking the near silence.
"So," Clary 'replied'.
"So what?" asked a slightly drunk sounding Maia. Her words were a little slurred, but she sounded tired.
"Maia?"
"Simon?"
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Well, I hateto interrupt this lovely conversation, but there is the tiny issue of being tied to chairs in the dark. Clary, do you have your stele?" Jace asked.
"I don't know. I think-" Clary said, but she was cut off. As if on an unknown cue, the dark room was flooded with light. Very, very brightlight. Maia yelped, and Clary moved to shield her eyes, failing miserably, mainly due to the fact that, well, she was tied to a chair. Jace sneezed. Was he allergic to light? We'll never know.
Blinking the blindness out of her eyes, Maia looked around. She gasped at her surroundings, suddenly revealed.
AN: I'm not trying to insult any Twilight fans out there. Really, I'm not. But it's just sohard not to poke fun at it sometimes. ANYWAYS. Review, minions, or I won't update. Now, off you go. Or you won't get any pancakes. (I'm very nervous about reviews, so avoiding any flames would be great. Although, since the MI fandom is generally very good about that, I don't think I'll have to worry. YOU GUYS ROCK! ^-^) Can you beleive that the Spellchecker here doesn't think 'Jace' is a word? Impossible!