AN: Just a little idea I've had going around my head. I actually got the idea from a friend who misread 'To indeed be a God' and thought it said 'I needed to be God'. I think it's pretty obvious who each paragraph is about, though if it isn't, you have permission to complain.
I.They thought I was no-one. Worthless, pathetic, dispensable, unnecessary. But you see, I needed to show them I wasn't. So I did. I proved that I was as much in control of them as they thought they were of me. I was better than them, but they refused to admit it. And so I demonstrated. I needed to be a God, even if just for a moment.
II.I was sick and tired of being trampled on. I wasn't just a toy for my superiors. Nor was I a junior version of them, waiting patient in an office until I could inherit their place. I was in charge of myself, and I needed to have them see. They weren't my Gods. I was. I needed to be my own God.
III.To love and not be loved back is terrible. I had to change it. I needed her. I convinced myself I'd get her. But for that I needed a bit of Charlie. I needed to be a love God.
IV.I was always in my brother's shadow, always exceeded by him, always cast into the darkness by him. And they let him. My parents always put him as an example. Every conversation I had with my dad was about Jeffery's great sports event, or how well he'd done in some examination. My mom always fussed about me, saying things like "If only you did it like your brother did". I came in second. I was sick of it. And Neil helped me. He showed me how I was better than my brother. In my parent's eyes, a God, which is just what I needed. Now they listen.
V.Ever since I can remember, I've been the fifth wheel of the group. Meeks had his brains. Charlie had himself, and that was enough. Neil had his charm. Knox had his attitude. Even Todd and Cameron, everyone's kid brother and the punching bag, they had something. And what did I have? I was tall, gawky, insecure. I had nothing special to fall back on, to remind everyone that I was here. I needed to be a God, like they were.
VI.I always knew I was smarter than them. When it came to school work, or anything intellectually challenging, I was the best. I exceeded them. Yet they only used me for that. I had the feeling they didn't want my personality, only my brain. Homework help, staying up all night to help them prepare for an exam they hadn't studied for,…Up to a point I could bear it. But it was worst with Charlie. To him, I was just something to use, a personal, walking dictionary. A slave. But I needed to prove that my mind wasn't a thing to be dropped when no longer needed. It made me a God.
VII.When I took this job, I had one thing in mind: power. I would have several hundred boys to control, to rule over. I would mold them into proper men, make them an ideal. I would almost be a God.
VIII.To show those poor boys enlightment, that was my goal. I would show them the way, guide them, and watch them grow. They'd be free. They wouldn't end up like most of my old classmates had. I had to make sure didn't. And for that, I needed to be their God.
IX.Always stepping on me. Always making me do what he wanted. I couldn't take it. I didn't want to be a doctor. Didn't he understand? But I sure showed him. I am in control of my fate. I handle my own life and death. I am a God.
AN: I'm sorry III was so short, I just had no idea what to say about it. Review? Please?