Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender or any of the characters in the story. I just have an overactive imagination and a really inappropriate view of what's supposed to be a children's cartoon. Please don't sue me...
Author's Note: So this, is actually a multi chapter fic, so no, not everything will be explained very clearly at first. And yes, everything should be cleared up by the end of it. I pretty much have everything figured out. It's just a matter of finding time to write it all out. It basically just came out because I was getting annoyed by the majority of the Zutara fics that were being posted. And while I definitely don't think this is the best story ever (I've seen a few really good ones), this one will have a lot of what I was hoping other people would write. So, yes, I would love reviews and critiques so that I can get ideas and improve the general idea I have forming in my head.
Rated: M - not because I'm writing out anything too smutty (at least I don't think so) but because I think relationships are super complicated and a lot of them get brushed aside or caricatured and that takes away from really great stories. So yeah...expect a lot of Zutaraangst! cuz I love love triangles.
Baggage
Chapter One
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Katara didn't wake up suddenly or with a start.
If anything, it was slow, like swimming to the surface of a very deep lake. And while it wasn't unpleasant, being underwater was definitely better. It had given her a feeling of safety and warmth that she'd never experienced before.
She sighed and refused to open her eyes. If she didn't think too hard about it, she might be able to go back. She shifted in her bed, trying to figure out exactly which way to lie so at least the warmth would come back. Something familiar, calloused and hot, ran up her spine, making her shiver. It traced her neck, then gently but firmly settled against her breasts. As the warmth tightened around her, she felt safe again, protected against the cold air that was trying to sneak into the little cocoon of furs she'd formed.
"Will you stop wiggling?" The heat source had a husky growl to it. It was deep and scratchy and made her think of rough, hot hands that knew exactly where to go. It startled her but she refused to open her eyes. This dream was getting better and she didn't want to ruin it. "You're letting in the cold air."
Katara smiled and reached behind her. She found broad shoulders that connected to a neck and if this dream was as good as she hoped it was…Sure enough, her fingers tangled into shaggy hair.
"Mmmm...Zuko..." she sighed.
This was actually more of a guilty fantasy of hers. One that, a few days ago, she would have tried her best to ignore or justify as a side effect of being lonely. But today, for some reason, it was so much more vivid and if her subconscious was that adamant, why fight it?
She trailed her hands back down his neck, trying to give herself a clearer picture. There was his shoulder again and then an arm. She could feel the muscle, firm and toned but not obnoxiously large. Which meant the tightening on her chest had to be...
She ran her hand slowly down his arm. Yup. His hand had a pretty firm grip and his thumb was lazily rubbing against her nipple.
She sighed again and pushed her hips back against him. "Best dream ever." She mumbled as she pulled his arm tighter around her. This dream, she could do a lot with.
There was a frustrated breath in her ear that made her start. It seemed so real but she just clamped her eyes tighter. She ordered herself to stay asleep as she traced his hand, then followed his arm until she found his elbow. That was resting against his side, which was of course connected to his stomach. Just to see how much detail this particular fantasy was willing to giver her, she tried tracing each individual stomach muscle. Surprisingly, it even let her find his belly button. Then just because she could, she dropped her hand lower.
"Katara! Seriously." Zuko cursed. "You know I'm not good with self-control. Quit."
And that's when she realized...
"Oh sweet Yui & La. This isn't a dream is it?"
She felt like someone had pushed her into an ice cold body of water.
Her eyes snapped open and her body stiffened but she wasn't ready to turn around just yet. That would just make it real. Instead she lay absolutely still and tried to control her breathing, waiting for his response.
It was a laugh. She couldn't tell if it was amused or sarcastic, maybe it was both. "Um, no." He said slowly. "Should I be apologizing?"
She exhaled slowly. She didn't want him realizing how panicked she felt as she tried to figure out what was going on. After all, what kind of girl wakes up in bed with a guy and not know why he's there? Not that she couldn't figure out why he was there. There was an obvious lack of clothes and she was fairly certain there wasn't some freak blizzard the night before that had forced them into naked cohabitation in order to keep from freezing to death. (Right?) But she was exhausted and maybe a little sore and even possibly embarrassed that a secret fantasy that she probably shouldn't have been having had actually come true. Still, slowly, as her mind grasped more onto the fact that it was, in fact, awake, things that she'd brushed off as part of her dream were slowly becoming a very real memory of the night (early morning?) before.
She remembered them sitting by a fireplace, laughing as a drunk Toph and even drunker Sokka arm wrestled each other.
She remembered Suki elbowing her sharply. "Katara, you guys have been flirting all night. Just go for it already."
She hadn't. She knew she hadn't. There's no way she would have. Instead, they just stayed there and talked.
And talked.
And talked.
And then nobody else was there.
"It's really late." Zuko had suddenly become uncomfortable. "Don't you have to um…get up early tomorrow?"
"Well, yeah..." She had shrugged, tried to play it off like waking up at dawn to help prep breakfast for all the visiting guests wasn't that big of a deal. "But hanging out with you is more fun." Oh, Spirits. She had been flirting. Why was she flirting? She was horrible at flirting. And with Zuko? Really? Really? "Who needs sleep?"
He'd had this serious look on his face, like he was studying her. "You do." He had said firmly and with a nod of his head, like he'd read something on her face. "And I wouldn't be a good friend, if I let you shirk your responsibilities."
And that, for reasons more complicated then she could grasp at, had irritated her. "I think I'm capable of gauging my own needs, thank you very much."
"I didn't mean it like that, Katara."
"Oh? How did you mean it then? Or were you just trying to politely tell me that I need to shut up so you could go to bed? Forgive me please, Firelord. I didn't mean to impose on you. The last thing I would want is to put out our honored guest."
And then she'd stormed out of the room, embarrassed beyond belief because she had been too obvious and Zuko had caught on and what could be more embarrassing than being hit on by someone you weren't actually into?
Oh yeah. Hitting on someone that wasn't interested in you. At a time when you weren't supposed to be interested in anyone and really, what was she thinking? Could she have come off as any more desperate? And then yelling at him for her mistake. As if there were anything more attractive than an overly emotional train wreck. Why had she yelled at him? What in her right mind made her think that exploding over someone trying to be a good friend was an okay thing to do?
By the time he'd found her, she was standing at the door to her room, crying and struggling with the lock. After the millionth key, she had finally found the right one but her hands were shaking and the stupid door wasn't the least bit sympathetic.
"Katara...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to-"
"No, it's fine. I should be the one apologizing. I don't know why I yelled at you. It's not your fault. I just...Ugh. This stupid key! Why is it so hard to-"
"Here. Let me help."
And their hands had brushed. And she had hiccuped at the shock it gave her and she wanted to start crying all over again because how dumb was it to have a crush on a friend when her last relationship had ended so badly? And she didn't even want a relationship, so why was she freaking out over something that didn't matter? Something that was never going to happen.
"I just...you're my friend, Katara and I don't want you thinking-"
"Zuko, it's fine okay? I embarrassed myself enough for one night, please don't make it worse."
"Will you let me finish? You're taking this the wrong way!"
"You think I didn't realize that? Obviously, I'm taking it the wrong way. Or do you think I'm just practicing waterbending from my eyes? I don't need you to expl-"
And then he'd grabbed her face and they were kissing and the stupid door that wouldn't open earlier was suddenly slammed backwards and they fell on the floor and-
"Oh." Katara said dumbly.
She licked her lips nervously and turned around, so that they were actually face to face.
"Morning." He said shyly. He reached forward and brushed her hair back from her face, his eyes locked on hers. Then because he had a habit of stating the obvious when he was uncomfortable or nervous he added "Well, actually, it's just barely dawn and I'm probably supposed to go back to my room. And I think you're supposed to be getting ready to help with breakfast soon, right? Or should we be talking about this?"
"I think..." She paused trying to figure out what to say. She was distracted by the way his hand had started tracing up and down her spine. She remembered feeling safe and warm. And she liked how worried he looked. Like he didn't want to say or do the wrong thing. Not that she knew what the right thing was. "I'd say there's probably something else we could be doing." she found herself saying.
She took a deep breath. She could do this. She had done this.
With a confidence she didn't really have, she pushed his face towards hers and he pulled her body closer against his. Their lips crashed and she was drowning so he took over.
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Neither one of them was sure exactly how long they were under or when they resurfaced.
Katara lay on her stomach in a half daze. Zuko lounged on his side, lazily running his hand up and down her back. He seemed to have this obsession with tracing her spine, more than likely due to the fact that each time his hand brushed against her skin for more than a second or two, he'd get a small shock and she'd shift slightly, making him lose contact and have to start over.
"This is bad." Katara said worriedly, turning her head to look at him. "This is really bad."
Zuko raised his eyebrow but didn't stop his experiment. "Bad as in good, right?" He asked, not in uncertainty but just a lazy amusement. He put his hand on the base of her spine and again, she shifted as a small shock transferred between their skin.
"I wasn't talking about the…well, you know..." Katara raised herself up on an elbow, causing her hair to slide over her shoulder and cover her back, interrupting Zuko's new hobby.
"The what?" Zuko asked innocently. He rested his chin against his propped up arm. "The fact that it's like an hour or two past sunrise and we're still laying around your room instead of getting up? I told you I didn't want you shirking your responsibilities on my account." He rolled onto his back and placed his hands behind his head. "I, however, am on vacation, so I don't think anyone will care that I'm not up and about at the break of dawn, like a good little firebender."
Katara stuck her tongue out. "That's not what I was talking about."
"Well, I know you weren't talking about the sex." Zuko said, in what he hoped passed as a casual tone. "Because that was pretty good. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was great, if not amazing." He paused for a second to gauge her reaction. "I'd say possibly the best sex ever, considering how...you know...unexpected it was."
Katara blushed and looked away.
He smirked. Yup. Awesome.
"I didn't mean the..." He didn't know how but somehow she seemed to blush even more than before. "...sex." She almost whispered it, like as if it was something to be embarrassed of. Which didn't make sense to him, considering how confidently she had handled everything. In all the millions of fantasies he had told himself didn't mean anything, he'd never once thought she'd be as certain of everything as she was. He'd entertained the idea of her being dominant a few times, sure but that hadn't really been the case. She had just known what she wanted and hadn't been afraid to tell him. And considering his last partner, this...whatever it was had blown his mind. Literally and figuratively, he mused. Which brought him back to...
"Wait, so what are you talking about?"
Katara frowned. She was trying to figure out the "right" way to say things. "Well, I was," she began slowly, then rushed as the thoughts seemed to come to her more easily "kinda talking about...it...but not like that. I just meant, you know, considering everything going on, and how busy the next couple of days are gonna be...not to mention the people sleeping right down the hall...and the fact that this can't go anywhere" She sighed and after pulling her hair all to one side, she lay her head back down. She looked up at Zuko uncertainly. "This was just...this was pretty dumb of me."
With a frown, he rolled back onto his side, then leaned in and kissed her. He got that spark again as their lips met and he let it sweep him in for a few seconds but made sure to pull away before anything definite settled. "You didn't exactly trick me into this." He said as he looked into her eyes. "I think it's safe to say, this has been building up for a long time. It had to happen eventually. I was going nuts." Katara smiled and Zuko felt like a huge weight was lifting from his chest as he realized just how mutual their feelings must have been. "And maybe having to keep this a secret for so long is what's making it so great." He said settling back into the pillows. He pulled Katara with him, relishing just how soft her skin felt against his. "You know? Forbidden fruit and what not."
Katara snorted. "If that's the case, this should've happened sooner. Like, while I was still married." She frowned bitterly and pushed herself away from him. "Or better yet, while Mai was still living with you. Just think, we could've gone at it on your bed while she was sleeping. That probably would've gotten some kind of reaction."
Despite himself, Zuko could imagine it.
He saw Mai waking up to see him and Katara going at it. For some perverse reason (probably because she had enjoyed it so much), he could very easily picture Katara bent over, burying her face in a pile of pillows to keep from being too loud.
But then he saw Mai scowl. "I'm trying to sleep. Shut up." Then she'd roll over to her other side so she wasn't facing them and pull a blanket over her head. "And quit shaking the bed so much."
He shook his head. "That's kind of a weird thing to be talking about." he said. He felt a frown form on his face and was annoyed that he couldn't just brush it off. Two years later, a naked waterbender lying next to him, and he was still bitter. What was his problem?
Katara saw the scowl on his face and made one of her own. "So it doesn't go away, does it?"
It brought Zuko out of of his head and back to the present. This wasn't supposed to be a weird attempt at closure for either of them. She wanted reassurance and a chance to forget her past. She wanted a clean slate. Why she thought he'd be able to help her with that, considering how twisted his life had ended up being could probably be admired for it's irony. But he chose to accept it for what it was.
She wanted him and whatever he was willing to give. Even if all that he was able to give her was someone just as confused and trapped as she was.
He leaned forward and kissed her gently, deeply and pushed her onto her back. Her hand ran along one side of his face, she didn't seem to care that it was the side with his scar. "It gets better." He said, as he ran his lips along her neck. "I promise."
"Oh. Again?" She seemed surprised.
He bit at her nipple playfully, enjoying the way she squeaked. "Why not?" He asked.
"Well, I just..." He found a spot right below her ear that made her forget how to speak. "Last time." Katara managed to gasp out. "Then I need to go help with breakfast."
Zuko smirked and focused more on her neck. "Assuming you'll be able to walk, of course."
"Why wouldn't I be able to walk?" Katara scoffed.
Zuko stopped and looked at her. "Haven't you-" he paused as he realized how badly this conversation could ruin things. "Uh...never mind...just-"
"You're talking too much." Katara said pulling his body closer to hers. "Do that thing to my neck again. I really liked that." Then she pushed his hips down against hers and tangled her fingers in his hair and he forgot how to speak because who needed words when there was that much lightning sparking between them?
They were gentler this time. The didn't rush. They let pleasure wash over them instead of trying to shove away bitterness.
And this time Katara didn't go off like a firecracker with short, loud, multiple bursts. It was one long peaceful wave that pulled Zuko along for the ride.
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