Disclaimer: Nupp, I do not own them.
A/N: I wrote this story a few days ago just out of inspiration and it hasn´t been beta-d. Any mistakes contained are mine. Since I´m from Germany and English is not my native language there could be some.
Enjoy and thanks for reading!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The hardest part
It´s the hardest part,
Letting go, not taking part...
- Coldplay, The hardest part
The house is dark and silent, the only light coming from the streetlamps outside.
I miss coming home to my family when they are awake, waiting for my arrival. I miss hearing Tegan's laughter as I scoop her up into my arms and swirl her around.
I make my way to her bedroom quietly, slipping through her half-open door. She's still not used to sleeping alone so Sara and I decided to leave the doors to our bedroom and the nursery open so she doesn´t feel alone and we can hear her when she wakes up.
The moonlight is falling through her blinds and onto her tiny form, laying in her small bed which is placed directly under her window. The book Sara read to her this evening is still laying on her nightstand.
How to kill a mockingbird. I smile, remembering the last time I read it to her. Her face scrunched up in concentration as she listenend to the story, her eyes lighting up at some parts, her quiet giggles filling the room at others. She doesn´t understand it all but still she likes the book, always intend on understanding more of the world than is probably good for her age, just like her parents.
I sit on the edge of her bed, looking down at her face which looks peaceful and relaxed in her sleep. She looks so still, not at all like the bundle of energy she is when she's awake, always wanting to play games and running around the house, driving her mother crazy at times.
I regard her face. She has a beautiful small face, her nose not resembling either mine nor Sara's. Her eyes are a dark brown and – strangely enough- her hair is a mix of red and blond and straight, again unlike mine or Sara's. My mother once told me Tegan looked like my grandmother when she was younger. That seems to be the source of most of her features. This summer, tiny freckles have begun to cover her face around her nose which makes her look even cuter. She´ll break a lot of hearts when she grows up, I´m sure of that.
Her mouth is pulled into a pout in her sleep, just like Sara's always is, and it reminds me of the times when she wants something which she knows she can't have, like cookies just before dinner or a teddy bear from one of those machines which are placed at supermarkets. With time me and Sara grew resistant to her pouting but Warrick, Nick and Greg are still not, so she mostly gets what she wants when she stays with them.
Yes, our two-year-old knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. Sara´s already dreading puberty.
I take one last look at my sleeping daughter before getting up and leaving the room to go over to the bedroom.
I see Sara laying on our bed, sleeping peacefully. Her face is dry which means no nightmares and I let out a sigh of relief. Her hair is tousled, probably from tossing and turning before finally falling asleep which she is having problems with for a while now.
The sheet that's covering her body has slid down, revealing her growing belly. She's still thin for being six-month-pregnant, but it was the same with Tegan, so I'm not worried.
I remember the time she told me about Tegan.
It was just after we'd moved in together. She was sitting on our couch when I came home from work, her eyes red and puffy from crying.
"Honey, what´s wrong?" I crouched down in front of her, searching her face for a clue as to what had happened to upset her.
She turned away quickly, covering her face with her hands.
"I don´t want to lose you." She whispered, her voice so full of fear it made my heart break.
"Why do you think you´d lose me?" I was dumbfounded. What had I done to make her think I´d leave her?
"Sara, please tell me what happened, " I pleaded, taking her hands away from her face and into mine, rubbing them gently.
She looked at me then, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "I´m pregnant."
Her quiet admission let me speechless for a while, all kind of thoughts swirling through my head, leaving me dizzy. Sara took that as a sign that I was mad at her and stormed out of the room and into our bedroom. I followed her a minute later, still not knowing what to say, but knowing I had to say something to reassure her I would not be leaving.
I found her laying on our bed, face buried in one of the pillows, crying quietly.
"Ssh, it´s okay. It´s going to be okay." I whispered as I crawled into bed myself, spooning her from behind.
She stopped crying a few minutes later and together we fell asleep, both knowing that everything was about to change.
And it did, big time.
Tegan brought something totally new and different into our lives, something we both never thought we´d have. We were a real family.
I never thought I´d ever be called Daddy by anyone but the feeling when she called for me was better than even solving an especially hard case. I remember the first time Tegan called me Daddy. She´d just began to speak, her first word being Mommy and Cookie following close behind.
As I returned home one morning, having worked three hours into dayshift to finish paperwork, Sara had already picked up Hailey from her babysitter and our little girl was playing happily in the living room while Sara was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
I went to kiss my wife hello first, having missed her as we had worked different cases that night and therefore hadn´t seen each other in more than twelve hours. I was just hugging Sara tightly from behind, nuzzling her neck while she was chopping some kind of vegetable when a tug on my pants caught my attention. I looked down to see Tegan look up at me, a pout grazing her tiny lips.
"Daddy home, Tegan hello." She said, trying to look angry.
"What did you say?" I asked unbelievingly, firstly because she was really calling me Daddy and secondly because my 18-month-old had just reprimanded me for not saying hello to her first.
"Daddy home, Tegan hello." She repeated, her pout increasing. She almost looked as if she was about to cry so I picked her up quickly and hugged her close.
"Hello baby." I whispered, swirling her around which finally made her laugh. "How was your night?"
Tegan clapped her tiny hands together and smiled which probably meant "Good." and I kissed her on the cheek before setting her down again.
"That´s great." I said, still totally dazed. She´d called me Daddy...That evening before work I made love to Sara and our little boy was received. I can really say we were happy about the changes happening in our lives and there were a lot of them. With Tegan around, we began to open up more to others. Our colleagues became our closest friends and we actually let them in. We went to birthday and Christmas parties. Thanksgiving was spent at our place with the whole team and my mother coming over for the holiday. Tegan had them all wrapped around her little finger - she still has...
A small sob escapes Sara´s lips and I´m drawn back into the present again.
"Gil." She whimpers, a tear escaping her eye. I cradle her face, knowing she won´t feel it, but still hoping she´ll at least feel that she´s not alone. And even though I know it doesn´t matter I stay with her until she´s settled down again, her hands laying protectively over her belly.
Oh, I forgot to properly introduce myself before I started telling my story.
My name is Gil Grissom, just like the astronaut, and I was 53 years old when I was murdered while processing a crime scene on september 20th, 2009...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: I didn´t place a CD warning at the beginning because I think it would have ruined the story. Reviews are very appreciated and constructive critism is welcome!