Don't own Chuck
Previous Chuck stories and order: 1 Chuck vs Charles, 2 Chuck vs the Love Boat, 3 Chuck vs The Rock, 4 Chuck vs Amtrak, 5 Chuck vs The Dictator, 6 Chuck vs The Name, 7 Chuck vs The Volcano, 8 Chuck vs The Ghost, 9 Chuck vs The Shooter, 10 Chuck vs The Package, 11 Chuck vs The Jade Dragon, 12 Chuck vs Jai-Alai, 13 Chuck vs The Greek, 14 Chuck vs The Suitcase, 15 Chuck vs The Pirate, 16 Chuck vs The Toy Maker, 17 Chuck vs The Sibyl, 18 Chuck vs The House, 19 Chuck vs The Heist, 20 Chuck vs The A-Bomb, 21 Chuck vs The Snowman, 22 Chuck vs The Tin Man, 23 Chuck vs The Baguette, 24 Chuck vs The Black Knight, 25 Chuck vs The Merchant of Venice, 26 Chuck vs Electric Sheep
Mark Stiles a veteran Ranger in the Death Valley National Park was out on patrol. The weather was hot but nothing new for the hottest and driest place in North America. He was just happy his Ford Bronco had air conditioning. He had just left Stovepipe Wells heading west on CA 190 towards Grotto Canyon road. Some tourists dropped by the station and reported they had seen vultures circling so Mark volunteered to go have a look.
"Dispatch, I turning off CA 190 now heading back to the Canyon road," radioed Mark. He was just happy to get out of the station.
"Mark admit it," said the Dispatcher, "you just wanted to get out of the office so you wouldn't have to put up with Rick's belly aching."
"Roger that. Is he still going on about catching duty on Thanksgiving? I caught it last year and someone has to take it. Over."
"Roger that," said the Dispatcher, "but he thinks it's not right that the Chief gave it to him because he's single. He said he had plans, over."
"Plans? With whom Billy Di Goat? I bet he was going hunting with his two pals Jack Daniels and Jim Beam for Wild Turkey."
"Will you two girls keep the chatter down? You're speaking on an open channel where God and country can listen in. Be professional or I'll have you all here tomorrow. Ranger Stiles you should be about at the site where the tourist reported seeing the vultures circling. Do you see any signs of poaching? Over."
"Roger that, I see the vultures but so far no sign of an animal carcass. I'm almost out of road… Jesus Christ I don't believe it. What the…" Stiles started to speak then nothing just static.
"Ranger Stiles, do you read me? Mark do you read me… Crap" said the Chief ignoring radio protocol. He knew something had happened. "Dispatch, send two back up vehicles and contact the State police. Have someone swing by here I want to run out personally."
A few minutes later the Chief was driving up on the scene. A column of smoke could be seen miles away as the Chief looked at it he braced himself for the grisly sight he thought would follow.
"What'd we got," he asked jumping out of the vehicle hitting the ground running. These were his people and he felt responsible for each and every one of them. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before not on his watch.
"Chief we don't know. The Bronco looks like it was blown up then torched or torched then blown up. Anyway the State Police are sending a CSI team to look over the remains."
"The remains?" he said as he took a deep breath and swallowed. His breakfast was trying to come up. "Does that mean you found a body?"
"No I'm sorry… Well that wasn't… What I meant was left of the Bronco. We can't find Stiles or his body anywhere the only thing we found is him," said the Ranger pointing at a man they had locked up in the back of one of the Trooper's patrol cars.
"What's his story?" said the Chief as he looked at him through the glass. "What does he have to do with Stiles and what happened here?"
'I'm afraid nothing. He was found passed out at the beginning of the road on CA190 and if he'd been there when Stiles drove by he'd have picked him up. We grabbed him so he wouldn't die of exposure and Chief, he's pretty much out of it. When we picked him up he handed us this card," said the Ranger as he handed it to the Chief.
"My name is Jeff and I'm lost," read the Chief out loud. "Boy is that an understatement. What's on the other side?"
"There's an address 1629 Handley Avenue, North Hollywood, CA 91601 but when the Trooper radioed it in and the people who live there said they didn't know a Jeff."
"Hey buddy," said the Chief as he opened the door. "Lord have mercy when was the last time you touched water."
"I forgot to tell you about that," said the ranger. "I'm going to need a new vehicle or a gas mask to drive mine back."
"Water, do you know what fish do in water?" said Jeff as he smiled up at him with a vacant look. "Where's Yogi and Boo boo? Did someone lose a picnic basket?"
"Right, listen buddy this address isn't any good, do you have a friend or relative who can vouch for you?" The Chief didn't know why he was wasting time with this Jeff guy but since he couldn't do anything about his missing ranger at least he could try to solve this case.
"Oh that's right I don't live there anymore. Roscoe and I moved. You know I ought to change my emergency card but then I'd have to change my name too or would I still be Jeff?"
"I think you can change your address without changing your name. So do you have a new address or how can we contact this Roscoe?"
"Roscoe's gone he went to that big ferret house in the sky but I have his skin somewhere I made a mouse pad out of him. I thought it appropriate… Do you want to see? I'll show you mine if you show me yours?"
"Dear God no! Listen we need to call someone for you, who can we call?"
"Wow you go out of country for a little bit and they change the laws on you. So I can keep my name and get a new place? Wow," said Jeff as he started to sing. "So my name is Jeff…" He stopped suddenly looked around then motioned the Chief to come near saying something in a low voice then looked around again.
"I'm sorry I can't hear you. You're going to have to speak louder," said the Chief but Jeff signaled for him to move closer. This made the Chief feel uncomfortable.
"My friend, his name is Chuck and he's a spy…. Shush you can't tell anyone," said Jeff as he looked around again. "And his old lady Sarah, she's one too but not a word to anyone. This is between the two of us," he said as he tried to wink but couldn't.
"Okay and this Chuck and his wife who are a spies where can we find them? Let me guess Langley?" said the Chief wondering just what Jeff was on.
"No he works at the Buy More of course," said Jeff as he suddenly didn't feel so well. "I think my water broke," he said as he passed out.
"There you go Trooper," said the Chief. "Now all you have to do is contact the Buy More and ask for Chuck the spy who's married to Sarah the spy."
"Really you want me to run with that? Langley's finest at a Buy More give me a break," said the Trooper. "I'll be laughed out the front doors. I don't even know which one. I'll throw him in the drunk tank then put it in the pass down and let the duty crew tomorrow hassle with it. A spy in the Buy More I bet he works in home security and surveillance."
"Whatever, I just want my missing Ranger found and thing else? And when are your CSI people getting here?"
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Although they had wanted to leave right away they were held up for a few days in Japan. The Director of Japanese Intelligence wanted a personal debriefing that was organized in the Embassy. The only person who got to leave was Jill. Beckman didn't want her to be anywhere near when the briefing went down for obvious reasons, so she had her transported back to the States via military air. However, during the whole interrogation the only question the Director really wanted to know was where Nee-san and Kenji were? They all told him the same story that they had no idea and the only thing Chuck was sure of was sure they were no longer a concern for him. In the end the Director gave up and arranged for a private jet to take them back insisting they leave right then. They were whisked out of the Embassy and taken to Yokota AFB where they boarded a Lear Jet. In minutes they were California bound and that was almost ten hours ago.
"I just checked with the pilot and we should be landing soon when we get in you two need to hurry up. None of that dilly-dallying around like you usually do, doing you know what you do."
"I'd like to hear you say that fast three times," said Chuck. "Doing what you do? What does that even mean?"
"You know we're late as it is so hurry up. If Grimes eats all the pumpkin pies I'm going to make him into a wishbone and see who gets the short end."
"John is this because of Thanksgiving?" said Sarah, "You know it's tomorrow. We gained a day crossing the date line so Thanksgiving's tomorrow."
"So I guess we have permission to dilly-dally around," said Chuck as he kissed her. She kissed him then pulled back.
"But Casey's right…" said Sarah but Chuck cut her off.
"But I like dilly-dallying around with you. Do we really have to stop?" said Chuck as he gave her a quick kissed before she could protest.
"No that's not what I meant and I like dilly-dallying around with you too," said Sarah as they heard Casey grunt behind them.
"Yuck, I think I'm going to be sick. You guys have been at it since we went wheels up don't you need a break?" Casey paused. "Are you sure about the date line? I need to check." He got up to go check with the pilot, he needed confirmation and dilly-dallying relief.
"You and I both have computers in our heads and he needs to go talk to the pilot for confirmation? Well that's John for you. Now where were we… Yes a little data transfer," said Chuck as he moved close to her.
"No wait we need to talk. Sweetie what am I going to do? I never finished buying everything and by the time we get in it will be too late." Chuck started to say something but she cut him off. "If you mention Sara Lee or Swanson I'll hurt you."
"Sorry, well Love what I would suggest is we make what we have. I talked with Morgan and he's got the meat taken care of with turkeys and hams which is really the long part. I think if we bake some pies and dressing it will be fine. We can drop by a Seven Eleven and get a couple cans of chicken broth to make the stock for the dressing. It's not the same but with my secret ingredient we can make it work.
"Secret ingredient? And what's that or do I have to interrogate you to get your intel mister. You know I can be very persuasive?"
"My lips are sealed but you can try to unseal them," Chuck said as he kissed her.
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Morgan was in his office going over the invoices for merchandise for Friday's Black sales. They had a record about of stock on hand and Morgan remembered what Big Mike told him had happened at all the Husky lads throughout Burbank going without britches for Christmas. He didn't want to lose his britches or his shorts. He was deep in thought when Skip and Fernando came to the door. Morgan tried to ignore them but they wouldn't go away.
"Okay what do you want," said Morgan looking up at them.
"Who us? We don't want anything? Isn't that right," said Skip. "Tell him Fernando."
"I thought you told me we wanted to get at the…." Fernando started to say but Skip put his hand over his mouth.
"What he was trying to tell you with his own limited vocabulary was that we were thinking you really need someone to guard the store tonight and since we didn't have any plans we thought we'd volunteer to put in free overtime."
"By free you mean free at no charge," said Morgan as Big Mike walked in. "Big Mike what do you think? These two want to stay tonight to watch the merchandise without charging the store over time."
"I'd say I smell a rat," said Big Mike, "or maybe a Thanksgiving day turkey. Son but you know you have to admire the initiative and their willingness to sacrifice for the good of the store."
"I was thinking the same thing so you know I'll take you guys up on your offer and tell you what you can also spend all of tomorrow here too. You can camp out until we open for Black Friday and naturally at no cost to the store."
"But… Ouch!" Fernando started to protest but Skip stomped his foot.
"It's a deal," said Skip as he offered Morgan his hand.
"I'm not touching that until it's disinfected. Get back to work," said Morgan as Big Mike rushed them out then closed the door.
"You know they plan on raiding the food tonight," said Big Mike. "Do you want to eat anything after those hands have touched it?"
"Don't worry I've got is covered," said Morgan as Alex walked in. "Is it here?" She nodded her head. "Sorry Big Mike I have to go. I have to see a man about a turkey."
"Go son I've got it covered here just make it hot and spicy. You and you're mamma know how I like it." Morgan waited at the door. "Muy caliente."
"Jeez are those the only two words he knows in Spanish," said Morgan as he left with Alex. "Please tell me everything is all right with the order."
"Well kind of," said Alex as they went down to Castle. Morgan had decided to turn the a/c up in Castle and to store the food down there that way the Buy Morons couldn't get at it.
"The smell is good at least. You should've come and gotten me I would've helped you bring all of it down to Castle."
"It was easy I tranq'd the driver then drove his van down off loaded it then drove him up in the parking lot. He should be coming to soon with his invoice signed."
"Are you getting an itchy trigger finger too? What's this? Where's the Turkey to carve? And there are supposed to be hams?"
"Well it's there just it's in the form of stir fry," said Alex trying to be consoling. "The turkey spring rolls aren't that bad or the turkey wonton."
"I don't remember the pilgrims eating rice on Thanksgiving," said Morgan as he speed dialed Sizzling Shrimp putting the call on speaker as he inspected the rest of the food hoping he missed something. "Wong what are you doing to me here," said Morgan as soon as he hear the line pick up.
"Morgan, is this Morgan? You like the food you don't need to thank me. I know I did good so bon appetite."
"Bon appetite? This isn't what I ordered. Wong the pilgrims sailed on the Mayflower it wasn't a Sampan. What am I supposed to do with this?"
"Eat it. You know half the pilgrims died the first winter and you know why? They ordered takeout but it took a lot longer to deliver so this is the second Thanksgiving. Kung Hey fat choi," said Wong then hung up.
"Yeah and hey fattso to you too. This is the worse Thanksgiving ever," said Morgan as he put away his phone. "Boy did I ever screw up."
"It's not that bad. Mom's making sweet potatoes with marshmallows and so is Ellie so you'll have an abundance of your favorite side dishes. I'll serve you desert afterwards at home if you behave, but I need to run and pick up everyone at the airport."
"Maybe I could get a little slice this evening," said Morgan as he kissed her.
"We'll see."
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Alex drove to the airport taking a company vehicle and after collecting everyone she drove them back to Echo Park with a short stop a Seven Eleven. On the way Alex told them what had happened to Morgan and the food. When they pulled into Echo Park the whole courtyard smelt like the holidays with the fragrances of cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves hanging in the air.
"Wow who's cooking what," said Chuck as his mouth was watering and he realized that they hadn't eaten in ten hours, not since they left Japan.
"Mom is in your place Dad cooking sweet potatoes with marshmallows and Ellie's in her old place doing the same. Please tomorrow try to make Morgan feel good. He did try and it's not his fault if things got screwed up, Dad that goes for you too." As Alex was speaking Devon came outside.
"There here," he yelled back inside and everyone came out. Clara came out with Sam and Ellie followed up behind them. Kat heard all the commotion and came outside. She went straight up to John and kissed him. Chuck thought he was going to bust a gasket as red as he turned.
"Not so bad this dilly-dallying," said Chuck as Sarah elbowed him to be quiet then she picked Sam up and kissed her.
"Why don't you guys give us ten minutes to get things inside then we order pizzas," said Sarah. But neither Ellie or Kat could leave their ovens unattended so they decided for later.
"I'd like to stay but I can't," said Alex. "I told Morgan if he'd behave I'd give him desert tomorrow so I need to go get it ready. He begged for some tonight and I couldn't say no."
"He asked for what?... and you need huh?... Hold on a bit," said Casey. Chuck had never seen him that way before and was really worried about him.
"I know we shouldn't but… well," said Alex looking embarrassed. There was a silence in the courtyard that could be cut with a knife. "What? It's not that bad I'll make two pumpkin pies for tomorrow so we can cut one. Morgan wants a slice and after everything I think he deserves it."
"I couldn't agree more," said Chuck as he took Sarah and Sam home.
"I think I need some more of your secret ingredient," said Sarah as she kissed him. "I hope we don't run out."
"You've got a lifetime supply," he said as he kissed her.
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The State Policeman drove Jeff in to the station for lock up. They processed him and found his fingerprints already in the system. After being processed he was transferred to the Twin Towers Correctional Facility. There he was shoved into a cell to spend the night before his arraignment the next morning. One of the turnkeys was walking by when she found Jeff curled up on the floor asleep hugging his pillow. She didn't think much of him at first then she came and did a double take.
"Jesus, you guys know who you threw in general lockup," said Gladys. "That's Jeff Barnes from Jeffster."
"Jeff who? Am I supposed to know who he is?" said her Sergeant. He made sergeant because the last guy that was ahead of him got fired after the department was hit with a lawsuit. "Tell me about this guy."
"He with his partner were named cover band of the year after their tour in Germany where they were loved by both men and women. You might remember some of their famous CDs like 'Cover This' or 'Lester's Bad Company Jeff'. Then there was their hit single where they went country 'Roscoe's Gone And Ain't Coming Back'."
"Sorry but nothing rings a bell but people like this have agents who have attorneys who love to sue. Maybe we need to give this guy a little VIP treatment just in case. Put him in a private cell then check out his case. If there's someone we can remand him in custody to let's do it. This doesn't have to go to court."
"And the drug charges? I saw he was charged with taking Mescaline."
"Is he native American?"
"I think I read in his bio he states his father was half Indian the cool kind not like Lester. But yeah I believe so."
"There you go the Native American Church is allowed to us peyote in their rituals. Charge him with public intoxication and hand him off to a friend. Here I've got his arrest report up on the computer. Call up one of the cruisers and have them find this Chuck guy."