Title: Sometimes you need a little extra help.
Author: BlueSpottedDog
Summary: Dean realises what is wrong with him and Sam is all too willing to help.
Spoilers: Season 5
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki and Misha Collins, but I don't, Eric Kripke does. He doesn't realise how lucky he is!
This is what happens when I finish watching Season 3, see Dean go to hell and get excited cause I know who is coming next. But also when I'm lying in bed, really tired, and I can't sleep. Also, the flashback? Part of another story I half wrote, but never finished. Might get around to it one day. I hope you enjoy my first Supernatural fanfic!
Dean hated to admit it, but he was really starting to miss Cas. Cas had been away for about four months now, without even a word of where he was or when he would be back. He'd left to find God after taking Dean's amulet. Usually Cas would check in with Dean and Sam, so Dean was also a bit worried about Cas.
He had tried ringing him, but the phone was either turned off, or engaged. He had left Cas multiple messages, just letting him know that Sam and he were getting worried, but there was never any reply. Dean had tried to leave multiple times to go and find Cas himself, but either Sam or Bobby had caught up with him. He had no choice but to wait for Cas's call or for him to appear in his personal space one day. So far, no luck.
Sam could tell something was up with Dean. Especially since Dean was always staring out of windows or calling people on his phone at weird hours of the day. He'd heard some weird things coming from Dean while he dreamt. He'd heard Dean yell for Castiel…sometimes even moan for him. It was really freaking out Sam.
He'd tried getting Dean to talk to him about it, but every time he brought up Castiel's name, Dean would change the subject or just ignore him. Sam had talked to Bobby about it but he wasn't much help. Bobby didn't like Castiel very much, and Bobby didn't see Dean acting any differently, so he told Sam to stop being an idjit. But Sam was determined to find out what was up with his brother.
Dean noticed Sam staring at him again for the twentieth time that minute.
"Sammy…I love ya mate, but I just don't swing that way!"
Sam's eyes widened. "What? No Dean! I'm just worried about you!"
"Well stop worryin'. I'm all good. Peachy even."
Well at least he thought he was. But all this stuff with Cas…it was really starting to freak him out. Dean couldn't help but to think back to the last time that this had happened. He'd decided that Singstar was a great way to distract them from the impending doom of hell on earth. He'd been hell drunk at the time.
Dean didn't know if it was Cas's voice or the song that made him click. Whatever it was, it made Dean drop his mic, slam Cas into the nearby wall and proceed to kiss him. Or at least, as well as he could considering he was about a drink away from passing out. Poor Cas got all confused and froze. Dean noticed this and pulled away.
"Dean…I…"
"I'm sorry Cas. I shouldn't have done that. I'm just going to go to bed. Let's never speak of this again."
Cas just stared at Dean, his mouth falling open slightly.
"But won't the others know?"
Dean turned to look at the others. Bobby had already passed out. Sam and Gabe were on the brink of passing out, but were in a fit of giggles. They hadn't noticed the commotion.
"Cas, they don't know. Besides, they won't remember anyway. At least, Sam won't." Cas sighed.
"Alright Dean. I won't speak of this…incident again." Dean grinned.
"You're awesome Cas. Don't forget that."
Dean had passed out just after that but when Cas helped him through his hangover the next morning, it all came flooding back. As promised, Cas never spoke of it again. He wasn't sure if he even remembered. Besides, he'd been drunk and people do stupid things when they are drunk. But also things they weren't brave enough to do while sober.
It all clicked. Dean realised what was wrong. He'd fallen for Castiel. The angel. His angel. That's why he missed him so much. That's why he was so worried about him. He was in love with him.
"Oh dear lord!"
Dean had forgotten Sam was still in the room, staring at him.
"Dean? What's up?"
"I…uh…nothing Sam. Just had a revelation. Nothing big."
"Did you finally work out that you are in love with Castiel?"
Dean smacked his head on the wooden bed head as he slipped in shock.
"Excuse me?"
"I said…"
"I know what you said!"
"Then why did you-"
"Because I can't believe you'd say something like that!"
"So it's true then?"
"What the hell Sammy? Seriously!"
"What Dean? You just won't admit it! I know it's true! I hear you moan his name at night. I know you ring him almost every day. I've caught you sneaking out several times to try and find him."
Sam had caught him out.
"So what."
Sam just shrugged. They sat in silence for a while, with Sam just watching Dean and Dean staring at his phone.
"I don't mind you know."
"Huh?"
"About you loving Castiel. I don't mind. He's a good guy. You probably deserve him after everything you have been through."
Dean looked up at his brother. He was telling the truth.
"Even if I do love him, he's not here is he? And I can't find him. And he won't ring me back. He could be dead! How would we know?"
Dean had barely finished speaking when Sam's eyes widened.
"Sammy?"
"C-Castiel. He's here!"
"What?"
"Behind you!"
Sure enough, Castiel was standing on the other side of the bed behind Dean.
"Hello Dean."
"Castiel?"
"Hello Sam."
Dean just blinked in shock.
"Dean…I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"Not calling. Not letting you find me. Not telling you that I was ok."
"Doesn't matter. You're ok."
"Yes it does Dean. I…I don't know why I didn't come home sooner once I…"
Castiel looked away from Dean and out the window.
Dean looked at Sam who shrugged.
"Once you?" Castiel sighed.
"Once I realised the truth."
"What truth?"
"That God doesn't want to be found."
Sam watched Dean's face drop.
"Oh Cas! I'm sorry!"
"It's fine Dean. But I thought I'd stay and help you two out now, since my quest failed."
Dean looked at Sam, raising an eyebrow at the grin on Sam's face.
"Sure Castiel. We'll be glad to have you on board. Right Dean?"
"Oh…yeah sure!"
()()()()()
The more days that went by, the more awkward it was becoming for Dean. Sam watched Dean every time he talked, looked at or walked with Castiel. Even if he had wanted to tell Castiel, he couldn't, not with Sam around. Besides, the angel didn't even seem to notice Dean acting differently.
After about a fortnight of Castiel helping them out, Dean couldn't take it anymore. He stormed out of the room where Castiel and Sam were researching and hid in his car. Someone would come get him soon, but he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take anymore of controlling himself around Castiel.
Sure enough, Castiel came out to the car in about five minutes. He climbed into the passenger side of the car.
"I noticed that you looked angry Dean, so I followed you. Sam told me that I should just let you go, but I hate seeing you upset."
"Thanks Cas."
"So what's wrong Dean? Did I do something wrong?"
"No Cas. Not at all.
"Then what is wrong?"
"It's me. I'm what's wrong."
"What do you mean Dean?"
"I mean, that I can't take it anymore!"
"Take what?"
"Being around you. It's so hard."
"Why Dean?"
"No reason."
"Dean, please tell me."
"No."
"Dean, I'll get Sam out here. And I'll go and get Gabriel."
"I'm not telling you Cas."
"Alright. I'll go get Sam then."
Castiel was halfway out of the car before Dean changed his mind.
"Because I love you ok!"
Castiel blinked a few times before climbing back into the car.
"Oh."
"Yeah. Oh."
"Dean…I…"
"Look Cas, it really doesn't matter."
"Dean, please just be quiet!"
Dean froze as Castiel's voice rose in volume.
"Thank you. Now Dean, there's something you need to know. You know how I told you that I came back because I finally worked out the truth."
"Yeah, about God not wanting to be found."
"Well that wasn't the truth. The truth was that I missed you. So much. I wanted to call you. I wanted to come back to you. But I couldn't. Because if I did…I would not have been able to control myself."
"W-what?"
"I love you Dean Winchester. At least…I think I do."
Dean gasped and then smiled.
"I love you too Castiel."
Castiel looked a little uncomfortable.
"So…do we kiss now or something?" Dean laughed.
"Come here!"
Castiel smiled as he leaned over towards Dean. Dean yanked him closer and this time when he kissed Castiel, it was so much better then the Singstar kiss. Especially since he was sober and he was going to remember it in the morning.
Sam just smiled from the doorway. Ever since returning, Castiel had spent every moment that he was with Sam telling him just how much he loved Dean's hair/eyes/smile/music/body/car etc. Sam knew that tonight was the night that Castiel was ready to know. Ready to tell Dean. Dean storming out just put Sam's plan into motion. He knew Castiel was worried about Dean and told him not to check on him. Of course, he didn't listen.
"Sometimes Dean…sometimes you need a little extra help."
So how was it? Alright? What can I work on? Did I slip out of character at all? Let me know!