It's been 1 month since she left you. 30 days since she said she couldn't pretend to be something she wasn't anymore. 720 hours since she shattered your heart. All she wanted was for you to love her out in the open, and you couldn't give that to her. You were too selfish and afraid of what people would think.
On day 30, you notice a difference in her. You no longer catch her sneaking peaks at you when she thinks you're not looking. She no longer watches you for your reaction to see if she's done something she thinks is worth your approval.
She's spending more and more time with her. You knew she wouldn't wait around for you forever, but you never expected her to move on so quickly. It breaks you more, you know somethings gonna have to give. You can't continue the way things are.
This weeks glee assignment is original songs. You've been secretly working on one. When you see her walk in the choir room arms linked with hers, you know today is the day.
When Mr. Shue asks if anyone's prepared to share, you don't raise your hand instead, you stand and walk towards the piano shooing Brad out of the way in the process. Not many people know you've taken lessons since you were 6; come to think of it, she is the only person you ever told.
Everyone looks surprised. You try, but fail not to look in her direction. She looks at you with concern while still holding hands with her.
It pains you to confess that you don't need any sheet music. The songs been on a never ending loop in your brain ever since you found out about them.
"This song is called Stone Cold," you say looking at the piano. You swear you hear Rachel take a deep breath. It shouldn't affect you as much as it does. You power through the nerves and self doubt and begin to belt your heart out.
Stone cold, stone cold
You see me standing, but I'm dying on the floor
Stone cold, stone cold
Maybe if I don't cry, I won't feel anymore
It's taking all your will power not to cry during this. Every time you've sang it in your bedroom, you've never been able to hold your tears at bay. You glance around the room as you sing the next verse.
Stone cold, baby
God knows I tried to feel
Happy for you
Know that I am, even if I
Can't understand, I'll take the pain
Give me the truth, me and my heart
We'll make it through
If happy is her, I'm happy for you
You're eyes land on hers at the last line and you can tell she's really listening to the words. She's no longer holding hands with Quinn, instead hers are clasped in her own lap, knuckles turning white.
You have to look away for the next verse knowing it'll hit a little too close to home.
Stone cold, stone cold
You're dancing with her, while I'm staring at my phone
Stone cold, stone cold
I was your amber, but now she's your shade of gold
You look back up at the end and notice Quinn visibly tense at the comparison.
Stone cold, baby
God knows I tried to feel
Happy for you
Know that I am, even if I
Can't understand, I'll take the pain
You step away from the piano, the band picking up the melody.
Give me the truth, me and my heart
We'll make it through
If happy is her, I'm happy for you
You walk directly in front of her, eyes locked and you pour your heart out. You don't miss the single line of tear tracks down her tanned cheek. You can practically see the walls she built up when you told her you wouldn't be able to walk the halls hand in hand, crumbling to the floor. It gives you the slightest bit of hope. Hope that maybe she will give you a second chance.
You can no longer keep your own tears in check thinking of the possibility of having her back in your life. But knowing that she holds all the cards, you will be and do whatever she needs, no matter how much it breaks you to see her happy with someone other than yourself. If that's what she needs, if that's what makes her happy, you will do it. You will step back.
Don't wanna be stone cold, stone
I wish I could mend this but here's my goodbye
Oh, I'm happy for you
Know that I am, even if I
Can't understand
If happy is her, If happy is her
I'm happy for you
Everyone is completely silent when you finish. No doubt shocked that you just confessed to having a relationship with Rachel Berry in front of them all.
"Wow Santana that was beautiful," Mr Shue finally says breaking the silence.
You still haven't looked away from her. You two seem to be in a trance of sorts that is only broken by his voice. Rachel looks around noticing everyone staring at the two of you.
She wipes her cheeks and runs out of the classroom.
Quinn stands to follow. "I think maybe I should go," you stop her, before following after the love of your life. Hoping that the silent conversation the two of you had with only your eyes means she forgives you for being stupid. For not shouting from the roof tops how much you love her, every chance you had. For letting your fears outweigh your happiness, and hers. And on the off chance that you've completely misread her reaction, you've vowed to yourself you will not make it difficult for her. You will not be some crazy jealous exgirlfriend dead set on making her life a living hell. You want her to be happy, even if it is with her.
So this was just a short little angsty one shot I thought of a few months back when I heard Demi Lovato's song Stone Cold. I had it on repeat when the music video came out and this popped into my head. I heard it again this morning on my way home from work and I couldn't go to sleep until I got it out. Hope you enjoyed.
Obviously I do not own the song or the characters.