Ignoring the fact I should be working on my college fic, this all started when I asked my friend what a Decepticon would do when they're bored. And then this happened. I regret nothing, and everything can be blamed on a flying cassette player.
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.
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Normally, on sunny days like today, Skywarp was out destroying Autobots and following some diabolical plan Megatron cooked up to steal energy from the Earth. Normally, on days like today, Skywarp would be scaring humans and gloating in awe as they stared in wonder at his magnificent black and purple frame.
Normally, on days like today, Skywarp wouldn't be bored. Weather on Earth meant little to the Transformers, their storms too weak to cause any permanent damage to any of them. But apparently there was an exception to this bright, sunny, breezy day. Nothing had been planned, no schemes, no internal fight for a rise to power, and the Decepticons had taken this chance to do whatever it was they wanted.
Starscream, he was pretty sure, was plotting, Thundercracker was avoiding them both, and the other Decepticons couldn't keep up with him like his trine could.
Thus, Skywarp was bored. Oh, so bored.
The purple seeker had taken off, flying around and playing with the human planes in an effort to satiate the coming boredom from having to spend this lull in fighting alone. Unfortunately the planes began shooting back and Skywarp decided that maybe he would be better off landing somewhere and causing havoc on the ground.
And so was his plan as he landed in the middle of a park, ignoring the humans who scattered in fear from his massive frame as he stared at the miniscule man-made lake before him. Turning around he spotted a rather large structure of brightly coloured metal and plastic, and turning again he spotted wooden tables complete with chairs. The park was entirely deserted now of humans to torment, and the seeker sighed irritably, landing on his aft with a loud thump with his feet splayed out before him. Absently ripping out a chunk of earth he tossed it up and down in the air before throwing it away from him and looked up at the near cloudless sky.
"Quack."
Skywarp's head snapped down and he raised his weapon, his optics darting around to locate the source of the noise. "Quack?" He repeated.
"Quack, quack."
Skywarp raised an optic ridge and looked down, coming face-to-bill with a rather irritated looking earth creature. A brief scan revealed to the seeker that it was a duck, and that said duck was in a foul mood. The tiny creature pecked the seeker's foot irritably and let out another quack as it stared up at Skywarp, who lowered his weapon. Further research told him that humans fed these creatures for fun in places like this. Casting about he found a now-abandoned hot dog stand and stood up, ripping the stand open and capturing the buns in his hand. Further searching found him more buns and he settled back in his spot, ignoring the now inquisitive duck as his large fingers opened the package.
Ripping off a piece of the hot dog bun he tossed it into the water and the duck, now forgetting the seeker entirely, dove after the bread, paddling and chirping happily as it worked on the treat.
Leaning back he stared at the duck, wondering briefly why he was feeding an organic animal and deciding it didn't really matter anymore. Something to do was better than nothing, he decided. His thoughts were interrupted at another irritated peck on his foot and a squawk, and he smirked down at the duck that was flapping its wings rapidly on his foot. "Okay, okay." He tossed another piece and watched as the duck dove after it. He watched it eat and he tilted his head. "You know, you remind me of Starscream." The duck quacked, as if in agreement, and the purple seeker grinned, which only grew wider when he spotted three other ducks emerge from the reeds. Ripping off more bread he tossed it in and watched as they all fought for it, one hanging back coolly as it cleaned its wing.
"Okay you're totally Thundercracker." He concluded and the duck stared at him coolly, his beak opening to let out a quiet quack in the Starscream-duck's general direction. The Starscream-duck hissed back at Thundercracker-duck and went back to its food.
Skywarp focussed on the other two ducks and frowned at them. "Well, I can't think of any 'cons to name you. So how about…" He pointed at one with a white chest, and then the darkly coloured counterpart. The two seemed to get along well with each other, which probably contributed to why he couldn't think of any Decepticons to name them after. "Okay, white chest you're Annie, and darker one you're Belinda." Both quacked contentedly up at him before turning back to the bread.
Tossing more bread into the water when he felt another annoying peck at his foot he watched Starscream as it hissed with irritation at Thundercracker, who still seemed to lack any form of food from what Skywarp had tossed in. Glaring with irritation at the irritable duck Skywarp placed a piece of bread in the water, just by Thundercracker. The duck blinked up at Skywarp, who blinked back and watched as Thundercracker ripped tiny pieces off the bread.
So absorbed in his duck watching he didn't notice when two Autobots approached from behind, guns cautiously held in their hands. Bumblebee glanced sidelong at Wheeljack, who was staring in confusion at the purple seeker. Bumblebee shrugged and shot at the ground before him, watching as the purple seeker jumped to his feet and rounded about, his optics narrowed into slits. "You!" The decepticon shouted, pointing at the two Autobots angrily. In his other hand was a half-empty bag of hot dog buns and Bumblebee stared at them with confusion.
"Uh… Why do you have that?" He asked, and Wheeljack nodded. Rather than answer the question Skywarp placed his hands on his hips and scowled at the two Autobots.
"You scared away my ducks!" He shouted at the Autobots, and both lowered their weapons and staring at the Decepticon in confusion.
"Your… Ducks." Wheeljack repeated slowly, subspacing his weapon when Skywarp nodded rapidly.
"My ducks."
Bumblebee looked down at he feel of a peck on his yellow foot, his optics blinking in surprise when he saw a very irritated duck at his feet, hissing up at him and buffeting his foot with his wings. "I'm going to assume this is one of them."
Skywarp looked down and grinned at the duck, which took no notice and continued to buffet the offending foot with his wings. "Yeah, that's Starscream." Completely ignoring the surprised stares he watched as the duck alighted and flew into Bumblebee's face, bursting into laughter when the diminutive yellow Autobot yelped and darted behind Wheeljack, who was now doubled over in laughter. Looking up the engineer saw the duck make a strange dance on the ground and strutted back to stand beside Skywarp, who was gazing fondly at the duck, and let out another burst of laughter which abruptly stopped when Bumblebee lightly smacked him on the head.
Clearing his vocal processor, Wheeljack placed his hands on his hips and watched as Skywarp bent down to pet the duck fondly. "We'll… We'll let Prime know." His voice sounded choked and he transformed, darting away and leaving Bumblebee to catch up. The yellow Autobot scowled at the retreating engineer who sounded distinctly like he was laughing and shook his head. With one more glare at the duck, which shook its tail at him he followed his friend out.
Skywarp took his seat again and ripped out a rather large chunk of a hot dog bun for the duck, which took it and nestled against the seeker with a happy quack as it devoured its food. The other ducks emerged from the reads, Thundercracker first and then the others as they all nestled up to their new friend.
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Elsewhere, the real Thundercracker frowned as he tracked Skywarp's signal, sighing with growing impatience as he landed a little ways away from where the purple seeker was sitting. At first glance Thundercracker thought that Skywarp had been attacked by some new Autobot weapon and was thus growing fluffy organic things on his body. At second glance, Thundercracker thought that maybe he needed his optics checked. Skywarp looked to be a perch for four organic creatures. Ducks. He was covered in ducks. The blue seeker's first instinct was just to fly away and to leave his trine mate there, covered in ducks.
But since Starscream would be unhappy about that and the thought of Skywarp being on his own for longer than what he had been now made Thundercracker stay. Slowly approaching the other seeker he cleared his vocal processer and watched as Skywarp turned, careful of the creatures on him. The purple seeker broke into a grin and slowly waved, ignoring the indignant squawk from a duck that was using his shoulder as a perch.
"Oh, hey TC!" He grinned. "Wanna meet my ducks?"
Thundercracker regretted not leaving and it showed on his face by the pained look. "Your ducks." He repeated, his hand slowly travelling up to massage the gap between his nose and optics when the other seeker nodded happily.
"Yeah! Just make sure you watch out for Starscream though." Thundercracker looked up, and when not finding any sign of their irritable air commander he looked back down at Skywarp and scowled.
"He's not here, Skywarp."
Skywarp made a noise in his throat and pointed at the duck currently positioned on his head. "No, this is Starscream. He's a little irritable though."
Thundercracker made a strangled noise in his throat and placed a hand over his mouth, taking a moment to register the fact that Skywarp had named the duck Starscream and to compose his laughter. "'Warp… That's a female."
Skywarp frowned up at the duck, which looked down at Skywarp and made a sleepy quacking noise. "Oh. Well, Screamer doesn't need to know." He decided and pointed at another duck, this one perched on his leg and leaning against the warmth of Skywarp's torso. "This is Thundercracker, and the one on my arm is Belinda, and the one on the grass is Annie."
Thundercracker hung his head, counting slowly to ten as he looked back up and stared at the duck that shared his name. "You named a duck after me."
Skywarp beamed up at him. "I did!"
Counting to ten again Thundercracker stared at Skywarp, who was still grinning happily. "We have to go now."
Skywarp nodded and stood up, waiting for the ducks to find better places on his frame before approaching Thundercracker, who shook his head. "Without the ducks." He almost felt bad when he saw Skywarp's face fall, and the purple seeker hung his head.
Thundercracker cursed himself silently, and then cursed Skywarp who looked so pitiful. All four of those organic creatures were staring at him now, and the one called Starscream was hissing angrily at Thundercracker. The other three chimed in and the blue seeker stepped back a moment. "Fine. But you take care of them, not me or any other bot." He growled angrily and took to the air, ignoring Skywarp's happy whooping noise as he took off with four ducks trailing behind him.
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Skywarp sat by a lake, the hot dog cart falling out of his hands with a loud crash as he stared at the Starscream duck. Skywarp's face spread into a wide grin when the little duck shifted and he caught sight of three small eggs underneath. The Thundercracker duck was sitting nearby, his neck arched as he stood protectively over the nest. Setting out the bread with shaking hands he darted off, twisting in the air in some kind of crazy dance.
From the ground Thundercracker could only assume the worst, and the sudden need to turn into a groundhog and dig away before the purple seeker could find him was almost overwhelming. Unfortunately that would not be the case and the purple seeker landed beside him and began chattering at the irritated blue seeker.
Thundercracker almost tuned out. Almost. But the sentence 'Thundercracker and Starscream are having babies" did not sit well with him. Not at all. He stared at Skywarp's happy face and repeated the sentence, smacking his face into his palms at the rapid nod that confirmed what he heard.
He could only imagine what would happen when other members of the crew came to hear this, and he knew they would. It was no secret Skywarp was now harbouring four rather insane ducks in a nearby lake.
Maybe he would see about changing his alt mode into a ground hog…
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Okay. Crack's done. Maybe a one shot, but I'm sure I'll think of something else dealing with these ducks. Maybe Star-duck can attack Bumblebee… Or maybe the ducklings can. Poor 'Bee, not only does he have Ravage now he has ducks out for him too.