"Has it affected you? Changed you in any way? Your mind, your morals, your…spirit?"
"If it had, do you think I'd have noticed?" I raise an eyebrow.
"No, that's an excellent point." Solas smiles.
"Why do you ask?"
"You show a wisdom I have not seen since…since my deepest journeys into the ancient memories of the Fade. You are not what I expected."
"Sorry to disappoint."
"It's not disappointing, it's…(Sighs.) Most people are predictable. You have shown subtlety in your actions, a wisdom that goes against everything I expected. If the Dalish could raise someone with a spirit like yours…have I misjudged them?"
"The Dalish didn't make me like this. The decisions were mine."
"Yes, you are wise to give yourself that due, although the Dalish, in their fashion, may still have guided you. Perhaps that is it. I suppose it must be. Most people act with so little understanding of the world, ...but not you."
"So what does this mean Solas?"
"It means I have not forgotten the kiss."
"Good." I say, as a soft smile crosses my lips. Maybe, he's finally ready. I've wanted to kiss him for months, ever since our trip to the Fade, when I was denied the real thing.
The dimming sunlight makes the mountain shimmer ever so elegantly, making time feel so much slower, sort of dream-like. I keep my arms held back so as not to panic him, and as gently as I can, I lean towards him. My heart stops…. He is shaking his head, and about to walk away, just like every other time. Not this time Solas, please...not again.
I grasp his arm softly. "Don't go."
"It would be kinder in the long run, but losing you would…" He turns around quickly, placing his right hand on the small of my back, pulling my waist towards him. He kisses my lips ever so tenderly…pulling back for a split-second, almost hesitantly; he waits until I deepen the kiss, pressing our bodies together. The kiss is clean, loving, and full of desire. Just as the blood starts to rush to my head, he pulls away with a distant expression.
"Ar lath ma, vhenan (I love you, my heart)." Are his last words as I watch him walk away.
Staring at the ceiling of my tent, my eyes focus on the tiny holes above my head. That memory still haunts me. Leaving me longing for a man, who can no longer love me, who may have... never loved me. After our battle with Corypheus, Solas disappeared, so effectively that even Lelianas' spies could not find a trace of him. Leliana reported that she was able to find the village he mentioned before he joined the Inquisition. It was destroyed, and had been for centuries, untouched over the ages. Solas had said it was his village, and that it was so small it wouldn't be found on any map. How long had it been vacant? Did he actually live there at some point? Or was it just a false lead made up for Lelianas' spies to follow?
Oh Solas…
As I open the door to my tent, the sunlight greets my eyes with its familiar sting. Why is it always so bright on mountains? Why can't there be more trees? It's week 5 in my search for Solas. I get the occasional raven, so I know which direction to go in, but they're coming less often the farther I go. I'm here right now because there are a few Dalish clans nearby. Yesterday, I came across some of the hunters from the Ralaferin clan. They offered to host me tonight, and I think it might be a good place to ask for any rumors of eluvians. The last raven brought news confirming that Solas has been spotted near more than one known eluvian in the region. Although, Morrigan told me that there were no more active mirrors, I think it is worth searching them out.
"Aneth ara." A young elf huntress greets me as my eyes regain their focus.
"Aneth ara sister." I bow as a sign of respect. " How has the day greeted you thus far?"
She frowns at my words "You are no sister of mine, outsider, you are not of the people. I am here upon my keeper's request to escort you to our camp. Be sure to keep up, I'm your escort, not your nurse maid." She huffs and takes the small group of hunters to the eastern part of my camp, presumably giving me time to collect my belongings.
"How far away is your camp? I had not seen any signs of regular movement in this area." I ask, trying again to end the silence that has stretched on for the past few hours.
"You're right, this area is not often traveled due to certain plants that are common here. They are very poisonous, and have unpleasant reactions when touched. However, they do make an excellent poison for our hunters' arrows."
"Poisons huh? That's great. I was sleeping in poison." I reply.
" You're either very lucky or very stupid. Any hunter can spot those poisons."
"Yes well, I'm not from around here. Your plants aren't exactly the same as the ones I'm used to" I add with an agitated tone.
"You should have know better, you are after all…"Andraste's Herald", you'd think you'd know where not to sleep." The girl says smugly.
Some time later I start to notice track marks and trails in the area.
"So… is the camp far then?" repeating my question.
"It's near now… Thank the Creators. I tire of walking with you and your clunky footsteps. You must have scared away all the animals nearby. You do the hunters no favor; your armour is too loud for the forest. Although, your failings are nothing our hunters cannot surpass. They are unequal in their skill." A young male hunter responds in kind.
We continued on for a time until the camp finally came into view. It was a riverside camp, to my surprise. The water must be from a spring somewhere in the mountain.
"Andaran atlsh'an da'len (Enter this place in peace little one). My name is Gisharel, and I welcome you to our camp. I hope your travels were pleasant." An elder man greets me with a warm and kind smile.
"My travels were pleasant of course Keeper, how could they not in such a beautiful land as this?" I smile back pleased to see a friendly face.
"I understand that you come seeking the knowledge of the people. Is there something specific that interests you? Or simply your peoples knowledge and their history?" he asks as he leads me through the camp to the gathering place around the fire. This is the fire, in which the storytellers tell their tales to the children.
As we take our seats by the fire the Keeper makes gestures to the nearby children, which soon after return with some warm bread and some slightly charred pieces of meat. "I seek the knowledge of the past Keeper, and it is of the utmost importance to the Inquisition and our people." I frown sadly, and look to the Keeper with desperation.
"It is a long story. It's hard for me to admit, but I trusted a man with more then I would trust any, and in trusting him, I have given him the ability to harm so many... I want to show him that this world is as important as the world he left behind."
"Such a dilemma is too much for one soul bare da'len. Why would you come here alone if so much is at stake?" The Keeper asks with concern and compassion. His eyes staring off into the darkening skies, as the smoke from the campfire rises from the forest floor.
"No one else believes that his mind can be changed... I believe that he doesn't want this world to end, but that he cannot live with the past consequences of his actions. He seeks a way to resolve his guilt of a past action that has caused unimaginable pain and sadness." My eyes water at the thought of Solas wandering the countryside alone with such a weight on his shoulders.
"My child, forgiveness will never erase the pain and grief caused, in whatever situation this may be. Your friend will never find what he seeks, as he must forgive himself first before trying to heal the wounds he has inflicted upon others."
I pause a moment to let the Keepers words sink in. "...He will never forgive himself for what he has done...But if the people he hurt knew what he saved them from, they would thank him as I do. His actions had the best of intentions..."
He nods silently and takes my hand gently into his.
"What is it, that the shemlen say da'len? "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions?" How do you know for certain this man had not wished for this out come?"
"Because he is so worn down by it. He talks of fixing his mistakes like it can be erased so simply, but it costs too much. This World cannot afford to fix his mistakes Keeper." I look into the fire as a tear falls down my cheek. "That is why I need to know where your ancestors kept their eluvian. It is the only way I can find him. I need to make him see." His warm and withered hand wipes away my tear ever so softly as he turns my face toward him.
"The eluvians have been broken since the time of Arlathan my child. They will be of no use to you. The wrathful spirits of my ancestors reside in the ruins, but if you can get passed them you are welcome to examine what is left of this clans eluvian. I only ask that you stay with us this night and enjoy the culture of your people, before taking on such a sorrowful journey." He looks into my eyes with a look Solas used to have, a look of worry.
"Thank you Keeper, you don't know how much this means to me." I squeeze his hand to reassure him that I will be fine.
That night the clan came together to celebrate a youngling coming of age, he had made his first clean kill, a large wild boar. The meat was tender and sweet. To go with the boar a few casks of traded wine were opened and shared among the crowd. We danced into the night and ended it with a few tales from the clan storyteller.