Title; Should Have Been
Author; Tarklovishki
Pairing; Dean/Castiel.
Warnings; Feels overload.
Spoilers; Season 7 finale.
Summary; This is what Dean should have had all along.
Authors Notes; Originally written and posted on Tumblr. This is how I wish Dean got out of Purgatory, whilst unfortunately having to leave Castiel behind. Just watch as I completely ignore the fact that Dean is supposedly going to get out with the help of a monster.
Should Have Been
by Tarklovishki.
Kneeling in the middle of a field, Dean looks around, tense and ready to fight. After a year worth of fighting monsters that he could not kill (because you can't kill what's already dead), it's become an ingrained reaction; there's always something waiting, watching with bated breath, for it's moment to attack.
Then he realises something is wrong; Cas is not with him. This strikes Dean as strange; he had been with Cas just mere seconds ago. He should be here.
"Cas?" he calls, but his voice is barely over a whisper. Despite this feeling all wrong - instinct telling him there's no battle to be fought here - he can't help it. One can never be too sure. "Cas, where are you?"
"Dean?"
Dean tenses. He knows that voice, but it cannot possibly belong to the person he thinks it belongs to. It's been too long. He's spent too long hoping for this day that it can't have come now…
He turns. "Sam?"
There are tear-tracks on Sam's cheeks, rapidly drying in the heat of the day. "Are you really here?" Sam asks in disbelief. He makes a sudden, aborted movement, reaching for Dean.
Dean flinches and steps back before he remembers that this is Sam. Sam. His Sam wouldn't hurt him. "Sorry," he mutters.
There's hurt in Sam's eyes, and yet understand, too. "It's okay, Dean."
"How long have I been gone?" Dean isn't sure if he wants the answer. He has to know.
"A few weeks, Dean."
No. That wasn't right; he'd been gone for a year. Cas had been keeping track and—
"Cas. Is Cas here?"
Sam's eyes softened. "No, Dean. Just you."
That's when Dean remembers.
(*)
"Dean! Only you can go through." Castiel has a hand on Dean's shoulder, right over the hand-print burn. "This spell is only meant for one person."
Dean shakes his head. "No, Cas. I'm not going to leave you here—"
"Yes, you are Dean. Go back to Sam; he needs you."
"What about you?"
"I'll—I'll be fine." They both hear the words for what they are; a lie. "Either you walk through that portal right now, or so help me, I will push you through it. Now, go."
"Cas—"
"Go!"
Any grip that Dean has on his manliness is gone. He grabs Castiel and pulls him in for a hug. It last mere seconds, but it feels like days. Dean finds himself struck by the urge to never let go. Just to hold onto his best friend forever.
He pulls back, looks into Cas's eyes, and then he can't fight it any more. He cups Cas's face in his hands and kisses him. It's soft, it's sweet, and it's filled with everything they could've had. And it hurts. A burn that hurts more than hell-fire.
This is what Dean should have had all along.
The spell is starting to wear off. Castiel grabs Dean's forearms and forces him back. There's pain and regret shining in his eyes. He wants this too.
"You have to go," he said. "Don't worry about me."
"Cas, just stay safe, alright? When I'll get to Sam, we'll—we'll pull you out."
Cas smiles, a barely-there smile that reminds Dean of his angel days when he'd been the epitome of forever, and says, "Goodbye, Dean."
Just before the spell wore off, Cas pushes Dean through the portal.
Dean knew no more.
(*)
"He's still in Purgatory."
Sam is leaning over him, a hand on his shoulder reminiscent of the way Cas's had been, and belatedly Dean realises that he's been forced to his knees under the weight of his memories.
"Cas?" he asks. "Cas is in Purgatory."
"Yes," said Dean. His tone changes from soft and sad to that of determination. He's struck with the knowledge that he now has a job to do. "And I've got to get him out of there."