"In the End"
By Keirra Maxwell-Winner
A Songfic set to "In the End" performed by Linkin Park
Warnings
Aghast, Yaoi 2x1, Depressing themes…. (Don't read on a bad day)
~ =song lyrics
// = thought
~ It starts with one thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time ~
Heero's peruvian blue eyes stared out at the rain pounding against the Mobile suits that dared to face the legendary pilots. His eyes never leaving the screens in front of him, his hand gripping the controls of the Gundam known as Zero. For once in a long while, the pilots tired during a battle, this one in fact already lasting well into the 2-hour range. Even the normally energetic pilot of Deathscythe Hell seemed to be losing some of his constant sugar high it seemed. It seemed almost like an endless stream of mobile dolls that came from nowhere as all five pilots strove to destroy what seemed like the largest OZ base so far. A yell over the Comm pulled Heero Yuy from his daze. Turning the Gundam slightly as he drove his beam saber through another soulless machine he saw as the black and gold giant that held his partner slicing its way through the hordes of twisted remnants of what once another mobile doll. For once his attention wandered from the battlefield, wondering for a moment what was running through the enigmatic boy…no… the man who piloted the self proclaimed god of death Gundam. Systematically the green blade of the beam scythe that was Duo's trademark sliced through the bodies of the dolls, causing fireball infernos to leap up as the suit exploded. Grimly Heero continued the never ending destruction, his mind becoming so focused on his currant enemy that even Zero failed to warn him of the attack from the back.
The grunt of pain over the still active comm unit exposed Duo's actions.
~All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away~
Time seemed to slow, turning the mer moments into eternity as Heero watched the sudden wash of anguish in the violet depths. Each second lasting a lifetime as Duo again forced back the pain that flooded his body yet it almost seemed like he could not. The darkness swirled around the young pilot causing his eyes to refuse to stay focused, fighting against his body's protests he gripped the controls tighter. Coughing tore through his body as he moved Deathscythe's arm back, aiming the buster shield at the mobile doll whose beam saber now cleanly carved through the torso of Deathscythe who was shielding Zero. The doll exploded in a wave of heat and shrapnel, the force causing even Heero raise the shield of Zero against the onslaught. A slight grunt was heard over the system as yet again Duo's back arched slightly in pain as a small shard of metal tore through the armour covering his Gundam and buried itself into Duo's back. The prone metal body of Deathscythe continued to hover over Zero, making sure that no other danger could come to the precious cargo carried within the abdomen of the giant.
Heero's eyes widened in horror as he activated the visual on the Comm unit. The cockpit of Deathscythe was painted red with a small prone figure still in the seat, his head hung limply onto his chest.
~It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
I wasted it all just to watch you go ~
Duo's head weakly raised as his large violet eyes burned into Heero, clearer than ever. He fell into their depths, loosing himself as at the same time he felt his partner losing himself but in a more permanent way. Duo's chest was almost torn open, the shrapnel from the Leo protruding from his back, his hands still remained locked around the controls of Deathscythe even as the giant fell to it's knees, then to the ground. The resounding boom shook the very earth even as Heero dropped Zero from the sky to land beside the black heap that was once Deathscythe. Almost forcing the hatch to open, Heero ran towards Deathscythe faster than even he could imagine. His thoughts were so focused on the braided violet eye boy in the blood washed cockpit of Deathscythe that even the numerous explosions around him did nothing to stop his speed. Quatre's towering form of Sandrock took position in front of the pair of fallen suits, heat shortles blazing as he clutched at his space heart. His heart never lied and tears streamed down his porcelain features as that chilling black climbed up that portion of his heart that was for the American lying in the wreckage of Deathscythe. Climbing up the now partially totaled body of the black Gundam, Heero grappled with the twisted door to the cockpit his normally calm voice letting loose a surprisingly large number of swear words before he swore loudly and pulled the gun from the holster at the small of his back. The bullet tore through the controls of the door, allowing the lock to open as Heero gripped the edge of the door. The soft moan of pain that slid through the door only caused a rush of strength to surge through Heero as he almost tore off the door in order to reach the braided pilot. With a protesting groan, the door sluggishly opened revealing the carnage inside. Blood was all Heero could see, staining even the gundanium walls of the mobile suit a deep crimson. A soft moan once again escaped from the lips of the crumpled form still belted in at the controls, his head sagging as if the weight alone was too much. The tail of the thigh-length braid that was his trademark, dripped blood steadily on the floor as Heero blanched slightly although his shock was pushed away quickly. Carefully, as if holding onto the most delicate item in the world, Heero pulled Duo from the seat, cradling the American softly in his arms. Small droplets of water fell onto Duo's pale face from the hanging bangs of the drenched Japanese pilot causing his large violet eyes to forcibly open. Although death stared him in the face, Duo's eyes lit up with that mocking sparkle that Heero loved.
//Loved??…When..how… //
Heero's thoughts stopped suddenly when a damp and unusually warm finger pressed itself to his lips. Moving his eyes downward, he met those violet pools that always seemed to pull him in, although this was the first time he even admitted it or saw what was always there. Surprisingly he felt the small drop of warmth carve a path down his cheek where it settled on his cheek, glistening in the light of the nearby strike of lightning. Weakly the dying boy smiled at the tear, a knowing look that showed despite what Heero thought, Duo could see right through him.
"Duo.." his voice cracked as he ran a light hand along Duo's cheek. " You didn't have to do that….god Duo…I can't lose you now."
~ I kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart~
A series of broken coughs racked Duo's frail body as Heero desperately now tried to save what he had just found out he had. It all fit now, all the moments where he would pause and simply watch the ball of pure energy that was Duo Maxwell. All the times where his throat would tighten up at the thought of Duo alone on a mission…all the times where he had forced back that desire to pull Duo into his arms when Duo would cry out in his sleep at the demons found only in his dreams. It was now that Heero finally let himself go, clinging onto the body of the boy he just now realized he loved with all his heart. Tears flowed freely now, falling down the curves of Heero's face and dripping onto the boy in his arms.
"Heero…You know why I did it. And I don't regret a thing, never have and never will. I just wish…" Duo's voice started to fade as he did, the words he wanted to say so badly battling against the weary body.
Heero broke in then, the words spilling from his lips instead.
"Aishiteru Duo..aishiteru now and beyond."
The smile that for so long had brightened Heero's very existence beamed again, yet this time it only managed to break his heart even more. Duo's eyes had already begun to close as his lips murmured his last words.
"I love you too Heero…Now and beyond…I'll be waiting for you."
~ What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter~
His tears came like a dam had burst now as Heero leaned down, feeling as Duo drew his last breath. Softly he touched his lips to Duo's the warmth emanating from the boy encircling Heero as he pulled back, gazing at the final soft smile that touched Duo's pale lips.
~One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
I tried so hard~
Duo's funeral was a small affair, but then again, Heero thought, hardly anyone could understand Duo.
His Duo.
The sound of Quatre's soft sobbing filled the church as Heero stared almost through the opposite wall, his eyes unfocused as he sorted through his memories of the braided pilot, clinging to them as if he was drowning and only Duo's memory could save him. The voice of the minster did nothing to pull Heero from his trance, the spicy scent of incense filling his nose and activating his memories once more.
~ In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so far ~
* FLASHBACK*
The scent of Duo's incense surrounded Heero as he walked into their shared room, covering up what most of the time was the smell of Duo's laundry.
The self proclaimed God of Death lay sprawled out on his bed, his right hand tightly clinging to the end of his snake like braid. His angelic face was contorted with a harsh pain as cries of loss flowed from his lips.
Heero's mind noted without even a physical reaction to the sparkling droplets of water that dotted the red cheeks.
//Duo's…crying? But Duo never cries… //
His ability to conform quickly to situations only gave Heero the strength to force the urge to comfort the braided baka on the bed. Rather he gave a sharp smack to Duo's back forcing the other pilot to sit upright in bed quicker than he could've ever thought possible, a small gun with the safety off pointed directly at his head.
Heero forced his voice to stay the monotone cool voice he normally used.
"You were having a nightmare."
Duo's face slowly lost that death glare that Heero received at the moment of impact. Instead, like so many times before, the God of Death's eyes sparkled as a wide grin spread over his face. Suggestively he patted the place next to him on the bed, his hand rubbing at the crumpled sheets.
"Well then Hee-chan why don't you make them go away?"
"Duo…Omae o korusu.."
Duo's laughter filled the dark room as he rolled on the bed, holding his stomach from his laughter. The pelts of silvery laughter for a moment lifting Heero's spirits before he pushed all that even resembled emotion to the bottom of his soul. Duo continued to snicker even as Heero stormed off, his attempt to hide his slight amusement causing Duo even more amusement.
*End Flashback *
Heero's hand slightly relaxed around the small silver cross that he now wore around his neck, caressing the cold metal as if he could bring Duo back with a single thought. Duo's scent still filled his nose, betraying his senses into thinking that the days of Duo glaring at the girls who dared to look at Heero, his arm wrapped possessively around Heero's shoulders as he led his partner around the new school complex. Duo's masterful way of avoiding the plague that was Relena Peacecraft, managing to make the pacifist so angry that she would give up her constant quest for Heero all because a certain braided boy would be there too.
The time he regretted however, burned the hottest in Heero's mind. Searing his soul to nothingness as Heero could do nothing but watch those replayed memories again and again.
*Flashback *
Duo's eyes gleamed with unshed tears as his voice cracked sharply. The American had gone over the edge when he saw his partner neatly gathering his possessions before his mission.
"Heero! This mission is practically suicide! You can't go alone!"
Heero's reply came as a white hot poker to his brain now…so cold, it was only now that he could see exactly why Duo reacted as he had.
"Duo, I will be fine and we both know that this war might cause casualties. Acting on your emotions should not cause your judgement to cloud." His infuriating cool tone simply drove Duo mad and he knew it as he continued. "Besides, I need you here to send me the reports. God damn it Duo, you're my partner so start acting like it."
Duo's eyes lost the intoxicating shine in a moment at that, his face falling as he bowed slightly.
"Gomen Heero…I just wanted to make sure that you were safe."
With that Heero simply nodded to him and walked out the door without another look to the sadly fallen figure left standing in the near empty dorm.
*End Flashback *
Heero's own soft choked sob startled even Heero himself as again the hot tears fell down his cheeks. The minister had beckoned him up to the open coffin, and now staring down at the peacefully beautiful face, Heero had broken. No longer would that charismatic grin shine down on him, those bright violet eyes gaze up to him with such a love that he could not understand. Leaning down, Heero simply breathed in for what was the last time the scent that was purely Duo. His lips softly touching the cold skin as he breathed and allowed his tears to touch the one person he cared for, only it was too late.
"Aishiteru…Sayonara aibou."
~Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
but it all comes back to me
In the end~
It was a year later that Heero stood at the foot of the gravesite where the one called Duo Maxwell was buried. Kneeling down, he laid the bouquet of roses on the grass, his face close to the cold marble tombstone. Lightly kissing the name, Heero raised up his face to the sound of the waves. He knew, as the other pilots of Duo's love for the ocean. It was because of this that Heero had chosen a small cliff on a piece of land owned by Quatre for Duo's gravesite. Quatre had readily agreed to the plot and spared no expense on the beautiful tombstone, the polished black stone sparkled in the light as the gold inlay proclaimed the person buried there.
Duo Maxwell
Hero and Friend
"Someone had to do something for this hard earned peace"
~You kept everything inside and even though I tried
It all fell apart
What it ment to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter~
Heero was sure that Duo had made plans for what his marker would say, knowing that Quatre would've put something mushy although beautiful. Never before had the words made so much sense to Heero although he couldn't control his anger at the marker that seemingly mocked him with Duo's death.
"Someone?!" Heero shouted, his eyes growing misty "Someone had to do something, BUT WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE DUO? WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU?!"
//Duo dammnit, It should've been me in that grave…not you…//
Gradually Heero's composure gripped him again, drawing a sad smile from his lips as he turned to the sea, stepping on the edge of the cliff and looking out at the expanse of clear blue.
The warmth and light encircled him as he fell, yet a pair of laughing violet eyes remained locked on Heero's as a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him close.
~I put my trust in you, Pushed as far as I can go
For all this, there's only one thing you should know~
Heero smiled as his physical eyes closed finally, his words coming as no big surprise to the one waiting for him.
"Mission..accomplished.."
"It's about time…." The angel breathed as their lips met "I told you I would wait for you.."
~I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter~
Fin