Comfort

By Sapadu

A/N: This is written in light of the Knight of Three Blades trilogy by Tenkai Nankobo 101. Go read them – it takes a little reading to get into the groove of his style, but the plot ideas are REALLY good. And he actually gets to the point of the plot instead of just eternally building up the tension.

I miss thee, my Mother! Thy image is still
/ The deepest impressed on my heart.

~Eliza Cook

It had been a year since his mom was killed.

A full year. Ben was fourteen now. He was supposed to be grown up now. He wasn't supposed to be a big baby. He wasn't supposed to break down and cry whenever something reminded him of his mom or he remembered something that made him miss her so much. He was supposed to be a man now. Hell, he'd been more grown up during the funeral and while they were hunting down Jacen to stop him. Why was he starting to mope now of all times?

Something warm and metallic tapped onto the top of his head.

"Hi, Ken." Ben muttered, not turning to look, not even reaching up to take the can of whatever drink it was.

"It's been a while, huh?" Ben kept staring at his toes – he didn't want to hear the lecture Ken was undoubtably going to give him about loss and grief, or the anecdotes about his own experiences, or any of the other cliché comfort words that wouldn't help, anyway.

He'd heard it before. He was sick of it.

"Yeah." He felt the can lift from his head and in a second, it dropped into his hands. Caf with blue milk. Typical.

"Didn't realize I'd missed so much." Ken continued – Ben felt Ken sit down on the steps next to him. He looked the opposite direction.

"I dunno."

Click. Pop. Slurp.

"What's wrong?"

Ben felt his ears turn red. He'd heard that so many times in the last year from Masters Solusar and Tionne and Durron and Hamner and all of them that he'd just wanted to punch someone. If they'd walked up on a collision accident, with the drivers holding up signs reading 'I'm bleeding, call a medic' and they would have asked 'What happened?'

"Nothing." Ben muttered.

Ken continued slurping on his drink. It seemed unnecessarily loud.

"I heard about your mother." He finally said.

"Shut up." Ben snarled. Ken didn't shut up.

"Luke told me. He said it was a year ago."

"SHUT UP!" Ben chucked his unopened drink at Ken, not even attempting to aim. As a result, it flew ten meters straight in front of them before it hit the ground and exploded. Ken remained passive and unconcerned, still slurping loudly.

"What'dyou want? You just here to tell me everything's okay? That I'll be fine, I just need to get over it? You gonna coddle me and tell me it's alright to be upset and to think about what my mom would have wanted and act like everything'll work itself out if I just trust the Force or some garbage?" Ben shouted, getting up and finally turning to stare at Ken. He'd changed since Ben had seen him last – there were broad, silvery gray stripes in his hair, heavy creases on his face, even unshaved stubble on his chin and upper lip.

"Why would I say that? I know it's all crap, anyway." Ken replied, not even surprised or angry at being shouted at.

"You gonna tell me my mom's one with the Force now, that she'd've wanted me to live a long, happy life? What would you know about it? Like YOU know anything about a long, happy life – you've been miserable for as long as I've known you!" Ben shouted, feeling his ears and neck grow hot.

"I wasn't going to say that." Ken shook his head.

"Or what about that I'll see her again, someday? Did it ever occur to you that I can't stop seeing her just because everything reminds me of her? How about the fact that everytime I see any kind of mom with her kids, I can't help but wish it was her and me? Even if it doesn't look like her, even if I don't even know them? What about that whole thing that I might NOT see her again – that I might NOT be one with the Force or whatever when I die?"

"Not that, either." Ken chugged whatever was left in the can then started to crunch the aluminum.

"You're not gonna say that you know what I'm going through, even though you don't have a CLUE what it's like for me? When NOBODY does? Not even DAD knows what I'm going through – he's never lost his mom! And even if you did, that was YOUR mom, not MY mom! She was DIFFERENT!"

"I wasn't planning on saying anything like that, but you've given me an idea if I want to hear more screaming." And there went the can.

Ben clenched his fist, his arms shaking with the urge to punch his friend.

"Then, what do you WANT?"

Ken stretched a little, then fixed Ben with a level stare.

"I just wanted to know how you were holding up."

Ben stared back, the heat on his neck doubling, then tripling.

"I hate you." He hissed, not even caring that he was starting to cry. Ken nodded, wearing that same expression that he always wore when he really wanted to be shaking his head.

"Of course you do."

Ben just glared, ignoring the tears going down his cheeks.

A/N: Um, also for a piece I found on the Dark Lord's Council board called 'Mom, I need you'. It made me cry, so very, very much.