Yeah, so, I know anyone who's been reading my stuff kind of hates me right now, but I couldn't help myself! And I promise, I have been working on OOL, I just don't have very many opportunities to use my mother's laptop. I have one now, or at least I think I do, 'cause last night she was going on and on about how I could be a great and published author if I just stopped writing so many fan fictions and started writing some more original stuff, blah blah blah, and I had the best idea ever. Has anyone ever seen the movie Lords of Dogtown? Well, I just watched that movie three times in a row, and I had the idea that has turned into this. If you haven't seen the movie, you should, that way you could at least know what I'm talking about, because I might make a few references of it in here. It's inspired by a true story about the three skater boys who, like, practically invented skating. But yeah, it gave me an idea, and I wanted to type it down as soon as I could.

Warnings: There will be swearing. There will be drugs and alcohol. There will be sex. There will NOT be yaoi (sorry girls). And last warning: The Characters will be OOC. That is all.

Oh, and P.S.: If you see this somewhere in a book, no, I didn't steal it. I have the craziest idea to change the names of everyone (since they're OOC anyway) and turning this into an actual thing. But IDK as of yet, and I'm going to get done with the whole fan fiction before I do anything drastic.

Enjoy! And see you at the bottom!

Deidara had been ripping it hard; everyone was asking him to teach them everything he knew by the time he was done. He was on the all-time high by the time he rode on the dirty streets home, thinking how awesome it was to have a talent like the one he had. It made it even better that he was self-taught; then there was more talent than actual practice.

Walking with his skateboard under his arm through the doorway of his small, shabby house (well-loved and well-used, is what the salespeople said when he and his mom came in to rent it), he shouted, "Hey Mom, I'm home!"

Only silence answered him. His eyebrows furrowed, but he continued through his after-boarding routine. He went to the fridge in the tiny kitchen, just off the backdoor he came in through, and grabbed a water bottle from the door, simultaneously opening it and closing the fridge with his foot. He then slunk into the living room/everything-else-but-the-bathroom-and-his-mom' s-room, which was separated from the kitchen with a small island/breakfast bar, expecting to see his mother's kind face and slim body lounging on the pull-out bed Deidara never restored to couch form, despite the many protests of his friends when they would come over. Now more than slightly confused and almost a little scared for his mother, Deidara shuffled nearly silent to his mother's bedroom door, and called out softly, "Ma, you in here?"

"Yeah, baby, I'm here. Come in," his mother's saccharine voice said from behind the door. Deidara pushed it open, expecting to see his mom half-asleep, leaning up in her bed, but instead saw her standing across the room from the door, hands resting on her opposite elbows. She was not alone.

Also in the crowded room, a man with long blonde hair and azure eyes stood nearby Deidara's mother. He had the look of a business man, dressed in a pair of black dress pants with a suit jacket over a white dress shirt. "Dude's got to be an insurance salesman… They're all the devil, right?" Deidara thought to himself. Just the presence of him and the look on his slim, angular face gave Deidara the chills. And his eyes… This guy's eyes were like shards of ice, cold and calculating. Deidara was intimidated by him, and his natural response to intimidation was a sarcastic, snarky attitude.

"Whatever you're selling, man, we ain't buying. Get the fuck out."

The guy just scoffed, or maybe it was a laugh. "Now, that's no way to treat your elders. Haven't you taught him anything, Akane (1)?"

It was Deidara's turn to scoff. "'Course she's taught me something. She's taught me how to handle taking shit from rich bastards like yo–"

"Dei, baby, this is Inoichi Yamanaka," his mother interrupted. Deidara raised a brow. His mom knew this weirdo? By the way she was looking at this dude, the interaction obviously wasn't pleasant. "What, is he from the IRS or something?" "He's… he's y-your—"

"I am your biological father." Inoichi Yamanaka obviously didn't have the patience, or the tact, or maybe even both, to let it to Deidara easily.

To say Deidara was shell-shocked was an understatement. He was completely blown-the-eff-away. He knew he'd probably never see the world the same again. "This asshole is my father?!" No. It had to be a joke. It was just a sick, cruel joke, and later on in life he and his mother would laugh about it. "Hey, remember that time I asked that lawyer dude to come over and pose as your father? You totally fell for it!"

"You're kidding, right?" Deidara asked, hoping beyond hope that the answer was yes.

"Why would I joke about something as serious as this?" Inoichi answered a question with a question, one of Deidara's most hated pet peeves, and he answered a question meant for someone else to answer, another peeve. "I am your father. Do you see any humor in that statement?"

Here came cynicism. "Well, actually, yeah, 'cause y'know, there's no way. You're too much of a dick, and a huge dork. There's no way my mom willingly banged you."

If Inoichi seemed scary earlier, he was now terrifying. "Listen you little snot," he said, stalking over to Deidara's place by the door and getting into his face, "Whether you like it or not, I'm your father. Without me, you would never be alive. Now, shut your stupid girly-looking mouth so I can speak to you in a near civilized manner."

"Or what? You'll sue me?"

A stinging on Deidara's cheek was paired with the sound of skin hitting skin, and hard. Deidara was so shocked he couldn't even process what happened until Inoichi began to speak again. "Now, you had better listen to what I have to say. Will you listen?" "He slapped me! That bastard slapped me like a little fucking girl! What a man." Deidara nodded anyway, faking compliancy. "I swear, if I ever get the opportunity to beat the shit out of this guy…" "I don't like this any more than you do. My original plan when I heard you were born was to never even send you a birthday card or money or anything. My plan was to pretend I never had a son. But, something has come up, and I'm afraid I will have to take you to live with me."

It took Deidara a minute to get over Inoichi's "original plan"—"What a warm and caring man"—and another minute to realize what that last sentence meant. "WHAT?!" "Life with this douche bag? Kill me now!" "You actually expect me to just pick up and leave my mom just because you fertilized a stupid egg? That's bullshit!"

"Dei, I'll be fi—"

"No, Mom, do not say you'll be fine. You don't know that! I have to stay here, to—"

"Deidara Iwaga." He stiffened as his father said his name. "You will come with me. You have no choice in the matter. If I must use force, I will."

Deidara glared for a few more moments until he realized he did have no choice. He let out a heavy sigh, dropping his cerulean eyes to the floor and running his hands through his blonde hair. "Whatever. How long do I have to pack?"

"Two days. If you are not done by that time, whatever you do not have packed will be left behind. I already took the liberty of bringing you some boxes from the storage center down the street, if you didn't notice them in the other room. That should make it somewhat easier for you." Inoichi was already starting out the door as he said this, and nearly at the last moment Deidara had a thought.

"Hey—hey wait!" He cried, nearly chasing Inoichi to the stairs that led down to the ground and the house below them. "Can you tell me where you live? I just want to know what I should pack."

Inoichi looked up at Deidara from the ground. The grass around him was drying in the Southern California heat, and Inoichi's pale complexion and suit made it all the more obvious he wasn't from California. Or from the South, at all, really, unless he stayed indoors all day. He looked too immaculate and clean for Deidara's backyard. "Minnesota," was all he said before he continued on his not-so-merry-because-he's-not-a-very-merry-person way to his car, which Deidara somehow didn't notice on his way inside. Like the entirety of the blonde bastard, he car was clean, tidy, and probably worth hundreds of dollars. Deidara was surprised it hadn't gotten stolen down here, and silently hoped that it would before they left.

Deidara's shoulders drooped as he turned back into his house. It was time to start packing. He wanted to be ready for his trip to hell.

Two days later, Deidara had everything he needed and wanted to take with him to the devil's house. Inoichi, the said devil, was in his car, waiting for Deidara to bring down number two of two boxes, and to say farewell to his mother.

It wasn't until this point did Deidara realized how big this was going to be. It seemed unreal, even as he was packing, like he was just going through the motions, or like he was a puppet on strings. But he was actually leaving. Leaving his mother behind, his home, everything he ever knew. It would all be a speck of dust by evening. Deidara wasn't exactly an emotional person, but he still got a lump in his throat as he thought all this and faced his mother, probably for the last time, to say goodbye. His small box was in his arms, and he was standing in the doorway of the house, not ready to pass through it one last time, or to go down the stairs and snatch up his skateboard for the final time, or to climb into that fancy car (which, sadly, had not been stolen) with the menacing man who claims to be the creator of the seed that made him.

"Mom…"

Akane smiled sadly as she brushed some of Deidara's long blonde hair behind his ear. "Your hair's even longer than mine, Dei."

Deidara gave her a half-hearted smirk. It fell as soon as it had appeared. "It always has been."

He could see the beginnings of tears in her eyes, which were the same color blue as his own. "I'll miss you, Dei-baby, but write me, and don't be discouraged if I don't write back."

"I know Ma. Stamps are expensive. I love you."

She took him in her arms, trying to awkwardly tuck his head beneath her chin, but he was almost two inches taller than her. She eventually settled for his shoulder. "I love you too, baby."

She held him for a few more moments before letting him go, and she watched him as he plodded down the stairs, picked up his board, and strode across the yard. Not once did he look back, but Akane was never offended. Instead, she was proud. "My tough little boy…"

Once Deidara was in the car, there was no going back. Neither he nor Inoichi said a word as the older man pulled away from the curb and out of Deidara's neighborhood. Inoichi had not informed Deidara that they were driving all the way to Minnesota until he had shown up, minutes before the inevitable take-off. Deidara didn't really mind, but it would take a lot longer than if they had taken a plane. This meant that there would be more opportunities for Inoichi to suddenly want to talk to Deidara for whatever reason. Deidara could only hope that Inoichi felt the same way about talking to each other as Deidara did; he wanted to never do it unless it was absolutely necessary.

Deidara stared out the window for hours, and luckily, Inoichi didn't even try to talk to him. Somewhere between Pasadena and Phoenix, Arizona, the movements of the car and the boredom of the ride lulled him into a deep sleep.

Deidara couldn't exactly remember the dream he was having, but he did know that he was rather irritated when he as ripped from it by the most girly squeal he had ever heard in his life. It had come from a blonde teenage girl, probably only a year younger than himself, who was leaning in the open driver's side door, hugging Inoichi like her life depended on it. "Daddy, I'm so happy that you're home! Mother's been making me do awful things, like cook and clean! Did you bring me anything from California?" The she caught sight of Deidara, who had on one of his meanest glares just for the stereotypical spoiled rich girl, and, just like any spoiled rich girl, she squealed again and hugged her father even more fiercely. "Dad! I mean, I know you love me and everything, but you didn't have to bring me back a California boy!"

"Che, I'm not here for you, Little Miss Thing. Do me a favor, and get over yourself," Deidara snapped. The girl's jaw dropped, and she turned to her father for assistance.

"Dad! Are you going to let him talk to me like that?!"

After a moment of hesitation, Inoichi sighed. "Ino, this is Deidara. He's your half-brother."

Ino's shocked facial expression made Deidara burst out into laughter. She turned to him and screeched, "What is so funny?!"

"Y-your f-f-face!" He chortled, which made Ino go red and stomp back into the house, causing more of Deidara's snickering.

Once Deidara could compose himself, he glanced at Inoichi and said, "Okay, what now, boss-man?"

Inoichi once again had a mask of stoicism in place. "Take your boxes in the house, and I will find Ino. She will how you to your room."

Inoichi left the car then, making his way into the house. Deidara groaned. "Great, so now I have an asshole of a father, an annoying dog of a sister, and a goddess of a mother. At least one of them is sane." He shook his head and headed over to the driver's side to pop the trunk. Grabbing one of his boxes, he strolled across the large lawn of his "new home" and opened the front door around his box.

The door sighed open, revealing an airy, open antechamber with wood floors and a giant crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling. He had two thoughts at this moment; "Wow, can these people get any more fake and cliché?" and "Well, it can't be any worse, right?"

Wrong.

(1)—So, I don't know Deidara's mom's real name, so I just used the first name that came to my head. It just so happened to be Akane.

Hey guys! Yeah, I guess it's kinda sort, but I'll get a new chapter up as soon as I can, I promise! Oh, and I'm working on OOL after this, so if anyone's reading that, a new chapter should be up shortly as well!

DO NOT SKIP THIS PASSAGE!

I decided even before I finished this that, yes, I am going to use this idea/concept as an actual thing. But I'm going to need you guys to help me. I kinda need to figure out names… You can PM me with name ideas, or put the name in a review, or vote on pre-approved names on a poll on my account thingy. I'd really appreciate your help. In more ways than one, if you want to tell me how I can improve and such.