Chapter One

Here comes the start of every sleepless night

The first of every tear I'm gonna cry

Here comes the pain

Here comes me wishing things had never changed

And she was right here in my arms tonight

Here Comes Goodbye – Rascal Flatts

'I can't do this...'

Detective Don Flack stared blankly out of the window, his mind a thousand miles away from where he stood. There was a part of him that refused to believe that any of this was real, that he was actually here. He wanted to pretend that the last week had been a dream that his life hadn't been shattered into a million pieces, but he knew deep he couldn't. How could he pretend the world was even the same place anymore? It wasn't, it never would be again.

The world was a darker place now, there was no light guiding him home. Everything good about him, about his life was gone. Ripped away from him so cruelly in one foul swoop, giving him no chance to say goodbye.

Closing his eyes he fought back the image of her face, that beautiful smile, those deep soulful eyes that seemed to be able to see right into his soul. It hurt too much, but right now all he wanted was hear her laugh, to hear her singing out of key to her favourite Bon Jovi song, all the while dancing around their apartment with her hands in the air not caring how she looked.

He just wanted her back.

Opening his eyes he swallowed past the lump in his throat, his gaze drifting down wards as he lifted the sonogram picture in his hand. It was all he had left, the only reminder he had of how close they'd come to having it all. After everything they'd been through, everything they'd fought for, they'd come so close to finally starting their life together and now it was gone. They both were.

"That is cold."

Don chuckled at the beautiful brunette laying on the hospital bed, his brilliant blue eyes meeting Beth's, that infectious, boyish grin of his firmly in place. Lifting their clasped hands, he placed a gentle kiss on her pulse point, his focus on both the nurse and screen in front of them.

"So how are you feeling?" The nurse asked as she began to spread the cool gel over the exposed skin of Beth's stomach. Glancing at Don briefly, Beth turned her focus onto the nurse again.

"Tired but otherwise good." She answered, smiling as Don squeezed her hand gently. The nurse smiled and nodded her head, turning her focus onto the monitor again.

"Well that's perfectly normal especially at this stage. Simply your body's way of telling you it's time to start slowing down..." she replied, shooting them both a bright smile before she lifted the wand, rolling it over Beth's stomach.

Beth squirmed a little, both out of excitement and due to the coldness of the gel currently being spread over her slightly rounded stomach by the wand. Squeezing Don's hand she smiled nervously and looked up to the monitor, her gaze jumping between the nurse and the screen. This would be their first scan and the new Mother to be was anxious, no matter how many times she reassured herself everything would be okay, as it was in her nature, she worried.

The silence was immediately filled with the sound that Beth could only describe as galloping horses and holding her breath she looked to the nurse who was smiling. "Well we have a strong heartbeat and if you look here..." she pointed to the screen, her finger highlighting the area for the two expectant parents to look, "You'll see your baby..."

The image of their baby appeared on the screen and both Don and Beth exhaled slowly, staring in wonder at the little life in front of them. A life they'd created together, the beautiful result of the love they shared. It was right then that they both fell in love all over again, watching the tiny flutter of the baby's heart, there were no words to describe the overwhelming rush of emotions cascading over the pair of them right now.

"It's like he's waving." Beth laughed softly, tears staining her cheeks as she looked up at Don who was now stood beside the bed, his arm around the top of the bed, his hand clasping hers as he stared at the screen. He laughed as Beth spoke and looked down at her, leaning in he pressed his lips to hers lovingly before pulling back, his fingers lightly playing with her hair.

"You guys want to know the sex?" The nurse asked, glancing at them and watching as the young couple shared a brief look before they both looked at her,

"No. We want it to be a surprise." Don said, looking down at Beth with that boyish grin of his, her eyes watery and right then he began to feel like this was it, they were finally getting their happy ending.

Two days later she was gone. The baby was gone. Both of them dead and there'd been nothing he could do. Just one phone call and his entire world had imploded, he'd lost everything. How did he move on from this?

"Don...buddy...we're starting."

Danny Messer peered around the solid oak door, his cornflower blue eye locking onto the lone figure of his best friend. There was a deep ache residing in his chest as he watched Don, unable to even begin to imagine what he was going through. The pain he felt at the loss of Beth, his friend was intense; it was a pain he hadn't felt since Aiden had died and he hated it. Hated every single part of this situation and how helpless he felt. It wasn't right. Yet here they were, another funeral, another friend, gone forever.

Don slowly turned away from the window, pocketing the sonogram as he did so. His eyes were void of any emotion, his expression blank as he stared back at Danny. Nodding his head he adjusted the cuff of his shirt and stepped forward, his posture tense as he brushed past his friend and stepped out into the hallway of the church.

"Let's get this over with."

He was smoking again. Of course he'd quit years ago but it gave him the perfect excuse to leave the crowded bar without everyone questioning him on where he was going, if he was okay. They all meant well he knew this, but it was suffocating. Their pitying looks, their condolences, none of them mattered, if anything it all made it harder for him ignore the cracks that were beginning to show in the carefully built walls he'd stayed hidden behind this entire week.

The funeral had passed in a sort of blur, he hadn't listened as Beth's Dad read out her eulogy, barely reacted when her sobbing Mother had collapsed as the coffin had been brought in. In a way he almost felt as though he was floating above it all, seeing it, but not experiencing it. None of it felt real.

"Hey buddy how you holdin' up?"

Danny stepped out onto the street, pulling his grey scarf tighter around his neck in order to fend off the bitter chill in the air. He watched Flack cautiously, just like Mac had been doing all day as well. The older man had been worried; they both knew all too well the danger that came with bottling up such intense emotions. Don wasn't grieving, he wasn't doing much of anything right now and Danny felt scared for his friend.

"Had to get out of there..." Don replied morosely, tapping the ash off the end of the cigarette before lifting it to his lips and taking another long drag. Tilting his head upwards he exhaled the fumes and swallowed, letting his eyes drift closed for a moment. He welcomed the way the cold seemed to bite into his skin, though in many ways he barely felt it. He didn't even turn to look at Danny as he spoke again, "You know she was pregnant." He stated bitterly, his fingers reaching into his jacket for the sonogram.

Danny's eyes widened in disbelief as Don's words resounded over and over in his head. Beth had been pregnant. "Don. Man I'm sorry..." he said, moving to rest a hand on Don's shoulder only to have his friend roughly brush him off.

"You're sorry. They're sorry. Everyone's sorry but it means nothing Danny!" Don exclaimed, pressing the photo into Danny's chest as he shoved his friend away from him. Tossing the cigarette aside he turned away from Danny, his fingers running over his face and through his hair as all at once everything began hitting him. In frustration he threw his fist into the wall, not surprised to find it didn't hurt. Not even as the skin over his knuckles tore open.

"Don..." Danny looked down at the sonogram and felt tears begin to spill over on to his cheeks, tears he'd held back for Don. Without even having to look up he felt Mac stood by his side and without saying a word he held out the sonogram to the older man, who took it wordlessly.

"She's gone. They're both gone..." Don's voice cracked as he slumped against the wall. A sob tore out of his throat as he slid down to the ground, his head in his hands.

Danny closed his eyes, letting his head fall forward, for the first time in his life clueless as to what he could say to comfort his friend. Mac though was already moving forward, his expression pained but guarded as he crouched down beside Don, his hand migrating to the man's shoulder, "You're gonna get through this Don." He promised. Don though shook his head, his fists tightening in his hair.

"I just want her back."

Okay well here is Chapter One of a story I've been messing with ever since I finished Saving Face. Now I would recommend reading that first to get an understanding of Don and Beth's history but you don't have to do if you don't want, I'm sure you'll be able to follow this story easy enough.

I'm really excited about this story and I really hope you guys enjoy it.

Reviews are love! Let me know what you guys think! I always love to hear from ya's

Nat x