Disclaimer: I do not own Leverage.
Pairing: Nate/Parker
A/N: I suddenly just got this idea in my head and was sort of spurred on by a song I was listening to. I hope you guys enjoy.
Parker didn't know how much more she could handle; she loved Nate and always would but was getting tired of the way he was acting towards her. He hardly ever showed he cared for her anymore and when he did he was either extremely drunk or there was someone else in the room causing him to be loving and nice towards her; he never said he loved her anymore when they were alone or even put forth the effort to act as if he did care for her and she was just sick and tired of being in such a depressing and terrible relationship but found herself never ending it because of how much she cared for him and didn't want to leave him in the state of depression he seemed to be in.
All she wanted was for him to walk by and lightly touch her shoulder, to hug her for no other reason than because he felt like it, to see him smile, for him to talk to her and ask her how her day went; she missed all the small things he used to do to make her happy and wanted more than anything to have the Nate she fell in love with to return because she knew that that Nate was the real one, not the uncaring, cold man he was showing her now.
At first their relationship was fantastic and everything she wished a relationship would be like; they were both in complete and utter bliss. She couldn't ever remember him being that happy before and was so glad that she was the one that brought those kinds of feelings to him. They spent most of their time together, because they found that they were always happier being with one another than when one of them had to leave; so it wasn't long before they found a place and moved in together, both of them still completely happy.
It took Parker a while before she realized that Nate had changed, for the worse, and tried to think back when their happy lives became ones of sorrow and anger. They almost always seemed to be fighting and if they weren't fighting they were ignoring one another. Nate wouldn't tell her what he was feeling because she knew something had to be bothering him but no matter how hard she tried he would just block her out, eventually leading to him leaving the house to go off somewhere sometimes not even coming home that night or if he did it was late and he was almost always drunk when he did show up.
She wanted to talk to one of the others hoping that maybe he confided in one of them or praying they would know what to do but always restrained herself because even though she wanted answers, she felt as though that what her and Nate were going through should stay between them.
The nights he didn't come home, she always cried herself to sleep hurt that he didn't seem to care enough about her to even be there with her most nights wondering why she stayed and put herself through all this grief; it was her own personal hell that could end at anytime but she always chose to stay because even though Nate didn't express his love and, she was sure he didn't love her anymore, being in this relationship with him was better than being alone. She hated being in seclusion because it reminded her of when she was an orphan, alone in a strange house with even stranger people who she hated waiting for the day she didn't have to be in those strange places anymore. At least with Nate she loved him and he, at one time, loved her so that, in her mind, was better than not having him at all.
She heard him open and close the front door wondering if he would be sober when he came to bed and decided she didn't feel like putting up with him tonight and closed her eyes so he would think she was asleep. Nate crawled into bed behind Parker and wrapped his arms around her before whispering he loved her so much; he was drunk, just like she assumed he would be causing an anger to rise in her wondering if he really did love her and if so, why did he only say it when drunk, what in the hell stopped him from saying so when he was sober. Although she was angry she couldn't help but also feel needed; something she rarely ever feels anymore and knew it was that feeling that was like a poison to her causing her to stay because she knew she would be better off without Nate but loved being needed and loved by him.
The next day she woke up to an empty bed, which wasn't uncommon at all here lately, and prayed that maybe today he would tell her what was bothering him so they could return to their happy relationship they once had, but as she entered the living room to sit beside him, he stood up grabbing his keys to leave.
"Nate wait," she said surprised he actually did pause.
"What?" he asked coldly wanting to get out of there; the memories of their happier times came flooding back to him along with the pain and guilt he was currently feeling.
"Please just tell me what's wrong," she begged not knowing what else she could do, "I just want things to return to how they were and I know that they can but first you have to tell me what's been on your mind. You always have a reason for drinking Nate, so what is it this time?"
"Why can't you just accept this is how I am?" he asked before leaving without even saying he loved her or if he would even come home that night.
Parker collapsed down onto the couch trying desperately to hold back the tears she knew were coming; couldn't he see she was trying to make them work? Why did he do this to her; he had to see the pain and agony he was putting her through so why did he do it?
She glanced up at the clock, spending the whole day in thought about her and Nate's relationship, and noticed it was just past midnight with Nate still gone probably passed out in some bar drowning in his own personal sorrows. Something inside of her snapped deciding that she wasn't going to do this anymore; she's had enough and was ready, needed to leave him so she could maybe get on with her life and try to find some semblance of happiness; anything would be better than this, even being alone, she realized would be better because she was tired of worrying if he would ever come home, tired of being depressed, tired of putting on a fake act of being happy in front of the team, tired of him coming home drunk, she was just tired of it all and if she wanted to ever be happy again she had to leave and, even though she hated to, she had to do what was best for her because he wasn't ever going to let her in.
Parker grabbed a suitcase from the closet and began tossing her belongings in it wanting to hurry up and get out of there before she lost her will to do so because she's been in this position before but never went through with it, never even leaving the house. This time, however, she was more determined to do so.
Just as she was about to leave she set her suitcase down and went over to the kitchen counter grabbing a pen and some paper deciding to let Nate know she was through with him, through trying to get him to open up to her and how she has had enough. 'Not that he deserves an explanation,' she thought signing the paper leaving it on the counter for him to find later before picking up her suitcase again. Taking a deep, steadying breath she walked out of the house pulling out of the driveway in her car minutes later not looking back even once knowing that if she did, she would just turn around like every other time.
Parker continued driving not really having a specific destination; she knew she needed to get as far away as she could and not see Nate for a long while and decided that, for now, she was going to quit the Leverage crew and would mail them all a letter explaining that maybe one day she'd come back but for now she couldn't handle being there and for them to respect that and not look for her. A few tears slid down her cheeks thinking of her friends she was leaving behind, but also felt something she hadn't felt in an extremely long while, a sort of freedom; she felt as though the weight of the world had been taken off of her shoulders and that she could breathe again. She allowed a small smile to show on her face, something she hadn't truly done in many months, glad of the decision she made.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
Nate came home the next morning wondering if Parker would barrage him with a billion questions as to where he was all night, but was surprised when he didn't find her there, thinking she must have went to headquarters to get away for awhile.
He went to bed, tired of his previous night of events and was hoping to sleep off his hangover that was currently bothering him. When he woke up he went around the house to see if Parker had come home yet again wondering why she wasn't there. He was about to drive over to headquarters when he noticed a note on the counter thinking it was a little odd but went over to read it nonetheless.
The paper glided back onto the counter a few moments later with Nate in complete shock; he couldn't believe she actually left him. He yelled out in anger picking up the liquor bottle throwing it against the wall successfully smashing it into many pieces and started to throw anything he could get his hands on wanting to release the anger he felt. He kicked a few of the chairs near him and punched the fridge a few times before sliding down the cabinets in the kitchen, his head in his hands and cried.
He supposed that he should be feeling slightly happy that she did leave him because at least this way she could live the life she deserved, being happy with someone who could provide that to her. He still loved her and knew he always would wondering how hard it would be to see her loving and laughing with someone else who wasn't him; it would definitely be hard but also told himself that it was what was for the best.
At first he thought that maybe their relationship was what he needed to move on with his life because he found himself feeling so joyful and loved being with Parker, but after awhile all this guilt came flooding onto him. He didn't deserve to be happy, not while Sam was dead because he should have, somehow, pushed Blackpool harder for the money to treat his son. How could he move on and live a long and blissful life, when Sam never even really had the chance to live his? How would that even be fair?
It was then when he realized that being with Parker wouldn't work no matter how much he loved her; he felt as though he didn't deserve this life he suddenly found himself living. He hated that he never ended it himself because he saw the pain he put her through everyday but just couldn't let go of her so that's why he left the house as often as he did, that way he could still be with her but not have to fight as hard to be cold and uncaring towards her. He wanted to have her in his life for as long as he could, even if he was only going to ignore her and push her away because he knew it was only a matter of time before she did leave; he didn't realize how much it would hurt him, though, when she did decide to go.
Nate thought that after a couple of weeks that he would become numb again like he was before she came into his life, but his pain just grew worse and no matter how much he drank to try to cover the pain he couldn't, it was always there as a reminder of what he could have had, what his life could have been like if only he had let her in and explained what in the hell it was that changed his whole demeanor. But he never did and now she was gone, gone and wasn't probably ever going to come back and he couldn't blame her. He put her through so much pain and sorrow that he never expected her to return home to him. He lived everyday wishing that she would again walk through the front door asking him to tell her what was bothering him, but that day never came and never would.
Even though drinking didn't help, he continued doing it as the bottle was the only thing he had left in his life and if he could drink himself into a dreamless sleep then he'd take it because he drove off the only person in his life that was worth living for.
He spent a lot of time away from home hoping to bump into her one day and even began looking for her because he wanted to see her, to try to fix what he broke, but if she didn't want to, then to at least say goodbye to her and how sorry he was for putting her through all the shit that he did. He spent months looking everywhere he could think she might have gone but didn't find a single trace of her. Nate even used her aliases to no prevail, but decided not to give up because she at least deserved an apology from him and always had a small amount of hope course through him when he checked out a new town wondering if this would be this place where he would get to see the woman he fell in love with, again wishing that he never drove her away because he needed her more than anything else.
END
A/N: Not my usual happy story but just felt compelled to write this and sorry for those who crave a happy ending. But even though it's sad I would still like to hear what you guys have to say about it, so please leave a review. The song that inspired this story is 'Lithium' by Evanescence. :)