Stupid Cupid

by Ruafolach

A script. Cupid comes to Pleasantville and develops a crush on Lori, he wants her for himself.

I had to write a script from my favorite show for a scriptwriting class in college. We had to gather info on the show and write whats called a Beat Outline that would cover an entire show. We were pretty much supposed to write our own episode as if we were going to write for the show. Then we had to write the Teaser, or Intro and first act into a script format. Here's what I came up with:

PS - Merton Rules!

BIG WOLF ON CAMPUS-STUPID CUPID

INTRO FADE IN:

INT. PLEASANTVILLE HIGH HALLWAYS -- MORNING STUDENTS ARE GATHERED AT THEIR LOCKERS PREPARING FOR THE FIRST CLASSES OF THE DAY.

TOMMY (V.O) Valentines Day, a time of love and romance. Some say that it's just another corporate holiday the greeting card companies created to make more money. Or if you go to Pleasantville High, it's yet another chance for guys to make a fool of themselves trying to find a date to the dance. Not me, I already know who I'm taking. Lori Baxter.

TOMMY AND MERTON ARE STANDING AT THEIR LOCKERS, MERTON IS CHATTING ANIMATEDLY TO TOMMY AS TOMMY LOOKS AROUND APPARENTLY LOOKING FOR SOMEONE:

MERTON Tommy you should have seen this show, I mean it was all you would ever need to know about werewolves! What they eat, what their behaviors are, how to kill them-

MERTON PAUSES AS TOMMY GLARES AT HIM

MERTON (CONT'D) Not that we would need all that information heh heh.

TOMMYI am a werewolf Merton, remember?

TOMMY GLANCES AROUND THE HALLS AGAIN. MERTON NOTICES.

MERTONWho are you looking for Tommy?

TOMMYLori. I wanted to ask her to the Valentines Day dance. Hey, Merton, you asking anyone?

MERTON Oh yeah, I'll just go ask Sarah Miller if she'll go with me. I can just see how it will go. I'll look deeply into her eyes, ask her to 'be mine' Then she'll dump her lunch over my head just like she did last year. Come-on Tommy, who would go with me?

TOMMY Merton, you are far too hard on yourself. I'm sure any girl would be more than happy to go with you.

MERTON SMILES MODESTLY.

MERTON Well, I am quite handsome if I do say so myself.

MERTON'S SISTER, BECKY ARRIVES JUST IN TIME TO OVERHEAR MERTON.

BECKY Yeah, handsome to a vampire maybe. Gawd, why do you have to be such a freak! I have cheerleading tryouts after school, Mom says that you have to wait around for me and drive me home. And try not to let anyone see you. I don't want anyone to know we're related.

BECKY TURNS AND LEAVES. MERTON STICKS HIS TONGUE OUT AFTER HER. A GOOD LOOKING GUY WITH BLONDE HAIR AND BLUE EYES WALKS PAST. MERTON AND TOMMY WATCH HIM. ALL THE GIRLS ARE OGLING AFTER HIM.

MERTON What does that guy have that I don't?

TOMMY I've never seen him before.

TOMMY WALKS OVER TO WHERE THE NEW GUY IS PUTTING BOOKS INTO HIS LOCKER. MERTON FOLLOWS. AS THEY APPROACH HIM HE SMILES BRIGHTLY.

TOMMY (CONT'D) Hey man, I'm Tommy Dawkins and this is Merton Dingle. You new here?

CHARLIE The names Charlie. Nice to meet you both. Yeah I just transferred here. Seems nice enough.

AS HE SPEAKS HE SHAKES HANDS WITH MERTON AND TOMMY.

MERTON Where are you from?

CHARLIE Uh...

CHARLIE HESITATES. LORI ARRIVES.

LORI Hey Tommy, Merton. Who is your new friend?

CHARLIE The name's Charlie.

CHARLIE APPEARS INTERESTED IN LORI, HE OFFERS HIS HAND AND WHEN LORI TAKES IT HE KISSES THE BACK. MERTON LOOKS AT TOMMY FOR A SIGN OF JEALOUSY BUT HE IS LOOKING IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. THE BELL RINGS.

LORI I'm Lori Baxter, pleased to meet you Charlie.

TOMMY Hey, why don't you come with Lori, Merton and I to The Factory tonight for some bowling?

LORI Yeah!

CHARLIE Sounds like fun. I'll be there.

TOMMY, LORI AND MERTON HEAD OFF TO CLASS. CHARLIE PULLS A BOW AND ARROW FROM HIS LOCKER, KISSING IT BEFORE PLACING IT BACK

CHARLIE (CONT'D) You will be mine Lori Baxter.

OPENING THEME/CREDITS PLAY

ACT ONE FADE IN:

INT. THE FACTORY -- THAT EVENING TOMMY, MERTON, LORI AND CHARLIE ARE BOWLING. IT'S MERTON'S TURN. HE TAKES AIM AND LETS LOOSE. IT'S A GUTTER BALL. MERTON SIGHS AND SITS DOWN WITH THE OTHERS.

LORIAw, don't worry Merton, keep practicing and you'll get it.

MERTON Yeah, in about a million years maybe, this just isn't my thing.

IT IS NOW CHARLIE'S TURN, HE LOOKS BACK AT THE OTHERS.

CHARLIE Well, here goes. I have never been bowling before.

CHARLIE LETS GO OF THE BALL AND IT TRAVELS IN A PERFECT STRAIGHT LINE. STRIKE! MERTON SULKS.

MERTON Beginner's luck.

CHARLIE Excuse me for a minute, need to use the washroom.

CHARLIE DISAPPEARS AROUND THE CORNER BUT DOES NOT GO INTO THE MEN'S ROOM. INSTEAD HE PEERS OUT FROM BEHIND THE WALL WITH HIS BOW AND ARROW IN HAND. MERTON POPS UP BEHIND HIM MAKING HIM JUMP IN SURPRISE.

MERTON How did you do that?

CHARLIE HIDES THE BOW AND ARROW BEHIND HIS BACK.

CHARLIE Do what?

MERTON A strike your first time playing. Come on! What's your secret.

CHARLIE APPEARS TO BE NERVOUS.

CHARLIEOh, I'm a fast learner.

MERTON SPOTS THE BOW AND ARROW BEHIND CHARLIE'S BACK. HE GRABS IT.

MERTONCool! You into archery? Where did you get this thing? It's such an unusual style.

CHARLIE No, don't!

THE TWO STRUGGLE WITH THE BOW AND ARROW AND IN THE COMMOTION AN ARROW IS SENT FLYING. THE ARROW HITS TIM ECKERT. TIM BEGINS TO SWOON OVER AN OLD LADY WHO IS WORKING AT THE COUNTER. TIM'S TWIN BROTHER TRAVIS LOOKS ON IN CONFUSION.

CHARLIE (CONT'D) Now look what you've done! That arrow was meant for Lor- uh, I mean that was the only arrow I had!

MERTONYou were about to say that the arrow was for Lori. And why is bonehead over there acting so strange?

CHARLIE Uhh...

TOMMY Hey, Merton, you're up!

MERTON CASTS A LAST SUSPICIOUS GLANCE AT CHARLIE THEN STRIDES BACK TO TOMMY AND LORI., WITH A DETERMINED EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE.

MERTONI'll get it this time!

MERTON LETS GO OF THE BALL AND AS IT ROLLS DOWN THE LANE ITS STARTS TO VEER SLOWLY TOWARDS THE EDGE, THEY LOOK ON IN ANTICIPATION. ONE PIN FALLS AND MERTON JUMPS IN THE AIR EXCITEDLY.

MERTON (CONT'D) Oh yeah!

LORI Way to go Merton!

WHILE TOMMY AND LORI ARE DISTRACTED CONGRATULATING MERTON CHARLIE STROLLS OVER TO TIM AND TAKES HIS ARROW BACK. HE TAKES AIM AT LORI THEN CHANGES HIS MIND. AIMING AT TOMMY HE LETS THE ARROW GO. TOMMY IS HIT AND WHEN HE TURNS TO SEE WHAT HIT HIM THE FIRST THING HE SEES IS A GIRL SITTING AT A NEARBY TABLE. OVERCOME WITH INFATUATION TOMMY GOES TO HER AND ASKS HER TO GO TO THE DANCE WITH HIM. LORI SEES THIS.

LORI (CONT'D) Tommy, how could you!

TOMMY DOESN'T EVEN TAKE NOTICE, HE IS IN A TRANCE.

LORI (CONT'D) Tommy!

TOMMY STILL TAKES NO NOTICE. LORI STORMS OUT IN ANGER AND LOOKING HURT. MERTON WATCHES AS CHARLIE FOLLOWS LORI OUT. SUDDENLY TOMMY SEEMS TO COME OUT OF HIS DAZE. HE NOTICES LORI IS GONE.

TOMMY Where's Lori?

MERTON Well, Tommy, she just stormed out, it might have had something to due with the fact that you just asked another girl to the dance.

TOMMY What, that's impossible! I would-

MERTON Well you did, would you mind telling me why?

TOMMY I-I don't know what came over me.

MERTON I think it had something to do with Charlie.

TOMMY What? Merton please don't, I have enough to deal with without having to hear another one of your wild theories.

MERTON This isn't a wild theory, there's something strange about him. I followed him to the bathroom earlier.

TOMMY You what?

MERTON Well not to the bathroom per say, just to the hallway. The guy carries a bow and arrow with him. And if that's not strange enough one of the arrows hot Tim and he started acting odd.

MERTON POINTED TO WHERE TIM WAS NOW ON ONE KNEE APPARENTLY PROFESSING HIS LOVE FOR THE OLD LADY. TOMMY LAUGHS. MERTON DOES TOO.

MERTON (CONT'D) Ok, I guess that's kind of funny, but he said the arrow was for Lori. Looks like he decided to get you instead. I saw him watching her, he's into her Tommy. When she stormed out of here he followed.

TOMMY He's trying to move in on my girl?

MERTON Pretty much yeah.

TOMMY IS ANGRY AND RUNS OUT OF THE FACTORY. MERTON FOLLOWS. OUTSIDE TOMMY HAS TRANSFORMED INTO A WEREWOLF AND IS LOOKING TO SEE WHERE LORI AND CHARLIE WENT. TOMMY RUNS OFF DOWN THE STREET AND MERTON JUMPS INTO HIS HEARSE THEN DRIVES OFF.

(CONT'D)

ACT II INT. THE LAIR. TOMMY AND MERTON ARE IN MERTON'S BEDROOM. MERTON IS TYPING AWAY AT HIS COMPUTER.

MERTON Eureka!

TOMMYWhat did you find?

MERTON Tommy, what would you say If I told you that I think Charlie is really Cupid and he is after Lori?

TOMMYI'd say you have finally lost it completely.

MERTON C'mon Tommy, is that really so hard to believe? I mean it fits doesn't it, the whole bow and arrow thing at The Factory Earlier.

TOMMY Isn't Cupid that flying baby?

TOMMY MOVES AROUND BEHIND MERTON SO THAT HE CAN SEE THE COMPUTER SCREEN.

MERTON Well, he's not really a baby Tommy, he's a roman God. In roman mythology Cupid is the God of love. The Romans often depicted Cupid as a winged child carrying a bow and quiver full of magical arrows which were capable of making people fall in love. MERTON (CONT'D)
You think Charlie is this cupid?

MERTON NODS AND TOMMY SHAKES HIS HEAD.

TOMMYThis is insane Merton, Cupid?

MERTON Alright Tommy, how do you explain what happened when that arrow hit one of the Ekert brothers and he started swooning over that old lady?

TOMMY YAWNS.

TOMMY I don't know Merton, I'm tired. I'm going to go home and get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN. PLEASANTVILLE HIGH HALLWAY TOMMY IS DESPERATELY TRYING TO SPEAK TO LORI BUT SHE IS GIVING HIM THE COLD SHOULDER.

TOMMY Lori please I can explain!

LORI JUST SIGHS AND OPENS HER LOCKER TO TAKE OUT HER BOOKS FOR THE NEXT CLASS. CHARLIE WALKS UP TO LORI AND SHE TURNS TO HIM AND SMILES.

LORIHey there.

CHARLIE Hey, we still on for out little study date tonight?

TOMMY Study date? What do you think you're doing moving in on my girlfriend?

LORI Tommy, Charlie and I are just friends, he is having trouble getting caught up in physics and there's a test on Friday, I'm going to help him study.

TOMMY Yeah that's what he wants you to believe.

LORI GRABS CHARLIE'S ARM AND STORMS OFF. MERTON WALKS UP TO TOMMY WHO BEGINS FUMING.

TOMMY (CONT'D) Well, you were right about one thing Merton, Charlie is defiantly after Lori. They have a study date tonight.

MERTON He's probably gotten to her already, she's under his spell.

TOMMY You're being ridiculous Merton.

TOMMY STORMS OFF

INT. THE FACTORY MERTON IS SPYING ON LORI AND CHARLIE, HE HAS DECIDED TO DO HIS OWN INVESTIGATING. HE IS DRESSED IN A TIGHT BLACK OUTFIT WITH A BLACK HAT LIKE A SPY. MERTON DIVES UNDER A NEARBY TABLE AND BANGS HIS HEAD. LORI SEES HIM.

LORIWhat are you doing Merton?

MERTONUh, fixing the table, it was wobbly.

LORI Tommy sent you here to spy on me didn't he?

MERTON No he didn't, really!

LORI Don't lie Merton. I can't believe he doesn't trust me. Come on Charlie, let's go to my place, its quieter there anyway.

CHARLIE AND LORI LEAVE, MOMENTS LATER TOMMY ARRIVES

TOMMYHey, Merton, what are you doing here?

MERTON I was spying on Charlie and Lori, I wanted to look for more clues that Charlie is really Cupid. They just left together, they were going to go to Lori's.

TOMMY What?

TOMMY IS ANGRY, HE STORMS OUT THE DOORS OF THE FACTORY AND MERTON FOLLOWS. OUTSIDE TOMMY IS 'WOLFED OUT' AND LOOKS AROUND FOR ANY SIGN OF LORI AND CHARLIE. HE HEARS A NOISE IN THE ALLEY AND FINDS LORI AND CHARLIE KISSING. TOMMY IS OBVIOUSLY HURT.

TOMMY (CONT'D) Lori, what are you...why?

LORI You don't deserve me Tommy, you don't trust me.

TOMMY LOOKS AT CHARLIE WHO IS LOOKING VERY SMUG. CHARLIE IS HOLDING HIS BOW BEHIND HIS BACK. CHARLIE GRINS AND WAVES AN ARROW AT TOMMY WHO REALIZES THAT ONCE AGAIN, MERTON WAS RIGHT. CHARLIE GRABS LORI'S ARM.

CHARLIE Come on Lor, let's go to your place and finish up our study date.

LORI I'd love to.

LORI AND CHARLIE LEAVE, TOMMY STARES AFTER THEM.

MERTON Tommy, I hate to say I told you so but..

TOMMY THROWS HIS HANDS UP IN FRUSTRATION AND GROWLS AS HE RUNS OFF.

END OF ACT II

(I'll write the rest if enough people like it).