Drop by winterxsunset

Summary:

"You were broken before," He said, bluntly. "How long until you, uh, snap?" JokerxOC

Chapter One

She never thought she'd be up this high. Wasn't that always the aim? To climb and crawl until you're floating, head into space like a let-go balloon, stars shattering around you… Was this what she'd been dreaming of, all along? She shook her head, thoughtfully… what on earth was she thinking about? All this talk in her head, never stopping to process. She pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes until her eye make-up smudged. Black shadows on her skin.

How did she even get here? As she swung her legs, back and forth, she realised she could see the whole of Gotham from outside the penthouse. It was like she was stuck in a snow-globe, or some distant postcard; she felt a cold detachment from the city she grew up in, the one she'd dreamed of escaping as a child. Yet, here she was. After all this time, Gotham never ceased to amaze nor disappoint.

She could feel the clear glass windows stalking her from behind, knowing full well he was watching from somewhere. Why hadn't he come for her yet? What was he waiting for? Was that a skylight she could see, not too far from the station? It was strange how articulate everything was from where she sat, how everything but the people beneath her seemed significant. Did anything matter to them anymore? Where was their dignity? Relying on that skylight, the sunset…oh god that sunset…burning burgundy, orange, how hazy it all was…was that fire in the sky? Was this the light they talked about?

"No," She uttered, through gritted teeth, "No, no, no, no, no… I am not dying."

Taking a deep breath, she collected her thoughts and got to her feet. Swaying her legs back and forth, the heels of her black boots clicking together. Why did she have to wear black boots on a rooftop? Earlier that day, before she knew where it would end, she recalled the time she spent getting ready, in all its trivial glory. Pulling on her lacey tights, the stretchy black mini-skirt, throwing the red hoodie over a glittery camisole… they'd made plans. He'd told her to dress well. Had he meant to be romantic?

She could feel the nerves collecting in her stomach as she looked down on Gotham city. For a moment, she was fearful, squinting her eyes until she fully realised just how hard the sidewalk would be if she slipped and fell. The fear passed after a moment, changing to intrigue, as she dreamily looked upon the tiny people and their tinier things… things never mattered in the end though, did they?

It was happening again, the way it always did. The fear dissipating into nothing, nightmares becoming her wildest dreams, trading terror for ecstasy. She could feel her entire body becoming warm as she closed her eyes momentarily, leaning her head back. The wind was getting stronger but she welcomed the breeze. It spun her tangled, dark hair around her face, the hood of her sweater blowing upwards. Slowly, she opened her eyes and clambered to her feet.

Before she could walk away from the edge and slide open the glass doors, a hand grabbed her wrist and pulled her arm above her head. She shrieked, suddenly disoriented.

"Not yeeeet," He said, "I told you to wait for me, didn't I?" He twisted her arm further though she barely felt pain these days, but this didn't stop her throwing a lousy kick in his direction. He laughed and let go of her arm.

"I've been waiting." She growled, taking small steps away from him.

Every step back she took, he took one forward, until she realised she was right at the edge of the roof. A gasp left her lips. Car horns could be heard from the streets of the city. The glare of the sun had settled and darkness fell atop the sunset strips. She knew she had to keep herself steady, clear her head of what was cluttered inside, but it wasn't easy. Every two minutes she would lose herself to the glitter in her lashes, his face losing focus as her blood got hotter, wondering what her veins were doing, the size of her pupils, inside of her mouth, outside lips, missing kisses…

"I've just been, uh, watching." He replied, his raspy, broken voice messing with her head again.

"Watching me from the shadows," She said, wondering why she was whispering. She heard a laugh erupt from his chest. His hands grabbed her cheeks tightly, pulling her mouth in opposite directions. She thought she might be smiling.

"Darrrling," He said, sternly, "I am the shadows." She knew how tough his hands were, that her face would bruise by morning, but she felt nothing. It was normal. This happened to her a lot. At some point in the night she'd usually go numb, trip and fall, think nothing of it until she woke up, knees bloody, hands in the dirt.

"And… what am I?" She asked. It wasn't what she had wanted to say. She wanted to scream. She wanted to run. No, she didn't want to, but she knew that she should. If she was in her right mind again, the place in her past where she had been a good girl, she never would have gotten here. But despite it all - the doom, the danger, the lacking judgement – there was no place she would rather be.

"Youuuu," He drawled, taking her by the waist and turning her towards the sky, "are the sun."

His arms tightened around her, one still on her waist as the other grabbed her chin, forcing her to look out into the city. The sunset had gotten deeper and darker, but there was a coldness to it she hadn't felt before, the purple turning blue. She leant her head back into his shoulder, hot breath on her kneck. Was this it? Is this how it ended? How many people had asked themselves that before falling from the sky?

"The sun is starting to set," He added, leaning into her closer, "and sooon, well, the uh, the staaars will come out, ya know?"

He moved her from side to side, as though they were dancing. His movements were making her dizzy, her ears muffled as the sounds of the city seemed to fade out, stuck in some bubble.

"Jay," She murmured, feeling him tense up. He said nothing, though his hand slowly trailed towards her neck.

"J…a…y…" She refrained, as his fingers stabbed her windpipe.

"Sssh, ssh, ssh…" He said, keeping her close to his body, "Don't sound so sad about it, sweet-cheeks." She felt her eyelids get heavier, fluttering up and down, light and dark, sun and stars, him and her…

"After alllll," He said, squeezing her tightly, "tomorrow…is another day!"

He laughed when he let go of her.

.

.

6 Months Ago

"Do you have your papers? Your clothes all packed? Okay honey, now open wide, I know it's no fun… good, you've swallowed your pills… oh, don't forget your prescription!"

Sage knew from the beginning this day would come. She didn't think it would happen so soon. Her excitement towards leaving Arkham's rehabilitation centre hadn't ceased the whole time she was there. Three months, she thought, morbidly. Ninety days of her life she would never get back. Her summer plans stunted by suicide-watches and everyday drug tests. Despite the dull interior and decaying facilities, she'd grown to love her tiny, box-shaped room. Her single bed, the lone lamp on the desk, the white walls she covered in fairy-lights and polaroid pictures… memories became dreams she couldn't bring herself to believe.

It had occurred to her that she might not be ready – what she hadn't thought of was that she might not want to go. Standing in front of Helen, the nurse that had showed her a soft spot from the very start, Sage felt tears well up in her eyes which she desperately tried to keep back.

"Wonderful," Helen murmured, in her comforting, voice. She reminded Sage of one of the dinner ladies at her high school growing up, the kind that would give her an extra scoop of ice-cream when they did dessert, or asked about her parents. She was Sage's only hope in a place where people never seemed to improve. Thankfully, she had recovered. At least, she thought she had.

"All set," Sage murmured, forcing a smile. She gestured to the two suitcases at her feet and swung her backpack strap so it sat securely on her shoulder.

"I'll miss you sweetheart," Helen said softly, placing a hand on Sage's arm kindly.

"I'll miss you too. You've been far too good to me, Helen." Sage murmured, honestly.

"You deserve to be happy, Sage." Helen said, placing her other hand on Sage's shoulder. She looked Sage in the eye seriously as she spoke.

"Now, the only drugs you should be taking are the ones in your prescription kit. Apart from that, I better not hear you've winded up back in here after some student bender." Sage laughed at Helen's sceptical perspective on student life, noticing how she clutched the gold cross around her neck.

"I'm doing my masters this year, Helen. Will be all work and no play – and no benders." Sage assured her. Helen gave a nod but there was a hint of worry in her wise blue eyes.

"Just be safe sweetie, whatever you do." She said, "I hope you haven't had it too hard here."

"It's only the well-being centre," Sage shrugged, "It's not like I've been in Arkham Asylum."

"Though it is owned by Arkham," Helen added, "But you don't have to mention that in job interviews, honey." Sage let out a laugh which almost turned to tears until an attendant approached the two of them.

"Miss. Henley?" The male attendant asked, dressed all in white. Sage nodded as Helen's hand fell to her cross.

"There's a cab outside waiting for you. He says in five minutes he'll turn the metre on." Sage nodded as the attendant filed out. Helen let out a sigh as Sage picked up her bags.

"Your parents aren't meeting you?" Helen questioned, sadly. "It's important your family come together at a time like this."

"You sound like my therapist," Sage responded. Helen chuckled.

"Well, have a safe trip home. Are you going back to California?" Helen asked. Sage shook her head. Helen knew more about her than most of the specialists in this place but, given her age, occasionally got her facts mixed up. Although, Sage couldn't help but feel a little bitter. She wished she was going back to California – the sun, the sea, the relatively decent crime-rate, at least compared to Gotham…

"I only went there for college, remember?" Sage said, "I, uh, I grew up in Gotham. In the Narrows."

"Oh, of course!" Helen said. "Well, have a…safe, safe journey."

"Thank you, Helen," Sage grinned. She gave the older woman a tight hug before picking up her belongings and nodding towards the exit sign. "Wish me luck!"

The cab driver didn't say a word to her after asking for her address. The rehabilitation centre was directly connected to the asylum, so it was safe to assume that he probably thought she was a criminal on probation or something of the sorts. Living in the Narrows didn't exactly help – it was, after all, the capital of criminal activity.

"Keep the change," Sage smiled, decanting her cases. The driver simply nodded before driving off as soon as he could.

With good reason, Sage thought, gloomily. Looking around, the place was even more derelict than she remembered. There was garbage everywhere, despite the huge trash cans surrounding the street. Pieces of rubble and slate taken off roof-tops covered the ground, along with cigarette stubs and the occasional needle. Sage shuddered.

"Home sweet home," She mumbled, resting her cases at her feet for a moment. She had lived in the Narrows growing up, in a double-bedroom apartment with her Aunt Cara, though it was small enough to be a studio. The apartment bloc looked much more worn than she remembered, and she could hear various music genres blasting from different windows. Cats meowing loudly in the distance.

Pulling her cases with all her strength, she dragged her things into the building and searched for the creaking elevator that used to work when she was younger. Before she could look around, her phone suddenly went off, causing her to gasp slightly given her grim surroundings.

"H-Hello?" She asked, not checking the caller ID.

"Sage! Ah, me dear, did you get home safely? So sorry I couldn't pick you up, are you alright?" Aunt Cara's raspy, Southern accent soothed her soul. Sage leant her ear against the phone and pulled her bags towards the elevator, jamming her fingers into the buttons impatiently.

"Yeah, I did, and it's fine. I can't tell you how happy I am to be staying in your apartment, Aunt Cara. Thank you so much, it's exactly what I need right now." Sage murmured, though felt a pang of frustration once realising the elevator wasn't working.

"Well the doctors said you need stability so I thought you'd be better off in your own bedroom." Cara murmured. Sage could practically hear her smiling.

"But honestly it's…incredible. I can't believe I have my own place all to myself." Sage added, contemplating dragging her things up the three flights of stairs. She reached in her pocket to check for her key.

"You deserve it, sweetie. I mean, you did so well in California, after all. Despite what happened over summer Sagey, you have a bright future. I want you to be comfortable while you're back in Gotham, even if it is just for the year. You're a good girl, sugar-pie." Sage felt the guilt ripple through her. Oh, Aunt Cara, she thought, if only that was true. Her mind flickered back to the start of summer, long before the fall that had settled in now. Three months ago, when she'd come back to Gotham. Clothes too big for her, her scholarship money all used up, Aunt Cara meeting her at the train station, sobbing...

"I…have to go now, Auntie. I hope you're having a good time visiting Texas." Sage said, hoping her voice wasn't trembling. Aunt Cara tutted sympathetically.

"Aw thank you honey, you get settled in and I'll see you next week." She said, happily, "Call me whenever, alright? Or message me on the, uh, the Facebook or whatever it's called." Sage laughed.

"Of course," Sage said, "See ya soon."

"Bye, honey!"

Putting her phone in her pocket, Sage sat down on the rusty stairs, feeling overwhelmed already. She hadn't been in the open world for longer than twenty minutes and she already craved the white walls of her rehab room. The mundane easiness of her old routine. She felt a headache suddenly come on and wished she had something stronger than her prescription. It was a strange paradox though, how they weened her off one drug only to give her another…

Sage rested her head in her hands, wondering why the smallest dilemma of getting her cases upstairs was so much more stressful than it should be. That was, until, footsteps echoed through the entry-way, and a deep, jagged voice threw a question in her direction.

"You, uhh, need some heeelp there, doll-face?"