/Nyah ha ha! This may be the most interesting story you come across in a while, if not the most interesting ever, my dear readers. This is my first story here ( but not the first I've written), and it should be treated with the respect it deserves... I will obviously take constructive criticism, though... and before you begin reading, I will clear up a few obvious things;/
DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own One Piece or any of it's characters, and I do not own the world of Inuyasha (kinda) this story takes place in. It pains me to say it... but it is true. I am not quite a manga-ka (FYI: You don't need to know Inuyasha or understand it to understand this fanfic).
RATING: T (maybe M in the future) for some strong language, sexual references/sensuality, and a good dose of violence... May be worse in later chapters, but don't hold your breath.
GENRE: Romance, parody, comedy, action, adventure, and... some angst.
PAIRINGS: SHOUNEN-AI/YAOI and HET PAIRINGS... There will be multiple pairings... But for a few examples, there's Zoro/Sanji, Zoro/Tashigi, Luffy/Nami, Zoro/Luffy, Sanji/Nami, Zoro/Nami, and so many more... I support tons of couplings, but some more than others ( personally love Zoro/Sanji, heh heh heh ).
/I think that's it... and I refuse to double check. Now enjoy the story- Liner notes and Japanese word translations will be at the end of this chapter. NOW READ/
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ZORO: A Feudal Fairy Tale?
-Chapter One: The cook who's not quite Kagome-
"You are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on... Are those real?"
The innocent question resulted in a surprised and hateful scowl from the woman, who slapped him with such force the sound could be heard outside, causing people to stare and whisper.
"God dammit, Sanji... If you keep driving off our usual customers, We won't have any staples for this restaurant..." Chef Zef muttered to himself from the kitchen, gesturing for the curious new chefs to get back to work.
He sighed, knowing this wouldn't be the first time today they'd lose someone. Even though the blonde meant well, he never learned... What he needed was a good ass-kicking from his old man and his boss, so he'd grow up... and his father and boss were the same man.
---
"I was talking about the diamonds on her earrings, Pops, Gaaawd..." Sanji whined in his defense, raising one of those oddly curled eyebrows of his and leaning back in his chair, "She looked like a big spender, and I wanted to butter her up- she wasn't even that pretty..."
Zef frowned, the few furrows on his seasoned face deepening. It was late, and he didn't want to deal with this right now... "Even so, you're being obnoxious on purpose. Don't think it isn't my place to judge you- I'm your father AND your boss, so stop being a smart ass. Your attitude is preventing our little business, which has been in the Higurashi family for YEARS, from paying the bills!" He scolded the young chef gruffly, his eyes flashing with signs of warning.
Sanji gulped; he knew THAT look. "Listen, Old Man, I'm just sick of this measly little place- I want to create my own restaurant, a 5-star, where I'M the boss! I want people to come from around the world to eat my cooking!" He insisted, sighing in exasperation.
Zef's jaw tightened, and he grabbed his son firmly by his upper arm and started dragging him somewhere... Most likely the exit. Sanji didn't even question him- he was sort of used to this by now...
"Ooooh, that again, eh? Is that it- you still think you're too good for this family? Well, let me tell you something, Sanji Higurashi– This restaurant we have going ISN'T just for the money- it's maintained in honor of our ancestors before us, who had the heart to carry out this family business! We owe them as far back as feudal times it seems, and you still can't appreciate that- so get! Build your fancy restaurant, or don't come back until you've fixed that selfish mind of yours!" The angry head cook fumed, throwing Sanji bodily out the door as he turned on heel and stormed back to the kitchen.
Sanji got to his feet haughtily, then skulked off, feeling a tinge of guilt... Which he stubbornly ignored. I don't have to listen to that old geezer... It's not my fault we have different views on life. He even knows that I cook better, and he still throws me out all the time! The blonde mused irritably, cautiously pulling out a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it, as if someone would take it from him at any moment.
Since he lived in a more forested part of Okayama, Japan, Sanji easily acquired time alone... He took walks down a particular path every time he felt stressed, for it was lined with gorgeous cherry trees carpeted by sakura in the spring, and this spring it was said to be especially beautiful.
"Hnnn... I suppose I could seduce a sweet little fox and get away from my father for at least a night... He'll forgive me in the morning." The cook reassured himself, glancing around at the scenery as he slowly exhaled some smoke.
What a romantic place... I really wish I had a girl to view this with. I don't see WHY I keep getting dumped! I'm good-looking, charming, a hell of a cook... I may ruin things for the biz sometimes, but my old man knows I'm the best around...
The more Sanji dwelled on his thoughts, the more depressed he became, and suddenly the flowers didn't seem so lovely anymore... It was his fault. That old geezer was right... AGAIN...
"Maybe I AM just a dick..." He growled to himself, sending a rock flying as hard as he could with some characteristic fancy footwork.
He was in mid-turn to head back for the restaurant, when he heard the rock hit something stone... and a noticeable glint from reflecting moonlight.
When he found the source of the sound (out of pure curiosity), he was pretty impressed with what he saw. The stone had struck a cracked, medium sized Buddha statue, which was covered with moss and insects... and that statue was standing firmly in place about 10 feet in front of a small ancient shrine, which was also laced with moss as it seemed to radiate with the light of the moon.
Lucky me, I discovered an abandoned shrine... Maybe I could use it as a tourist attraction... He thought sarcastically, running his hand through his light bangs as he meandered over to the door-deprived entrance. It almost looked like they were torn clean off by a large animal, but he didn't dwell on it.
"That's strange... It's perfect on the inside..." He observed after entering, amusement in his voice.Now he was starting to get interested, and he became even more interested once he discovered a large gold medallion woven in amongst some vines that snaked across an old wooden well in the center of the shrine. He anxiously ripped it from it's prison and held it up to the moonlight streaming through a hole in the roof, admiring it's authentic beauty.
I can't believe it... It's gold! At least I think it's real gold... Though, the texture and coloring seems sort of... off. Damn. Sanji thought, his heart sinking at these newly discovered features, It could be made out of a semi-precious stone...
But, in spite of his doubt, Sanji decided to keep it, even if he'd only use it to impress women... Then suddenly, just as he was about to pocket it, he noticed some kanji characters scribed into it, which read: ONE PIECE.
"One Piece...? What in the hell's a–" he began dryly, but was instantly cut off by a sudden crack that split right down the middle of the well covering.
Startled by the noise and the improbability of the situation, the cook fell backwards with a thud, staring in terrified disbelief as several large talons tried to claw themselves out of the ancient well. He didn't even notice that "One Piece" was glowing with a mysterious brilliance all the while...
KAMI-SAMA, WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S MAGICAL IS THAT–? His mind screamed in horror, the color in his face waning instantly as he scrambled to his feet and attempted to haul ass out of there... but he was stopped in a most painful way; the claws reached wildly out and yanked him backward into the abysmal darkness of the well by his thin mortal neck... and all he could see was the engulfing shadows, and the unusual glow given off by the enigmatic medallion called One Piece... and Then... complete darkness.
---
... "...y"... There's a gentle voice, I can hear it in a far off place...
... "...ey"...
... "hey"...
..."...hey, weirdo..." ... "...up. Wake up...!"
... Who is it...?...Who–
"I-ITAI! Why'd you hit me? Jesus!" Sanji heard himself shout instinctively as he sat up, then clutching his throbbing head.
He saw brief speckles of light swim before his eyes for a moment from the sudden rise (and the smack upside his head), but he didn't draw attention to it. He just gazed around in wonder, then finally rested his eyes upon the woman who had given him the rude awakening... and damn... Was she old!
"Is that any way to treat your savior, BAKA! You're lucky I was here to shoot that oni that had you by your scrawny neck, or you would have been sashimi in no time!" The old woman thundered raspily, tugging her red arrows from the bloody skull of a... THING!
"A-a-a-a-an O-ONI?" Sanji stuttered dumbly, nearly passing out again from the sight of the beast that lay beside him.
It was at LEAST three times his height, and many more times thicker than he was, with muscles that could rip a tree out of the ground... but the scariest things about it's physical features was its large curling horns, crimson with the blood of past victims, and it's 4 tusk-like teeth for canines mixed with smaller, serrated teeth.
This hag must have gotten here FAST, or she was already here to begin with, because that thing could tear my head off... Sanji realized grimly, wrapping his arms around his body to stop his shaking, And just where IS here... Anyway? What the hell– There are still cherry trees everywhere, but I don't recognize this place at all! And where's the...? Sanji blinked, his eyes darting about.
The ancient shrine was no where to be found, but... The well was there, uncovered, and smelling of recently cut cherry wood... Which was impossible! It was also flecked with droplets of crimson, which was either the blood of the monster when it splattered, or... his own?
"Am I bleeding?" He asked distantly, as if his mind was elsewhere.
He touched his neck to make sure, but didn't feel any warm blood- it was just very sore, and had red streaks as if it had been burned. Thank god- The oni had only squeezed him; It hadn't used it's claws.
"Well, you DID have a cut on your arm from a jagged piece of wood in the well, but I bandaged it up! I'm the best- and the scariest- doctor slash miko in town, and my name's KUREHA-SENSEI--But you can just call me K-sensei! And don't you forget it!" The old woman announced saucily, giving him a slap on the back that was a bit too rough.
Sanji glared at her, then rolled his eyes, complementing her impertinent behavior.
"Whatever, grannie- but just where in the wonderful world am I?" He interrogated flagrantly as he managed to recover from the shock and stand up...but the old hag struck him AGAIN, outraged that he called her "grannie", and that just sent him to the ground all over again.
"I'M NOT OLD! If you don't wanna starve to death out here, then I suggest you hold your tongue!" She seethed, seizing Sanji by the back of his shirt collar and dragging the man bodily in the direction of her village, "We're in Bizen, near Osafune village, stupid ass- and we need to feed your useless body, so I'm taking you to Osafune village, which I've lived in since I was a child... It's quite famous for it's sword smithing, and former safekeeping of One Piece!"
Sanji felt a sharp pang in his heart when he had heard her say "One Piece"... Could it be the same medallion he found...?
Hooooooo... Then this One Piece thing must be really valuable...! and... As strange as it sounds... I believe it's a question of what TIME PERIOD I'm in, as opposed to WHERE I am! I mean, look at the scenery, and the way this crazy-ass hag is dressed- That's a miko blouse and hakama! And Okayama Hasn't been called Bizen since the end of the Edo period...! He hypothesized correctly, jumping to his feet and yanking himself from her grip, "YES, I'm coming, I'm coming! Just don't drag me, you crazy bitch!"
---
"You didn't have to hit me so many times..." Sanji bellowed, fidgeting spitefully as Kureha pressed a cold compress to the many bumps that had developed on his head, as well as some deep bite wounds from a violent encounter.
She just scoffed with amusement, a big sly grin on her gnarly face.
"Serves you right. You're such a disrespectful little punk!" She retorted haughtily.
The fiery duo had reached the village eventually (after being chased by a heard of bake-yacho, hence the bites), with, amazingly, Kureha completely unscathed. Sanji had not been so lucky.
"Whatever... That's not my concern, anyway! Now that we're at your little village, I have a right to know what's going on- Just what time period is this, why am I here, and how the hell do I get home?" He interrogated impatiently, itching to get back to his simple and enjoyable life as a chef... He wished he'd never gotten into that fight with his old man!
"Shut up for a minute, you rude little cur!" Kureha snapped, purposely pulling the bandages she was wrapping around Sanji's arm too tight so he would yelp, " I'll tell you..."
"...This is the Sengoku period, brat of the future who wears ridiculous clothing- A feudal era! Right now, Japan if fighting with itself over just about everything- especially weapons and power- while trying to fend off oni and youkai at the same time! It's the perfect time for those things to feed, for they get lots of blood and meat from all the wars going off every which way. And this productive village is a hot spot for youkai- The combination of my spiritual powers, the still lingering aura of One Piece, and the fact that we make every variety of sword imaginable makes us very tempting to destroy. The manufacturing of swords and knowledge of youkai we have is why the Urakami Clansticks around in Okayama City, and we are protected in turn by both them and hired exterminators. We've been doing pretty well since that miko named "Tashigi"'s death... and humanity would be even better off if the houshi Gol D. Roger never created One Piece in the first place! Any questions?" She asked Sanji gruffly once she finished, the furrows deepening in her face as she stared expectantly at him.
Sanji sighed... Though still aggravated (obviously), he calmed down considerably once he figured out what was going on, and reverted back to his suave and less vulgar self.
"Yes, because you still haven't answered the most important question- How do I get home?" He asked once again, closing his eyes and massaging his temples in distress.
Kureha-sensei smiled mischievously, but not in a bad way- The way a child would smile if he found his big brother's stash of chocolates.
"The Kaizoku no Kyoudouido, Made a little while ago at the very end of what was called the Muromachi period... A.K.A. the well you came here through. A group of demonic Japanese pirates and their leader, Whitebeard, built that decorative well right on the burial place of the dead miko named Tashigi, who was the main protector of One Piece... she died protecting it from a determined cat-hanyou. They built it to hide their treasure in, because no one would guess to dig out the bottom of a shallow well to find a pirate's treasure, and if they did, the miko's spiritual barrier and One Piece would prevent it's destruction or the entering of it. It was perfect... but then their treasure started mysteriously disappearing, so they abandoned the well. Maybe, somehow, the well's power has brought you here... Unfourtunately for us all." She explained casually, then yawned. It WAS very late.
That makes sense, as weird as it sounds. I guess there's only one way to find out... Sanji mused, nodding absently...It was all a bit overwhelming.
Suddenly the cook's eyes grew wide. Did she say "The miko's spiritual barrier AND One Piece"...? That means One Piece must have been buried with her! But then... Why do I have– Sanji thought in panic, his eyes widening further after he felt around in his pockets and looked at his hand... HeRealized One Piece was no longer with him.
He bolted to his feet, wounds or not, startling Kureha. "I... Need to go to the bathroom. I'll... Uh... Be right back! Thanks!" He lied quickly as he ran for the door.
"Hey, wait just a– Did you absorb anything I just told you! It's dangerous..." She warned, but he had already gone. "...Ah, fuck it."
Sanji reached the outskirts of the little village in no time with his quick feet, and wasn't even tired afterwards. Before he went wandering off in an attempt to find the well again, he waited to make sure Kureha hadn't followed him. Once he was sure, he dashed off, not having a single clue as to where he was going.
Dammit... Maybe I should have paid attention to what paths we were taking when we ran for our lives from those demented boars! Sanji growled mentally, lost already, It must be past midnight by now, 'cause I can't see shit.
However, he must have been lucky for once that day, because a few miles away he could see a bright light radiating from a mysterious looking forest.
Score! An aura, or whatever, that bright would have to be something powerful- like One Piece! Maybe that Oni didn't eat it after all, and it's sitting by the well right now... but how come I didn't see that light before? Sanji wondered, but quickly shook the thought away out of desperation. Hey- stupid decisions are sometimes all we have in situations such as these.
When the chef reached the forest, he looked around until he found a clearing bathed in moonlight, which was what he was looking for- the well had been in a clearing like that.
Ha... I guess I have what it takes for anything if I just– hey... Wait a minute! Sanji exclaimed in his thoughts, disappointed, yet a bit intrigued at what he saw. Before him, in the middle of the clearing, was an ancient looking tree- and pinned by a rusty katana and several large roots to the center of it's thick trunk, was a sleeping green-haired man, with the appearance of someone around 19-years-old.
There's something you don't see everyday.
/To be continued in chapter two.../
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/Whew, long chapter. But the first is always the longest, ne? Now Remember the golden rule: REVIEW, or don't get anymore, bitches/
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JAPANESE TRANSLATIONS:
-Sakura: Cherry-blossoms.
-Kami-sama: The Japanese equivalent of "Oh my god!" or "Good Lord!". Literally translates to something like "Lord God" or "Divine Lord".
-Itai: Used as an exclamation of pain, like "ouch", or it can literally mean "painful".
-Baka: Stupid, Idiot, dumbass, moron, bastard, etc...
-Oni: Ogre monster/demon.
-Sashimi: A Japanese dish consisting of chopped up/sliced meat and vegetables (something you don't want to be ).
-Miko: The Japanese name for Priestess.
-Sensei: A Japanese honorific, Put at the end of the name's of teachers and doctors, or just people of importance or stature to you.
-Hakama: Loose, wide-bottomed pants with slits it the sides up by the waist, that are tied around the waist. In Kureha's case, red. Worn by Shinto priestesses.
-Bake-yacho: Literally "demon-wild Boar", or wild boar demons.
-Youkai: Can mean demon, phantom, monster, ghost, and a few other demonic things... but in this case we'll just say demon.
-Houshi: Monk/ Shinto priest.
-Kaizoku no Kyoudouido: Means "Pirate's (common)Well".
-Hanyou: "Half-demon".
/... And that's that! See you in Chapter Two! Don't forget to review! -chu-/