Disclaimer: Crunch 'N Munch
Spoilers: Up to Arcadia
A/N: Yes, another Arcadia fic. I got this idea while ringing up the 150 or so people that came through my line in about 3 hours today. Half bought cigarettes, half asked where the ice was, and half of them were confused when I answered "in the freezer." The fourth half all paid in change. Just change.
This story could be a prequel and post fic also for my other Arcadia story "Let's Be Us Again." They could also stand alone. Because I'm rad like that.
Rad is not in my computer's dictionary. Fail, Microsoft. FAIL.
"Well," Mulder began, tossing his phone onto the dashboard. "They won't have the key ready for an hour and a half."
Scully arched an eyebrow. She was hating this case already and just wanted it to be over. First catch back on the X-Files, first snag back on the X-Files. Sweet irony.
"Well what are we supposed to do until we can get into the house?"
"Go pocketbooking?"
"What are those of us who are not 15 supposed to do?"
"You said we needed groceries."
"I did say that. But I kind of thought that we would keep up the image and I would go shopping while you sat on the couch and scratched or something."
"This will be fun. We'll be like newlyweds."
"Did you happen to snatch that barf bag from the airplane?"
"No, I was too busy checking out that stewardess."
"Flight attendant."
"Why are you in such a bad mood?"
She sighed and shook her head. It was much easier to fling her burning barbs of verbiage than it was to say "I'm mad at you."
"Fine, have it your way, but don't say I never cared," he said, starting the car.
"Can I think it?"
"This is going to be a really long case," he muttered, heading down the street towards their subdivision.
"Where are we going?"
"Store."
"For?"
"Food."
"What store?"
He pointed as he pulled into the parking lot.
"There."
"So are you going to play the mono-syllabic game all day or will it go away once that stick that's up your butt falls out?"
"Stick up my butt? MY butt? Have you looked in a mirror today Scully?"
"What?"
"I know you're mad at me. I think I know why, but frankly, that horse is dead. Take the saddle off and get out of the stable. Just get over it."
"Why do you even care if I get over it or not?"
"Because the not getting over it is turning you into... a person I never thought you were capable of being."
"Ouch."
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice immediately softening.
"No, you're right."
"Maybe, but not that harshly."
"No, I haven't been fair. You're my partner. You shouldn't have to earn the benefit of the doubt."
"I think we both have a lot we need to say on the subject, but I think it might be best if we put that away until we get home. This conversation deserves to be had somewhere other than a mini-van."
She smiled a little.
"Alright. We'll wait until we get home. But if my PMS rears its ugly head again, it's not my fault."
"I was already counting on that."
"You were?"
"Why do you think the last week of every month on my calendar says "Hit the Deck" in big black letters?"
"It's usually safer not to wonder about those things."
He rolled his eyes as they got out of the car and headed into the store.
"So what are we shopping for, Scully?" Mulder asked as he wrestled one cart away from the others.
"I don't know, this was your idea."
"Well, pretend it was yours."
She sighed.
"I suppose we'd better decide what we're going to want to eat while we're here."
"What can you cook?"
"You're expecting me to do the cooking?"
"I'd do it, but it might kill us."
"It can't be that bad."
"Last time I was in the kitchen, a can of soup ended in a small fire. We're safer if you do this."
"You're probably right. Okay, come on."
"Can we get cereal?"
"Of course. Make sure you get something with lots of sugar in it."
"Really?"
"Yes. What, do you think I eat Grape Nuts every morning? I am strictly a Cocoa Puffs kind of girl."
"If you drink the milk after it turns chocolaty, then you're the perfect woman."
She just smiled.
"Can we get Twinkies?"
"I don't like Twinkies. I want Ding-Dongs."
"What about Ho-Ho's?"
"Aren't they the same thing?"
"Then why did you say you wanted Ding-Dongs if you could have said Ho-Ho's?"
"Because Ding-Dongs were on the shelf."
"Oh. How about a box of Swiss Rolls?"
"Sure. And grab a box of those Cosmic Brownies too."
He tossed both boxes into the cart. They landed among the cookies, Goldfish Crackers, and 4 different kinds of frozen pizza.
"Scully, do you think we should try and get some food that won't leave us writhing in pain on the floor?"
"So you're saying you want some macaroni and cheese?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
"We should not go grocery shopping when we're hungry."
"I wish you would have said that twenty minutes ago."
She just shrugged and steered the cart over to the produce section.
"Hey Scully, can we get some apples?"
"Sure."
"And this caramel apple making kit?"
There was a long pause and they just stared at each other for a moment before Mulder bowed his head and silently put the caramel back on the shelf.
"It was a valiant effort," she remarked, putting a few cucumbers into a plastic bag.
"I guess."
They continued to wander around the store, filling the cart. They probably ended up with enough food for three weeks, but if Mulder was going to eat, that would be reduced exponentially.
"I need some sunscreen," Scully commented as they approached the section of the store that carried those types of items at ridiculously expensive prices.
"Why?"
"Because it's California."
"It's winter."
"It's California, and it's me."
He smirked and held up a small cardboard box.
"Hey Scully..."
"You're really milking this, aren't you?"
"Like a lactating cow."
"We need to get you out of this aisle. It's adding words to your vocabulary that I don't really want there."
"Why are there scented and unscented tampons?"
"Grow up, Mulder."
"Look, you're blushing!"
"I can't look at myself blush," was the only comment she could think of in rebuttal before she turned the cart around and headed for the check out.
"Hey wait! I'm sorry. I won't make any more inappropriate family planning jokes!"
She snickered as she looked back at him.
"You just shouted that so the whole store could hear. I just want you to know that."
"People rarely listen to me anyway."
"That's what I'm counting on."
They began to load their groceries onto the conveyor and Mulder arched his eyebrows.
"I thought we agreed on one gallon of ice-cream."
"I like variety."
"We're gonna be so sick."
She just shrugged.
Ten minutes later, they had loaded all the groceries into the car and were finally ready to head to the house.
"I'm starving, Scully."
"Me too."
She searched through the bags for a moment and handed him the box of Swiss Rolls.
"You're letting me have dessert before dinner?"
"Only if you share."
He nodded and opened the box, handing her a small cake before they got in the car. If he could just figure out how to keep her in this mood, this case might not be such torture after all.