A/N: This is my first real porno-fic, so be nice to me, or I'll call the fan fiction police to arrest you!

Alfred hadn't been over for long, but he was starting to get annoying, very annoying for the fifteen year old Arthur Kirkland. He was getting cocky - a little too cocky, in fact. The younger boy had won two games of Metro Honor against him, and his jeers were slowly becoming some of the most irritating noises he'd ever heard a human produce.

"What's wrong Arty?" he laughed. "Getting mad 'cause a wittle fourteen-year-old is kickin' your ass?"

Alfred loved doing this to his best friend, and not just because the Brit had an abusable inferiority complex, but because he had planned today for a very long time, fantasizing about it as each mindlessly horny day drew on.

He'd win some, he'd lose some, but in the end it was only an act to get Arthur angry at him. In reality, Alfred was vastly superior at any game he or Arthur owned between them. It was an act, and soon he'd make Arthur an offer his cock couldn't refuse.

"You think you can beat me?" Alfred chuckled as he asked the question.

"I've done it before, haven't I?" he asked, bits of British falling under his breath.

"Fine then," Alfred's lips curled into a lustful smile, "the loser sucks the winner's dick."

"Faggot."

"It's raping time!" Alfred screamed, throwing his arms around his best friend's neck, and squeezing.

"No! Please!" Arthur gargled through muscle contractions.

Alfred made no reply, instead opting to remove the Brit's pants, along with his own. He made this an incredibly slow process, stopping to stroke his penis every few seconds. But, between these strokes of passion, he first unbuckled Arthur's belt with his teeth, and then completely pulled off his jeans, an inch at a time. His pants (and underwear) came off in a record of two point three five six nine two seconds.

Alfred then present his trouser-houser to his best friend. Arthur tried to hold back a laugh, but could not. Alfie's ding-dong was a tiny three inches! A whole inch shorter than his massive python or girthy ecstasy.

"What're you laughing at, carpet bagger?" Alfred shoved his length into the English teenager's face. "You're the one gettin' rape-ified."

"You're too tiny for my mouth." Arthur rolled his eyes as he slapped Alfred's weiner with his cheek.

"Fine then," (Alfred like taking pauses after saying "fine then") Alfred grabbed up Artie's pants and tied the British tea-drinker to his bed post. "I'LL USE YOUR TIGHT BOOTY HOLE."

"Not the Queen's fifteenth hole!" Arthur shrieked in horror. "You'll ruin it for the Royal Wedding!"

"L-O-L. Frankly, Artie-Poo, I don't give a damn!" Alfred then poked his rod of life into Arthur's succulent chocolate starfish.

"Ow! You're too tiny, too big!"

"Yeah," Alfred moaned, "take it bitch."

"ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT SELENA GOMEZ?" Arthur asked, yellingly.

"I'm not thinking about your dirty hole, contrary to what you might think, according the first few paragraphs of this fan fiction."

"Ugh, porn writers can be so fickle sometimes, you know?" Arthur said, his syllables being paused by the thunderous sound of Alfred and his thighs slapping together. "Last week AzuKiku would have been cool."

"Dumb bitches."

Alfred continued to slid effortlessly in and out of Arthur, albeit the use of lubricant, until his twitching cock reach orgasm. He pulled out just in time to splooge all over Arthur's belly, and the Brit loved every millisecond of it.

"Oh man, my homophobic ways are totez changed." Arthur moaned.

"Yeah, man." Alfred laughed. "I AM the hero of the LGBT community."

"I love having your arms RAPED around me, Alfie," Arthur confessed. "How about that dick sucking?"

The camera pans to the television screen, which read "PLAYER TWO WINS!" Arthur had been playing a busy Alfred all this time!

CUE SITCOM LAUGH!