Author Notes: Happy Halloween to everyone!^^ I know that Halloween isn`t celebrated everywhere, but since it is in Harry Potter, I thought it nice to write an OS for the feast.
This OS isn`t part of my "Ultimate" series, but I hope you`ll enjoy it anyway.^^
Appreciation: Special thanks to YenGirl!^^ She didn`t only find language errors, I wouldn`t have noticed otherwise, but also helped me to improve this OS significantly. So, if you enjoy this OS, then you have to thank YenGirl for it!=)
Between Two Worlds
The feeling was awesome!
Of course, Harry had already known how it felt like to be invisible to others, whether they were the Dursleys who ignored him when they didn't have work for him to do, or Filch when Harry sneaked past him using his father's invisibility cloak.
This was different since Harry wasn't just hiding underneath a piece of silvery cloth this time. He was truly invisible.
The Halloween feast had ended half an hour ago. Most of the students were back at their common rooms, probably eating even more sweets and desserts taken from the Great Hall. It looked like Madame Pomfrey would have her work cut out for tonight.
Harry had seen a few first years running in the direction of the Infirmary. He could have scared them easily, but he decided against it. He wanted to explore the lesser known parts of the castle such as the dungeons. Other than the potions lab and classroom, he had never seen what lay further down the dark torch lit corridors since Snape was always patrolling there.
Tonight was the best opportunity to do so.
Floating down to the dungeon, Harry tried giving a small chuckle when he passed a group of first year students. They jumped at the sound, thinking that one of the Hogwarts ghosts had appeared behind them… and they weren't that wrong with their assumption.
Seeing that they were Slytherins, Harry decided he might as well have some fun. He drew closer and stood behind a girl with black hair, breathing down her neck and grinning evilly, when she shuddered.
"Jack, let's leave this place. It's spooky."
The boy called Jack just chuckled, as did his two other friends.
"Oh please, Ellie, we're at Hogwarts! It's a real old castle, full of magic and real ghosts. It's to be expected that you would feel something now and again… or did your father not allow your mother to tell you that?"
Jack shook his head in disgust."Really, I can't understand why a half-blood like you was sorted into Slytherin."
Harry growled to himself. Why, this boy was as bad as Draco Malfoy!
At first, Harry only wanted to prank them. Now that he had heard that prejudiced statement with his own ears, he wasn't going to let Jack get away with it.
"You should think twice before you say such things," he hissed into the boy's ear while standing directly behind him.
Jack's eyes grew wide as he looked around to find the source of that voice. Of course he couldn't see anyone and so Harry continued.
"As you said before, Hogwarts is very old, filled with powerful magic and ghosts. I'm guessing you wouldn't want either to turn against you, would you?"
Jack spun around again. His eyes were now so big they looked as if they might fall out of his head.
"W-Who are y-you?"
Harry laughed, a quiet, sinister sound.
"I'm one of the ghosts of this castle. If you aren't more respectful towards your peers, I'll make your life here a living hell."
Jack was trembling now while his friends also looked around fearfully. One even reached out in Harry's direction and the young Gryffindor felt the hand going through him as if he was nothing but air.
"It is a ghost, Jack! An invisible one! It felt like I… was holding my hand inside something cold and icy!"
Ah, excellent! So Harry even felt like a real ghost, when he was touched by someone. He must remember to report that to Fred and George.
"W-we s-should go now!" Jack stuttered and the others nodded in agreement.
Before Harry could think of anything else to say or do to them, they ran off as if the devil himself were chasing them. Ellie waited a little longer, looking around herself and probably hoping to get to know who scared the boys. But when she didn't see anything, she ran off as well.
Harry gave Ellie a head start of about ten meters and then followed her, hoping to find Jack and his friends again. It was real fun to move through the air like a ghost, without anyone being able to see him!
Harry was very sure that Fred and George's latest sweet, Ghostly Gumdrops would be a bestseller at school once they started selling them… that is, if Hermione didn't find and confiscate them first.
The twins might think that they were asking too much of Harry to test their newest invention after he had given them his Triwizard Tournament winnings last year, but he insisted on volunteering. He welcomed the distraction, however brief, from the memory of Cedric's tragic death a few months ago and Umbridge's useless Defense Against the Dark Arts classes now.
It was a pity she wasn't around for him to scare right this minute... but as Harry turned the corner, he saw someone and decided Umbridge could wait for a while. The Head of Slytherin stood just ten feet away and did not look amused at the behaviour of his little Snakes.
"What do the four of you think you are doing?" Snape growled darkly. "Running around like brainless dunderheads and behaving like a bunch of Gryffindors?"
"But Professor Snape, we're…"
"Enough!"
Harry was glad that that glare wasn't directed at him this time, or he would have run for his life at once.
"Go back to your dorms, all of you! Now, before I give you detention!"
The students stared wide eyed at their professor before turning around and fleeing in the direction of the Slytherin common room.
Snape stared after them for a moment. Shaking his head and snorting in disgust, he followed after them, probably going to his own rooms where no students would haunt him. Tonight though, one of them would. Not to haunt him per se, but to see how he spent his evenings once he was alone.
Harry had harbored a strange wish of wanting to know more about Snape ever since he found out that the man was spying for the Order. It all started in the Infirmary last term, after Cedric's death, when Professor Dumbledore demanded that Sirius and Snape shake hands.
After Sirius left, the Headmaster had said some cryptic words to Snape that caused the Potions Master to turn pale. Harry only learned about Snape's double life as a spy a few weeks later, but the man had never seemed more human than that moment in the Infirmary. It made Harry curious to learn more and that urge had grown every day ever since the new term started. It was just curiosity, he told himself, but he hesitated all the same as he watched Snape stride off.
What if he didn't like what he found out?
Harry shook his head. That was nonsense. He had never liked Snape to begin with and it wasn't as if he had any romantic picture of the dour man in his head that might be destroyed by anything he found out tonight.
Having made up his mind, Harry followed Snape to his rooms and floated through the door, right behind the Potions Master.
OOO
"Those damned dunderheads!"
Cursing, Severus closed the door with more force than necessary behind him. Sometimes, he really didn't know which aspect of his job was more stressful: being a spy or being a teacher?
It wasn't that the students knew more dark curses than Voldemort and his Death Eaters or that they were capable of torturing him - although Severus guessed that many would jump at the chance - but it took more effort to make them behave than to pretend to be a true follower of the Dark Lord.
The Potions Master's lips twisted into a sneer. He didn't expect the Gryffindors to behave, or even the Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs, but his snakes should know better than to run around in the corridor like that.
If Minerva had caught them behaving exactly like how he had often accused her students of behaving… Severus shuddered. He didn't want to think of the taunting words he would have had to endure in that case.
No, being a teacher was definitely not the job he had dreamed of as a child. Brewing potions and researching the effect of different ingredients was what he truly wanted to do… but that would probably remain a wish that would only come true in his next life.
With a quiet sigh, Severus aimed his wand at the fireplace. Flickering golden light filled the room at once and the warmth of the fire even drove out some of the coldness that always seemed to linger in the stone walls of the castle.
So, what now?
Dark eyes flicked from the couch in front of the fireplace to the study door and back to the couch again. He should probably start correcting some of the third year essays or think about next week's lessons… but he didn't want to. He often did things he disliked… but not tonight.
Nodding to himself, he summoned a bottle of his favorite scotch and a glass to the coffee table in the living room. If the rest of the student body were celebrating some stupid tradition and half the teachers were allowing this nonsense then he might as well enjoy a drink or two.
Severus unbuttoned his teaching robes and shrugged them off, the action pulling a wince from him. Since his dark robes were thick, he only wore a short sleeved shirt and trousers underneath them. His skinny arms were not a nice sight under normal circumstances and now, they looked even worse with the bruises adorning the pale skin.
Next, he carefully loosened the top button of his shirt since the skin right under his collarbone still felt tender and bruised. Then he froze upon hearing a soft sound on his right and feeling something cold touch his bare arm, leaving in its wake a ripple of goose bumps on his skin. The first had sounded almost like a stifled sob, but of course, that was nonsense.
Severus gave a small, bitter laugh and sat down on the couch. No one would cry for him. The last person who had really cared for him died a long time ago. Fourteen years ago, to be exact.
Filling his glass with amber liquid, Severus emptied it in a single gulp. Heat spilled into his stomach and spread through his body, but it failed to melt the icy grip around his heart.
It was his fault! Everything was his fault. If it weren't for him, she would still be alive, she would still be able to see her son grow up.
With trembling hands, Severus refilled his glass and swallowed half of it. He knew that he shouldn't keep thinking of her or of the past, but he couldn't push these dark thoughts back. Not tonight.
Waving his wand, Severus summoned a picture kept hidden in one of the drawers in his bedroom. If he was going to drown in self-pity then he could at least look at the beloved face while doing so.
"Lily!"
The haunted cry echoed through the room. Dark eyes gazed down at the picture of a young woman who smiled at the camera and then at the little baby in her arms.
A woman who was beautiful and strong and… dead!
Severus gulped down the rest of his scotch and refilled the glass.
"I'm sorry, Lily. I never wanted you to die. Never."
A soft gasp sounded, but Severus was too focused on the picture of his former best friend and her newborn son to pay any attention.
"You never had any taste when it came to men… but you would probably tell me the same."
A bitter smile twisted his lips, at odds with the single tear trickling down his cheek. Lily had told him again and again not to indulge in one night stands, but look for someone who was truly interested in him.
Of course, after their argument during their final year at Hogwarts, she didn't talk to him at all… and Severus had a lot of brief, forgettable affairs until Lily forgave him one year before she died and contacted him again.
Severus had only laughed at that. Really, who would want to be with him when he could barely stand his own presence?
The tear reached his chin and dropped onto the hand holding the picture.
"Potter was an idiot," Severus muttered before touching the little baby on the picture with his finger. "But he gave you a wonderful son."
This time, Severus looked up when he heard the unmistakable gasp near his right ear. Maybe his students were right after all about the dungeons being haunted. Still, a ghost wouldn't be able to enter his rooms with all the spells he had put on the walls and the door.
Shaking his head, he focused his attention on the picture again.
"Harry isn't like you or Potter. He is his own person, although he has his father's talent when it comes to flying a broom."
Severus didn't bother to take the glass this time, but went straight for the bottle and took a large gulp. He sighed and blinked hard to prevent even more tears from spilling over.
"I'm only sorry I can't tell him how you and I were friends and how I truly feel about him. In fact, if things don't change, I'll never be able to tell him… but that's probably for the best."
He sighed and locked eyes with the smiling Lily in the picture. "Even you would be shocked if you knew the truth."
With that admission, Severus drank several more mouthfuls of scotch. He put the half empty bottle down on the table and leaned against the backrest of the couch. His head was starting to spin and that was for the better. It meant he would fall asleep in a short while and wouldn't have to think about Lily's son anymore.
This happened every time he allowed his hidden feelings to surface in his mind, usually after one of the school feasts when everyone else seemed to be extra happy. Feeling alone and depressed, Severus would return to his quarters to get drunk and fall asleep on the couch only to wake up alone the next morning and suffering from a hangover.
At least, it had always been like this before, but not tonight…
"Why would my mother be shocked if you told her?"
Jerking upright in shock, Severus' eyes flew open and stared at the ghostly form of Harry Potter.
OOO
Harry had never thought much about what his teachers did in private. Well, all right, sometimes he wondered if Hagrid was looking for a little pet again, but only because he feared that he and his friends would have to take care of it. Other than that, he had never tried to guess how Professor McGonagall or Professor Flitwick spent their free time; only his Potions Professor… and only since the start of this term.
Now that he had gotten the answer to his question, Harry didn't know if he should be shocked or dismayed… or both!
On the one hand, it was nice to see Snape acting more human when he was alone and not like the proverbial bat of the dungeons. Harry wouldn't have been at all shocked to see Snape going to his lab to brew potions the whole night long, but he certainly hadn't expected to find the man talking to a picture of Harry's dead mother and showing genuine remorse and guilt while getting drunk.
On the other hand, Harry couldn't help wincing when he saw the clear evidence of recent torture his Potions Professor had obviously endured while spying for the Order. It looked like Voldemort was cruel to his victims as well as his Death Eaters.
Harry knew the Cruciatus curse was the Death Eaters' favourite method of torture, but it looked like they weren't disinclined to use physical violence as well. Perhaps there were some curses he didn't know about, which left such marked bruises on their victims. He was no stranger to such marks, thanks to Dudley and his gang of bullies. He also knew how much they must hurt.
It was proof of Snape's great self-control that he was still able to walk with the grace of panther. A quiet and dangerous predator that lay in wait and bided it's time to catch any misbehaving students, especially Gryffindors.
Harry stilled, floating in midair and staring down at Snape seated on the couch. As far as he could remember, Snape had always been the unfair, greasy bat of the dungeons. Why should he liken the man to a graceful panther now and when had he started doing so?
He already knew the answer – ever since the holidays when Sirius began insulting Snape, even when the man wasn't there to hear them. Harry couldn't believe that someone who risked his life for others could be as bad as his godfather had always described him, and he was right in his assumption.
Floating over to where his unwilling host sat, he regarded the scene in front of him with disbelief.
What?! Snape had been friends with his mother? That couldn't be true! Someone - Lupin, Dumbledore or someone - would have told him that if it were, but they hadn't. Still, the tears running down Snape's pale face and his grief stricken words only proved it was true.
There was a strange, fierce ache in Harry's chest as he stared down at the man. Even though he was incorporeal at the moment, he could feel his heart breaking. He almost didn't hear Snape's next words and when he did, he almost didn't believe his ears.
Snape liked him and probably felt even… more for him?!
Harry took a deep breath, his eyes wide. Was he just imagining things? Snape hadn't said how he felt for him exactly, but somehow… somehow, Harry wanted to believe that the Potions Master did have some deep feelings for him, that he wasn't just James Potter's son…
True to his nature, Harry didn't think about his next action. The only thing he remembered was Fred and George telling him to picture himself clearly in his mind when he wanted to end the invisibility aspect of their new invention.
The young Gryffindor hurried to do so before Snape fell asleep and then asked his question:
"Why would my mother be shocked if you told her?"
OOO
Severus almost screamed aloud in shock. He shook his head in disbelief, closed his eyes and opened them again. Then he pinched himself hard and blinked at the sharp pain that followed.
He finally resigned himself to the fact that he wasn't hallucinating and that Harry Potter was standing - or rather hovering - in front of him in his own living room. As shocking as this was, something else was even more so to Severus.
"Oh God!" he cried out."Please don't tell me you managed to kill yourself while I wasn't around to save you!"
One didn't see a ghostly Harry Potter every day. It wasn't something Severus wanted to see – ever! Harry couldn't be dead!
Not because he still had to vanquish the Dark Lord, but because… Severus still needed him.
He needed to see Harry in his classes, so that he could offend him and watch how those expressive emerald eyes would flash with fury.
He wanted to see him playing Quidditch and catch the snitch, so that he would see the brilliant smile that would brighten the whole face of the young man.
He longed to…
"No, I'm not dead."
Severus blinked at him, one hand still splayed against his chest where his heart was pounding madly, wondering if he had heard right.
"Then why are you looking like a ghost?" he demanded, staring up at the ghostly white and grey figure while trying to come up with a few explanations himself.
"Well, I… it's an experiment," Harry explained, looking abashed. "I wanted to transform back to my solid form, but obviously," he glanced down at his transparent body, "I didn't do it right."
"An experiment? How -" Severus broke off and shook his head. He knew that Harry wouldn't tell him how he became a ghost in the first place, if someone else might get into trouble for it.
"So… wait a second! If you say that this,"he gestured to Harry's lucent body, "is the result of you wanting to turn back, then earlier, you were…"
"Invisible? Yes."
Severus sucked in a shaky breath. No further words were needed. Harry had heard every single word he had said!
Severus swallowed hard past a throat that was tight and burning with embarrassment. He should be furious, demanding questions of Harry and giving him detention for the rest of his school years, but he… couldn't.
He clenched his fists. He never planned for Harry to find this out. Never .But… why not?
Severus almost laughed out loud. That was suicidal! He might as well tell the Dark Lord that he looked even worse than his disgusting snake, Nagini, the next time he saw him. That might even end up being less painful than telling Harry the truth.
But something–most likely the scotch he had consumed, or a hidden wish to suffer pain of the worst kind -still prompted him to reveal his secret to the young man. Even though it wouldn't end happily, even though Harry would never return his feelings and probably look at him with disgust before fleeing his rooms, Severus still wanted to tell the truth.
Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes so that he wouldn't have to see the disdainful look in these beloved green eyes, Severus grabbed his courage in both hands and bared his heart.
"To answer your question, Lily would be shocked if she knew that I have… fallen… for you, H-Harry."
Severus heard the sharp gasp, but kept his eyes tightly closed. If he stayed like this, he would hopefully fall asleep very soon and pretend it was all a bad dream when he woke up tomorrow.
Only Harry's looks of utter disgust and hate would remind Severus then that he wasn't just suffering from the after effect of too much scotch. But he would endure them. He had endured the loss of his best friend, his pride and his dignity. He would also endure the loss of the person he had grown to love.
"I don't think she would be shocked."
It was Severus' turn to gasp when two arms enfolded him in a tight embrace and he found himself pressed against Harry's warm body.
OOO
Harry acted on pure instinct.
A Hufflepuff would have started to cry.
A Ravenclaw would have thought things through.
A Slytherin would have tried to find a way to use Snape's confession to his advantage.
And a Gryffindor…
Well, every other Gryffindor probably would have laughed themselves sick, but Harry didn't feel the urge to do so. What he felt was compassion.
Compassion for the man who had given him more detention than all his other teachers added together, who hated his godfather, who risked his life every time he went to meet Voldemort and who had been his mother's best friend.
Yes, compassion… but that wasn't the only emotion churning through Harry when he willed his body to change back to his original form. There was something else, something that ran far deeper and was much more complicated.
Harry didn't care what it was right now. He just wanted to remove the look of hurt and desperation from Snape's face and so, he did the only logical thing he could think of… he hugged Snape.
The familiar scent of herbs and potion ingredients surrounded Harry, but instead of anger, he felt only warmth when his teacher's body pressed against his.
"I don't think she would be shocked."
Other than Snape's gasp of surprise, he didn't do anything to indicate that Harry's closeness wasn't welcome. They stayed like this for quite some time, Harry kneeling on the couch and leaning over Snape to embrace him, while the Potions Master wrapped his arms around him and hugged him back.
A slight smile appeared on the face of the young Gryffindor. It was good that he never thought what others might do if they were in his place, but just did what he felt was right.
Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to run his fingers through Snape's black hair and discover that it wasn't greasy, but soft instead.
"I like your hair."
Harry didn't understand what he had said wrong. One moment, Snape was returning his hug and the next, he had shoved him away until he almost fell off the couch.
"Hey…" Harry started to protest, but stopped when he saw the mix of fury and hurt in Snape's black eyes.
"What kind of game are you playing, Potter?"
Harry blinked at him. "I don't understand…"
Snape sneered at him.
"You came here and I… confessed my… feelings to… you. Why didn't you run away or make fun of me? What do you want?"
Harry gulped. On some level, he understood what made Snape so unsure of his feelings. He knew how hard it was to accept such simple things like friendship if you weren't used to it. From what he had heard of Snape, the man wasn't even used to kindness.
"I don't know what I want," Harry confessed honestly, but hurried on when he saw that Snape wanted to interrupt him. "But I would never make fun of someone who confesses his feelings for me. And I don't see a reason for running away."
Snape gave a bitter laugh.
"Oh, so you don't think you should run away when a man, old enough to be your father, confesses his feelings for you? Aren't you even worried for your own safety?"
Harry frowned. Snape's sarcastic comments were hard enough to endure in classes, but they weren't as biting when that low voice was filled with so much despair that the whole world could drown in it.
"I'm not afraid of you," Harry stated simply. It was the truth.
Snape stared at him. He opened his mouth and closed it again. Then he shook his head, his lips twisting in a wry smile.
"Do you drink scotch?"
Now it was Harry's turn to stare at Snape wide eyed.
"I'll take that as a yes, but I hope you won't turn speechless whenever I speak to you from now on… Harry."
Harry smiled and took the glass the Potions Master had summoned for him.
"No, I won't… Severus."
Harry wondered if he had gone too far when those dark orbs widened in surprise at his use of the man's given name. He was relieved when Severus only nodded and filled their glasses with scotch.
When Severus raised his glass to his lips, Harry lost no time in mimicking his actions.
OOO
His head throbbed as though someone was gleefully pounding on the insides of his skull with a hammer.
Groaning, Severus opened his eyes. It took him some time to remember where he was and even longer to recall the events of the last night.
"Shit!"
Straightening up and cursing, Severus' eyes fell on the boy sleeping on his couch. It was the first time he had ever seen Harry asleep. The boy looked even cuter like this, without his glasses, and with his hair disheveled and his lips slightly parted.
Severus swallowed hard. What he had done last night was wrong. Not that he had done anything besides confessing his love to Harry, having a drink with him and then letting him sleep on the couch, while he himself took the armchair.
No, nothing that would get him into too much trouble if someone found out, but… it was still too much.
Severus groaned and held his head in his hands. If this was all just a prank, it wouldn't be so bad. He had thought it was one when Harry commented on his hair. After all, no one had ever liked his hair… or any other part of him… inside or out.
But those beautiful emerald eyes had gazed at him with so much honesty that Severus, against his better knowledge, believed Harry's words. Where did that leave them now?
Carefully, Severus rose from his armchair and made his way over to where Harry was still sleeping on the couch. Lying on his side with his cheek resting on one hand, the boy looked far too young and beautiful for a tainted man like him.
The Potions Master sighed.
Halloween was over.
The ghost had turned back into a boy made of flesh and blood again. It was time to send him out of the cold dungeons, which was Severus' grave, and back to the land of the living.
"Harry."Severus touched the boy's shoulder.
Green eyes blinked open sleepily and Harry gave a warm smile when he recognized his Potions Professor.
Severus had to swallow around the sudden lump in his throat. No one had ever looked at him like that since Lily died. Nevertheless, he had to tell Harry that they could never repeat this, that they had to –
"Morning, Severus!"
Harry yawned and then grinned at him."So, what's for breakfast?"
Severus blinked. Then he frowned.
He should throw Harry out right now, make it clear to him that he wasn't welcome anymore, but instead he heard himself say, "Bread and water, if you don't hurry up and help me set the table at once!"
Chuckling, Harry put on his glasses and got up. He stretched and made his way to the kitchen without a single word.
Severus stared after him and then he shrugged to himself. It looked like some ghosts stayed behind even when Halloween was over. Maybe… maybe this little ghost would even help him find his way out of the dungeons and back to the living.
"If you don't help me, you'll be the one getting bread and water!"
Despite the cheeky words, Severus grinned to himself. Perhaps it was a bad idea, but he would never know if he didn't give it a try.
With that hopeful thought in mind, he followed Harry to his kitchen to make sure the boy didn't burn down the whole castle while trying to brew coffee.