Tell me what all-y'all readers think of this story! Any ideas are welcome. Should Geb turn out to be a total bull in a china shop for Abnegation? Should I bring Beatrice and Caleb and Robert and Susan into the story? Would you-all like there to be more insight into Elgobelia and Olgaba's homelife?
The other evening, after pondering worriedly over the results from my Aptitude Test, I spoke with my mentor Fay. She listened to my troubles that other evening, as she normally did. It was easy to speak to her, for she was patient, though it wasn't always easy to listen to her, for she always gave an honest and true answer.
"Would it be selfish of me to transfer to another faction?" I asked. "Would it put my family into the worst distress?"
"The question isn't what your family would think," Fay answered, running her gnarled fingers through her whitened hair. "The question is what you will think, whether or not you can tolerate living with yourself after the Choosing."
"I… don't know. It's almost as if I know which faction God wants me to transfer to, but, at the same time, the thought of transferring is almost putrid in my mouth."
Now, the cardiac muscle within my chest was pumping rapidly, as if it would burst any second, the memory of the other evening haunting me. It was so hard to believe the I actually placed my blood over the Abnegation stones for Choosing Day. It was like both a dream-come-true and a nightmare, all rolled into one. I was happy, yet I was distressed. I was going to find a fulfilling life in Abnegation, but was leaving a comfortable life in Amity.
Only a few Amity-born transferred factions this year. Other than me, there's Daisy, Forrest, and Raindrop. Oh, wait. Lennon transferred, too. It's so easy to forget him, as he's such a reclusive fellow. Anyway, that being said, most other Amity-born initiates decided to stay within Amity.
It was a heartless thing of me to leave my poor mother and dear siblings. Still, the odds of total contentment within the family was best if I transferred to the faction where I would be of most use. I would not have been content staying in Amity, so it would have been hard for her to witness my unfulfilled life.
After everyone was done choosing at Choosing Day, I waited with all of the other Abnegation initiates for the other factions to leave the building. Then, when everyone else had left, we all walked towards the direction of the stairs, and made our descent, like a mass of grey-garbed (well, I was in bright colors, of course) amoebae on its way to eat a paramecium.
Us initiates all walked to Abnegation headquarters, a hideous grey building on a beat-up street with a stoplight dangling from a frayed wire. The woman leading the initiates led us into the headquarters and into a room which resembled a gathering hall or sanctuary. We were instructed to sit down on these long benches called "pews".
Standing in front of us were several men and women. One of the men, a rather sly-looking individual whom I took an instant disliking to, started to speak.
"Welcome, initiates," he said in a soft voice. "You are now on your way to entering the Abnegation community as selfless, self-reliant adults. As initiates, you will be given many opportunities to serve others, including many volunteer activities and experiences in which soul-searching will be possible. As we all well know, the reason you are here today is because, above all else, you believe there's no better way to find yourself than by helping others."
The man talked on for a little while.
Finally, he said, "All Abnegation-born initiates, please stand up and follow John."
The Abnegation-born followed John outside of the building, leaving me sitting alone on the pew.
The woman who'd originally led the initiates from the Ceremony to Abnegation headquarters walked towards me. I stood up, keeping my head down due to a sudden shyness.
"Come with me," she said. "You need to be fitted for initiation. We can't let you draw attention, can we?"
She led me out of the large room, down a hall, and into another large room which was filled with boxes.
"What size do you wear?" she asked me.
"Um… I don't know," I replied. Back in Amity, everyone made their own clothes from fabric made by the cotton farms grown all around.
"You look like you could fit into a medium…" She walked over to a large stack of boxes.
I helped her bring down a big one off the top.
"Who was that man talking in there?" I asked, suddenly feeling curious. "You know, the one talking about what initiation has in store, and stuff like that?"
"Oh, that was Marcus Eaton," the woman replied. "He's one of Abnegation's most influential leaders."
"You talk as if you know him."
"I do know him. He sometimes comes over for dinner, since he and my husband are co-workers."
"Co-workers?" I realized how rude that sounded. "I mean to say, leaders don't sound like they would be 'co-workers'."
The woman smiled, and said, "Humility is a sign of selflessness, and it helps one realize that all are equal, no matter what leadership position is being used. Now, I'll leave this room. Come out once you've changed into these clothes. Bring out your old ones- they'll be given to the factionless."
After changing, I walked out into the hallway.
"Now you should draw less attention," she said, smiling. Normally, if someone had made that comment to somebody, it would have seemed callous and cruel. But this woman obviously genuinely cared, so there was no reason for me to take offense in it.
The woman frowned, though.
"We'll have to do something about your hair, though," she said. "It's rather long. When you get to the dorm house, though, John will teach you how to cut it by yourself."
I ran a hand through my thick, black hair. It would certainly feel funny with it buzzed short…
"I know the names of all the other initiates," the woman said. "What's yours?"
I answered, "My name's Geb Whiteeagle. What's yours?"
"My name's Natalie Prior. Come along, Geb. We have to get you to the dorm house."
The initiate dorm house was about half a mile from the headquarters. On the way there, Natalie gave me a handful of instructions. It would have felt awkward, like I'd been somewhat singled out from the rest of the group, if she hadn't spoken so gently and kindly.
"Remember Geb," she said, "you haven't been raised in Abnegation like the rest of your fellow initiates. It might be harder for you to appear selfless like them, due to your upbringing. That being said, you'll do fine, and, if you truly have a caring heart, selflessness will stick to you. You will pass initiation, and be a helpful addition to our community."
"But what if I mess up terribly?" I inquired. "What if I draw too much attention to myself, or do something extremely selfish, or…"
"Ssshhh…" Natalie hushed me calmly. "You will do fine. No arguing, lest you say a self-fulfilling prophecy. Cursing yourself won't be a good incentive to try harder."
"Okay…"
"Now, remember, don't ask too many questions about people's personal lives. On one hand, it's polite as well as a way to abstain from talking about yourself too much in conversation. On the other hand, though, giving in to too much curiosity is self-indulgence."
I thought for a moment, then said, "Speaking of not asking too many personal questions, and not giving personal answers, I've heard rumors that Abnegationers are lonely people, that their relationships are fake and unfulfilled. Is that true?"
Natalie chuckled.
"Isn't every community full of lonely people?" she asked. "Some blame it on technology, others blame it on poor communication. Many simply blame it on cruel ostracism. Whatever the reason, don't let your selflessness be your emotional death. You will know functional relationships once you fall within selfless, loving, and compassionate harmony with those you live with."
She talked on for a little while. Bit by bit, the anxiety I had been feeling left. I would fit in with the other Abnegationers, I would live a selfless, productive life, and I would not fail this frightening initiation process before me.
Upon reaching the dorm house, Natalie led me in. It was an ugly grey building that was two stories high.
She explained, "The bottom story has the kitchen and living areas. The top story is where the bedrooms are."
Sitting in what appeared to be the parlor were the rest of the initiates, fourteen in all. They all had their attention turned to John, who was speaking passionately about who-knows-what. They turned their gaze to me, though, when I walked in. Natalie patted my shoulder, and left.
I felt myself cringe. I hated to be stared at by tons of people. It felt as if a thousand lasers were directed at me, ready to go off and send me to my grave, like a machine gun sniper thingy from Erudite's wicked lair.
"Have a seat," John said, smiling.
I took an empty seat on one of the sofas, next to a shy-looking girl. She looked so pitiful, with large grey eyes, like a chihuahua wanting to eat your dinner. Her dark brown hair was put up in a bun, like a lot of the other Abnegation females. I wondered, Do they wear their hair in any other way?
"As I was saying," John continued, "you have an exciting life ahead of you. Think of all the possibilities that start today, all the things you're about to learn and use to benefit everyone around you. This initiation is not here just so you can become adults, it's so you can have a power to bless and help others and learn how to be true servant leaders in our broken society."
He smiled at all of us.
"It's almost time for dinner," he said. "All the food you'll need will be in the kitchen. Sadly, I can't share your first meal as initiates with you tonight, because I've got an important meeting. You're all mature and can take care of yourselves, I assume, so you won't miss me for the time being. I'll be back with Cindy, tonight; even though I'm one of your supervisors, she's the one who knows what to do if one of you decides to go pyro. Ta-ta!"
John left the dorm house.
There was an awkward silence among everyone. Then, all of a sudden, everybody went into the kitchen to either start cooking or set the table.
Everybody, that is, except the girl sitting next to me.
Standing up, I asked, "Why aren't you going into the kitchen?"
"It's so crowded in there, I'll only be in the way," the girl replied. She then stood up. "The beds aren't set, though. We should get those ready."
We both walked up the stairs. In the hallway, there was a closet full of linens and blankets. She prepared the beds in the girls' room, I prepared the beds in the guys' room.
When we met up again in the hallway, our task being done, I commented, "The rooms look rather drab- there are no pictures on those really white walls."
The girl shrugged.
"That's the only way I've ever seen bedrooms done," she said. "You're from Amity, so I can only assume rooms would be done more flamboyantly."
"Um…" I didn't know whether or not to be offended. "Flamboyance isn't necessarily how one could describe Amity. Actually, I don't think you could describe any of the factions as flamboyant. They're all more like five separate cults to choose from."
The girl laughed.
"What's your name?"
"Geb Whiteeagle."
"White Eagle? Interesting. My name is Sarah Robinson. Pleasure to meet you."
I couldn't help but smile. Despite my initial impression that she was shy, there was a directness about her that was amusing. It was almost as if she was a polite Candor person, which seems like an oxymoron.
"Let's go downstairs," I suggested.
Downstairs, the food was almost ready. Almost everyone was sitting around the long table, waiting, girls on one side and guys on the other. No one sat at the table's foot or head- I assumed those were reserved for John and Cindy. Sarah walked over and sat down in an empty chair in the middle of the girls' side.
"Geb," she said, indicating the girl next to her, "this here is my bestest friend, Rebekah."
Rebekah, smiling, said, "We've known each other for forever! Actually, all of us here have known each other for forever. Everybody, I suggest we all tell the new fellow our names, so he can be acquainted."
Everybody said their names. The girls started first; their names were Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Leah, Jael, Deborah, and Dorcas. The guys then said their names, which were Eliab, Abinadab, Shimea, Nethanel, Raddai, Ozem, and David.
Once the food was ready and set on the table, we all held hands and prayed. We then ate.
Eating Abnegation food for the first time was rather strange. It was nutritious- a brothy vegetable soup, with whole grain bread and a salad. On the other hand, though, it was rather tasteless. The broth had no seasonings, the bread had no butter, and the salad had no dressing or cheese.
Rachel must have noticed the expression on my face.
Chuckling softly, she said, "You look so confused, like you expect it to be tasty but are suddenly surprised by its blandness."
I laughed back.
"You are correct at that," I said.
"Get used to this food," Raddai said, grinning. "You'll be having stuff like this everyday for the rest of your whole entire life."
Suddenly, Leah interjected, "Eliab! Why are you still wearing Matthew's watch?!"
Eliab replied, "I was gonna give it back to him, but he transferred today, so I guess I never will…"
Ozem said, "Unless he commits apostasy within his new faction, he'll still come to Abnegation every Saturday. I mean, there is only one synagogue in the entire city. You can give it to him then."
Jael said, "It's so weird; to think that an Abnegationer would want to leave! Still, poor Matthew never fit in here…"
I thought about fitting myself fitting in only partway in Amity, and the desire to find a place where I would be a good addition. My sister Delilah had been the same way, when she transferred to Candor last year. Last I'd heard from my trusty sources, she'd changed her name to Ella, and was working with simulations for initiates this year. I hoped she was happy. Maybe she'd meet this Matthew guy, whoever he is.
After dinner, everyone cleaned up with each other. I started washing dishes, dipping them in soapy water. Deborah dried them, and Shimea put them away.
Afterwards, we all went into the parlor, and sat down.
Sarah and Rebekah sat on either side of me on one of the sofas.
"You know," Rebekah said, "I always loved hearing the Amity kids at school sing songs. Could you sing one, Geb?"
"No!" I replied quickly. I don't want to be the center of attention! Singing will draw stares and cause people to go quiet! "I mean… Wouldn't singing be self-indulgent?"
"Not if everyone wants you to do so," Sarah said. "If we're allowed to carry on leisureful conversations, wouldn't we be allowed to take turns singing? That is, if we all knew how to sing…"
"Please sing a song, Geb!" Raddai said.
I cleared my throat, then sang a song, the chorus which went something like this:
"Come running home now, Katie,
come running home again.
Cross my heart
and hope to die,
lest I draw another tear from your eye."
"That's so beautiful," Rebekah said. "It sounds just like talking, except it flows so gracefully."
I instantly felt guilty. My first day in Abnegation, and I'd drawn far too much attention to myself.
"No more songs!" I exclaimed. "It's so… so… self-indulgent!"
Conversation went on after that. It was pleasant- barely anybody interrupted each other, everyone quietly listening to what everyone had to say. The organization wasn't what appealed to me; what I truly loved was the complete mutual respect shown. It reminded me of what Natalie had said about harmony with those you live with.
John and Cindy arrived just as we were all about to get ready for bed.
Cindy inquired, "Did you all get enough to eat?"
"You shouldn't worry so much about us," Ozem said, smiling. "Of course we ate enough!"
"I just don't want you-all to be going hungry," she said. "Also, be sure to tell me if the blankets aren't warm enough. I can go get more if necessary."
She then looked at Dorcas.
"Do you have your medication with you?" she asked.
"John said he'd get it," Dorcas replied.
"As I did." John smiled, pulling a medicine bottle out of his coat pocket, tossing it to Dorcas. "We can't have you falling into a seizure, can we now?"
Cindy then looked straight at me.
"How've they been treating you?" she inquired. "One year, there was a transfer from Erudite, and it took a while for the other initiates to accept him."
It felt kind of humiliating to be looked after in this way- I mean, it's not like I'm a kindergartener whom the other kids won't play with. Still, like Natalie and John, it was obvious that Cindy cared.
"Don't worry," Sarah said. "We already love him to pieces. He fits in here like none other."
Cindy scowled.
"We're gonna have to do something about your hair…" she mused. "Also, I don't quite think I got your name. What is it?"
"Geb," I said. Wow! I've certainly had to say my name a bajillion times today…
"A plain, down-to-earth name. Sorry if this seems jerkish, but if you'd had one of those flamboyant Amity names, I might have asked you to change it to something less distracting."
She smiled, as if concerned that she'd intimidated me.
"No pressure," she added.
After going to bed, after all the lights in the dorm house turned off, I lay awake, staring at the ceiling. I thought about my destiny, about my new life, my new faction. Had I chosen the right future for myself? Or, had I prepared myself for utter disaster?
Dearest Lord, I prayed, You alone know what this all will bring upon me. I trust that my future is in Your hands.
Sometime during that long night, I fell asleep.
I hope you found this chapter interesting! Review, please, if you want me to continue with the story! Now that my *Pelo en la Sopa* story is done, I'll do this story along with my Candor initiation one. :)