Pokemon Mansion
By: Kairi Taylor
Disclaimer: The characters are copyright of the following companies-
Ash, Jessie, James, Misty, Brock, etc-Nintendo/Game Freak
The Green & Purple Tentacle- Lucasarts Ent. (By the way George, THANKS FOR THE UNIVERSAL TUMOR THAT IS JAR JAR F***ING BINKS!!!)
Author's note: Does anyone remember this game? It was totally fun & I'm surprised it didn't get enough recognition (well, that & it's sequel, Day of The Tentacle.) Well, here's an odd combination-let's see what will happen…
(Int, Kairi's office in the Fanfic Writer's Guild. Kairi is talking with the Green & Purple Tentacle.)
Kairi: Hey dudes, what's up?
Green: We need to ask you a favor!
Purple: A big one.
Green: We want to be in a fanfic!
Kairi: Ok, but why?
Purple: I haven't seen work since that stint I did in 'Zombies Ate My Neighbors' Ever since then, nothing but that Star Wars franchise. I couldn't even get work in 'Grim Fandango'!
Green: I've just been hanging out in the nightclubs of Tattoine...sheesh, what a bunch of tuna heads.
Kairi: Well, let me think…(At this point, Misty & Jessie comes in the office.)
Misty: Hey, Kairi, did you think of…(Sees Tentacles.) AHHH!!!!
Jessie: What in the world are you…OH GOD NO!!! (Both dive behind Kairi's desk.)
Purple: What the hell was that all about?
Kairi: Oh you know, they being involved in anime & you guys being giant tentacles. It's ok girls; they are not those kinda tentacles.
Jessie: Really?
Kairi: Yeah, trust me.
Misty: OK.
Kairi: So, you two wanna be in a story, eh? Well let's see…
Jessie: Weren't you in a game once?
Green: Yeah, we were in Maniac Mansion!
Purple: But we've been kinda shafted lately.
Misty: What kind of game was it?
Jessie: Those old point & click adventures that PC's used to have. Nowadays, all people wanna do is shoot anything that moves.
Kairi: Aha, I've got it!!
AND NOW THE CAST OF POKEMON MANSION:
Dave's part (main hero): Misty
Razor: Jessie
Michael: Tracy
Dude in Distress: Ash
Ash: Hey, why am I the one in distress?
Kairi: Because I said so. Besides if you don't do it, I'll have to get Wufei.
Wufei: INJUSTICE!! I will not allow myself to…
(Kairi strikes down Wufei with the St. Akane Holy Mallet Of Divine Violence.)
Kairi: SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR DAMN JUSTICE!!! Now where was I…
Dr. Fred: Professor Oak
Nurse Edna: Nurse Joy
Weird Ed: James
Dead Cousin Ted: Gary
Green Tentacle: Himself
Purple Tentacle: Ditto
MAKING SMALLER APPEARENCES-
Pikachu: Spokesmouse for the '3 Guys Who'll Publish Anything' Company
Mihoshi: Space Police
LeChuck: Mailman (Yes I know, there was no actual mailman in the original. But YOU try telling a dead pirate he can't be in the story, especially when it's this guy
(Outside the mansion. Misty, Jessie & Tracy are at the road nearby the mansion.)
Jessie: This place gives me the creeps.
Tracy: Why are we here again?
Misty: Because Dr. Oak has kidnapped Ash & one way or another, we're getting him back.
Jessie: Oh, I didn't know he meant that much to you.
Misty: Are you kidding? That dumb bastard still owes me a bike & he's not gonna weasel his way outta this! Now remember, this could be dangerous. If anyone wants to back out…
Jessie: Actually, there is one thing.
Misty: Yeah?
Jessie: Why are you still in your Pokemon outfit? (Misty sees that she is still wearing her shorts & tank top.)
Misty: Huh? You mean I'm supposed to wear something else?
Jessie: Yeah. Why do you think I'm dressed as a punk rocker? Because that's what Razor had worn. Well that & it helps to get the male readers in (A lot of hooting & catcalling is heard from offstage, followed quickly by sounds of wood hitting skulls & Kairi screaming 'HENTAI!!"
Misty: I'll be right back. (Misty runs offstage. A few minutes later, she comes back wearing a white t-shirt, blue jeans & a varsity jacket.)
Tracy: So, what do we do first?
Misty: I'll go on ahead to the mansion first, you two wait until I contact you on the walkie talkies.
Jessie: No problem.
(Misty goes to the porch & tries opening the door.)
Misty: Damn, figures they would leave it unlocked. But where would I find an extra key?
(Looking down, Misty notices the "Get Lost" mat on the floor. Looking underneath, she finds a spare key.)
Misty: Eh, it figures. (Unlocking the door she goes inside the house to the lobby.)
Jessie (on W.T.): Hey, what's the status?
Misty: I'm in the front lobby. I'll see if there are any clues nearby. I left the door open so you can come in now.
Jessie: Right!
Misty: That looks like the living room over thete.
(Cut to Jessie & Tracy.)
Jessie: I'll go in while you stay outside & look for clues.
Tracy: Piece of cake. (As Jessie heads into the mansion, Tracy notices a bush near the house.) Maybe there's something there.
(Pushing the foliage aside, Tracy discovers a grate. Pulling at it, he finds that it is rusted shut.)
Tracy: Damn. If only I was a little stronger.
(Cut to Jessie in the kitchen. She has picked up a sponge from the sink & is looking in the fridge.)
Jessie: Hmm, let's see what we got here. These look tasty. (Jessie takes out a Pepsi & some fruit juice.) I'll save these for later. (Heads into the dining room.)
(CUT SCENE TIME!! Ash is handcuffed to a chair in Dr. Oak's lab as Dr. Oak stands at a console.)
Dr. Oak: Heh heh heh!! It is almost done! Soon, my dear boy, my plan to help the meteor take over the world will begin. In a few hours, my machine will be ready & all it will cost you is your brain.
Ash: Um, Dr. Oak?
Dr. Oak: Yes?
Ash: I don't get it. Why my brain? How about somebody that you can use, like Bill Gates?
Dr. Oak: Well, it's because he's not human. He's another alien.
Ash: NANI?!
Dr. Oak: Believe me, I tried to get his brain. But the damn thing will only take human brains. That & he was also trying to take over the world. So I had to make a few calls to Washington to get the competition out of the way.
Ash: OK…
Dr. Oak: I mean it's pretty obvious he's not human! No nerd with the fashion sense of a squid could possibly be human.
Ash: Good point.
Dr. Oak: But enough of that! Time to finish my work! (Goes into interior of lab.
Ash: I hope Misty gets here soon.
(That's it for pt 1. What odd things will the gang find in Dr. Oak's mansion? Who will aid them in their quest? And will somebody tell Wufei to please shut up about that whole Justice thing?)
Wufei: You call those three heroes? Ha! That pathetic excuse of a Brock-wannabe & those two weak onnas couldn't accomplish half of what I could have done in that mansion in—
(Misty & Jessie hit Wufei with their own St. Akane Holy Mallets of Divine Violence.)
Misty: Will you kindly…
Jessie: SHUT YOUR @#$%ING MOUTH?)
(Er, stay tuned for part 2…^^')