Yo, Deaddude here, I have seen a lot of these around and while being sick, jobless, during summer break of college, yeah that much of a nerd, and currently without anything else to do I decided to post my very first fanfic ever and to add to another level of WTF it is an interview … type show … thing; I have posted on story some time ago then promptly took it down due to, reasons so let me know how I did and what you thing.

I do not own or try to own anything, not FFVII or any portion of Square Enix, I am not affiliated to them in anyway shape or form so I do not try in any form to publish these characters or anything related to any of the prior, as my own. Haha no lawsuit … which is awesome cause I have no money!

Now that, that pile of legal script is done, take a look at what would happen if I interview FFVII Characters. I plan to write more but that will depend on the feedback I get so read and review please all kinds of criticism, just try to refrain from attacks or flames or whatever they are called, please.

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Chapter 1

Pilot of Still Not Sure

Deaddude: This is the first episode, chapter thing of well I am still not sure what it is called, I'll get it soon; on the panel I would like everyone to welcome Cloud, Tifa, Zack and Sephiroth . In the audience we have other important characters that we will interview later but for now they will remain unnamed because we don't give a damn.

Angeal: What the hell is that about?

Zack: Sit down and shut up Angeal! (Angeal sits) Good boy.

Angeal: WTF! Wasn't I your boss?

Zack: I told you to shut up not just sit down!

Deaddude: Okay then, why don't both shut up so we can get started and the audience can start their bitching later.

Sephiroth: Good idea.

Deaddude: Thanks, now for the first question or statement I am not sure what it would qualify as. But I digress, Cloud we have seen many places that some of the old school fans have turned their attention over to Zack due to the Crisis Core or turned away from you due to your role in Advent Children, even being that you are originally the main character and icon of the series, why do you think that is?"

Cloud: Wow, that is slightly a serious question for this kind of thing, most of these interview fics are insulting and demeaning, I think it is very cool that this one is not.

Deaddude: Well I am sure it will turn out to be like that at some point, things always digress in that direction at some point in time, especially with me as the host, author and god of this … thing.

Cloud: That was … weird. Ok well I think it was because once the film came out people didn't get why I was so depressed, not emo. I wasn't just trying to get attention or feel sorry for myself, I honestly was depressed. I mean if anyone paid attention in the original game they would realize that for the majority of it I wasn't really mean but mostly Zack's personality with small fragments of myself in there due to the extreme damage done to my psyche by the mako poisoning. I was dealing with that just after the death of Aerith, a good friend of mine and yes I felt I loved her at one point but that was most likely due to me still thinking I was Zack and failing all of my friends when I fell into the life stream and became well pretty much comatose. All of that lead to a great depression after the defeat of Sephiroth because well at that point there was nothing for a year, then that Geostigma only added to the issues, so that is why I just think that people misunderstood it and then thought that after Crisis Core Zack was a big hero, mostly due to his death scene.

Deaddude: Good answer, I would have suspected as much, I believe most up on the panel today would give just as proper answers, some of the others cast members might not though, not to name names but most likely Yuffie, would give a shit answer.

Yuffies: (Shouting from the audience) I resent that.

Deaddude: And some can't handle the truth, now for the second question. You touched on it before, you did have feelings for Aerith but what about now and what about Tifa? Again, obviously this is for Cloud.

Cloud: Um … can I plead the fifth?

Tifa: Why is that? (Tifa asked with an evil glare)

Deaddude: Nope, but not to worry top notch security will protect you.

Cloud: Really?

Deaddude: Nope not really, just answer.

Cloud: Well, Aerith is a good friend of mine now, she is currently involved with Zack, I think. And as for Tifa we are great friends? (Cloud actually asked looking over to Tifa as if asking her for permission)

Deaddude(not missing the look on Cloud's face): So Tifa what is your relationship with Cloud?

Tifa: … You asked … Cloud … Though, why me? (Tifa began to sweat)

Cloud: Yes but the question is now yours Tifa.

Tifa: I will kill you Cloud!

Deaddude: So be it but answer the damn question first please.

Tifa: … Well you see … I mean we … GOOD FRIENDS? That is really all you have to say Cloud after I ****ed you so man damn times. I mean we ****ed just before getting here and we planned to **** after … you as a jack ass! (Tifa walked off stage)

Cloud: I didn't know if I should say anything or not! (Cloud said as he ran off of the stage as well)

Deaddude: Well we learned three things here. The first is that Cloud and Tifa are either dating or like everyone else enjoys a good ****ing. The second being that just within the first episode people can't help but say **** as much as they can … that includes myself … I call it a vocabulary enhancer. Lastly Cloud and Tifa are but jackasses and seem to have forgotten that they are on a talk show not a run-away-and-screw-around-while-host-tries-to-do-his-job … show. So next question. Zack you are not new, there was a good bit of information on you in the original game but your popularity has sky rocketed with Crisis Core, how does it feel to be right next to Cloud and Sephiroth on that crazy fan pedestal?

Zack: It is actually very cool, I mean I was talked about some from the game had a cameo in the movie but in Crisis Core I got to shine and man did it rise me up. I see youtube videos all the time of the death scene and so many people comment on how they cry for me and some hate Cloud for not helping. It feels great to be admired so like Sephiroth here, although I am still confused as to why he is so admired. He is the villain he killed Aerith, and actually a ton of other people almost destroyed the world but unlike other villains who are made to be hated this douche bag is loved.

Sephiroth : I can't help that I am so badass. And I was a hands-on villain I was there actually doing shit for a lot of the story, I had a pretty damn cool fight scene with Cloud in the movie, oh yeah and a cool one with you in that anime Last Order, I also had a cool fight in Crisis Core. I am there I kick ass and take names and am a kind of crazy that people can get to like.

Zack: First no one likes crazy and as I recall in the game you were a "step ahead" kind of villain which is the cheap way of be active you never were seen. Then not to mention it wasn't even you just your mind controlling some weird ****ing doll or something I mean hell you we locked in a crystal since you were thrown or jumped or whatever, I don't even know which one it is at this point, into the mako in the reactor. So I really don't get you, you dumb mother ****er.

Deaddude: He strikes a good point but did I mention that I am as well a fan (sweats as Sephiroth pulls out his sword.

Sephiroth : I will kill you Zack, like I should have before they made that damn Crisis Core!

Zack: Let's go jack ass… (Zack reached for a sword not on his back) … (anime sweat drop) … how about we reschedule … say next week?

Sephiroth: … (Pulls out phone) Let's see.

Deaddude: He is actually looking at a calendar? (Whispered to Zack)

Zack: Looks like it, maybe I won't be killed.

Sephiroth: Nope, booked next week, have to die now sorry Zack (Sephiroth said with a plain face as he placed his phone in his pocket) … Now where was I? Oh of course DIE! (Zack ran off stage followed by a crazed Sephiroth waving a terribly long sword)

Deaddude: What the hell, so now I have no one here? I guess I just have to end the show early today.

(Yuffies runs up on stage): I can answer some questions!

Deaddude: Like I would even give a rat's ass about what you have to say. (Deaddude kicks Yuffie off the stage) Well that is all for today or this week, still not sure which one but I will figure it out and let … someone know so peace out all this has been Deaddude, and this has been … some show I haven't thought of a name for yet!

(Camera fades as it zooms out to show Zack running across the stage and Sephiroth still chasing him)