Voilà, here it is finally then, the sequel to Naruto's Party and Understanding. I would advice to read at least one of them, but it ain't necessary if you don't want to J

Extremely sorry for the delay, I promise (if I've enough encouragements) that I'll update in a month's time.

It's beta-ed now, thanx to ShipperTrish.

Sery

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, you should know that...

The Philosophy of Love

There has never been a reason

To love you

But there has always been a reason

To stay away from you

The image of her innocent smile, the sweet sound of her laughter was still fresh in his mind as he made his way through the narrow streets of Konoha. It was four AM in the morning, the birds had just awoken and were busy chirping from the trees and the roofs, talking in their secret language. Kakashi couldn't understand, but that wasn't the only thing that he couldn't.

"Only if."

What in the hell did that mean? Why had she said that to him?

Why?

Images of last night entered his mind again. He never felt bad after having spent a night with someone, which meant having sex with the one. But now he felt bad. He had used Anko, trying to ban her from his mind, nonetheless it hadn't helped at all.

"Why are you leaving so early?" A sleepy Anko asked him, trying to suppress a yawn as she turned her head slightly to glance over at her alarm clock.

"Kami, Kakashi, it's half past four in the morning!"

Under the blanket, an alarmed and fully naked Anko stared at and addressed the one standing completely dressed at the threshold of her bedroom door. She sat upright squeezing the sleep from her eyes, looking worried at him.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No, I've to go."

"But –"

"I've a mission."

"Oh… I see." Anko nodded understandingly, though a tad disappointed. "I wondered if this was just a random night or…"

"Anko," Kakashi said with an edge to his voice, "Whatever happened tonight, it was worth it. But don't expect more from it."

He was very clear with that and Anko shut up, knowing there was no reason to talk anymore. She didn't say anything else to him as he left her apartment in silence. If he hadn't been drunk and if she hadn't been on his mind the whole time, what happened last night would've never happened

And they both knew that.

Drink hadn't helped him at all and actually made things even worse for him. He had a terrible headache now, feeling like his head was being split in two with every step he took through the deserted streets of Konoha. But it didn't matter to him at all. Because currently he was full of guilt – guilt of bedding the dark-haired woman, giving her false dreams and promises he hadn't really meant.

And there was, of course, the loss, too. The loss of a good friend, a companion, a teammate… The pink-haired medic he had secretly loved, as it was not a secret anymore for she knew since yesterday.

"Well, congratulations with your engagement with Sasuke. I hope you two will have a beautiful life together." He said honestly.

His hand moved towards her with the intention to pat her on her head, but it suddenly changed its direction and was now – to his own astonishment – gently caressing her soft cheek. An adorable blush formed on her cheeks as she first tensed, then relaxed, and timidly moved her gaze away from him.

"Why don't you get married or at least have a girlfriend?"

She wasn't the first one who asked him this. Usually, he would reply that he wasn't one for marriage or settling with someone. Actually, that had been the truth, but now he wanted to settle, to cherish a certain person. It was another matter he couldn't handle since she was already in love with another.

"Because."

She knit her eyebrows together, not appreciating his answer. Suddenly, her eyes widened, something dawning on her. With disbelief she stared at him and he realized that she knew.

That she finally knew that he loved her.

She retreated a step, his hand losing the warmth of her cheek, arm falling back to its side. Calmly he peered at her, bracing himself for her reaction to everything that he'd done and felt. But instead, she turned around, apparently too confused to reply. She was about to walk wordlessly away, but halted.

She turned her head a little, just enough for him to know that the words she whispered over her shoulder were only meant for his ears.

"If you'd told me sooner, then things could've been different."

Her voice was soft, almost pleading. His brows furrowed not comprehending – not wanting to comprehend the meaning of her words. She turned to look at him and formed two words with her lips.

"Only if."

Then she was gone, swallowed by the crowd, leaving him behind.

He could vaguely remember the incident that had unfortunately given him away.

It had been on a mission about a year ago when he had, in his carelessness, let an attacker cut him in his arm or maybe his hand – only to protect the pink-haired kunoichi. He could've done many other things without having to shed his blood, but at that moment nothing else had occurred to him and he had acted on reflex.

She'd been angry, of course, and he agreed with her. It had been foolish to think she would've been enthralled by a stupid move like that. He let her know that he'd done it for her – to protect her like he'd always done – by replying to her angry questions with a simple "Because."

He'd been so cautious to not let her know his feelings for her – afraid of her yelling at him, but moreover of her hatred and losing her.

Insofar in his musings, drink had really been the worst option, though he knew from now on every night would contain drinking, but of course not during missions.

He immediately scrapped the last part of his mental note as he had a dreaded feeling that missions wouldn't be an exception anymore – especially not the mission for which he was leaving now.

No one who looked at him would have thought that something was bothering him as his stance was slouched as usual, his silver hair in eternal disarray, and he tread slow as he walked down the streets taking light steps.

The only thing one might have found intriguing was the porn book missing from his hands. It was there, of course, in his back pouch, but he didn't feel like taking it out. He was rather inclined to muse about last night and imagine how things could have been. If instead of saying a dreaded "Only if," she would've left the party with him.

That it hadn't been Anko, but Sakura with whom he'd made love to last night.

Unfortunately, imagining didn't change what happened a few hours ago, nor did it change the persons who were involved.

"You've no idea how long I've been yearning for this."

Kakashi grunted in her ear, hearing her say something – what he would eventually remember in a little of two to three hours – but not comprehending the meaning of her words. They were sharing heated kisses, trying to devour each other as their tongues fought for dominance.

Anko's apartment was enfolded in darkness. The only lights coming from the streetlamps and the other buildings were just enough to distinguish each other and the silhouettes of the contents of her small bedroom.

The sky was clouded, neither the moon nor the stars were visible. In his hazed state he vaguely compared his mind with the sky. The alcohol running through his blood had made his mind clouded, too. The lights of the stars and the moon were missing, just like the rational and coherent thoughts were missing from his mind.

Anko was getting restless with his sloppy kisses as she reached for the zipper of his green vest and pulled it down with a swift tug of her fingers, parting the fabric. The sound of his vest being ripped open brought him back to where they were: in the middle of sex.

An irking thought entered his mind as he pulled her blouse up over her head, throwing it on the floor next to her cloak where it landed with a soft thump, exposing her bra-clad chest. He was using her to force Sakura out of his mind – no, into a corner of his mind since he knew that getting her out of his mind was currently an impossible task. Even in a life threatening situation she still occupied his thoughts.

It was not the right time to think about her – actually there was no proper time to muse about his love, because it was wrong, terribly wrong to think about her like a lover.

Now there was – should've been - Anko only, her warm, welcoming body and the promising warmth of her womanhood wherein he would soon be sheathed.

Not satisfied with the result – Sakura was still haunting his thoughts – he decided to speed things up a little bit. He discarded her skirt and panties quickly. Taking his cue, Anko rid him of his pants and boxers. Her hands were on the border of his black shirt ready to pull it up over his head when he suddenly caught her hips and positioned the tip of his member in front of her entrance.

Her eyes rose up to meet his as they were far away from being ready. They hadn't even explored each other's body yet. He could see the disappointment in her eyes, but he couldn't stop himself now, even if he wanted to.

Without so much as a warning sign, he thrust into her warmth and was buried deeply inside of her. A strangled cry escaped her kiss swollen lips, sounding like music to his ears.

He pulled back and thrust again, hard, making her body jolt as he firmly grasped her hips. His fingers dug into her flesh, sure to leave some nasty marks the following morning

Her hands had left the edge of his shirt and were now twined around his neck. He didn't care about the remaining clothes they were still wearing. Her breasts were still held in place by her bra and the fabric of his shirt rubbed on their skin as their bodies strained against each other.

The only thing that mattered was that he was sheathed inside her welcoming warmth. He was pounding recklessly into her. The state wherein his mind was, was by far unconcerned whether she was enjoying their coupling or not. But determining from her breathy moans and cries, she was enjoying it.

Kakashi couldn't claim he was enjoying it equally as she was as he was too consumed in his own thoughts of finding pleasure and diversion from his misery. The thoughts still remained and the pleasure for which he was craving wasn't there.

Only when he finally came – with the sick thought that he was making love to Sakura – there was mind-numbing pleasure, causing him to forget everything for a little of five seconds.

His breathing soon became normal again, feeling the bliss he had missed for so damn long. It had been over a year now that he'd had sex. He'd almost forgot how blissful it was and how he missed it.

He pulled out of her, neither kisses, nor words, nor gentle touches were exchanged. He couldn't remember when he'd steered them to her bed, but it had to be when he'd been too busy in finding delight.

After having covered their bodies with a thin blanket, he cradled her exhausted body in his arms. Not because he wanted to be near her or to touch her, but simply because it was an act he always did after having sex. It was a meaningless gesture. He closed his eyes only to open them again as a dreaded picture of a certain pink-haired kunoichi flashed behind his closed eyelids. Because of her he was lying here with Anko.

Sakura…

Hearing Anko's snoring and her even breathing, he felt safe to pull his arms back and turn a little away from her, as far as the bed allowed. He wasn't able to sleep. For the following two hours he stared at the ceiling and listened to her even breathing. He couldn't help but think how his two ex-students would probably be busy exploring each other's body at this very moment. Sometimes, he would even replace himself in Sasuke's place and could've sworn he heard Sakura moan his name.

"Uh… Kakashi!"

He jerked upright in the bed, sweat beading on his forehead. He pulled the thin blanket back and stepped out of bed. He turned to inspect whether Anko was still sleeping and saw her lying peacefully asleep.

He cursed himself for his train of thought and willed his mind to be void. Apparently, sleeping with Anko hadn't helped him at all.

He'd tried to block every single thought about the pink-haired girl, but ended up fantasizing about how her face would be like if she would've been under him as he drove himself in and out of her, hitting every time that secret spot that made her eyes water, her toes curl, a sweet pink embellish her cheeks, and her mouth open in a silent cry –

Kakashi began to collect his scattered clothes on the floor and was in no time fully dressed again, ready to leave for a perilous mission.

Even now he couldn't get her out of his mind. Usually, he managed to keep his mind vacant and emotions in check – especially for a dangerous mission like this one. He'd always been prepared when he left for a suicide mission. He probably wouldn't be coming back from this mission, not that he cared about that, he actually never did. But what nagged him was that there was a high possibility of failing this mission or losing a teammate.

Two things he certainly did not like.

He balled his fists in his pockets, infuriated with his own mind and sighed. He still had an hour to kill. He and his teammates had arranged to meet at the main entrance at five o'clock. He only had to pick up his bag as he'd packed yesterday in his apartment. He would leave the village by sunrise. There was a high possibility that he would never see her again.

Sakura…

Kakashi stopped in his tracks suddenly remembering where he was – in which street he was standing – and in front of whose apartment he had stopped. Feeling that a certain person's eyes were now fixed at him.

It would've been better to ignore her existence and her watching him, but Kakashi couldn't help but turn halfway around to face the person staring at him.

Sakura.

She was sitting on the windowsill, wearing a white nightgown. It was held in place by two thin straps upon her shoulders. The gown fit her petite form perfectly. She had her legs pulled up and her arms draped around her bare knees.

A weird feeling of wanting, hunkering, and attachment mastered his senses as he saw her like this – a pink-haired fairy – before it was rudely pushed away. Images of him tearing that small and silky piece of clothing were too vivid to deny that he wanted her at that very moment.

Badly.

'But she isn't meant for you, remember? They just got engaged yesterday.'

His gaze moved up to study her angelic face. He couldn't distinguish her face well as it was swathed in obscurity. It was her eyes on which he finally settled his intense stare, knowing very well how his penetrating gaze always made everyone – especially her – nervous.

Looking her in the eyes, he felt the warm feeling in his chest that was always there when she looked at him.

She was staring through him. Lost in her own thoughts. His eyes roved her face, trying to memorize her beautiful visage in the scarce light. He wanted to stay there forever, watching her, absorbing every essence of her, but knew better not to. It would be too difficult and maybe embarrassing for her if she saw him watching her.

With much difficulty he tore his gaze away from her and started to walk down the street, his hands stuffed in his pockets, his face lowered and shoulders slumped as if carrying a heavy weight.

He had no idea whether he would ever see her again.

Sakura blinked staring bemused at the spot where she could've sworn Kakashi had been standing. She let her eyes trail over the street, from beginning to end, but there was no sign of any living person.

Had she been daydreaming?

No, her consciousness told her that he had been there, had been watching her. She wanted him to stand there again so she could call to him, talk to him, ask him why she was feeling so bad, why she was feeling she'd made a wrong decision, to touch him, to feel him…

"Do you regret it?"

Startled, Sakura looked to her right to the double-bed and saw Sasuke laying on his side, his elbow planted on the mattress and his head resting on the palm of his hand. Her covers were wrapped around his waist, revealing a muscular, strong, and flawless chest.

The sight was breathtaking for any woman, even men would have been impressed, but Sakura had seen him like this for over a year. Yes, he looked stunning and handsome, but it didn't do anything for Sakura anymore.

And it scared her.

She couldn't detect from his face or voice whether he was really concerned about her feelings, or just mildly curious, or was just trying to be a good boyfriend – fiancé. His features weren't showing any emotions and his tone had been monotonous.

He'd asked her a difficult question, a question she'd been struggling with during half the time of their lovemaking. The other half had been occupied with no one else but their ex-sensei, Hatake Kakashi.

After all her contemplation, she'd come to the following conclusion: she hadn't enjoyed their coupling as much as she thought she would've. It had still been worth it, if only to see that lost sparkle in his eyes, a moment when the hidden Sasuke came out. A moment only they shared. Sakura would've done anything to witness it. She would've even given up her virginity. And she did so last night.

Still it hurt.

"Why do you ask?" She replied quietly, avoiding his question.

He stared unmoving at her, ignoring her question he reiterated.

"Did you?"

This time a trace of impatience was heard in his soft, but demanding voice. She sighed, deciding to assure him without a shadow of a doubt.

"No, Sasuke-kun… What makes you think that?"

He remained staring at her impassively, making her feel as if her father was staring at her, trying to figure out whether she was lying about stealing a piece of candy. His face relaxed, then he held out his hand which wasn't supporting his head.

"Come here." He beckoned her with his hand.

She wasn't used to this gesture of affection from him and tentatively slid down to her feet, making her way to the bed. She sat at the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under her weight as she settled next to him.

"Is there something wrong?"

He shook his head in the palm of his hand and grabbed her hand – her left hand with the ring, their engagement ring. A small smile came to her lips as she stared at it. She found it beautiful, delicate, and pretty at the same time. It had a small band, about two mm wide, and green colored stones set in it, forming a flower.

She looked at his left hand on which he was leaning. She knew he wasn't wearing his ring, not anymore at least. Yesterday, when they got engaged during Naruto's party, they'd exchanged the rings and he wore his ring for awhile. But as soon as no one had been paying attention to him, he'd slipped the ring off, saying he didn't like to wear rings, that he'd actually been forced by Naruto to buy one for himself and then Naruto convinced him to wear it to the party, too.

She'd been completely caught by surprise, not having the faintest idea that the party had actually been organized for their engagement.

"Don't you think that we're hurrying things?"

With raised eyebrows he peered at her, mouth open and ready to say something, but Sakura rushed to continue.

"I mean, you've recently turned nineteen, but I'm still eighteen… Don't you think it's too early?"

"I don't think it's that early."

"But we'll marry when we're only – "

"Don't worry about that. We won't marry until you're twenty-one."

He gave her a skeptical look and Sakura bit her lower lip. He was suspicious about why she was asking. She had always been the one who wanted to marry as soon as possible with him.

"I won't let you change your mind."

Shocked, Sakura lifted her head to meet his eyes. How could he know?

"I won't." She stuttered, then noted that one side of his lips was quirked up, as if he was enjoying her blushing and stuttering.

"Well, you're sounding and looking as if I've just caught you red-handed."

"You just took me by surprise."

She freed her hand from his grip, what he easily let her do, and made her way again to the only, but large window in the room.

"I didn't know I wasn't the only one suffering from insomnia." He said after awhile, his voice bitter and sarcastic.

She turned around to see him laying in another position. He was now lying on his back, his arms bent and his hands supporting his head as he stared up at the ceiling.

"I just couldn't sleep." She truthfully answered. "Couldn't you sleep again?"

There came no sound, no nod, or shake of his head, which meant "yes." He didn't like that fact in the least, nor want to admit to it.

"Did you take your sleeping pills before you went to bed?"

This time a small grunt was extracted from him. She sighed.

"Apparently, you've gotten immune to them. I knew you would one day, but I hadn't expected it to be so soon. I've made some stronger ones for you, but they're still at the hospital. I'll get them for you after work today."

He closed his eyes and together they lapsed into silence before Sakura broke it.

"Did you have nightmares?"

When he didn't reply, she stubbornly crossed the small room again to her bed.

"Sasuke-kun…"

She smoothed a few strands of hair away from his face. He opened his eyes as an answer to her gentle touch.

"Please, tell me." She pleaded him.

Even now, when she was nearly certain that she didn't love him in the way she'd thought she did, she still cared about him as a lover would.

"He was there again, in my dreams…" He sighed. "I can't get rid of him, no matter how hard I try."

She bit her lower lip in anguish, seeing him helpless like this, unable to do anything for him. She could only offer him comfort. It wouldn't keep his nightmares away, but at least he wouldn't think about them then.

She reached for the mark, her fingers gliding over his taut abs and towards his shoulderblades.

"Does it still hurt?"

He shook his head, then looked her in the eyes.

"No, but he still haunts me."

Defeating the other Uchiha, his elder brother Itachi, hadn't meant that he'd freed himself of Orochimaru's web. Even now, when he'd defeated his brother, his hunger for power hadn't decreased. It was still there.

Sakura wondered where she would find Kakashi. He hadn't been on Training Ground Three, nor had he been at the memorial or at the bridge. She considered going to his home, but quickly decided not to. Maybe he was still with Anko.

She couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy and fiery.

He damn well knew how she disliked Anko and still he'd bedded her last night. She was pretty sure about that fact as she'd witnessed them both stumbling into Anko's apartment, Anko placing kisses all over his masked face and neck, and literally groping his ass.

She gave herself a firm headshake as she entered the hospital. Maybe Tsunade knew where he was.

She didn't know why she wanted to see him, she only knew that she had to see him.

She found the blond woman in the operating room.

"Shishou –"

The blonde Hokage looked up from a body of an unconscious man lying on the operating table. As soon as she saw who it was, a smile crept up on her strained face.

"Sakura! Good to see you! Now quick, give me that pair of scissors. Yes, that one there… No, not that big one, that small one… Yes, that's the one."

Sakura looked curiously at Tsunade's fully concentrated face after handing her the object she'd been asking for.

"Where is Shizune? Shouldn't she be here to help you?"

"Yes, she should've been here, but she's helping a woman with her delivery. The woman who was suppose to do it is lying sick at home, or at least her husband said so over the phone… but I don't trust it."

"Um, Shishou, do you know where Kakashi-sensei is?" She asked tentatively as she handed over the equipment for stitching.

"Kakashi… that moron…"

Sakura took a step back as she knew a storm was coming, hearing the ferocity in her voice.

"Did he do something wrong?" She asked quietly when the blonde didn't resume.

"Something wrong you say? He does everything wrong! I tell him not to go on that mission, but what does that idiot do? He volunteers for it!!! Now how stupid can you be to volunteer for a suicide mission?! He's gone out of his mind! I don't want to lose a good ninja, but it seems that he's thinking something else."

"When will he be coming back?"

Tsunade sighed, halted her stitching, and turned to look at the girl who was holding her head downcast.

"He won't be coming back for three months, and that's if he doesn't die. There's a very small chance of success. I don't think he'll make it."