A/N:- This is a one-shot story I thought I give it a go, I hope you like this and tell me what you think of it, so review pleasee I would really appreciate it if you would. The parts that are in Italic are flashbacks just so you know.

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Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story and I think that's about it!

Best friends with benefits?

This wasn't suppose to happen, I wasn't meant to fall for her, she was my best friend and I didn't want to have these feelings towards her and try as hard as I could I just couldn't stop it, I guess I had no control over it . I don't know what I expected I mean feelings were properly going to get mixed into this thing which I have no clue as what to call it. But I don't think either of us even put that into thought although I have no idea what she feels or felt because we never actually sat down and talked about what we were doing, even to this day. I can remember the first time it happened the date, time, where we were, and what we was doing before. I didn't think anything of it at the time or even when it actually started to become a regular thing with us but of course it only ever happened when we were alone and not only did we not bring it up with each other but we never talked to anyone else about it well I know I didn't. I have no idea when or where these feelings came from but it was driving me insane keeping it to myself.

I never knew how to handle it, who would I turn to, to talk about this? I didn't want people to think I was some freak or anything like that. Sure I had other friends and another best friend which is why I started to think to myself normal best friends don't do this. It didn't help with the fact that I don't talk to anyone about anything that goes on inside my head, I just find it easier to just keep it to myself instead of burden people with my problems, even if I do feel like I could explode sometimes.

She was lead on my double bed looking up at the ceiling, while I was sat up in front of her on the bed with my legs crossed and the laptop on my lap. We just

came back from a friends party so we were changed into are pyjamas, we weren't drunk or anything I actually hardly had anything to drink.

"What's it like to kiss a boy I mean like how?" She unlike me has never kissed a boy which I found unbelievable because she's beautiful.

"Urm.. I don't know? You just kinda put you're lips on each others and move them a bit and you just open you're mouth and basically stick you're tongue down his throat"

"Rightt.. but I've never kissed anyone before so how am I gunna know if I'm doing it right."

"I dunno practice on the back of you're hand or something? or like on a pillow I don't know"

"That's just stupid.."

I have no idea where the hell or what I was thinking when I spoke next I guess I always wondered what it would be like to kiss a girl anyway and I suppose I was only saying this to shut her up but I never expected her to agree to it in the first place.

"Well I mean I could show you if you want to that is, but we don't have to"

She looked at me for a moment but didn't say anything so I took that as her answer and went back to doing whatever it was that I was doing on the laptop.

"Okay, sure."

I was quite shocked that she agreed and I mean now I had to go threw with it and there was no backing out of this now. I took the laptop off my lap and put it down to the side of me and crawled over to sit next to her, she was still laying down and she didn't even move when I sat next to her. I leaned down so I was just above her face looking down into her eyes, for some reason I didn't want to mess this up for her. I inch closer to her and I could feel her breathing on my lips, she for some reason didn't seem nervous at all but neither was I. I pressed my lips against hers and they were warm and soft, she was kissing back and then opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. I guess I should have expected her not to know what to do because it was mainly just me doing the kissing so I pulled back.

"You kinda have to kiss back for it to work" I said and laughed a bit.

"I don't know what to do."

"Basically what I was doing, maybe we should just drop it"

"okay."

I went back to where I was at the start of the conversation, sat with my legs crossed and the laptop sitting on my lap. We didn't really say anything after that and the next thing I know when I turn around is that she's asleep.

After that night we didn't talk about it or bring it up at all, I actually felt nothing at that time and I didn't even think about it. I think it was at lest 2 weeks after that when it happened again, its a bit blurry but I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I stayed over her house alot because her mum always went out drinking and she hated staying home alone so as her best friend I stayed over with her when she asked. We would just sit there and watch TV or films, and sometimes we would bake some cakes. Her mum was going out again and she rang me to ask if I would stay over so of course I said yes.

We were watching TV in her bedroom while sitting on her bed, It was getting quite late so she turned the TV off and I was already turning over to go to sleep. She didn't have to turn the light off because it was already off, now normally when ever I would sleep over her house we would sleep top and tail. We didn't have to do that at mine because I had a bigger bed so she slept next to me, I didn't know what to think when she lead next to me but I had my back facing her because I was on my side facing the wall. I thought she was going to move down to the other end of the bed but she didn't move so I didn't think anything of it until she put her arm around me. She rested her hand on top of my stomach and sort of pulled me towards her and held me tightly, It didn't feel wrong but I didn't know what to do so I put my hand on top of hers and squeezed her hand. She pushed my side slightly with her hand and then moved her arm away from me, I turned around but kept my eyes closed but when I opened them up she was closer to me then I thought.

I had no idea why I closed my eyes but I did and I could feel her getting closer to me, our lips were just touching and I'm not sure who moved more closer but the next thing I know our lips were pressed against each others. I didn't know what came over me but I ran my tongue alone her bottom lip to deepen the kiss, it started off slow but then it started to get heated up and rushed. I moved back a little to stop the kiss and take a look at her. I placed my thumb on her chin while I used the other hand to put my weight on because now I was leaning over her. She looked up at me and look disappointed that I had stopped the kiss, "Slow down" was all I said in barely a whisper. I'm not quite sure how long that lasted but when we woke up the next morning it was the same as before we said nothing to each other. This time was different though because I actually thought about what happened.

I read somewhere that best friends do just kiss to try it out, I mean I was helping her out after all, and I guess for awhile that's what I was telling myself. This all means nothing but just a friend helping out another friend. I think we kissed again but it was always when we was alone and although this whole situation was weird, we still stayed close. She did eventually get a boyfriend with my help of course and he was my ex but he was my boy best friend and we was kinda close too. We didn't kiss when they were together though and I actually didn't mind. They weren't together long she was too shy around him the only thing they actually did was hold hands and he was a sweet guy but they just weren't meant for each other and they broke up.

Like I said I have no clue as to when these feelings started but it started to heat up a bit between us. I did have a boyfriend too and I fell completely in love with him but he broke my heart and this is where I always get confused because can you really ever love two people? The only thing that changed between me and her was that whenever I got close to someone she hated it and she would get all funny and start arguments about it. It was like no one else could have me but her and I couldn't have any other friends, It was like she was becoming clingy and I hated that because I had a boyfriend who was with me literally 24/7 and it was annoying.

It was a Friday night and her mum just left to go out with some friends so it was just us again. I was sat on the single chair which was closest to the kitchen door, it was still light outside so it must only be about 6 o'clock maybe. We started messing about on the chair and then we some how ended up on the floor with me on top of her with my knees supporting me and my hands around her wrists pinned to the floor. Our laughing died down and we was just looking into each others eyes, before I knew it I was leaning in. Some where during the kiss she had moved her leg between mine, and now her knee was pressing against my private part and she was moving it up and down turning me on. After that we sat on her sofa I was sitting slightly turned to watch the telly and she was sat behind me really close, almost cuddling.

I never expected it to go any feather than kissing but I didn't ever think I would be doing this. Things like that started to happen when ever I stayed over and we were alone, something in the back of my mind must of knew that I was starting to get feelings towards her and I didn't want that. That's when I started to stop it and pull away, even when I pushed her away she wanted to carry on and I gave in too easily but it was like I couldn't stop this, something inside me was letting it carry on know matter how hard I tried. I'm not gunna lie but this pretty much fucked with my head I was questioning everything, was I into girls or not? If I was how would I know for sure? It wouldn't bother me what people thought, okay maybe a little but only what my family thought. I mean every girl says "oh she's beautiful" or "she's hot" and it's normal, isn't it? It was like I was having my own war against myself, I knew I wouldn't care much of what other people thought, but I couldn't handle it and if it was true then I was pretty much avoiding it as much as I could. I always wanted kids since I was young and being into girls would mean I couldn't have that?

The last time this happened was when she stayed over at mine, it wasn't long after that she moved we were still friends but still never talked about what went on between us. Maybe that's why I'm so confused with it all and it was all I could think about for awhile. This time was different because we sort of went feather than just kissing and touching each other all over, although unlike the first time this is a bit of a blur for me because we were drinking before but not completely drunk I don't think.

I'm sat in my friends house ready to go home, we've all been drink and when I'm like this I'd rather go home and sleep in my own bed. My friends parents went away for the weekend and they were coming home that night so not many people could stay there.

She was already sitting next to me so I thought I'd ask her if she wanted to stay over mine instead.

"Hey Alex you stay over mine or you staying here?"

"Yeah I'll stay over yours, there more room."

"Come on then Lex lets go, I'm kinda tired."

We said are goodbyes and it was a good job I only lived down the road from my friend because she could not walk that straight and was all over the place. Once we got in mine I picked out a film, cheaters by the dozen and put it on when we got to my room.

I was already laying down in bed when she came in my room, changed and ready for bed. She was laying next to me when I felt her move and was leaning above me, she didn't waste any time and was already leaning in to kiss me. The kiss heated up pretty fast and she was already asking for entrance by running her tongue alone my lip and I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss. She pulled back but moved back put place her lips on my neck and started to suck it lightly making me let out a moan, her hands travelled from my waist going up under my shirt and pulling me forward to take my bra off and threw it to the side. It didn't feel weird or wrong that she was running her hand under my t-shirt and over my breasts, if anything it was turning me on even more. She lifted my top up and started to kiss down my neck over my breasts and all around my stomach, she stopped just above my bottom's and that's when I spoke.

"Stop." At first I wasn't sure she heard me right but she looked up at me with a look I couldn't read nor understand. She leaned back up and kissed me then she slowly put her hand down my pyjama bottoms and started to rub my clit softly making me let out another moan and wanting more. She lifted her head and went back in for my neck, I had to bit my lip to stop me from making too much noise as I felt her insert a finger into me but started off slow and then added another finger. She didn't do it for too long but when she finished she lay down next to me while I tried to get my breathing under control and back to normal and all I could think about was what was that. It didn't take us long to drop off to sleep.

When I woke up that morning it was like as if nothing had happened, like everything was just a dream and I was starting to get fed up of not talking about this but I was not for one to bring anything up first. We drifted apart after that and we had a lot of arguments over basically nothing and I was getting tired of it really quickly so we stopped being friends. The only problem was that we had mutual friends so when some thing came up she was there, my best friend who still is till this day her sister was having a night in. There was six of us and she was already there when we arrived and I knew every time I was going to see her I would get this pain in my chest and I hated it. We would talk when ever we were around our friends I mean I wasn't going to ignore her even if I wanted to because there were birthdays and other stuff that we did together and I didn't want to make it awkward for the group.

When ever we were around each other I tired not to look at her more than I should, but when I did and she looked back at me I never understood the way she looked at me and still don't. There will always be apart of me that I want to ask her if she felt anything or was it just me? Was it just a phase that I went threw or going threw just on my own? I know ill never get the courage to ask her unless she came to me and it kills me that we don't talk anymore like we used to because she used to be my best friend.

A/N I know this kinda sucks but I wanted to see what you all thought of this, I actually wasn't going to post this, so I have no idea why I have lol, but anyways

If there's enough people that review this then I might turn it into something not sure yet.

So please leave a review and tell me what think it mean the world to me and if you got any idea's too that would help (:

Thanks xox