The day felt as though it was lasting forever, despite it only being 11 in the morning, and Bernie was working opposite Serena in their office, both going through e-mails at a sloth-like rate. The pair were exhausted and wished they could be anywhere else.
A call on Bernie's mobile, which was kept in her desk drawer, interrupted the blonde from her work as she opened her drawer and answered the call. "Hello."
With the exception of a few mumbles and a small number of words Bernie mostly didn't speak throughout the duration of the call, the person on the other end of the line taking charge in the conversation. Eventually the call ended but Bernie kept her phone in the right hand as a couple of tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Taking personal calls at work, Ms Wolfe?" Serena joked, without looking up from her computer screen. "You'll need to be less distracted."
The blonde trauma surgeon felt her throat tighten and her lungs suddenly felt as though they were filled with water, not air. Both her hands began shaking as her breathing quickened, tears now falling quickly down her face. Bernie felt as though she wasn't in control at that moment as she began to hyperventilate.
Noticing the lack of response to her attempt at humour Serena looked past her computer towards Bernie, but her face fell when she realised that Bernie was having a panic attack and crying at her desk.
"Okay Bernie, you're going to be alright." Serena spoke calmly and quietly as she approached Bernie's chair and knelt in front of it. The blonde was now in the midst of her attack, tears falling hard and fast as sobs wracked her body.
"Bernie, I need you to try and breathe with me, yes?" Serena attempted to slow her breathing more than normal, but was ignored as Bernie almost threw herself at Serena, momentarily taken aback. Bernie then clutched to Serena's blouse as she cried into her chest.
"Okay, it's okay." Serena whispered softly into her girlfriend's ear as she shifted their position slightly to make them more comfortable. She tried to soothe Bernie by rubbing her back and whispering in her ear, but it didn't appear to be doing any good, and she was beginning to worry that the lack of oxygen might cause the trauma surgeon to faint.
X
After 10 minutes the hyperventilating had stopped, but Bernie continued to cry into her partner's chest.
"Okay, you'll be alright sweetheart." Serena shifted the pair's position again, although Bernie was still leaning heavily against her chest.
So the couple stayed together, in the exact same place, as Serena comforted Bernie for as long as would be required.
X
It was almost 15 minutes later when Bernie pulled back, almost appearing embarrassed at the emotional outburst, although she wanted to feel comfortable showing emotion around Serena.
The brunette surgeon pulled her partner gently towards the chairs at the side of their office, immediately wishing that they had a sofa instead. "Please, tell me what happened. Who was on the phone, Bernie?" Serena looked concerned, knowing that Bernie almost never showed her emotional side, especially at work.
"It was my old sergeant general. He..he told me that…errm…that one of my old colleagues, a very close friend of mine actually, was…killed in action…yesterday." As Bernie spoke tears pooled in her eyes once again, and as she finished speaking she broke down again, aware of just how real the situation was now that she has said the words out loud.
Serena took Bernie into her arms again, the pair resuming their previous position as Bernie broke down again, Serena allowing her partner to grieve in any way that she needed to. The brunette held her girlfriend tightly, whispering in her ear and rubbing her arm in a vain attempt to calm the ex-soldier.
X
More than an hour had passed since the phone call and Bernie had been crying on and off into Serena's arms for that time. The sound had been heard throughout the ward and various members of staff had considered going into the office to see if they could help at all, but they had agreed that, since they knew both consultants were in there, that whoever was in distress was being comforted, otherwise one of the women would have called for help already.
"Why don't I go and get you a cup of tea?" Serena asked Bernie, who had pulled away slightly but still had Serena's arms wrapped comfortingly around her body. She only received a nod in response, sensing that Bernie wasn't in the mood to talk. The brunette picked up her purse and her phone in case Bernie had to contact her whilst she was away and kissed the blonde's forehead before leaving the room.
X
That evening Bernie lay curled up into Serena's arms at the vascular surgeon's house whilst Jason told the couple about how his shift had gone that day, Bernie only half listening. The three had agreed that Bernie would stay with Serena and Jason that night, after Serena had told Jason what had happened, so that she wouldn't be alone as she grieved.
Bernie had spent the afternoon of her shift burying herself in patients, despite the fact she was supposed to be on an admin day, to distract herself from her own emotions, although she stayed clear of theatre so that she didn't make any disastrous mistakes during an operation.
She barely moved throughout the night, but she was content with being in her lovers arms, as they rarely had the chance to spend this precious sort of time together, and she managed to sleep surprisingly well with her head rested on Serena's stomach once the couple got in bed together that night.