This fic is centred around my Shepard, Rayne (Spacer/Sole Survivor/Paragon). She's a BAMF but only because she's forced to be. She's really just a nice girl underneath it all. A reluctant hero who is very good at pushing things down in order to just get on with the job. (Normally I prefer fics that don't use her first name, but it was too confusing with two Shepards, and also I figure that out of any one in the galaxy, it would be her mother who would use her first name). POST ME-3. I wrote this for mothers day.

Hannah Shepard looked down at the broken form of her only child.

She looked frail and weak, dwarfed in the sheets of the bed in the makeshift hospital room. Her dark hair was mussed, her cheeks were pale and scarred. Burns covered a lot of her body, and bandages hid most of her delicate skin. Rayne was sleeping, her chest rising and falling with each breath.

It had been 6 weeks since the end of the Reaper War. Six weeks since her daughter had been pulled from the rubble, barely alive. This was the first movement Hannah had taken away from the rebuilding efforts to finally see her daughter. She knew Rayne would understand. Duty first, and their civilization was in utter shambles since the Reaper's attacked. Now, it was the Alliance who had stepped up as leaders, trying to co-ordinate medical supplies, shelter, food. There was a long road to go to rebuild, but at least they had something left to rebuild.

Emotions warred with in Hannah as she watched her daughter sleep. There was Pride, that this fierce creature who had united the galaxy and fought back, and won against the Reapers was the child of her flesh, a part of her, her daughter. And sorrow, that her daughter had to be the one to shoulder the burden, to shoulder that responsibility in the first place. Then guilt, that she had put her career first and missed out on so much of her daughter's bringing. It was a credit to Rayne's adaptable nature that she had turned out as well as she did. It was no wonder that Rayne had enlisted in the Alliance as soon as she had been able to. Hannah had never forgotten the snide comment a crewmate had made after she had enlisted. Of course she enlisted! How else is she going to get her mother's attention?

Rayne looked so young lying there on the bed. The bruises had faded and the skin that wasn't scarred or burned was smooth. No doubt result of the synthetic overlay Cerberus had given her. The lines around her eyes had faded. Had it not been for the tubes and bandages, she would have looked like a care free young woman taking a nap.

Hannah sighed and the rush of her breath echoed in the small room. Rayne's eyes squinted, and then opened slowly, blinking against the bright light. It was the first time Hannah had seen those vibrant violet eyes in person since before the reaper invasion. Tears pricked behind her eyes. "Hey baby, it's good to see you." Hannah's voice was husky, shaky with unshed emotion.

Rayne turned her head towards the dark-haired woman by her side. Her trim figure was clothed in Alliance BDU's and her hair was pulled back into a tight bun. She could see streaks of silver at her temples and her face, so similar to Rayne's own, was lined with age.

"Mom?"

Hannah reached out and gripped Rayne's hand as tightly as she dared. Her hand was partly bandaged for burns. "I'm here, baby."

Rayne felt the pressure on her hand but felt no pain. She felt the warmth of her mother's hands wrapped around hers and heard the familiar sound of her mother's voice. Her mother leaned down and brushed her lips over Rayne's forehead and as she came close, Rayne was assailed with her mother's familiar scent. It was a vanilla musk she had worn for as long as she could remember and the scent triggered memories of her childhood, of days when she was young and carefree with the world at her feet. Memories of those rare times when it was just her and her mother in their quarters on one Alliance ship or another, laughing and sharing a meal after her shift had finished. Rayne remembered missing her mother horribly when she was away. Of falling down somewhere and skinning her knee, of crying and howling for her mother so much that the duty officers took pity on her and carried her up to the bridge. Then of being in her mother's arms on the bridge of an Alliance Frigate, starting out the wide view port into the stars beyond, her tears stilled and her mother whispering words of comfort in her ears.

The memories washed over her like a turbulent sea, carrying with them emotions that had long been dormant. The need of a young girl for her mother. Rayne grasped her mother's hand tighter and tugged. Hannah understood the cue and leaned forward, wrapping her arms around her daughter. All at once, Rayne found herself in her mother's embrace, her face buried in her mother's chest, her warmth and scent all around her. She felt her mother's hand stroking her hair as she climbed into the bed beside her and hugged her.

A moment later, Hannah pulled back. She looked intently at Rayne's battered face, into eyes that were so similar to her own. "How are you feeling?" She asked, the concern plainly written on her expression.

Rayne bit her lip and struggled to form the words. There was an odd prickling sensation at the back of her eyes and her breath felt shaky. "I miss him," she said. Her eyes drifted shut.

Hannah pulled her close. "Oh, baby. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Rayne buried her face into her mother's shoulder, accepting the comfort. Her recovery had been slow. The medics all told her to fight, to think positive and get better, but without him, there was no reason. She'd done enough. She'd given everything she had. Everything. And now she was alive and he was MIA, along with the rest of her crew on the Normandy. Presumed dead. It wasn't right. They were supposed to be together!

Her memories of the final hours were hazy. She tried to think, to grasp them as they flittered like shadows through her consciousness, but they slipped by, out of her reach. One memory was clear though. A face she knew she could never forget for it was all but ingrained in her soul.

She remembered Kaidan on Earth. It was dark, and the smell of oil and charred dust was heavy in the air. The gunfire and screams in the background. Her hands held tightly in hers, wondering if it was just her imagination that she could feel his warmth through the material of her armour. Then… him pulling her to him and kissing her. Their last kiss.

And just like that, the memories came screaming back. Begging Kaidan to stay with his Biotics squad. Feeling James and Garrus at her back as they ran towards the column of light. Harbinger. The final push to the beam. The explosions, then the agony, the pain as she dragged herself to the beam and found herself on the citadel. That smell of decaying bodies, the blood, the eerie keepers. She remembered the Illusive Man, and Anderson dying. She remembered the Catalyst and her choice.

Rayne started to shake uncontrollably in Hannah's embrace. The grip on her arms grew tighter and deeper, until Rayne's nails were almost drawing blood. Hannah ignored the pain, knowing her daughter was locked in a far greater trauma. "I'm sorry, kiddo." She whispered. " I'm so sorry."

At the sound of her mother's pet name for her, Rayne's internal defences finally dissolved and she was a child again. The walls inside herself that she had carefully and painstakingly erected in order to deal with her losses during the Reaper Invasion crumbled. She was powerless against the emotion that crawled into her heart. Tears bid unshed down her cheeks in silver streaks and her chest heaved in ugly, contorted sobs. Her mother tightened her embrace and whispered words of comfort, stroking her choppy dark hair back from her face. They were empty words, devoid of impact.

Years of loss had finally come to this. Rayne could no longer bury it. She cried for her heart, lost to her. She cried for her crew, gone, their fates unknown. She cried for the senseless losses on Earth, Palavan, Thessia when the Reaper's invaded. She cried for the innocents that suffered, for Charr, the big love poem spouting Krogan, for Jonas, the orphaned Quarian. She cried for Mordin, and Thane and for Ashley. She cried for Kaidan, for the loss of their future, of what might have been, the children they would never have.

She cried for what felt like hours until she fell into an exhausted sleep, her head pillowed on her mother's bosom like a child. And all through it, her mother was there. Holding her child in her arms, soothing her, filled with regret for all that was lost.